1 00:00:04,087 --> 00:00:05,922 Attention, squad. 2 00:00:06,005 --> 00:00:07,424 Put your hands together 3 00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:10,301 for the long-anticipated reunion of... 4 00:00:10,385 --> 00:00:13,179 The DDC! 5 00:00:13,263 --> 00:00:14,180 - DD... - C! 6 00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:15,181 - DD... - C! 7 00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:16,182 Put a J with a G... 8 00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:17,225 You get DD... 9 00:00:17,308 --> 00:00:19,185 [both] C! 10 00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:20,437 Uh, the gas face. 11 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:21,646 What the hell is the DDC? 12 00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:22,856 I don't know, but I love it! 13 00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:24,274 The DDC is the Dope... 14 00:00:24,357 --> 00:00:25,275 - Denim... - Crew. 15 00:00:25,358 --> 00:00:26,985 Our 20-year high school reunion 16 00:00:27,068 --> 00:00:28,820 is tonight, and the party is '90s-themed, 17 00:00:28,903 --> 00:00:30,488 so we're dressing the way we did back then, 18 00:00:30,572 --> 00:00:32,532 AKA hella fresh. 19 00:00:32,615 --> 00:00:34,617 Can't wait to see everyone we graduated with 20 00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,494 and lie to them about what I've been up to 21 00:00:36,578 --> 00:00:37,954 for my own amusement. 22 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:41,082 It's gonna be Fib City, population: Gina Clooney. 23 00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:42,333 But Jake, how can you be excited 24 00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:43,835 to return to your high school, 25 00:00:43,918 --> 00:00:45,670 the scene of... Tattlegate? 26 00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:47,172 What's Tattlegate? Why haven't I heard 27 00:00:47,255 --> 00:00:49,007 - anything about it? - [Charles] It was junior year 28 00:00:49,090 --> 00:00:50,759 and Jake was riding high-- 29 00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:53,470 Charles, no one wants to hear this story... 30 00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:54,471 from you. 31 00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:57,474 It was junior year, and Jake was riding high. 32 00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:59,601 Sophomore year was rough, but now I was back 33 00:00:59,684 --> 00:01:02,270 with a hot new look: an earring and long hair. 34 00:01:02,353 --> 00:01:03,897 Which was my look, and he just copied it. 35 00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:05,565 And it worked! I was finally cool, 36 00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:07,442 and becoming friends with the most popular kid 37 00:01:07,525 --> 00:01:09,611 in school, Brandon Bliss. 38 00:01:09,694 --> 00:01:11,446 - Dope name, sounds hot. - He was hot, Rosa. 39 00:01:11,529 --> 00:01:13,239 For the record, he could barely read. 40 00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:14,574 He didn't have to read, Gina. 41 00:01:14,991 --> 00:01:16,534 He lost his virginity when he was 12 years old. 42 00:01:16,618 --> 00:01:17,994 Which is horrifying. 43 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:21,664 But it wasn't back then! Back then, it was... everything. 44 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:23,416 He asked me to ditch class one day with him 45 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:24,918 and his buddies, steal a school van, 46 00:01:25,001 --> 00:01:26,461 and go get drunk at his parents' cabin, 47 00:01:26,544 --> 00:01:28,171 but the day before we were supposed to go, 48 00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:30,673 someone ratted Brandon out, and he got suspended. 49 00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:32,133 He thought I was the one who told, 50 00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:33,593 and from that day forward, 51 00:01:33,676 --> 00:01:35,804 everyone called me "The Tattler." 52 00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:37,388 Tattler. It's a sexy nickname. 53 00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:38,723 It was not a sexy nickname! 54 00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:42,268 It was a scarlet letter, and it ruined my senior year, 55 00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:44,896 but luckily, I'm over all that now. 56 00:01:44,979 --> 00:01:46,815 Not me. I'm gonna go to this reunion tonight 57 00:01:46,898 --> 00:01:48,233 and kick Brandon Bliss in the butthole. 58 00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:50,401 Horrifying, but that won't be necessary, Charles, 59 00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:52,612 for my awesome life will do the butthole-kicking this eve. 60 00:01:52,695 --> 00:01:54,781 I've got a sweet job, and a super-smart, 61 00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:56,449 incredible wife. Tonight's gonna be awesome. 62 00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:57,659 - Right, Gina? - Damn straight! 63 00:01:57,742 --> 00:01:58,993 - DD... - C! 64 00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:00,078 - DD... - C! 65 00:02:00,161 --> 00:02:01,079 - DD... - C! 66 00:02:01,162 --> 00:02:04,165 [theme music playing] 67 00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:22,433 {\an8}[light dance music playing over speakers] 68 00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:24,018 {\an8}[Jake] Wow, this place hasn't changed 69 00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:25,895 {\an8}one bit in 20 years. 70 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,939 It's a real indictment of the public school system. 71 00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:29,607 Jake! Gina! 72 00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:31,734 No way! Mikey J! 73 00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,361 Amy, this is Mike Joseph, 74 00:02:33,736 --> 00:02:36,906 {\an8}AKA the lead funk bassist from my legendary ska band, 75 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,909 {\an8}Skalvester Skallone. We had one song. 76 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:41,035 {\an8}♪ Oh ♪ 77 00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:43,204 {\an8}[all] ♪ Stop or my mom Will ska ♪ 78 00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:46,082 {\an8}♪ Stop or my mom will ska ♪ 79 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,959 {\an8}- Whoa! - Hey, man. 80 00:02:48,042 --> 00:02:49,294 {\an8}We were so bad. I can't believe 81 00:02:49,377 --> 00:02:50,962 {\an8}we thought we were gonna make it. 82 00:02:51,045 --> 00:02:52,171 {\an8}So what have you been up to, man? 83 00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:54,591 {\an8}Well, I'm still trying to get the music thing started. 84 00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:56,384 {\an8}Oh, cool, cool, cool. Never give up. 85 00:02:56,467 --> 00:02:58,636 {\an8}Anyway, how are you, Gina? What have you been up to? 86 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,430 {\an8}Nothing crazy. Yeah, just writing 87 00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:02,307 {\an8}- those "Thor" movies. - Seriously? 88 00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:04,267 {\an8}Oh, my God. Tell me everything. 89 00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:06,436 {\an8}Legally, I can't get into it too much, 90 00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:07,770 {\an8}but just know that the next one 91 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:09,480 {\an8}will have a lot more full frontal. 92 00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:12,025 {\an8}Well, if you need some ska for your soundtrack... 93 00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:14,444 {\an8}Oh! This is them. This is Marvel. 94 00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:15,612 {\an8}They probably want to talk 95 00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:18,740 {\an8}about "Thor 4: More Thor." I gotta take this. 96 00:03:18,823 --> 00:03:19,866 {\an8}OK? All right. 97 00:03:19,949 --> 00:03:21,576 {\an8}So how you doing, Jake? 98 00:03:21,659 --> 00:03:24,162 {\an8}I know the end of high school was a little... rough. 99 00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:25,955 {\an8}Oh, uh... 100 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,249 {\an8}Jake's killing it now. He's a detective. 101 00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:30,960 {\an8}Irie, mon! Irie, irie! 102 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,420 {\an8}Very nice. 103 00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:34,339 {\an8}God, you must have some crazy stories. 104 00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:36,758 {\an8}Oh, I don't know. I mean, is successfully negotiating 105 00:03:36,841 --> 00:03:39,636 {\an8}a high-tension hostage situation in a bank crazy? 106 00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:40,887 {\an8}Yes! 107 00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:42,138 {\an8}Oh, well, then, I guess I do have 108 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,806 {\an8}some crazy stories, mon! 109 00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:45,266 {\an8}[laughter] 110 00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:47,977 {\an8}Gosh, it's so cool how we all still dress the same. 111 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:50,104 {\an8}[♪♪] 112 00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:51,856 {\an8}[man] Is it so much to ask? You know what I'm saying? 113 00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:53,441 {\an8}Why is everyone gathered around the radio? 114 00:03:53,524 --> 00:03:55,735 {\an8}Ooh, are they testing the emergency broadcasting system? 115 00:03:55,818 --> 00:03:57,195 {\an8}What? No. 116 00:03:57,278 --> 00:03:58,738 {\an8}We're listening to a contest. 117 00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:00,490 [male deejay on radio] This is 93.7, 118 00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:01,908 The Jamhouse, with... 119 00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:03,868 [all] JC and the Horndog! 120 00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:06,037 - [woman moaning on radio] - [derisively] FM radio... 121 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,498 {\an8}Yeah, the hosts are beyond disgusting, 122 00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:11,167 but they do a fun game where they play a mystery sound 123 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,002 and callers guess what it is for a cash prize. 124 00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,837 Shh, they're about to play the new sound! 125 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,506 [crinkling] 126 00:04:17,548 --> 00:04:18,883 It's a crinkle. I solved it. 127 00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:21,386 Yes, but you have to know what object is making the crinkle. 128 00:04:21,469 --> 00:04:22,845 But that's impossible. It could be anything. 129 00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:24,138 Yes, sir. That's the game. 130 00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:25,098 It's a bag of potato chips. 131 00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:27,517 Don't be an idiot! It's a bag of corn chips. 132 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,102 Well, this is a total waste of time. 133 00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:30,895 Sure, but you can still have fun, 134 00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:32,647 - even if you're wasting time. - [Raymond] That's absurd. 135 00:04:32,730 --> 00:04:34,565 Productivity is what makes things fun. 136 00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:35,650 That's why humans go to work. 137 00:04:37,193 --> 00:04:38,403 It is? 138 00:04:38,486 --> 00:04:41,364 Hey. So you know how Alicia and I broke up because she moved to London, 139 00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:42,490 then we tried to make it work, 140 00:04:42,573 --> 00:04:43,908 but the distance was too much and we broke up again? 141 00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:45,076 No. The last thing you told me 142 00:04:45,159 --> 00:04:46,577 about yourself was that you were bi. 143 00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:47,620 Well, a lot has happened since then. 144 00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:49,038 Anyway, I'm dating two other people. 145 00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:51,749 So much juice at one time. I'm drowning. 146 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,626 Oh, gross. Charles, this is why I don't tell you anything. 147 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:54,877 - I take it back. - OK. 148 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,754 Well, it's early stages, but they both tagged me 149 00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:58,965 in a bunch of photos online, and they found out about each other. 150 00:04:59,048 --> 00:05:00,550 - Yikes. - Yeah, I know. 151 00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:02,010 I shouldn't 'gram so much, but my brunch friends say 152 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,678 it's the only way to promote my handmade jewelry line. 153 00:05:03,761 --> 00:05:04,971 Brunch? What? 154 00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:06,764 - Homemade-- Who-- - Charles, focus. 155 00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:09,392 Anyway, they're both annoyed, and now I have to choose one of them, 156 00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:10,727 and I cannot make up my mind. 157 00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:13,313 It's insane. I never have trouble making decisions. 158 00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:15,648 Ugh. Choose the daughter. 159 00:05:15,732 --> 00:05:17,317 I always know exactly what to do, 160 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,277 but for the first time in my life, I am stumped. 161 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:21,279 Rosa, you've come to the right man. 162 00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:23,114 Boyles are genetically indecisive beings. 163 00:05:23,197 --> 00:05:24,907 So I chose the worst possible person to help me? 164 00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:27,952 No. We've developed a foolproof system to help us make choices. 165 00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:29,996 It used to take me so long to decide what to wear 166 00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:31,664 that I'd never change my clothes. 167 00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:33,416 Now look what I have on. 168 00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:35,001 Is this different than what you were wearing yesterday? 169 00:05:35,084 --> 00:05:36,669 Barely. 170 00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:38,796 [Mikey] Wow, your life sounds amazing. 171 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,506 I'm really happy it worked out for you, 172 00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:42,550 you know, especially with the whole Tattler thing. 173 00:05:42,633 --> 00:05:45,136 [forced laughter] What? The Tattler? Wow. 174 00:05:45,219 --> 00:05:46,596 I haven't heard that in a long time. 175 00:05:46,679 --> 00:05:47,764 Who even was the Tattler? 176 00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:48,848 You. That's why I'm bringing it up. 177 00:05:48,931 --> 00:05:50,099 Oh, right, I remember now 178 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,726 that I was misidentified as the Tattler. 179 00:05:51,809 --> 00:05:53,394 That's so funny. But I wasn't the Tattler, 180 00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:54,520 so I'm pretty sure you got this wrong. 181 00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:56,689 No, no, no, I think I go-- Hey, Eric. 182 00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:58,900 Didn't people call Jake the Tattler? 183 00:05:58,983 --> 00:05:59,942 Oh, yeah! 184 00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:01,527 [laughs] 185 00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:03,446 Oh, good, more people are getting involved. 186 00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:05,865 After my initial design, they said it couldn't be done. 187 00:06:05,948 --> 00:06:07,575 They said it was too tall, too flashy-- 188 00:06:07,658 --> 00:06:09,494 building codes, bureaucracy. 189 00:06:09,577 --> 00:06:12,371 Cut to the Freedom Tower as you see it today. 190 00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:13,623 Wow. 191 00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:15,416 Thank you. Yeah, I agree. 192 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:18,461 Look, nobody cares about that stuff. We're all adults now. 193 00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:20,713 You're a cop. I work at a coffin factory. 194 00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:22,757 I'm not sitting around, thinking about how you tattled. 195 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:24,509 Yes, we all have jobs and work on coffins. 196 00:06:24,592 --> 00:06:25,593 I didn't tattle, but whatevs. 197 00:06:25,676 --> 00:06:26,844 We don't have to keep talking about it. 198 00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:29,430 [all, successively] Great. 199 00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:30,848 But you were the Tattler, right? 200 00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:32,058 Brandon Bliss was my friend! 201 00:06:32,141 --> 00:06:33,434 Why would I tattle on my friend? 202 00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:35,728 The nickname was inaccurate, is all I'm saying. 203 00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:38,564 Anyways, as you can tell, I am totally over it. 204 00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:40,149 Ah, man, it's the Tattler. 205 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,400 I didn't tattle! 206 00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:42,568 [general silence] 207 00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:43,903 So... 208 00:06:43,986 --> 00:06:45,947 I think I might not be over it. 209 00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:50,451 Ugh, this is so unfair. 210 00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:52,078 Everyone remembers me as the Tattler, 211 00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:53,496 but somehow, no one remembers 212 00:06:53,579 --> 00:06:55,081 that Darren "Doo Doo" Donaldson 213 00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:56,415 crapped himself during PE. 214 00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:57,583 Look at him out there, 215 00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,085 dancing on the dance floor 216 00:06:59,168 --> 00:07:00,711 like he's lived a doo doo-free life. 217 00:07:00,795 --> 00:07:02,296 Jake, this isn't so bad. 218 00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:04,423 History is full of great tattlers. 219 00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:06,509 Martin Luther King tattled on racists. 220 00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:08,928 That's a pretty undercutting way of describing his accomplishments. 221 00:07:09,011 --> 00:07:10,596 I was trying to help. It felt bad. 222 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,140 It's not even the nickname that bothers me. 223 00:07:12,223 --> 00:07:13,683 It's that I'm being wrongfully accused. 224 00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:15,351 I didn't tattle. I mean, if it was the truth, 225 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,186 go ahead and call me the Tattler all day long. 226 00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,897 - Hey, Tattler. - Not cool, Jason! 227 00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:21,482 Let's just go home. 228 00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:22,942 No! We're not going anywhere. 229 00:07:23,025 --> 00:07:25,153 You were wrongfully accused. We're cops. 230 00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:28,072 Let's just find the real Tattler and prove your innocence. 231 00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:29,073 Yes! I love it! 232 00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:31,742 Why learn to grow when you can fix the past? 233 00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:33,453 This is exactly why I don't need therapy. 234 00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:35,455 Not sure that's the lesson I want you to take away from this. 235 00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:38,291 Too late! We're gonna prove I wasn't the Tattler. Therapy is a scam. 236 00:07:38,374 --> 00:07:39,292 Let's do this. 237 00:07:39,375 --> 00:07:40,251 [♪♪] 238 00:07:40,334 --> 00:07:41,252 No. 239 00:07:41,335 --> 00:07:43,379 The sound was more of a "khh." 240 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:44,755 Ooh, how goes the crinkle hunt? 241 00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:46,591 I see you're not just wasting time. 242 00:07:46,674 --> 00:07:48,593 You're also wasting tin. 243 00:07:48,676 --> 00:07:49,635 It was only one piece. 244 00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:53,764 OK, it was a ton of tin. 245 00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:55,183 Pretty sure it's a guy eating a sandwich. 246 00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:56,225 I'll prove it to you. 247 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,186 I'm not buying you any more sandwiches, Scully. 248 00:07:58,269 --> 00:07:59,187 I'm doing this for us! 249 00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:00,813 Guys, we can't fight. 250 00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:02,440 That's what the Horndog wants. 251 00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:04,984 We're getting close. We just need to keep testing more things. 252 00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:06,944 Oh, that's a good idea. 253 00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:08,696 Have you tried a piece of paper? 254 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:11,240 Is that your crinkle? 255 00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,159 Ooh, maybe-- Oh. 256 00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:15,912 Maybe it's these bags of coffee beans. 257 00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:17,955 All right, sir. I think you've made your point. 258 00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:19,624 My point? Oh, I'm just trying to have fun 259 00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:20,583 by wasting time. 260 00:08:20,666 --> 00:08:23,920 Oh, maybe it's this crinkly-crunkly yogurt. 261 00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:26,464 [low crinkling sound] 262 00:08:26,547 --> 00:08:27,840 Terry heard a crinkle. 263 00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:29,467 Holt heard a crinkle, too. 264 00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:31,219 So suddenly, it's not a waste of time? 265 00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:33,679 Not a waste of time if we win! 266 00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:35,264 What are you waiting for, Jeffords? 267 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,141 Call the Horndog! 268 00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:38,684 [Gina] So then I said to Steve, 269 00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:42,355 "What if we drop the '-lications,' just call them 'apps'?" 270 00:08:42,438 --> 00:08:44,357 That's incredible. 271 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,317 - Do you miss him? - Oh, every day, Laura. 272 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:47,443 - Every day. - You should talk 273 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,237 to Quentin Chase. He's a big-time 274 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,656 Silicon Valley investor now, and he was just telling me all about it. 275 00:08:51,739 --> 00:08:52,823 Quentin, come here. 276 00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:54,325 You have got to talk to Gina. 277 00:08:54,408 --> 00:08:56,077 She basically invented apps. 278 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:57,745 They were going to be called "lications." 279 00:08:57,828 --> 00:08:59,038 You really bungled that. 280 00:08:59,121 --> 00:09:00,373 What you been working on? 281 00:09:00,456 --> 00:09:01,874 Currently, I have been working 282 00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:04,377 on an app called Toddler. 283 00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:06,587 It's like Tinder, but for toddlers. 284 00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:07,964 Tinder for toddlers. 285 00:09:08,047 --> 00:09:09,549 I like it. How are you gonna spell that? 286 00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:10,800 How many D's? 287 00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:13,052 - Five. - [sharply inhales] 288 00:09:13,135 --> 00:09:15,263 All right, we should start by talking to Brandon Bliss 289 00:09:15,346 --> 00:09:17,181 and find out who told him you were the Tattler. 290 00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:18,808 Unfortunately, Bliss is not here. 291 00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:21,310 Probably in the VIP section at a Fatboy Slim concert. 292 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,229 Would that be cool for a 37-year-old? 293 00:09:23,312 --> 00:09:24,814 The funk soul brother is timeless, Ames. 294 00:09:24,897 --> 00:09:26,983 All right, I don't know who told Brandon, 295 00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:28,693 but I heard it was someone on the football team. 296 00:09:28,776 --> 00:09:30,570 OK, well, we need more information than that, 297 00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:32,446 so take me back to the day. Spare no details. 298 00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:35,533 OK, I saw Brandon after second period, and everything seemed tight. 299 00:09:35,616 --> 00:09:37,201 {\an8}♪ Hey now You're an all-star ♪ 300 00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:39,412 {\an8}♪ Get your game on Go play ♪ 301 00:09:39,495 --> 00:09:41,247 {\an8}But then, when I saw him after third period... 302 00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:43,165 {\an8}something had clearly changed. 303 00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:44,917 {\an8}♪ Get paid ♪ 304 00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:46,669 {\an8}[slowing] ♪ All that glitters Is gold ♪ 305 00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:48,170 {\an8}After that, there was 306 00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:49,964 {\an8}little color left in the world for young Jake. 307 00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:53,801 My earring, less gold, my JNCO jeans less purple. 308 00:09:53,884 --> 00:09:55,386 Are you sure you were becoming cool? 309 00:09:55,469 --> 00:09:57,346 - Yeah. Why? - I know how to solve this. 310 00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:58,973 We just have to find out which football player 311 00:09:59,056 --> 00:10:00,725 had third period with Brandon Bliss. 312 00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:02,101 We need his class schedule. 313 00:10:02,184 --> 00:10:03,311 Yeah, but where are we gonna find that? 314 00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:05,229 In the coolest room in the school. 315 00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:07,690 [music playing] 316 00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:09,233 Good Lord! 317 00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:10,568 You coulda just picked the lock. 318 00:10:10,651 --> 00:10:11,819 I know. I'm sorry. 319 00:10:11,902 --> 00:10:13,946 I'm just so amped up about Admin. 320 00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:16,866 OK, this is the Boyle decision-making manual. 321 00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:19,785 One of these sections will help you with choosing your partner. 322 00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:22,580 Here we go. What do you prefer, eyes or butt, brains or body? 323 00:10:22,663 --> 00:10:23,623 - Brains. - Uh... 324 00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:25,207 Sorry, no, that's for deciding lunch. 325 00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,334 - Horrifying. - Oh, I found 326 00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:27,710 the romance section. 327 00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:29,378 Now, first, I will need the names 328 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,255 of the two people you're choosing between. 329 00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:33,007 I will not be telling you any information about them. 330 00:10:33,090 --> 00:10:34,550 No problem. We can work with that. 331 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:35,718 I will just call them by their initials. 332 00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:37,011 - No. - I will call them 333 00:10:37,094 --> 00:10:38,346 - "Couscous" and "Quinoa." - Whatever. 334 00:10:38,429 --> 00:10:39,597 OK, now, for this to work right, 335 00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:41,599 you need to answer these questions without thinking. 336 00:10:41,682 --> 00:10:43,100 - Who makes you laugh more? - Quinoa. 337 00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:44,143 - Who has softer lips? - Couscous. 338 00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:45,728 A new Cirque du Soleil's in town. 339 00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:46,729 You have the two best seats in the house. 340 00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:47,855 - Who are you bringing? - Is this a reward 341 00:10:47,938 --> 00:10:49,065 - or a punishment? - You decide. 342 00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:50,066 - Quinoa. - Great. Next question. 343 00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:52,485 You die and become a ghost. The rules of the afterlife 344 00:10:52,568 --> 00:10:53,611 are that of the movie "Casper." 345 00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:54,862 Whose house would you rather haunt? 346 00:10:54,945 --> 00:10:56,238 How many more of these questions are there? 347 00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:57,823 - 309. - [exasperated sigh] 348 00:10:57,948 --> 00:11:00,242 - OK, I've got something. - Oh. 349 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:01,494 That's not Brandon's profile. It's mine. 350 00:11:01,577 --> 00:11:03,663 I just want a quick peek at your attendance record. 351 00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:04,830 Zero absences. 352 00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:07,041 Oh, Mama... 353 00:11:07,124 --> 00:11:08,334 Printing this for later. 354 00:11:08,417 --> 00:11:09,877 Keep it in your pants, Santiago. 355 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:11,629 Oh, that's exactly where it's going. 356 00:11:11,712 --> 00:11:13,297 [printer whirring] 357 00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:15,299 OK, here's Brandon's info. 358 00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:16,967 Third period, first semester... 359 00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:18,594 Any of these people on the football team? 360 00:11:18,677 --> 00:11:21,013 Scott Alford, Taylor Black-- Wow, Tom Brady? 361 00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:22,807 Different Tom Brady. He was in theater. 362 00:11:22,890 --> 00:11:24,225 Although he was the MVP 363 00:11:24,308 --> 00:11:25,393 of that year's production of "Fiddler." 364 00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:26,685 - Hm. - Wait a minute. 365 00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:27,978 Danny Matthews. That's the guy. 366 00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:29,355 He was on the football team. 367 00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:30,439 That's the bastard who set me up. 368 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,691 Yeah, and look at this. 369 00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:36,320 You did so much community service. Me like-y. 370 00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:41,659 Guys, you know how I thought it would be so much fun 371 00:11:41,742 --> 00:11:42,660 to lie to everyone tonight? 372 00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:43,994 Yeah. Did it finally catch up with you? 373 00:11:44,078 --> 00:11:45,496 No, the opposite. Someone wants to buy 374 00:11:45,579 --> 00:11:46,914 a company I made up on the spot. 375 00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:48,874 The elevator pitch had him drooling. 376 00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:50,668 As a mother, I'm always struggling 377 00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:51,961 to find quality playdates. 378 00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:55,089 Most two-year-olds are boring, lame duds. 379 00:11:55,172 --> 00:11:57,133 All of my daughter's friends suck. 380 00:11:57,216 --> 00:11:59,635 Well, with Toddler's proprietary algorithm, 381 00:11:59,718 --> 00:12:02,096 you will be matched with top tots, 382 00:12:02,179 --> 00:12:04,932 and those boring duds-- they'll stay where they belong: 383 00:12:05,015 --> 00:12:07,768 the hell away from you and your family. 384 00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:10,729 I'm not really sure how to close this. 385 00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:12,731 Maybe you guys could pretend to be heirs 386 00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:16,193 to a canned-goods fortune who want to buy my company! 387 00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:17,778 Gina, we don't have time for your thing right now. 388 00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:19,572 Oh, smart. Big-time him. 389 00:12:19,655 --> 00:12:21,031 That's the perfect idea. 390 00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:22,491 I won't forget you when I'm rich. 391 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:23,742 Thanks so much, Jake and Jake's wife. 392 00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:25,578 She knows your name. Oh, look! 393 00:12:25,661 --> 00:12:27,037 It's Danny Matthews! But he'll never talk 394 00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:28,247 with all these people around. 395 00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:29,999 Not a problem. Just be in the science lab 396 00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:31,500 in ten minutes. I'll get him alone. 397 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:32,710 What are you gonna do? 398 00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:35,463 Let's just say I'm not above using my feminine wiles. 399 00:12:35,546 --> 00:12:36,922 [harshly] Danny Matthews, I'm with the school. 400 00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:38,340 You need to follow me right now. 401 00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:40,384 - Is everything-- - I said now, mister. 402 00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:43,262 I'm one caller away. 403 00:12:43,345 --> 00:12:44,638 I can't believe we figured it out. 404 00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:46,724 And I can't believe it took you this long. 405 00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:48,851 Yogurt is literally your one thing. 406 00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:50,686 - OK, OK. - Well, I'm just saying. 407 00:12:50,769 --> 00:12:52,563 If the sound were eating damp rice, 408 00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:54,148 I would've gotten it immediately. 409 00:12:54,231 --> 00:12:55,900 Guys, they're taking another guess. 410 00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:57,067 [Horndog] All right, Brenda from Yonkers. 411 00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:59,195 It's time for you to name that sound. 412 00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:02,198 [Brenda] Hi. Quick shout-out to the nurses at United Pediatric. 413 00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:04,074 This money'll do those kids a lot of good. 414 00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:05,743 Cry me a river. Brenda from Yonkers. 415 00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:07,745 We've all had budget cuts. Just take your guess. 416 00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:09,205 [Brenda] Is it Styrofoam? 417 00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:10,956 - [Horndog] Wrong! - [buzzer sounds] 418 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,000 Oh, I can't believe she guessed Styrofoam. 419 00:13:13,083 --> 00:13:14,335 What a dumb nurse. 420 00:13:15,085 --> 00:13:16,629 Next caller, you're on with the Horndog. 421 00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:17,630 It's me! 422 00:13:17,713 --> 00:13:19,924 The sound is a yogurt 423 00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:21,342 being opened. 424 00:13:21,425 --> 00:13:24,053 - That is... - [drumroll] 425 00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:25,304 - Wrong! - [buzzer sounds] 426 00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:26,764 What? No! 427 00:13:26,847 --> 00:13:28,766 [recorded voice] You b-b-b-blew it! 428 00:13:28,849 --> 00:13:31,018 Damn you, Horndog. 429 00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:32,811 OK, I have tabulated your responses, 430 00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:34,605 and the results are definitive. 431 00:13:34,688 --> 00:13:36,774 - Amazing. - It's a dead tie. 432 00:13:36,857 --> 00:13:38,108 This is dumb. I'm just gonna end it 433 00:13:38,192 --> 00:13:39,276 - with both of them. - Rosa, stop. 434 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:40,486 There is one more method. 435 00:13:40,569 --> 00:13:42,404 Ancient Boyles believed 436 00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:45,032 that suspending yourself by your feet forces your blood 437 00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:46,992 to the decision center of your brain. 438 00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:51,038 We call this method the "Upside-Down Coward." 439 00:13:51,121 --> 00:13:52,581 You want me to hang from the ceiling like a bat? 440 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,500 The bat is nature's most decisive animal. 441 00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:56,001 The creature that flails around frantically? 442 00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:57,294 Those are all micro-decisions. 443 00:13:57,378 --> 00:13:58,671 Now, let's get you strapped up. 444 00:13:58,754 --> 00:13:59,672 [♪♪] 445 00:13:59,755 --> 00:14:00,881 How do you feel? 446 00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:02,007 Nauseous. 447 00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:04,051 Good. It's working. 448 00:14:04,134 --> 00:14:05,344 - Q? - Yeah. 449 00:14:05,427 --> 00:14:06,345 Get off the phone. 450 00:14:06,428 --> 00:14:09,056 Now, I'm not sure how serious you were about funding, 451 00:14:09,139 --> 00:14:12,601 but I should tell you there's 103 other bidders. 452 00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:14,728 Oof, I am not a fan of getting into bidding wars. 453 00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:17,231 Then don't make an offer, 'cause I want babies on my app, 454 00:14:17,314 --> 00:14:19,024 but not in my boardroom. 455 00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:20,317 Oh, damn, Gina. 456 00:14:20,401 --> 00:14:21,861 Did you just "Oh, damn" yourself? 457 00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:22,987 Someone had to. 458 00:14:23,070 --> 00:14:24,154 OK. 459 00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:26,782 Let's talk numbers. 460 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,617 Mr. Peralta, I believe you know Danny Matthews. 461 00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,286 Jake. Hey, what's going on, man? 462 00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:31,620 The answer to that question 463 00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:34,582 goes back to a brisk day in 1997, 464 00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:36,834 a day you told a lie. 465 00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:40,004 But the lying stops right now! 466 00:14:40,087 --> 00:14:41,755 [gasps] Oh, no! 467 00:14:41,839 --> 00:14:43,299 You broke some poor kid's science project! 468 00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:44,425 We have to fix it. 469 00:14:44,508 --> 00:14:45,551 Kind of in the middle of something. 470 00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:47,177 Oh, you know what? Krebs cycle. 471 00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:48,178 I got this. 472 00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:51,098 Great. So, Danny, true or false? 473 00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:52,558 You were on the football team. 474 00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:54,184 - True? - And true or false: 475 00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:56,270 you had third period with Brandon Bliss. 476 00:14:56,353 --> 00:14:57,521 Mm, I honestly don't remember-- 477 00:14:57,605 --> 00:14:58,981 It was true! We checked the records, 478 00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:00,608 and I have one more question. 479 00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:02,276 Ooh, Jake, can you get me that oxygen on the floor? 480 00:15:02,359 --> 00:15:03,652 - Little red guy. - What? 481 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:04,737 Sorry. You know what? 482 00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:06,196 Yeah, I'll get it. 483 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,657 Why did you tell Brandon Bliss that I was the Tattler? 484 00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,618 Because you were. I saw you talking to principal. 485 00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:11,744 I remember it, clear as day. 486 00:15:12,119 --> 00:15:14,830 Look, you couldn't have seen me, because I wasn't there. I didn't tattle. 487 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,749 Man, it was you, OK? 488 00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:18,834 You had your long hair and your little earring, 489 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:21,378 and the denim jacket you are literally wearing right now. 490 00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:23,964 Oh, no. 491 00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:26,050 It wasn't me, 492 00:15:26,133 --> 00:15:28,177 but it was the DDC. 493 00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:29,720 - [laughter] - Gina. 494 00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:32,222 Jake, guess who just sold her app idea. 495 00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:33,390 Don't trust her. 496 00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:34,642 Everything she's told you is a lie. 497 00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:36,435 She made up the company and everything else. 498 00:15:36,518 --> 00:15:37,645 She's a liar. 499 00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:39,229 Jake, whatever strategy this is, 500 00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:41,023 is not necessary. I already closed the deal. 501 00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:43,192 [whispers] I know you were the Tattler. 502 00:15:43,817 --> 00:15:45,152 [music playing] 503 00:15:47,237 --> 00:15:49,323 Amy, I'm ready to go. 504 00:15:49,406 --> 00:15:50,491 Yep, totally. 505 00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:53,202 I'm almost done with this project, but I don't need to finish it, 506 00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:55,120 because what matters 507 00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:57,122 is that you are going through something, 508 00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:59,833 and as your wife, and love of your life-- 509 00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:01,460 Are you vamping so you can finish that? 510 00:16:01,543 --> 00:16:02,920 I only have two molecules left. 511 00:16:03,003 --> 00:16:05,005 - Come on, man. - Jake, we need to talk. 512 00:16:05,089 --> 00:16:06,840 Yeah, you guys do need to talk. 513 00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:09,551 That sounds excellent. Friendship, so much history... 514 00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:11,261 I'm just gonna get this out of your way. 515 00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:13,180 Oh, man. 516 00:16:13,263 --> 00:16:14,598 What the hell, Gina? 517 00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:17,685 You ruined my entire senior year. How could you do that to me? 518 00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:19,353 Jake, I was only trying to help. 519 00:16:19,436 --> 00:16:20,562 You were hanging out with those guys 520 00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:22,439 and getting close, and they weren't good people. 521 00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:24,858 Do you know why Brandon wasn't at the reunion tonight? 522 00:16:24,942 --> 00:16:26,151 I don't know. Probably 'cause he was shooting 523 00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:27,528 a beer commercial where the whole plot 524 00:16:27,611 --> 00:16:28,779 was that everyone wanted to sleep with him. 525 00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:30,531 No, 'cause he's on parole. 526 00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:32,616 He's not allowed to leave the state of Delaware. 527 00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,451 Oh, OK, so that's obviously a bummer, 528 00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:36,036 but I wasn't gonna end up like him. 529 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,372 You were starting to. You wanted to steal a van with him, 530 00:16:38,455 --> 00:16:40,708 and I told you not to, and you weren't listening to me. 531 00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:42,459 I mean, what would've happened if you got caught? 532 00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:43,961 I don't know. 533 00:16:44,044 --> 00:16:45,546 You would never have become a cop. 534 00:16:45,629 --> 00:16:47,548 Yeah, I'm the reason you're a cop. 535 00:16:47,631 --> 00:16:49,091 I'm your origin story, dude. 536 00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:50,801 You can't be mad at me. 537 00:16:50,884 --> 00:16:52,011 I feel like I'm still pretty mad. 538 00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:54,346 Peter Parker wasn't mad at his spider. 539 00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:56,306 Yeah, but they weren't best friends before the bite, 540 00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:57,933 and it still doesn't explain how you let everyone think 541 00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:59,977 I was the Tattler for 20 years. 542 00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:01,729 Well, I didn't want to lose our friendship. 543 00:17:01,812 --> 00:17:03,147 I was being weak. 544 00:17:03,230 --> 00:17:04,148 I'm sorry. 545 00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:07,234 [sighs] OK. 546 00:17:07,317 --> 00:17:08,902 And if it makes you feel any better, 547 00:17:08,986 --> 00:17:10,904 that app thing completely blew up in my face. 548 00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:12,281 I mean, my night sucked. 549 00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:16,410 OK, I can see from your expression that your night was worse, 550 00:17:16,493 --> 00:17:18,996 and I should've left it at "sorry." 551 00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:20,456 [Raymond] So did you hear? 552 00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:21,582 Someone guessed the sound. 553 00:17:21,665 --> 00:17:22,875 It was a bag of chips. 554 00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:24,251 Wow. So the lesson here 555 00:17:24,334 --> 00:17:25,794 is to listen to Hitchcock and Scully more? 556 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,296 - No, that can't be possible. - Yeah, I don't think 557 00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:28,964 - we earned that today. - Agreed. 558 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,674 Sorry for dragging you into that dumb game. 559 00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:32,718 You were right. It was a waste of time. 560 00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:33,969 No, it wasn't. 561 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:36,055 Even though it was pointless, I did enjoy myself. 562 00:17:36,138 --> 00:17:38,265 I can't wait to go home and tell Kevin 563 00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:41,101 you can have fun without being productive. 564 00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:43,937 Hey, guys, they're about to play the new mystery sound. 565 00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:45,272 I can tell Kevin tomorrow. 566 00:17:45,355 --> 00:17:46,523 I'll bet Sharon's already asleep. 567 00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:48,358 And I've got no one in my life. 568 00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:50,986 Scully, play that damn noise. 569 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,155 Quentin, can I talk to you for a minute? 570 00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:54,823 Are you here to give me a long speech 571 00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:56,325 about how you still deserve my money? 572 00:17:56,408 --> 00:17:57,367 No. 573 00:17:57,451 --> 00:17:58,619 I am. 574 00:17:58,702 --> 00:17:59,870 Very cool entrance. 575 00:17:59,953 --> 00:18:01,371 Thank you. Listen. 576 00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:03,248 Gina Linetti is not a perfect person. 577 00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:05,542 Mm, I'm hoping this gets more supportive as it goes along. 578 00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:08,087 But what she lacks in perfection, she makes up for 579 00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:10,422 with an utter and total belief that she is perfect. 580 00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:11,882 Ooh, you said "but," and then you said 581 00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:13,634 - something worse. - She is fiercely loyal. 582 00:18:13,717 --> 00:18:16,345 She will do the right thing for you 583 00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:18,555 even when you can't see it for yourself, 584 00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:21,433 and she's saved my ass countless times. 585 00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:22,476 And it's been 12. I counted. 586 00:18:22,559 --> 00:18:25,312 She came up with an idea on the spot that you were interested in. 587 00:18:25,395 --> 00:18:27,940 Imagine what she could do with time and resources. 588 00:18:28,023 --> 00:18:29,817 Do the world a favor. 589 00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:32,361 Invest in Gina Linetti. 590 00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:37,366 Hard pass. 591 00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:39,201 - [both] What? - But my great speech. 592 00:18:39,284 --> 00:18:40,577 Yeah, the speech was great, 593 00:18:40,661 --> 00:18:43,205 but I've also been lying the whole night. 594 00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:44,706 I'm not a tech mogul. 595 00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:45,999 I came here to mess with people. 596 00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:47,960 - How dare you? - Speaking of which, 597 00:18:48,043 --> 00:18:49,920 did either one of you drive? 'Cause I could use a ride. 598 00:18:50,003 --> 00:18:52,005 - No, Quentin. - Oh, Quentin. 599 00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:53,340 [tranquil music playing] 600 00:18:53,423 --> 00:18:54,675 OK. 601 00:18:54,758 --> 00:18:56,051 Now open your eyes, 602 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:58,178 and the person you are meant to be with 603 00:18:58,262 --> 00:19:00,305 should appear before you. 604 00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:02,724 [both scream] 605 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,434 Sorry. I was just watching. 606 00:19:04,518 --> 00:19:06,603 Get out of here, Hitchcock! 607 00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:07,604 Ugh. 608 00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:08,856 This isn't working. 609 00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:11,150 I'm no closer to making a decision. I'm jumping down. 610 00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:13,610 Well, you can't just jump down. 611 00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:15,529 - My goodness! - It's over. 612 00:19:15,612 --> 00:19:16,738 I'm gonna put 'em both in a group text 613 00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:17,906 - and say "peace out." - Uh, no! 614 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,283 There's still more options. 615 00:19:19,366 --> 00:19:20,534 We haven't even done roleplay yet. 616 00:19:20,617 --> 00:19:21,952 - What? - [cell phone chimes] 617 00:19:22,035 --> 00:19:23,245 Ugh. 618 00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:24,371 I took too long getting back to Quinoa 619 00:19:24,454 --> 00:19:25,706 and they got mad and ended it. 620 00:19:25,789 --> 00:19:27,457 And that's how it's done. 621 00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:29,001 - What are you talking about? - The process worked. 622 00:19:29,084 --> 00:19:30,627 Boyles don't make decisions. 623 00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:32,045 We delay our decisions 624 00:19:32,129 --> 00:19:33,672 until the universe makes them for us. 625 00:19:33,755 --> 00:19:35,883 That way, we never make a wrong choice. 626 00:19:35,966 --> 00:19:38,093 That is very sad, but also, I guess it worked. 627 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,595 - Mm-hmm. - I do feel pretty good. 628 00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:41,054 Couscous is dope. She's funny. 629 00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:42,556 Couscous is a she! I knew it! 630 00:19:42,639 --> 00:19:44,558 - Did you? - No, and I still don't know. 631 00:19:44,641 --> 00:19:46,643 There's equal chance you called them "she" to throw me off. 632 00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:47,853 You get me, Boyle. 633 00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:53,108 So I think I figured out an awesome and dramatic way 634 00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:55,319 to reveal that I was the Tattler. 635 00:19:55,402 --> 00:19:57,279 It'll be a dance. There'll be costumes. 636 00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:59,615 Gina, it's fine. I don't care anymore. 637 00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:01,575 - It's all in the past. - Oh, thank God. 638 00:20:01,658 --> 00:20:03,035 That is such a relief, 639 00:20:03,118 --> 00:20:05,370 'cause I didn't want people thinking I was a tattler. 640 00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:07,289 [sighs] Where's Amy? 641 00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:10,000 She is in the library, writing a book report on "Jane Eyre," 642 00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:12,461 and she told me "not to wait up." 643 00:20:12,544 --> 00:20:13,670 - Oy. - Yeah. 644 00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:15,088 [both laugh] 645 00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:16,715 Thanks for trying to help with Quentin. 646 00:20:16,798 --> 00:20:18,383 It's funny. Even though it wasn't real, 647 00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:21,178 it was so fun, imagining running my own company. 648 00:20:21,261 --> 00:20:22,596 So why don't your pursue it? 649 00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:24,681 I can't raise my kid and create an app 650 00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:26,433 and work at the Nine-Nine. It's too much. 651 00:20:26,516 --> 00:20:28,435 Well, then prepare for me to murder your parents 652 00:20:28,518 --> 00:20:29,561 right in front of your face. 653 00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:30,896 - Rude. - No. 654 00:20:30,979 --> 00:20:32,356 It's Batman's origin story, 655 00:20:32,439 --> 00:20:34,191 like the radioactive spider thing you did with me. 656 00:20:34,274 --> 00:20:35,609 I don't read comic books. 657 00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,570 You helped me become who I am, 658 00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:40,197 so now I'm gonna return the favor. 659 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,032 [music playing] 660 00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:43,492 Gina... 661 00:20:44,117 --> 00:20:45,994 I think your talents might be wasted at the Nine-Nine. 662 00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:48,705 I love you, but it might be time for you to move on. 663 00:20:48,789 --> 00:20:50,249 Um, are you firing me? 664 00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:52,292 What? No. I don't think I could even do that. 665 00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:53,627 Good, because I quit. 666 00:20:53,710 --> 00:20:56,421 {\an8}You know, tonight I realized that my talents 667 00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:58,131 {\an8}are being wasted at the Nine-Nine. 668 00:20:58,215 --> 00:21:00,008 {\an8}OK, that's kind of exactly what I just said. 669 00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:03,095 {\an8}Jake, let me finish. This is serious. 670 00:21:03,178 --> 00:21:05,138 {\an8}It's time for me to move on. 671 00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:07,140 {\an8}For real, though, it is. 672 00:21:07,224 --> 00:21:08,141 {\an8}Really? 673 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:14,189 {\an8}- OK. - [laughs] 674 00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:15,732 {\an8}Proud of you. 675 00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:16,942 {\an8}Thank you. 676 00:21:17,025 --> 00:21:18,277 {\an8}I'm proud of me, too. 677 00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:19,820 {\an8}[laughs] 678 00:21:19,903 --> 00:21:21,280 {\an8}[Amy] Guys! 679 00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:22,447 {\an8}Vice principal caught me in the library. 680 00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:24,324 {\an8}Let's roll! 681 00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:26,326 {\an8}[man 1] Not a doctor. Shh. 682 00:21:26,410 --> 00:21:28,328 {\an8}[man 2] Fremulon.