1 00:00:01,175 --> 00:00:03,481 [STAMMERING] You're a thief! 2 00:00:03,525 --> 00:00:05,483 [GUN FIRING TWICE] 3 00:00:05,527 --> 00:00:08,182 Those were gunshots! 4 00:00:08,225 --> 00:00:10,227 PETER: This is Peter Falk. Here are some scenes from the next episode ofColumbo. 5 00:00:10,271 --> 00:00:11,576 All the members are tested. 6 00:00:11,620 --> 00:00:14,144 And they have to rate in the top two percent. 7 00:00:14,188 --> 00:00:17,365 Here I've been talking with the most intelligent people in the world 8 00:00:17,408 --> 00:00:18,540 and I never even noticed. 9 00:00:18,583 --> 00:00:19,845 It might have been a woman. 10 00:00:19,889 --> 00:00:22,544 I think he was killed before we heard the shots. 11 00:00:22,587 --> 00:00:24,676 The shots we heard were on that record. 12 00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:28,767 It's a terrific puzzle. 13 00:00:28,811 --> 00:00:30,334 [THUNDER RUMBLING] 14 00:00:52,356 --> 00:00:53,357 [CRICKETS CHIRPING] 15 00:00:53,401 --> 00:00:56,839 MIKE: ...I wasn't that bright. 16 00:00:56,882 --> 00:01:01,365 So there I was, me, a welder, in the Sigma Society, 17 00:01:01,409 --> 00:01:04,238 with an IQ right at the top of the scale. 18 00:01:05,239 --> 00:01:08,198 And my first thought was, 19 00:01:08,242 --> 00:01:11,723 "What a crummy world, where somebody as smart as me 20 00:01:11,767 --> 00:01:14,117 "is nothing but an ordinary welder." 21 00:01:14,161 --> 00:01:18,252 Then I... I got my head straight 22 00:01:18,295 --> 00:01:21,559 and I figured it out that it was a pretty sensational world 23 00:01:21,603 --> 00:01:25,259 where even welders got a high enough IQ to be in a Sigma Society. 24 00:01:30,829 --> 00:01:34,485 MIKE: Not that there's anything wrong with being a welder. 25 00:01:34,529 --> 00:01:38,141 Because I'm gonna tell you right now that there's nobody 26 00:01:38,185 --> 00:01:41,927 in this room can even begin to do what I can do. 27 00:01:41,971 --> 00:01:44,495 [PEOPLE CLAPPING] 28 00:01:44,539 --> 00:01:47,281 You know what I heard about the Sigma Society? 29 00:01:47,324 --> 00:01:51,546 I heard that with all your brains, the one thing you can't figure out, 30 00:01:51,589 --> 00:01:54,766 the one problem you can't solve is what you're all doing here. 31 00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:57,160 I mean what we're all doing here. 32 00:01:57,204 --> 00:01:58,335 [PEOPLE LAUGHING] 33 00:02:05,473 --> 00:02:06,735 [BOO-HOO PLAYING] 34 00:02:06,778 --> 00:02:09,303 You've got me crying for you 35 00:02:11,696 --> 00:02:15,570 And as I sit here and sigh 36 00:02:15,613 --> 00:02:19,922 Says I, "I can't believe it's true" 37 00:02:19,965 --> 00:02:22,316 Boo-hoo, 38 00:02:24,231 --> 00:02:28,235 I tell my mama on you 39 00:02:30,411 --> 00:02:34,197 The little game that you played 40 00:02:34,241 --> 00:02:38,549 Has made her baby oh so blue 41 00:02:38,593 --> 00:02:44,468 You left me in the lurch 42 00:02:44,512 --> 00:02:50,344 You left me waiting at the church 43 00:02:50,692 --> 00:02:53,564 Boo-hoo 44 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:59,396 That's why I'm crying for you 45 00:03:01,268 --> 00:03:05,228 Someday you'll feel like I do 46 00:03:05,272 --> 00:03:09,580 And you'll be boo-hoo-hooin' too 47 00:03:09,624 --> 00:03:11,365 Boo-hoo 48 00:03:13,628 --> 00:03:17,588 You've got me crying for you 49 00:03:19,851 --> 00:03:21,766 And as I sit here... 50 00:03:35,693 --> 00:03:37,869 [CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING] 51 00:03:50,534 --> 00:03:51,883 [PEOPLE CLAPPING] 52 00:03:58,673 --> 00:03:59,978 [PEOPLE LAUGHING] 53 00:04:08,030 --> 00:04:09,510 [PEOPLE CLAPPING] 54 00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:29,399 Thank you, Mike, thank you. 55 00:04:29,443 --> 00:04:32,620 Jason, in all due respect to Mike's lecture on feelings of inadequacy 56 00:04:32,663 --> 00:04:36,406 I thought we were gonna hear from a computer engineer on intelligent machines. 57 00:04:36,450 --> 00:04:39,931 May I ask the program chairman if he still intends to bring in outside guests? 58 00:04:39,975 --> 00:04:42,891 I'm afraid I was very busy at the office today. 59 00:04:42,934 --> 00:04:44,719 Didn't have time. 60 00:04:44,762 --> 00:04:46,895 Try to do better. Good. 61 00:04:46,938 --> 00:04:49,941 Thank you, Mike, thank you, Mr. Wagner, thank you, Bertie. 62 00:04:49,985 --> 00:04:52,335 For new business, ladies and gentlemen, 63 00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:55,120 I have the committee report on neighborhood crime. 64 00:04:55,164 --> 00:04:58,559 They strongly recommend the purchase of a burglar alarm. 65 00:04:58,602 --> 00:05:02,911 Miss Eisenback has prepared a study of the various units available, 66 00:05:02,954 --> 00:05:05,957 the advantages, disadvantages... Good evening, Mr. Brandt. 67 00:05:06,001 --> 00:05:08,786 Good heavens, I am late. JASON: Prices and so on. 68 00:05:08,830 --> 00:05:11,702 Oliver, we were just discussing a burglar alarm. 69 00:05:11,746 --> 00:05:14,792 Dear me. I didn't know we had anything worth stealing. 70 00:05:14,836 --> 00:05:17,404 Unless, of course, it's Bertie's incredible brain power. 71 00:05:17,447 --> 00:05:18,796 [PEOPLE LAUGHING] 72 00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:21,625 I understand the Russians have been after him again. 73 00:05:21,669 --> 00:05:22,800 [GIGGLING]Huh? 74 00:05:22,844 --> 00:05:23,627 Huh? Hey! 75 00:05:25,499 --> 00:05:27,718 Okay, gang. That's it. Meeting's adjourned. 76 00:05:32,941 --> 00:05:34,072 [CHUCKLING] 77 00:05:35,944 --> 00:05:40,078 That, my dear, is the total history of Bertie's life. 78 00:05:40,122 --> 00:05:43,125 Does the joke always have to be at my expense? 79 00:05:43,168 --> 00:05:45,867 You two at it, again? Again and forever. 80 00:05:45,910 --> 00:05:49,697 Friends forever. Partners forever. Right, Bertie? 81 00:05:50,741 --> 00:05:51,916 Bertie. 82 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:56,834 Friends. 83 00:05:58,488 --> 00:06:00,360 There's a good little fellow. 84 00:06:02,884 --> 00:06:04,015 Something wrong? 85 00:06:04,059 --> 00:06:06,583 I think I just drank my contact lens. 86 00:06:09,586 --> 00:06:12,676 It's there. I found it. I'm sorry. 87 00:06:13,895 --> 00:06:15,897 Always sorry. 88 00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:18,073 What are you up to, Caroline? 89 00:06:18,116 --> 00:06:22,207 Making an inventory of everything in the house. For the insurance. 90 00:06:22,251 --> 00:06:24,514 Don't you have to go around to look at things? 91 00:06:24,558 --> 00:06:26,516 Don't have to look. I remember. 92 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:27,952 Imagine. 93 00:06:27,996 --> 00:06:30,520 While this wine was still in a French cellar, 94 00:06:30,564 --> 00:06:32,696 you, Caroline, were being put together 95 00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:35,699 by a confluence of data processors and memory banks. 96 00:06:35,743 --> 00:06:38,963 Oliver, I have to talk to you. 97 00:06:39,007 --> 00:06:41,966 I want to talk to you, too, Bertie. Pick a page. 98 00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:46,797 237. Pick a number. 99 00:06:46,841 --> 00:06:47,798 12. Even. 100 00:06:47,842 --> 00:06:49,234 Odd. 101 00:06:49,278 --> 00:06:50,932 Come along, Bertie. To the library. 102 00:06:52,237 --> 00:06:54,675 The drinks are on Bertie or on me. 103 00:06:56,067 --> 00:06:58,548 A dollar says Brandt wins again. 104 00:06:58,592 --> 00:06:59,941 It's only luck, you know. 105 00:07:01,986 --> 00:07:04,511 Page 237, correct? Yes. 106 00:07:04,902 --> 00:07:06,121 Word? 107 00:07:06,164 --> 00:07:07,165 12. 108 00:07:08,036 --> 00:07:09,429 All right. 109 00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:16,000 OLIVER: Here we are. Carina or carina. 110 00:07:16,044 --> 00:07:19,482 Six letters. Even. Drinks are on you, Bertie. 111 00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:22,572 Interesting. Carina. We seem to have forgotten our biology. 112 00:07:22,616 --> 00:07:25,662 Carina is a part resembling a ridge 113 00:07:25,706 --> 00:07:29,013 as on the projection on the breastbone of a bird. 114 00:07:29,057 --> 00:07:31,494 And that is the word for today. 115 00:07:31,538 --> 00:07:33,235 I didn't come up here to play games, Oliver! 116 00:07:33,278 --> 00:07:34,976 Nor did I, Bertie. 117 00:07:35,019 --> 00:07:37,805 You've always enjoyed tormenting me. Don't be a fool. 118 00:07:37,848 --> 00:07:39,894 School, college, even our own firm. 119 00:07:39,937 --> 00:07:42,113 I've always been the butt of your jokes. 120 00:07:42,157 --> 00:07:45,769 I've always been your friend, Bertie. Surely you know that. 121 00:07:45,813 --> 00:07:49,207 Come on, Bertie, I never taunted you. 122 00:07:49,251 --> 00:07:50,644 I only tickled you. 123 00:07:50,687 --> 00:07:51,775 [GIGGLING] 124 00:07:51,819 --> 00:07:53,081 Stop that! 125 00:07:53,124 --> 00:07:54,952 Stop! Will you? Stop it! 126 00:07:54,996 --> 00:07:56,650 [BOTH LAUGHING] 127 00:07:56,954 --> 00:07:58,129 Stop it! 128 00:07:58,173 --> 00:08:00,784 No! I'm through running! 129 00:08:00,828 --> 00:08:01,916 [PANTING] 130 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,092 I know. 131 00:08:06,181 --> 00:08:09,750 I know. I know what you've been doing in the office, Oliver. 132 00:08:11,752 --> 00:08:15,538 I know how you've been stealing from our clients. 133 00:08:15,582 --> 00:08:18,541 I took the trouble to examine your accounts. 134 00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:21,152 I know you have. I'm well aware of it. 135 00:08:22,023 --> 00:08:23,241 Oh? 136 00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:29,683 Are you aware that I intend to expose you? 137 00:08:31,728 --> 00:08:33,730 Well, in that case, I intend to kill you. 138 00:08:40,868 --> 00:08:42,217 We were friends. 139 00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:45,307 I could never hurt you. 140 00:08:47,614 --> 00:08:49,572 I couldn't hurt you either. 141 00:08:51,052 --> 00:08:52,880 [GIGGLING] 142 00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:55,839 [STUTTERING] 143 00:08:55,883 --> 00:08:57,972 You're a thief!Bertie. 144 00:08:58,015 --> 00:08:59,974 You can't threaten me out of it! 145 00:09:00,017 --> 00:09:02,803 I'll tell the whole world what you are! 146 00:09:05,762 --> 00:09:07,329 What a pity. 147 00:09:07,372 --> 00:09:08,722 Oliver. 148 00:09:10,071 --> 00:09:13,291 Oliver, I'm talking to you! 149 00:09:13,335 --> 00:09:16,904 Yes, I hear you. I hear you, old friend. 150 00:09:16,947 --> 00:09:18,253 [GUN FIRING TWICE WITH SILENCER] 151 00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:05,665 [CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING] 152 00:11:08,755 --> 00:11:09,973 [TURNS VOLUME DOWN] 153 00:11:33,301 --> 00:11:35,346 I really did love you, Bertie. 154 00:11:42,832 --> 00:11:44,225 [PHONE RINGING] 155 00:11:47,837 --> 00:11:50,492 Yeah? Who? Long distance? 156 00:11:50,535 --> 00:11:53,016 Tonight, children, the drinks are on Bertie. 157 00:11:53,060 --> 00:11:55,192 [ALL CLAPPING] 158 00:11:55,236 --> 00:11:57,847 Congratulations again, Oliver. 159 00:11:57,891 --> 00:11:59,936 CAROLINE: What was the word, Mr. Brandt? 160 00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:02,156 Carina. C-A-R... 161 00:12:02,199 --> 00:12:05,812 Well, with a capital 'C', Carina is a constellation in the Southern Hemisphere. 162 00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:08,031 This was not capitalized. 163 00:12:08,075 --> 00:12:10,904 Well, then it's like the breastbone on a bird. 164 00:12:13,297 --> 00:12:14,646 Phone's for you, Miss Eisenback. Memphis. 165 00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:17,867 That's my daddy. I've been trying to reach him. 166 00:12:17,911 --> 00:12:19,216 It's his birthday. 167 00:12:19,260 --> 00:12:21,218 She's been waiting for his call. 168 00:12:21,262 --> 00:12:23,046 Oliver got lucky again. 169 00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:24,787 Daddy? 170 00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:26,789 Why don't we got out and get the living room put back in order? 171 00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:29,226 Why not indeed? Come on, come on. Gentlemen. 172 00:12:29,270 --> 00:12:31,794 You watch that drink. I'll watch it. 173 00:12:31,838 --> 00:12:33,535 The club's insured through you, isn't it? 174 00:12:33,578 --> 00:12:34,841 Yes, and very well. 175 00:12:34,884 --> 00:12:36,320 Fire? Theft? 176 00:12:36,364 --> 00:12:38,018 The works. 177 00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:40,803 EISENBACK: Okay. It's wonderful here. The weather is so nice. 178 00:12:40,847 --> 00:12:42,500 Then if we are already covered, 179 00:12:42,544 --> 00:12:45,025 why on earth bother spending all this money on a burglar... 180 00:12:45,068 --> 00:12:46,069 [GUN FIRING] 181 00:12:46,113 --> 00:12:47,201 [THUDDING] 182 00:12:47,244 --> 00:12:48,245 [GUN FIRING] 183 00:12:48,289 --> 00:12:49,290 Those were gunshots! 184 00:12:54,948 --> 00:12:55,949 [CLANKING] 185 00:12:57,951 --> 00:13:01,084 Bertie! Bertie! Bertie! 186 00:13:08,135 --> 00:13:09,571 [DOOR SLAMMING] 187 00:13:09,614 --> 00:13:12,313 Oh, my God! Bertie. Bertie. 188 00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:19,407 Unlock it. 189 00:13:21,670 --> 00:13:23,280 Take Caroline downstairs. 190 00:13:30,897 --> 00:13:32,115 I think he's dead. 191 00:13:32,159 --> 00:13:32,942 [EXCLAIMING] 192 00:13:37,991 --> 00:13:39,470 You mustn't look. 193 00:13:39,514 --> 00:13:41,037 You better leave. 194 00:13:41,342 --> 00:13:42,430 Come on. 195 00:13:42,473 --> 00:13:43,910 Oh, my. 196 00:13:44,432 --> 00:13:45,955 Oh, my. 197 00:13:56,923 --> 00:13:58,707 [CRICKETS CHIRPING] 198 00:14:00,404 --> 00:14:02,319 [POLICE DISPATCHER CHATTERING ON RADIO] 199 00:14:02,363 --> 00:14:04,800 POLICEMAN: Could you all go inside, please? 200 00:14:14,810 --> 00:14:16,681 Would you like a drink, Oliver? 201 00:14:17,204 --> 00:14:21,121 What? No, no. 202 00:14:21,164 --> 00:14:25,386 Well, it's clear enough some neighborhood hoodlum finally broke in. 203 00:14:25,429 --> 00:14:27,301 What was Bertie trying to protect? 204 00:14:27,344 --> 00:14:29,956 A few bucks in his wallet? His manhood? I mean, what? 205 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,700 Excuse me. Mr. Brandt? 206 00:14:37,789 --> 00:14:38,965 Yes. 207 00:14:39,008 --> 00:14:40,662 Would you come with me, please? 208 00:14:50,454 --> 00:14:51,934 Are you guys all done in there? 209 00:14:51,978 --> 00:14:53,849 Yeah. He's wrapping it up. Good. 210 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,895 Good night, Sergeant. Good night, George, Harry. 211 00:15:07,297 --> 00:15:09,865 Now, would you just wait here please, Mr. Brandt? 212 00:15:10,387 --> 00:15:11,911 May I ask why? 213 00:15:11,954 --> 00:15:13,434 Sure. Somebody will be along. 214 00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:30,407 [WHISTLING] 215 00:16:58,278 --> 00:16:59,235 They know who did it? 216 00:16:59,279 --> 00:17:00,280 No! 217 00:17:08,853 --> 00:17:10,116 Oliver Brandt, sir? 218 00:17:12,379 --> 00:17:16,252 Lieutenant Columbo, Homicide. 219 00:17:16,296 --> 00:17:21,083 I thought maybe you'd like to be up here away from all those people down there, 220 00:17:21,127 --> 00:17:24,173 being that the victim was your friend and partner. 221 00:17:24,217 --> 00:17:27,568 I'm really quite upset. I do appreciate the courtesy. 222 00:17:27,611 --> 00:17:30,962 This Sigma Society, sir, 223 00:17:31,006 --> 00:17:34,009 I understand it's some kind of a club. But to tell you the truth 224 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:36,446 I don't understand what kind of a club it is. 225 00:17:36,490 --> 00:17:41,321 Why it's a private club. International. We're just one chapter. 226 00:17:41,364 --> 00:17:43,149 All the members are tested. 227 00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:47,153 And they have to rate in the top two percent. 228 00:17:47,196 --> 00:17:49,416 Two percent of what, sir? 229 00:17:49,459 --> 00:17:51,853 Why, intelligence, Lieutenant. 230 00:17:51,896 --> 00:17:53,202 Top two percent in the world? 231 00:17:59,165 --> 00:18:02,124 Is that what the pin means, sir? 232 00:18:02,168 --> 00:18:05,388 Here I've been talking with the most intelligent people in the world 233 00:18:05,432 --> 00:18:06,998 and I never even noticed. 234 00:18:08,348 --> 00:18:10,089 May I ask, sir, 235 00:18:11,351 --> 00:18:15,094 what is it that you people do in a place like this? 236 00:18:15,137 --> 00:18:18,488 Well, we meet, discuss, enjoy each other's company. 237 00:18:18,532 --> 00:18:20,055 Scientists? 238 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:21,578 Not necessarily. 239 00:18:21,622 --> 00:18:23,493 Like a think tank? 240 00:18:23,537 --> 00:18:26,583 No, no, no. Nothing nearly as grand, Lieutenant. 241 00:18:26,627 --> 00:18:30,065 People come to Sigma from all walks of life, all kinds, all types. 242 00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:33,895 There are 20,000 of us around the world. We're really quite ordinary. 243 00:18:34,983 --> 00:18:36,506 Except for this. 244 00:18:36,550 --> 00:18:38,421 Well... 245 00:18:38,465 --> 00:18:40,945 But you're not ordinary. 246 00:18:40,989 --> 00:18:44,558 Brandt and Hastings. That's a very important accounting firm, sir. 247 00:18:45,385 --> 00:18:47,169 I heard of them. 248 00:18:47,213 --> 00:18:51,217 Well, very kind of you, Lieutenant. But, it's quite true. 249 00:18:51,434 --> 00:18:53,001 We handle... 250 00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:55,177 We... 251 00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:56,526 [SOFTLY] Oh, dear. 252 00:18:56,570 --> 00:18:59,529 Well, just a few minor questions, sir. 253 00:18:59,573 --> 00:19:04,534 Some of the ladies say that they heard music coming from up here. 254 00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:06,710 Bertie must have put on a record on after I left. 255 00:19:06,754 --> 00:19:09,365 You see, we were playing a word game, 256 00:19:09,409 --> 00:19:11,193 looking things up in the dictionary. 257 00:19:12,977 --> 00:19:14,153 On the floor, sir? 258 00:19:17,591 --> 00:19:19,158 He must have put it on the floor. 259 00:19:27,992 --> 00:19:29,255 [TOY TRAIN RUNNING] 260 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:33,998 You mean to tell me, Mr. Brandt, 261 00:19:34,042 --> 00:19:37,306 that these very intelligent people still like to play with trains? 262 00:19:38,394 --> 00:19:39,526 Some of us do. 263 00:19:41,049 --> 00:19:42,616 Poor Bertie did. 264 00:19:42,659 --> 00:19:45,227 Well, I'll tell you, that's a relief to hear. 265 00:19:45,271 --> 00:19:48,361 Because I'll tell you the truth, I could play with something like that forever. 266 00:19:50,624 --> 00:19:54,236 Caroline Treynor. That's the one. 267 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,152 I beg you... Our youngest member. 268 00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:59,023 She's a member too? 269 00:20:00,373 --> 00:20:01,983 Fourteen? 270 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,682 Amazing. Okay. 271 00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:09,164 Now, Caroline, she was standing in that doorway there. 272 00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:13,342 And she says she didn't hear any footsteps going down those stairs. 273 00:20:13,386 --> 00:20:17,433 Now, everybody else heard the burglar. 274 00:20:17,477 --> 00:20:21,568 That is, the man that killed Mr. Hastings. 275 00:20:21,611 --> 00:20:25,180 May I ask you, sir, what did you hear? 276 00:20:25,659 --> 00:20:27,269 I don't remember. 277 00:20:29,184 --> 00:20:31,230 [WHISPERING] Don't remember. 278 00:20:31,665 --> 00:20:33,319 MIKE: Okay. 279 00:20:36,844 --> 00:20:39,194 Thirty seconds. 280 00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:41,327 COLUMBO: Exactly what I got when I timed it. 281 00:20:46,332 --> 00:20:49,422 We didn't start up there the second we heard the shots. That's right. 282 00:20:49,465 --> 00:20:52,076 We were stunned for eight... Maybe 10 seconds. 283 00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:54,427 Good. That means 40 seconds passed 284 00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:58,039 between the time that you heard the shots and the time you arrived in the library. 285 00:20:58,082 --> 00:21:00,259 Is that right, excuse me, Mr... 286 00:21:00,302 --> 00:21:02,304 Jason Danziger. I'm the president. 287 00:21:02,348 --> 00:21:05,176 Mr. Danziger. Then when you arrived in the library 288 00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:07,353 you saw the other door slam shut. 289 00:21:07,396 --> 00:21:11,270 Now, when you heard someone running away, 290 00:21:11,313 --> 00:21:15,361 did he go down the stairs one step at a time, two at a time, how? 291 00:21:15,404 --> 00:21:16,710 One at a time. 292 00:21:16,753 --> 00:21:18,581 You don't agree, ma'am? 293 00:21:18,625 --> 00:21:22,063 No, no, no, no. At least two at a time. He was really flying. 294 00:21:24,370 --> 00:21:25,545 Heavy man, sir? 295 00:21:27,373 --> 00:21:28,852 I'd say so. 296 00:21:28,896 --> 00:21:30,332 Do you agree, sir? 297 00:21:30,376 --> 00:21:31,681 Not necessarily. 298 00:21:31,725 --> 00:21:33,292 Average man. 299 00:21:33,335 --> 00:21:35,206 EISENBACK: He sounded light to me. 300 00:21:35,250 --> 00:21:36,817 I think he was a woman. 301 00:21:36,860 --> 00:21:38,558 Well, that clears that up. 302 00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:42,344 [CRICKET CHIRPING] 303 00:21:42,388 --> 00:21:44,607 I must say, after this dreadful affair, 304 00:21:44,651 --> 00:21:47,306 it would be a comfort to have a policeman as a member. 305 00:21:48,655 --> 00:21:51,614 Lieutenant, do you happen to know your IQ? 306 00:21:51,658 --> 00:21:53,747 Mine, sir? Oh, no, sir. 307 00:21:53,790 --> 00:21:56,358 No, they took it in the Army but they never told us. 308 00:21:56,402 --> 00:21:58,534 I'm certainly not in your league, sir. 309 00:21:58,578 --> 00:22:01,537 You might astonish yourself. 310 00:22:01,581 --> 00:22:05,802 Do you enjoy riddles, puzzles, that sort of thing? 311 00:22:05,846 --> 00:22:09,240 Well, I enjoy them, yes, sir, I do. But I don't have any feel for them. 312 00:22:09,284 --> 00:22:11,721 Now, Mrs. Columbo, she's a whiz at crossword puzzles. 313 00:22:11,765 --> 00:22:13,462 Here's my car, sir. 314 00:22:15,246 --> 00:22:16,813 You might consider testing yourself. 315 00:22:18,598 --> 00:22:21,340 Lieutenant, I'm gonna give you a little problem, 316 00:22:21,383 --> 00:22:23,211 to test your powers of logical thinking. 317 00:22:23,254 --> 00:22:24,821 That'll be fine, sir. 318 00:22:24,865 --> 00:22:28,564 It's what we call a minimum information problem. 319 00:22:28,608 --> 00:22:31,306 Minimum information? Practically none. 320 00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:34,265 Now, in a room, are several sacks of gold pieces, 321 00:22:34,309 --> 00:22:35,745 as many sacks as you like. 322 00:22:35,789 --> 00:22:39,270 Each sack contains several of these gold pieces. 323 00:22:39,314 --> 00:22:40,663 Again, as many as you like. 324 00:22:40,707 --> 00:22:42,143 Right. Got it. 325 00:22:42,186 --> 00:22:45,276 One sack, however, is full of artificial gold pieces. 326 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:46,669 And they weigh differently. 327 00:22:46,713 --> 00:22:48,192 Uh-huh. 328 00:22:48,236 --> 00:22:50,760 Now, the solid gold pieces weigh... 329 00:22:50,804 --> 00:22:54,329 Let's say, a pound each. And the artificial pieces weigh whatever you like. 330 00:22:54,373 --> 00:22:56,418 Well, what about a pound and an ounce? 331 00:22:56,462 --> 00:22:57,724 Splendid. Why not? 332 00:22:57,767 --> 00:23:00,770 Now, you have a penny scale. 333 00:23:00,814 --> 00:23:03,251 So I put the penny in and I get a card 334 00:23:03,294 --> 00:23:05,427 and that tells me how much the weight of the gold is? 335 00:23:05,471 --> 00:23:09,649 Exactly. But you only have one penny. 336 00:23:09,692 --> 00:23:13,914 Now, which sack has the artificial gold pieces? 337 00:23:13,957 --> 00:23:15,568 That's it? That's it. 338 00:23:17,352 --> 00:23:18,701 That's a hell of a puzzle. 339 00:23:18,745 --> 00:23:19,963 [CHUCKLING] 340 00:23:20,007 --> 00:23:21,182 Gee whiz. 341 00:23:22,836 --> 00:23:25,578 You know, I got a puzzle myself, sir. 342 00:23:25,621 --> 00:23:28,450 As I understand it, you people, 343 00:23:28,494 --> 00:23:31,671 you were all downstairs when you heard the shots 344 00:23:31,714 --> 00:23:36,806 and you ran upstairs to the library. And that took about 40 seconds. 345 00:23:36,850 --> 00:23:39,635 But during that time, all the killer had to do was 346 00:23:39,679 --> 00:23:43,204 take the wallet out of your partner's pocket and remove the money. 347 00:23:43,247 --> 00:23:45,554 Ten seconds. 348 00:23:45,598 --> 00:23:48,339 What did he do with the rest of the time? 349 00:23:49,036 --> 00:23:51,821 I mean, 30 seconds, sir. 350 00:23:51,865 --> 00:23:55,782 That's a long time to hang around after you just killed a man. 351 00:23:55,825 --> 00:23:59,481 Yes, a logical question. Very good. I agree with you. 352 00:24:05,269 --> 00:24:08,577 I'm gonna think about that puzzle, Mr. Brandt. You can count on that. 353 00:24:08,621 --> 00:24:09,839 Good night, sir. 354 00:24:09,883 --> 00:24:11,493 Good night. 355 00:24:11,537 --> 00:24:12,712 [ENGINE STARTING] 356 00:24:16,759 --> 00:24:18,457 [CAR HONKING] 357 00:24:18,500 --> 00:24:20,241 [TIRES SCREECHING] 358 00:25:31,573 --> 00:25:33,444 VIVIAN: Oliver, is that you? 359 00:25:34,620 --> 00:25:35,882 Yes, love. 360 00:25:44,630 --> 00:25:45,674 [SIGHING] 361 00:25:57,338 --> 00:25:58,513 How do you like it? 362 00:26:00,428 --> 00:26:01,734 I bought it for you. 363 00:26:02,735 --> 00:26:03,649 Quite lovely. 364 00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:06,260 Oh. 365 00:26:06,303 --> 00:26:08,697 [SIGHING] You're moody again. 366 00:26:08,741 --> 00:26:10,525 You look exhausted. 367 00:26:10,569 --> 00:26:11,874 [EXHALING] 368 00:26:11,918 --> 00:26:13,354 What's that? 369 00:26:13,397 --> 00:26:14,616 What? What is it? 370 00:26:14,660 --> 00:26:15,617 Just some mud. 371 00:26:16,923 --> 00:26:19,447 What have you been up to? There. 372 00:26:21,710 --> 00:26:23,320 Oliver, are you all right? 373 00:26:25,627 --> 00:26:28,456 No. Vivian, it's Bertie. 374 00:26:28,978 --> 00:26:30,589 He's dead. 375 00:26:31,111 --> 00:26:32,678 What? 376 00:26:32,721 --> 00:26:35,855 At the club. He was in the library. 377 00:26:35,898 --> 00:26:38,335 He was alone. A burglar got in. 378 00:26:38,945 --> 00:26:41,425 Oh, Oliver. 379 00:26:41,469 --> 00:26:43,906 Shot him twice. The police came. 380 00:26:45,429 --> 00:26:47,301 You must be feeling awful. 381 00:26:49,608 --> 00:26:52,785 I was always the lucky one. He had no one. 382 00:26:54,482 --> 00:26:55,657 He had us. 383 00:26:57,964 --> 00:26:59,487 I have you. 384 00:27:00,096 --> 00:27:01,707 Poor Bertie. 385 00:27:01,750 --> 00:27:04,666 We must put Bertie out of our minds. 386 00:27:06,407 --> 00:27:07,669 We'll take a trip. 387 00:27:08,670 --> 00:27:10,541 We'll buy some clothes. 388 00:27:10,585 --> 00:27:11,630 I'm sure you will. 389 00:27:12,369 --> 00:27:13,327 Oliver. 390 00:27:14,807 --> 00:27:17,723 You have been behaving very strangely lately. 391 00:27:17,766 --> 00:27:20,377 My best friend is dead, Vivian. 392 00:27:20,421 --> 00:27:21,857 But, darling, we're alive. 393 00:27:21,901 --> 00:27:24,730 Let's enjoy life while we can. 394 00:27:24,773 --> 00:27:27,733 I don't want to spend it watching your grieving, dismal, 395 00:27:27,776 --> 00:27:29,996 sweet, intelligent face. 396 00:27:30,039 --> 00:27:31,693 Quite right. 397 00:27:31,737 --> 00:27:32,955 Please forgive me. 398 00:27:36,045 --> 00:27:38,395 I wonder if you'd be kind enough to tell me 399 00:27:38,439 --> 00:27:40,789 where I might find Mr. Brandt's office. 400 00:27:40,833 --> 00:27:44,401 Through the double doors. Mr. Brandt's secretary will help you. 401 00:27:44,445 --> 00:27:46,360 Thank you very much, ma'am. 402 00:27:53,193 --> 00:27:56,413 Excuse me, I'm looking for Mr. Brandt's secretary. 403 00:27:56,457 --> 00:28:00,591 He'll be right back I'm George Campanella. May I help you? 404 00:28:00,635 --> 00:28:02,898 No, no, no, sir. Just waiting for Mr. Brandt. 405 00:28:02,942 --> 00:28:06,467 Well, he's not my responsibility. Not anymore. 406 00:28:06,510 --> 00:28:08,687 He'll be right back. Just have a seat. 407 00:28:23,745 --> 00:28:24,833 [CLATTERING] 408 00:28:26,443 --> 00:28:28,532 Yes, can I help you? 409 00:28:28,576 --> 00:28:32,623 Thank you very much, sir. Just waiting for Mr. Brandt's secretary. 410 00:28:32,667 --> 00:28:34,843 As of today, I am Mr. Brandt's secretary. 411 00:28:34,887 --> 00:28:35,888 You are? 412 00:28:38,629 --> 00:28:40,719 I just met Mr. Campanella. 413 00:28:40,762 --> 00:28:42,851 Oh, I am sure you did. 414 00:28:42,895 --> 00:28:45,941 My predecessor considers himself quite a big deal. 415 00:28:45,985 --> 00:28:47,682 Is that a fact? 416 00:28:47,726 --> 00:28:50,729 I'm Lieutenant Columbo, sir, police. And you are... 417 00:28:50,772 --> 00:28:52,905 Alvin. Alvin Metzler. 418 00:28:52,948 --> 00:28:55,777 Until last night, I worked for Mr. Hastings. 419 00:28:55,821 --> 00:28:57,953 A fine man. I hope he rests in peace. 420 00:28:59,563 --> 00:29:01,174 This is about Mr. Hastings? 421 00:29:01,217 --> 00:29:03,654 Yes, sir. Bertie Hastings, the deceased. 422 00:29:03,698 --> 00:29:06,092 I'm looking for Mr. Brandt. 423 00:29:06,135 --> 00:29:08,703 Mr. Brandt took an early lunch. 424 00:29:08,747 --> 00:29:11,880 Sometimes he walks in the park across the street. South side of the building. 425 00:29:11,924 --> 00:29:14,056 South side of the building. Thank you very much. 426 00:29:21,107 --> 00:29:23,457 What is that, women's lib in there? 427 00:29:23,500 --> 00:29:26,068 They don't let ladies do that kind of work anymore? 428 00:29:26,112 --> 00:29:29,898 It's still legal. The partners prefer male secretaries. 429 00:29:29,942 --> 00:29:31,813 Graduate accountants. 430 00:29:31,857 --> 00:29:35,077 That way they learn the business and they move up. 431 00:29:35,121 --> 00:29:36,992 Now why didn't I think of that? 432 00:29:37,036 --> 00:29:39,473 Then they get secretaries, right? 433 00:29:39,516 --> 00:29:42,650 Girl-type secretaries. 434 00:29:42,693 --> 00:29:45,000 This fellow, George, the one that I just met in there, 435 00:29:45,044 --> 00:29:47,786 he used to work for Mr. Brandt. I guess he just got promoted. 436 00:29:47,829 --> 00:29:51,006 Right. A full-fledged accountant. 437 00:29:51,050 --> 00:29:57,056 I hope Alvin was polite to you in there because he's very upset. 438 00:29:57,099 --> 00:29:59,928 So Alvin thinks he should've gotten promoted? 439 00:29:59,972 --> 00:30:01,712 [ELEVATOR DINGS] Who can figure bosses? 440 00:30:55,941 --> 00:30:58,682 You know, sir, that new secretary of yours, 441 00:30:58,726 --> 00:31:00,859 that's a man you can really depend upon, 442 00:31:00,902 --> 00:31:03,557 that...Alvin? 443 00:31:04,210 --> 00:31:06,255 Alvin? Yes, Alvin. 444 00:31:06,299 --> 00:31:08,997 He tells me how much you like to come to the park after lunch, 445 00:31:09,041 --> 00:31:10,738 and here you are, just like he said. 446 00:31:10,781 --> 00:31:12,696 Mind if I walk along, sir? 447 00:31:12,740 --> 00:31:14,873 No, no. I'd be delighted. 448 00:31:17,223 --> 00:31:20,879 I also met your other secretary, the one that's the accountant now. 449 00:31:20,922 --> 00:31:22,054 Yes, George. 450 00:31:22,097 --> 00:31:23,272 George. 451 00:31:23,316 --> 00:31:25,840 Would you do me a big personal favor, sir? 452 00:31:25,884 --> 00:31:27,711 My pleasure. 453 00:31:27,755 --> 00:31:29,931 You see, I have this nephew, he's studying to be an accountant. 454 00:31:29,975 --> 00:31:31,715 Isn't that terrific? 455 00:31:31,759 --> 00:31:33,935 Yeah. I mean, the young people today, you know, 456 00:31:33,979 --> 00:31:36,982 all they wanna be is movie stars and football players. 457 00:31:37,025 --> 00:31:40,811 Now this boy, he wants to be an accountant. 458 00:31:40,855 --> 00:31:42,944 And I said to myself, 459 00:31:42,988 --> 00:31:47,383 "Who could give me better advice to pass along to my nephew than Mr. Brandt?" 460 00:31:47,427 --> 00:31:51,213 I mean, you know firsthand how this fellow George worked himself up. 461 00:31:51,257 --> 00:31:53,650 Well, that's because our firm has a policy 462 00:31:53,694 --> 00:31:57,959 of rewarding skill and dedication rather than seniority. 463 00:31:58,003 --> 00:32:02,050 As far as your nephew is concerned, I suggest he gets all the education that he can 464 00:32:02,094 --> 00:32:06,663 and then, when he starts to work, to apply himself assiduously. 465 00:32:06,707 --> 00:32:09,928 Mr. Brandt, thank you very much. That's very good advice. 466 00:32:09,971 --> 00:32:11,799 And I am going to... 467 00:32:13,888 --> 00:32:15,846 Where did you get the ice cream cone, sir? 468 00:32:18,023 --> 00:32:19,676 From a vendor across the park. 469 00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:21,069 Oh. 470 00:32:21,113 --> 00:32:24,029 Well, I was gonna get one, but that's too far. 471 00:32:26,422 --> 00:32:30,861 Look at that, sir. Today is my lucky day. I'll be right back. 472 00:32:55,321 --> 00:32:56,887 Delicious, sir. 473 00:32:58,150 --> 00:32:59,978 Just delicious. 474 00:33:00,021 --> 00:33:02,371 Yes, I know, Lieutenant. I'm thoroughly addicted. 475 00:33:03,329 --> 00:33:04,678 Addiction. 476 00:33:06,114 --> 00:33:08,377 That must explain the umbrella, sir. 477 00:33:09,422 --> 00:33:11,032 My umbrella? 478 00:33:11,076 --> 00:33:13,165 Well, it's such a beautiful day, sir. 479 00:33:13,208 --> 00:33:16,472 I have to figure that you always carry an umbrella. 480 00:33:16,516 --> 00:33:18,039 Another addiction, sir. 481 00:33:21,347 --> 00:33:22,826 Excuse me. 482 00:33:26,352 --> 00:33:29,311 Well, actually no, Lieutenant. I had forgotten my umbrella 483 00:33:29,355 --> 00:33:31,835 at the Sigma Club and I stopped by to fetch it. 484 00:33:31,879 --> 00:33:34,012 Well, now... 485 00:33:34,055 --> 00:33:38,146 I suppose you're wondering why I should bother on such a lovely day. 486 00:33:38,190 --> 00:33:41,454 That's what I was asking. The umbrella, yes, sir. 487 00:33:41,497 --> 00:33:46,111 In order to serve, an umbrella must be available at the first collision of seasonal clouds. 488 00:33:46,154 --> 00:33:48,330 The debut of a California drizzle. 489 00:33:48,374 --> 00:33:50,028 Now then, we must consider. 490 00:33:50,071 --> 00:33:52,073 Where shall I be when the first rain strikes? 491 00:33:52,117 --> 00:33:54,858 Shall I be at home? In the office? In my car? 492 00:33:54,902 --> 00:33:57,122 Shall I be at the club? At lunch? 493 00:33:57,165 --> 00:33:58,514 Now we're dealing in probabilities. 494 00:33:58,558 --> 00:34:00,734 Right, sir. Probabilities. 495 00:34:00,777 --> 00:34:02,083 Options, you might say. 496 00:34:02,127 --> 00:34:04,172 Options indeed. 497 00:34:04,216 --> 00:34:08,350 Now, in the final analysis, I spend just 13 hours per day at my residence. 498 00:34:08,394 --> 00:34:11,832 However, there are other factors to be considered in this equation. 499 00:34:11,875 --> 00:34:15,009 Time at the office, time at the club, time en route, 500 00:34:15,053 --> 00:34:18,752 and, dear me, we have not even mentioned weekends. 501 00:34:18,795 --> 00:34:21,320 Time on the golf course. 502 00:34:21,363 --> 00:34:25,063 On top of that, I may be called upon at any hour of the day or night 503 00:34:25,106 --> 00:34:27,369 to confer with a client. 504 00:34:27,413 --> 00:34:32,287 Where then should one keep an umbrella ready for instant use? 505 00:34:32,331 --> 00:34:35,073 Upon consideration of these and other variables, 506 00:34:35,116 --> 00:34:37,771 I have come to the conclusion, sir, that the one, 507 00:34:37,814 --> 00:34:40,469 the only proper place to lodge an umbrella, 508 00:34:40,513 --> 00:34:44,908 giving one the best play in the game of avoiding being rained upon, 509 00:34:44,952 --> 00:34:47,259 that place is precisely at home. 510 00:34:48,086 --> 00:34:49,130 Good day, Lieutenant. 511 00:34:57,356 --> 00:34:58,792 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 512 00:34:59,575 --> 00:35:01,099 Mr. Brandt. 513 00:35:01,142 --> 00:35:03,362 Yes, what is it, George? 514 00:35:03,405 --> 00:35:06,278 These private accounts you were interested in, sir. 515 00:35:06,321 --> 00:35:08,802 I thought, what, with this being tax season, 516 00:35:08,845 --> 00:35:12,066 you might prefer to work on them at home, at your convenience. 517 00:35:12,110 --> 00:35:14,547 Yes, how very thoughtful of you, George. 518 00:35:14,590 --> 00:35:17,593 Why don't you drop them by this evening on your way home? 519 00:35:17,637 --> 00:35:19,204 I'd be happy to. 520 00:35:22,337 --> 00:35:23,425 [TICKING] 521 00:36:52,427 --> 00:36:54,168 I have a theory, Lieutenant. 522 00:36:57,084 --> 00:36:59,260 I know how the murderer did it. 523 00:36:59,304 --> 00:37:02,959 There never was any burglar. Somebody planned to kill Mr. Hastings. 524 00:37:03,003 --> 00:37:06,572 Planned? You really think so? 525 00:37:06,615 --> 00:37:09,227 I think he was killed before we heard the shots. 526 00:37:09,270 --> 00:37:11,054 Because we never heard the real shots. 527 00:37:11,098 --> 00:37:14,101 The shots we heard were on that record. 528 00:37:14,144 --> 00:37:16,973 On the record. Shots on the record. 529 00:37:18,323 --> 00:37:20,368 I don't know. I mean that's a very good idea, 530 00:37:20,412 --> 00:37:22,544 but I just played that record four separate times. 531 00:37:22,588 --> 00:37:25,939 I don't suppose I could've missed those shots. 532 00:37:25,982 --> 00:37:28,028 But I could play it again and see. 533 00:37:28,071 --> 00:37:29,638 That's okay, Lieutenant. 534 00:37:31,249 --> 00:37:34,077 I didn't realize you played the record at all. 535 00:37:34,121 --> 00:37:38,386 Well, you keep thinking, Caroline. I can use all the help I can get. 536 00:37:38,430 --> 00:37:41,955 And anyone who can come up with an idea as good as the one that you just had 537 00:37:41,998 --> 00:37:43,391 can also come up with the answer. 538 00:37:43,435 --> 00:37:46,089 And I'm gonna tell you something else. 539 00:37:46,133 --> 00:37:49,310 You not only have a terrific mind, 540 00:37:49,354 --> 00:37:52,270 you're also a remarkably pretty girl. 541 00:37:57,275 --> 00:37:59,189 You know something, Lieutenant? 542 00:38:01,322 --> 00:38:03,585 That's the very first time anybody ever told me 543 00:38:03,629 --> 00:38:06,327 they liked me for my body instead of my mind. 544 00:38:18,557 --> 00:38:19,601 [BOTH EXCLAIMING] 545 00:38:19,645 --> 00:38:21,603 Sorry. Excuse me! I'm sorry. 546 00:38:21,647 --> 00:38:23,431 Forgive me, sir. 547 00:38:23,475 --> 00:38:25,303 Well, it's a funny thing, you know. 548 00:38:25,346 --> 00:38:27,653 You're just the person that I was looking for. 549 00:38:27,696 --> 00:38:30,133 Would you mind stepping inside for just one moment, sir? 550 00:38:30,177 --> 00:38:32,440 I was looking for you too, Lieutenant. 551 00:38:32,484 --> 00:38:35,313 What a coincidence. Let me ask you something, sir. 552 00:38:37,097 --> 00:38:40,361 That big dictionary on the floor, does that look peculiar to you? 553 00:38:41,362 --> 00:38:43,321 Well, it should be on the stand. 554 00:38:43,364 --> 00:38:45,584 That's what I thought. And another thing. 555 00:38:50,371 --> 00:38:54,332 The medical examiner says that both bullets entered the body 556 00:38:55,158 --> 00:38:57,596 at exactly the same angle. 557 00:38:57,639 --> 00:39:02,122 Now if the killer fired and then the body fell. 558 00:39:02,165 --> 00:39:05,386 Then he fired again, like you all heard... 559 00:39:05,430 --> 00:39:07,649 Then the bullets would've entered at different angles. 560 00:39:07,693 --> 00:39:10,043 Yes, I would say so, sir. 561 00:39:10,086 --> 00:39:12,393 That goes right along with my suicide theory. 562 00:39:12,872 --> 00:39:14,352 Suicide? 563 00:39:16,136 --> 00:39:20,749 You mean he shot himself in the chest, then fell to the floor, 564 00:39:20,793 --> 00:39:22,360 then did it again? 565 00:39:24,144 --> 00:39:25,406 One thing, sir. 566 00:39:26,189 --> 00:39:28,235 How did he get rid of the gun? 567 00:39:28,278 --> 00:39:30,324 Part of his plan. He had to. 568 00:39:30,368 --> 00:39:31,630 Had to? 569 00:39:31,673 --> 00:39:33,196 Get rid of the gun. 570 00:39:34,459 --> 00:39:37,418 I sold Bertie his life insurance. 571 00:39:37,462 --> 00:39:39,812 There's a suicide clause in the policy. 572 00:39:40,813 --> 00:39:43,598 If I can ever be of any help... 573 00:39:43,642 --> 00:39:46,122 Suicide clause. I can guess what that is. 574 00:39:46,166 --> 00:39:48,298 If he kills himself your company doesn't pay. 575 00:39:48,342 --> 00:39:50,649 So he had to hide the gun. 576 00:39:50,692 --> 00:39:51,563 Now, 577 00:39:52,868 --> 00:39:55,218 I think he had it 578 00:39:55,262 --> 00:39:59,135 on some sort of elastic tether. 579 00:40:01,442 --> 00:40:04,184 Elastic? Oh, that's very interesting. 580 00:40:04,227 --> 00:40:07,405 [EXCLAIMING] He fired the first shot, 581 00:40:07,448 --> 00:40:12,366 the rigging probably triggered the second shot. 582 00:40:12,410 --> 00:40:14,324 And the gun just snapped away. 583 00:40:14,847 --> 00:40:16,283 Where to, sir? 584 00:40:16,326 --> 00:40:17,545 Two possibilities. 585 00:40:21,897 --> 00:40:24,117 Out the window. 586 00:40:25,901 --> 00:40:28,469 Screen on the window. 587 00:40:28,513 --> 00:40:30,732 I don't know how the gun... 588 00:40:30,776 --> 00:40:33,779 Then, if you'll take the trouble 589 00:40:35,345 --> 00:40:37,652 to glance up the chimney, 590 00:40:37,696 --> 00:40:39,480 I am sure you'll find the gun. 591 00:40:42,222 --> 00:40:45,138 You're not gonna believe this, sir. But I... 592 00:40:50,796 --> 00:40:52,537 You see, I... 593 00:40:52,580 --> 00:40:56,192 You already checked up there? 594 00:40:56,236 --> 00:41:00,240 Don't get me wrong, sir. I never thought of the gun being on the elastic. 595 00:41:00,283 --> 00:41:03,243 I mean, I just happened to look up there 596 00:41:03,286 --> 00:41:06,464 I mean, it was just because the... All the lab boys, you know, 597 00:41:06,507 --> 00:41:10,642 they were vacuuming the rug and they said that there was powder carbon around. 598 00:41:11,991 --> 00:41:15,298 Well, anytime, Lieutenant. 599 00:41:36,232 --> 00:41:37,451 [DOORBELL RINGING] 600 00:41:40,585 --> 00:41:43,457 Oh, you poor man. 601 00:41:43,501 --> 00:41:46,025 Why didn't you park in the driveway? 602 00:41:46,068 --> 00:41:48,854 Well, I have an oil leak in my car, ma'am, and... 603 00:41:48,897 --> 00:41:50,899 Wouldn't you know it. 604 00:41:50,943 --> 00:41:53,032 Just tonight my wife decided 605 00:41:53,075 --> 00:41:56,601 to try out a new spot remover for my raincoat. 606 00:41:56,644 --> 00:41:58,907 Why don't you put your umbrella over there? 607 00:42:05,914 --> 00:42:07,307 Do sit down, Lieutenant. 608 00:42:09,178 --> 00:42:12,312 Oh, would you look at that? 609 00:42:12,355 --> 00:42:15,358 That's the same Victrola that they have down at the Sigma Club. 610 00:42:15,402 --> 00:42:20,146 Yes, Oliver donated it. One of his clients makes them. 611 00:42:20,189 --> 00:42:23,497 You know, the one at the club is working very funny. Every time you push the play button 612 00:42:23,541 --> 00:42:27,414 the needle drops down right in the middle and always in the same spot. 613 00:42:27,457 --> 00:42:29,982 Oh, I think I can explain that. 614 00:42:30,025 --> 00:42:32,288 It has a computer. A memory. 615 00:42:32,332 --> 00:42:36,075 So, say you wanted to play a Sinatra record. 616 00:42:36,641 --> 00:42:38,120 How about this one? 617 00:42:39,208 --> 00:42:40,514 Really, Inspector? 618 00:42:40,558 --> 00:42:41,602 Well, why not? 619 00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:43,865 Well... 620 00:42:47,086 --> 00:42:52,265 Say you wanted to hear the second and the fifth track of a record. 621 00:42:52,308 --> 00:42:56,486 You can set this, so that it skips all the others. 622 00:42:58,097 --> 00:43:00,186 Just by pushing those buttons? 623 00:43:00,229 --> 00:43:02,275 You can even set it 624 00:43:02,318 --> 00:43:05,539 so that it plays the same track over and over again. 625 00:43:05,583 --> 00:43:08,020 And it also switches itself off. 626 00:43:08,063 --> 00:43:09,935 Isn't that something? 627 00:43:09,978 --> 00:43:11,414 A glass of wine, Lieutenant? 628 00:43:11,458 --> 00:43:13,199 Oh, thank you very much, sir. 629 00:43:15,593 --> 00:43:18,944 Sir, here I am, playing with this beautiful machine and... 630 00:43:20,336 --> 00:43:22,077 What a coincidence. 631 00:43:23,078 --> 00:43:25,690 What I was going to ask you, sir, was 632 00:43:25,733 --> 00:43:28,693 the murderer wouldn't have put the record on up in the library, 633 00:43:28,736 --> 00:43:32,392 and you didn't do it. So that means Mr. Hastings did it. 634 00:43:32,435 --> 00:43:35,700 Now did your friend have any particular liking for Tchaikovsky? 635 00:43:35,743 --> 00:43:37,353 Bertie had a tin ear. 636 00:43:37,397 --> 00:43:40,095 He understood nothing and liked everything. 637 00:43:40,139 --> 00:43:42,141 Tchaikovsky included. 638 00:43:42,184 --> 00:43:46,232 That's exactly what your secretary Alvin said. 639 00:43:46,275 --> 00:43:49,148 I see. Well, I suppose Alvin would know. 640 00:43:49,191 --> 00:43:52,151 He was with Bertie for almost a year. Please. 641 00:43:53,631 --> 00:43:57,156 Oh. It's getting very late, sir. Mrs. Brandt. 642 00:43:57,199 --> 00:43:58,679 But you haven't touched your wine. 643 00:43:58,723 --> 00:44:01,116 Some other time, ma'am. Thank you very much. 644 00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:02,640 I'll see you out. 645 00:44:09,168 --> 00:44:12,998 One more question, sir. About those sacks of gold. 646 00:44:13,041 --> 00:44:17,698 If I put them all on the scale and then take them off one by one. 647 00:44:17,742 --> 00:44:20,353 No. You use your penny. 648 00:44:20,396 --> 00:44:23,573 You get a card. You have one reading on the weight. 649 00:44:24,705 --> 00:44:27,273 Right. Got it. 650 00:44:28,491 --> 00:44:31,364 I'm gonna work on that tonight with Mrs. Columbo. 651 00:44:36,108 --> 00:44:37,326 VIVIAN: Good night, Lieutenant. 652 00:44:38,197 --> 00:44:39,981 [DISCO MUSIC PLAYING] 653 00:44:53,255 --> 00:44:56,258 Hi. I'm Suzy. 654 00:44:57,042 --> 00:44:58,347 Hi, Suzy. 655 00:44:59,740 --> 00:45:03,657 I've tried Esalen, Primal Scream, Pyramid Power, 656 00:45:03,701 --> 00:45:07,443 Synanon, a black mass in San Francisco, 657 00:45:07,487 --> 00:45:11,752 open marriage, est, TA, TM, I'm OK, You're OK, 658 00:45:11,796 --> 00:45:13,754 and I'm still a target. 659 00:45:17,366 --> 00:45:19,760 Lieutenant Columbo, sir. We've met. 660 00:45:19,804 --> 00:45:21,109 Nice to see you here. 661 00:45:22,328 --> 00:45:23,372 [LAUGHING] 662 00:45:25,244 --> 00:45:27,725 It's really very crowded here, ma'am. 663 00:45:27,768 --> 00:45:30,075 I'm terribly sorry.I enjoyed it. 664 00:45:30,118 --> 00:45:32,164 I'm Suzy. He's George. 665 00:45:32,207 --> 00:45:34,296 How'd you find me? Alvin? 666 00:45:34,340 --> 00:45:36,603 I don't like to talk behind people's backs, sir, 667 00:45:36,646 --> 00:45:39,040 but I don't think Alvin likes you very much. 668 00:45:39,084 --> 00:45:40,476 Now do you come here often, Lieutenant? 669 00:45:40,520 --> 00:45:42,217 No, ma'am. My first time. 670 00:45:42,261 --> 00:45:44,524 Listen, what else did he tell you, Lieutenant? 671 00:45:44,567 --> 00:45:47,527 I can tell, sir, that you're the kind of man 672 00:45:47,570 --> 00:45:51,183 that has a lot of terrific plans for himself. 673 00:45:51,226 --> 00:45:53,489 But I think you ought to think about something. 674 00:45:53,533 --> 00:45:55,578 Let me buy you a drink, Lieutenant. 675 00:45:55,622 --> 00:45:58,146 Thank you very much, ma'am, but I'm working. 676 00:45:58,190 --> 00:46:01,715 As a matter of fact, I can't think of a time when I wasn't working. 677 00:46:01,759 --> 00:46:03,412 You see, sir, 678 00:46:04,762 --> 00:46:07,416 here I am telling you something, sir. 679 00:46:10,289 --> 00:46:14,684 Any accountant who is aware of a felony, 680 00:46:14,728 --> 00:46:17,513 he becomes an accessory to that felony 681 00:46:17,557 --> 00:46:19,733 unless he reports it to the proper authorities. 682 00:46:19,777 --> 00:46:21,561 I like the way you wear your hair. 683 00:46:21,604 --> 00:46:23,476 What I'm saying is... 684 00:46:23,519 --> 00:46:27,393 Oh, thank you very much, ma'am. I like the way you wear yours. 685 00:46:27,436 --> 00:46:30,483 What I'm trying to say, George, is 686 00:46:30,526 --> 00:46:34,443 I really don't think you're gonna be able to make it to the top with a police record. 687 00:46:35,793 --> 00:46:37,316 I don't think so. 688 00:46:40,928 --> 00:46:42,538 SUZY: Goodbye, Lieutenant. 689 00:46:46,281 --> 00:46:49,415 You have some very interesting friends. 690 00:46:49,937 --> 00:46:51,678 I wish I were dead. 691 00:46:53,898 --> 00:46:56,683 [PEOPLE CHATTERING] 692 00:47:11,654 --> 00:47:12,568 Lieutenant. 693 00:47:18,183 --> 00:47:19,358 You bought that here? 694 00:47:21,186 --> 00:47:23,666 No, I bought it in the donut shop 695 00:47:23,710 --> 00:47:27,714 because I was gonna eat it in the elevator, but then I saw my friend here and... 696 00:47:30,195 --> 00:47:32,240 I'm really terribly sorry. 697 00:47:37,811 --> 00:47:39,552 Well, let me see. 698 00:47:41,684 --> 00:47:42,903 Let's see now. 699 00:47:42,947 --> 00:47:44,557 I can come back. 700 00:47:44,600 --> 00:47:46,689 No, no, no, I'll have... 701 00:47:48,866 --> 00:47:50,258 I'll have a donut. 702 00:47:57,352 --> 00:47:59,746 I thought about what you said, Lieutenant. 703 00:47:59,789 --> 00:48:02,880 Sir, if it'll be of any help to you, 704 00:48:02,923 --> 00:48:06,884 I know that Mr. Brandt lost lots of money on some stock options. 705 00:48:07,841 --> 00:48:09,408 Alvin again? 706 00:48:12,498 --> 00:48:14,892 So Mr. Brandt needed money. 707 00:48:14,935 --> 00:48:16,676 Have you met Mrs. Brandt? 708 00:48:17,285 --> 00:48:18,504 Yes. 709 00:48:22,464 --> 00:48:25,990 Okay. I went back to the office one night. 710 00:48:26,033 --> 00:48:28,644 He was Mr. Hastings' secretary at the time. 711 00:48:28,688 --> 00:48:32,692 Well, there he was, replacing some files in Brandt's office. 712 00:48:32,735 --> 00:48:36,870 Confidential accounts that Brandt handled personally. 713 00:48:36,914 --> 00:48:39,960 Now this is when you were still Mr. Brandt's secretary, right? 714 00:48:40,004 --> 00:48:42,354 That's right. 715 00:48:42,397 --> 00:48:45,792 Why would Alvin fiddle around with your boss's accounts? 716 00:48:45,835 --> 00:48:48,534 Because Hastings told him to bring him the files. 717 00:48:48,577 --> 00:48:51,537 He must've suspected that his partner was engaged in some 718 00:48:52,755 --> 00:48:54,540 creative bookkeeping. 719 00:48:54,583 --> 00:48:55,758 Will that be all? 720 00:48:55,802 --> 00:48:57,891 Yes, very nice. Thank you. 721 00:49:00,372 --> 00:49:01,721 Creative bookkeeping? 722 00:49:01,764 --> 00:49:04,376 You see, most of our work is corporate. 723 00:49:04,419 --> 00:49:08,249 But Brandt likes to handle some of the individual accounts himself. 724 00:49:08,293 --> 00:49:11,339 Old clients, mostly widows. 725 00:49:11,383 --> 00:49:13,907 Are these widows, sir, wealthy? 726 00:49:13,951 --> 00:49:15,387 Loaded. 727 00:49:15,430 --> 00:49:18,390 I checked the files and ran some computer printouts. 728 00:49:18,433 --> 00:49:20,740 And what's the bottom line, sir? 729 00:49:20,783 --> 00:49:24,396 Brandt has been sifting funds from his clients' accounts. 730 00:49:24,439 --> 00:49:26,441 A very nifty job. 731 00:49:26,485 --> 00:49:29,879 So you told your boss that Mr. Hastings knew what he was doing? 732 00:49:31,055 --> 00:49:33,666 Congratulations on your promotion, sir. 733 00:49:33,709 --> 00:49:36,408 I'm always glad to cooperate, Lieutenant. 734 00:49:39,498 --> 00:49:42,327 Oh, good morning, sir. I was just explaining to the Lieutenant that... 735 00:49:42,370 --> 00:49:44,416 Sit down, George. Finish your grapefruit. 736 00:49:44,459 --> 00:49:46,766 I think I can guess what you were explaining. 737 00:49:46,809 --> 00:49:49,421 More tips for your nephew, right, Lieutenant? 738 00:49:49,464 --> 00:49:52,728 Right, sir. George was telling me exactly 739 00:49:52,772 --> 00:49:56,645 how a young accountant gets ahead. Take my seat, sir. Please. 740 00:49:58,778 --> 00:49:59,997 Sir. 741 00:50:08,048 --> 00:50:12,487 He wasn't talking about his nephew, sir. It's Alvin again. 742 00:50:19,146 --> 00:50:20,974 [PHONE RINGING] 743 00:50:21,018 --> 00:50:23,063 Good morning, Mr. Brandt. I... 744 00:50:24,499 --> 00:50:26,066 What? 745 00:50:26,110 --> 00:50:29,113 Good morning again, sir. I thought you'd rather talk up here. 746 00:50:29,156 --> 00:50:30,592 You're at my desk. 747 00:50:30,636 --> 00:50:32,072 Oh, sorry, sir. 748 00:50:32,116 --> 00:50:34,553 You realize this is our busiest time of the year. 749 00:50:34,596 --> 00:50:38,557 I understand, sir. And I wouldn't bother you, 750 00:50:38,600 --> 00:50:41,473 but I'm afraid that Mr. Hastings might have been involved 751 00:50:41,516 --> 00:50:43,344 in some nasty things around here, sir. 752 00:50:45,042 --> 00:50:48,045 I know this is hard to believe, sir. But I happen to know 753 00:50:48,958 --> 00:50:51,831 that he had his secretary 754 00:50:51,874 --> 00:50:54,834 take some account files from your office. 755 00:50:54,877 --> 00:50:55,965 Alvin? 756 00:50:57,967 --> 00:51:02,146 Are you suggesting a conspiracy between Bertie and Alvin? 757 00:51:02,189 --> 00:51:04,061 I hate to say this, sir, 758 00:51:04,104 --> 00:51:07,760 but Mr. Hastings might have been doctoring those accounts. 759 00:51:15,202 --> 00:51:17,509 [SIGHING] 760 00:51:17,552 --> 00:51:20,033 [STUTTERING] This comes as a terrible shock to me, Lieutenant. 761 00:51:20,903 --> 00:51:23,036 You'll have to excuse me. 762 00:51:23,080 --> 00:51:26,779 Oh, yes, sir. I understand. You'll certainly need time to think. 763 00:51:37,833 --> 00:51:39,531 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 764 00:51:39,574 --> 00:51:41,663 Mr. Brandt. What is it? 765 00:51:41,707 --> 00:51:44,101 I owe it to myself to express my dissatisfaction. 766 00:51:44,144 --> 00:51:47,104 I was clearly in line for the position that you gave George. 767 00:51:47,147 --> 00:51:50,933 You dare tell me your position in this firm. You niggling little twit. 768 00:51:50,977 --> 00:51:53,545 You self-serving ambitious lout. 769 00:51:53,588 --> 00:51:56,983 Maybe Mr. Hastings took this abuse from you, but I certainly will not! 770 00:51:57,026 --> 00:51:59,986 And you'll take it, too, Alvin, twentyfold. 771 00:52:00,029 --> 00:52:03,076 You'll be a secretary here until you're old and gray. 772 00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:06,514 And if you try to work anywhere else, I'll pull so many strings 773 00:52:06,558 --> 00:52:07,733 that you'll strangle in them. 774 00:52:07,776 --> 00:52:09,909 But that's... Now, go back to your desk! 775 00:52:09,952 --> 00:52:13,913 Suddenly, Alvin, you're a great, choking stench in my life. 776 00:52:13,956 --> 00:52:14,827 Get out! 777 00:52:20,920 --> 00:52:21,877 [CRICKETS CHIRPING] 778 00:52:21,921 --> 00:52:22,704 [SLAMMING DOOR] 779 00:52:23,140 --> 00:52:24,576 What was that? 780 00:52:24,619 --> 00:52:26,534 What? 781 00:52:26,578 --> 00:52:27,753 Well, the whole house shook. 782 00:52:30,538 --> 00:52:32,540 The world is crumbling. What do you expect? 783 00:52:43,769 --> 00:52:46,119 What is wrong with you? 784 00:52:46,163 --> 00:52:49,644 I have been betrayed, pursued, and threatened by innuendo. 785 00:52:49,688 --> 00:52:52,212 The least I could hope for is some understanding from my wife. 786 00:52:52,256 --> 00:52:55,955 It's the new negligee I bought. Is that it? 787 00:52:55,998 --> 00:52:58,175 It is everything you have bought. 788 00:52:58,218 --> 00:53:01,700 We are in trouble. Oh, and of course it's my fault. 789 00:53:01,743 --> 00:53:04,093 Well, you are the mother of my predicament. 790 00:53:04,137 --> 00:53:07,706 And now, little Oliver wants to be mothered. Is that it? 791 00:53:07,749 --> 00:53:09,751 I want what is due me! 792 00:53:13,146 --> 00:53:16,193 Some affection, understanding, gratitude. 793 00:53:18,238 --> 00:53:21,807 Support in the worst of times. 794 00:53:21,850 --> 00:53:23,200 I don't know what you're talking about. 795 00:53:23,243 --> 00:53:25,114 I have embezzled funds! 796 00:53:30,598 --> 00:53:31,860 And I did it for you. 797 00:53:34,907 --> 00:53:39,781 Oliver, I've never understood about business. 798 00:53:39,825 --> 00:53:41,914 I belong to another part of your life. 799 00:53:41,957 --> 00:53:44,743 Do you understand what I am telling you? 800 00:53:45,657 --> 00:53:47,833 No. And I don't think I want to. 801 00:53:48,921 --> 00:53:50,531 [PHONE RINGING] 802 00:53:58,322 --> 00:53:59,888 Oliver Brandt. 803 00:53:59,932 --> 00:54:01,934 KLINE: Mr. Brandt, this is Sergeant Kline. 804 00:54:01,977 --> 00:54:03,849 Lieutenant Columbo and Sergeant Burke would appreciate it 805 00:54:03,892 --> 00:54:05,720 if you'd come by the Sigma Club right away. 806 00:54:15,339 --> 00:54:16,905 [THUNDER RUMBLING] 807 00:55:02,690 --> 00:55:03,865 [CREAKING] 808 00:55:11,220 --> 00:55:12,352 [RATTLING] 809 00:55:22,449 --> 00:55:23,972 [CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING] 810 00:55:33,068 --> 00:55:34,331 [BREATHING HEAVILY] 811 00:55:44,210 --> 00:55:47,344 [GUN FIRING TWICE] 812 00:55:52,131 --> 00:55:53,350 Oh, there you are. 813 00:55:54,351 --> 00:55:56,178 COLUMBO: Is that you, Mr. Brandt? 814 00:55:56,222 --> 00:55:57,832 It is, Lieutenant. 815 00:55:57,876 --> 00:55:59,268 Come on up, Mr. Brandt. 816 00:56:00,748 --> 00:56:02,097 You need anything else, sir? 817 00:56:02,141 --> 00:56:04,404 No, that's fine. Good night, Sergeant. 818 00:56:04,448 --> 00:56:06,014 Good night, Lieutenant. 819 00:56:18,940 --> 00:56:20,028 [CLASSICAL MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING] 820 00:56:27,427 --> 00:56:30,256 Oh, just in time, sir. Perfect. I want you to see this. 821 00:56:39,221 --> 00:56:42,355 Now I want you to see what happens, sir, when the record finishes. 822 00:56:42,399 --> 00:56:46,098 It was really very thoughtful of you, sir, to give this Victrola to the club. 823 00:56:46,141 --> 00:56:49,710 Well, I... I enjoy giving pleasure. 824 00:56:49,754 --> 00:56:53,192 I hope those explosions didn't frighten you, sir. Just experimenting. 825 00:56:55,237 --> 00:56:56,413 Soon. 826 00:56:57,849 --> 00:56:59,807 COLUMBO: Finished. Now watch. 827 00:56:59,851 --> 00:57:03,507 It glides across the record and it goes to this point right here. 828 00:57:03,550 --> 00:57:08,947 Then it goes back again, past this point here, right here. 829 00:57:08,990 --> 00:57:12,254 And then it goes all the way back again and it rests on this whatchamacallit. 830 00:57:12,298 --> 00:57:14,169 Now, I want you to notice this, sir. 831 00:57:17,259 --> 00:57:19,958 Here on this whatchamacallit. 832 00:57:20,001 --> 00:57:23,875 Right here. Funny little scratches. 833 00:57:24,441 --> 00:57:27,835 Here and here. 834 00:57:27,879 --> 00:57:29,184 Do you see those, sir? 835 00:57:29,228 --> 00:57:30,534 Yes. 836 00:57:30,577 --> 00:57:33,101 A tiny clamp with teeth. 837 00:57:33,145 --> 00:57:36,191 Sergeant Burke thinks baby alligator clamps. 838 00:57:36,235 --> 00:57:37,889 Now a funny thing. 839 00:57:40,108 --> 00:57:43,503 You remember Miss Eisenback got a long distance call? 840 00:57:43,547 --> 00:57:45,113 Yes, from her father. 841 00:57:45,549 --> 00:57:47,812 In Memphis. 842 00:57:47,855 --> 00:57:51,903 The call came in just after you left Mr. Hastings and went downstairs. 843 00:57:51,946 --> 00:57:54,296 Lieutenant Columbo... And then the call was interrupted. 844 00:57:54,340 --> 00:57:58,083 She had to hang up when she heard the shots. 845 00:57:58,126 --> 00:57:59,171 If you say so. 846 00:58:00,607 --> 00:58:02,870 Here it is. 847 00:58:02,914 --> 00:58:06,918 I got this from the South Central Bell Telephone Company in Memphis. 848 00:58:06,961 --> 00:58:09,181 Here's the call from her father. The date. 849 00:58:10,356 --> 00:58:12,924 How long they talked. 850 00:58:12,967 --> 00:58:15,230 All right. They talked four minutes. 851 00:58:15,274 --> 00:58:21,236 Which is almost exactly the same length of time that the record player is set for. 852 00:58:21,280 --> 00:58:24,849 Watch. I'm going to push the play button. 853 00:58:30,594 --> 00:58:34,946 Notice that the arm doesn't start at the beginning. It starts in the middle. 854 00:58:34,989 --> 00:58:38,297 And if you let that play, sir, it will take four minutes. 855 00:58:38,340 --> 00:58:40,473 And it does it every time. 856 00:58:40,517 --> 00:58:42,823 Lieutenant, is this what you called me out for? 857 00:58:42,867 --> 00:58:44,869 No, sir. Not quite. 858 00:58:44,912 --> 00:58:47,524 To tell you the truth, sir, I have another reason. 859 00:58:50,222 --> 00:58:51,615 Mr. Brandt. 860 00:58:51,658 --> 00:58:53,138 [THUNDER CLAPPING] 861 00:58:54,443 --> 00:58:58,012 I know exactly what you did and how you did it. 862 00:58:59,187 --> 00:59:01,189 The gold sack puzzle, sir. 863 00:59:02,234 --> 00:59:05,454 Mrs. Columbo figured it out. 864 00:59:05,498 --> 00:59:08,980 You said that there were these sacks of gold in a room 865 00:59:09,023 --> 00:59:12,331 and that one of the sacks was filled with phony gold. 866 00:59:12,374 --> 00:59:15,639 And that the phony gold weighed more than the real gold. 867 00:59:15,682 --> 00:59:18,642 And that I had a penny scale but only one penny. 868 00:59:18,685 --> 00:59:21,427 And therefore only one chance to weigh anything. 869 00:59:21,470 --> 00:59:25,344 And I had to figure out which of the sacks had the phony gold. 870 00:59:25,387 --> 00:59:26,867 Am I right so far, sir? 871 00:59:26,911 --> 00:59:28,434 Yes. 872 00:59:28,477 --> 00:59:30,218 All right. Well, let's just say there were three sacks 873 00:59:30,262 --> 00:59:32,960 because I happen to have three sacks here. 874 00:59:33,004 --> 00:59:36,224 And we'll make believe that this chocolate is the gold. 875 00:59:36,268 --> 00:59:39,576 And each real gold piece weighs one pound. 876 00:59:40,925 --> 00:59:44,537 But one of these sacks has the phony gold. 877 00:59:44,581 --> 00:59:48,628 And the phony gold weighs one pound and one ounce. 878 00:59:48,672 --> 00:59:50,456 Am I right up to here, sir? 879 00:59:50,499 --> 00:59:51,544 Satisfactory so far. 880 00:59:51,588 --> 00:59:53,067 Follow me, sir. 881 00:59:55,504 --> 00:59:57,419 We're going to the scale. Yes. 882 00:59:59,596 --> 01:00:02,294 And here's the scale. 883 01:00:02,337 --> 01:00:06,559 COLUMBO: Now, one bag, two bags, three bags. 884 01:00:06,603 --> 01:00:09,649 Now we take one piece from bag one. 885 01:00:09,693 --> 01:00:13,174 We take two pieces from bag two. 886 01:00:13,218 --> 01:00:16,308 We take three pieces from bag three. 887 01:00:16,351 --> 01:00:17,918 How many pieces is that, sir? 888 01:00:18,615 --> 01:00:20,051 Six. Six. 889 01:00:20,094 --> 01:00:21,922 So far so good. 890 01:00:21,966 --> 01:00:26,144 We take all six pieces. We put them on the scale. 891 01:00:26,187 --> 01:00:29,277 Now if that were a regular scale 892 01:00:29,321 --> 01:00:33,281 and if all six pieces were the real gold, it would weigh six pounds. 893 01:00:35,457 --> 01:00:39,636 But if the first bag had the phony pieces, 894 01:00:40,724 --> 01:00:44,597 it would weigh six pounds and one ounce 895 01:00:44,641 --> 01:00:48,253 because I only took one piece from the first bag. 896 01:00:50,124 --> 01:00:54,259 And if the second bag had the phony gold pieces 897 01:00:54,302 --> 01:00:57,697 it would weigh six pounds and two ounces 898 01:00:57,741 --> 01:01:00,700 because I took two pieces from the second bag. 899 01:01:00,744 --> 01:01:02,223 Bravo, Lieutenant. 900 01:01:02,267 --> 01:01:05,357 And if the third bag were the phony bag, 901 01:01:05,400 --> 01:01:09,622 it would weigh six pounds and three ounces and so on and so on and so on. 902 01:01:09,666 --> 01:01:11,319 Sir... 903 01:01:11,363 --> 01:01:13,234 It's a terrific puzzle. 904 01:01:13,278 --> 01:01:14,540 [THUNDER CLAPPING] 905 01:01:45,702 --> 01:01:47,529 Must be fun playing with these trains. 906 01:01:47,573 --> 01:01:49,662 It'd be terrific if we just had the time, right, sir? 907 01:01:49,706 --> 01:01:51,664 Yes, it would be nice. 908 01:01:53,100 --> 01:01:55,189 You know, sir, it's a funny thing. 909 01:01:56,756 --> 01:02:00,368 All my life I kept running into smart people. 910 01:02:00,412 --> 01:02:03,415 I don't just mean smart like you and the people in this house. 911 01:02:04,459 --> 01:02:05,678 You know what I mean. 912 01:02:08,072 --> 01:02:11,379 In school there were lots of smarter kids. 913 01:02:11,423 --> 01:02:14,556 And when I first joined the force, sir, 914 01:02:14,600 --> 01:02:19,387 they had some very clever people there. 915 01:02:19,431 --> 01:02:21,738 And I could tell right away that it wasn't gonna be easy 916 01:02:21,781 --> 01:02:23,652 making detective as long as they were around. 917 01:02:25,654 --> 01:02:27,004 But I figured that 918 01:02:28,440 --> 01:02:30,355 if I worked harder than they did, 919 01:02:31,312 --> 01:02:32,923 and put in more time, 920 01:02:34,402 --> 01:02:37,449 read the books, 921 01:02:37,492 --> 01:02:41,409 kept my eyes open, maybe I could make it happen. 922 01:02:42,628 --> 01:02:43,629 And I did. 923 01:02:48,982 --> 01:02:52,029 And I really love my work, sir. 924 01:02:52,072 --> 01:02:52,986 I can tell you do. 925 01:02:54,640 --> 01:02:56,773 If there's one thing I've learned, Lieutenant, 926 01:02:56,816 --> 01:02:59,210 it's that we all have a cross to bear. 927 01:02:59,253 --> 01:03:03,301 Including those of us who seem most fortunate. 928 01:03:04,606 --> 01:03:07,131 My problem is just the opposite. 929 01:03:08,654 --> 01:03:12,049 Born smart, as they say. 930 01:03:13,137 --> 01:03:15,139 A blessing, you'd think. 931 01:03:15,182 --> 01:03:19,012 I had no real childhood. I was an imitation adult. 932 01:03:19,056 --> 01:03:21,710 'Cause that's what was expected of me. 933 01:03:21,754 --> 01:03:24,365 Most people don't like smart people. 934 01:03:24,409 --> 01:03:27,020 Most children despise smart children. 935 01:03:27,064 --> 01:03:31,068 So, early on, I had to hide my so-called gift, 936 01:03:31,111 --> 01:03:34,680 conceal it from my own brothers and sisters, my classmates, in the service. 937 01:03:36,464 --> 01:03:39,250 Painful, lonely years. 938 01:03:41,252 --> 01:03:43,341 You know, sir, I never thought of that. 939 01:03:43,384 --> 01:03:47,040 I wonder if all those early bitter memories 940 01:03:47,084 --> 01:03:49,347 had something to do with my recent discovery 941 01:03:49,390 --> 01:03:51,392 that I simply no longer care 942 01:03:51,436 --> 01:03:55,266 even for my fellow intelligentsia in this club. 943 01:03:56,484 --> 01:03:58,747 I find them eccentric bores. 944 01:04:04,057 --> 01:04:06,625 Mr. Brandt, now I've got a puzzle for you. 945 01:04:08,409 --> 01:04:11,238 Man "A" wants to kill Man "B." 946 01:04:13,371 --> 01:04:15,112 What am I told? 947 01:04:15,155 --> 01:04:17,505 It's kind of a minimum information problem, sir. 948 01:04:17,549 --> 01:04:19,856 The men are in a room, sir. Say this room. 949 01:04:19,899 --> 01:04:22,380 Lots of people downstairs. 950 01:04:22,423 --> 01:04:25,644 And Man "A," the killer, he plans to use a gun. 951 01:04:25,687 --> 01:04:26,775 Then the shot would be heard. 952 01:04:26,819 --> 01:04:28,429 Not with a silencer, sir. 953 01:04:28,473 --> 01:04:30,388 He also would have to get rid of the gun. 954 01:04:43,096 --> 01:04:44,750 He would have to hide the gun. 955 01:04:45,838 --> 01:04:48,188 So the killer brings an umbrella with him. 956 01:04:49,929 --> 01:04:52,453 May I see your umbrella, sir? 957 01:04:52,497 --> 01:04:54,412 An umbrella to conceal a gun? 958 01:04:56,370 --> 01:04:59,591 Audacious and foolhardy, I would say. 959 01:04:59,634 --> 01:05:03,377 But you may test your theory, if you wish. 960 01:05:03,421 --> 01:05:05,771 Oh, I don't have a gun, sir. Never carry one. 961 01:05:07,120 --> 01:05:08,817 The killer has a gun. 962 01:05:08,861 --> 01:05:11,429 With a silencer. So you said. 963 01:05:11,472 --> 01:05:14,693 You see, sir, the killer plans to put the gun in the umbrella 964 01:05:14,736 --> 01:05:17,739 and then hide the umbrella in the fireplace 965 01:05:17,783 --> 01:05:20,351 and take it away some other time. 966 01:05:20,394 --> 01:05:23,528 Ah! But then there would be soot on the umbrella. 967 01:05:23,571 --> 01:05:27,358 You are absolutely right, sir. There would be soot. 968 01:05:27,401 --> 01:05:30,143 Now, there is a second use for the umbrella. 969 01:05:30,187 --> 01:05:32,319 You see these, sir. 970 01:05:32,363 --> 01:05:35,757 They're like loud firecrackers. We call them squibs. 971 01:05:35,801 --> 01:05:38,673 Now the killer plans to fake some shots 972 01:05:38,717 --> 01:05:40,762 because the victim is already dead. 973 01:05:40,806 --> 01:05:44,766 I suggest that the squibs would leave bits of paper when they explode. 974 01:05:45,637 --> 01:05:47,204 Telltale evidence. 975 01:05:47,247 --> 01:05:48,857 That's why, sir, 976 01:05:48,901 --> 01:05:51,730 the killer plans to catch the shreds in here. 977 01:05:53,471 --> 01:05:55,473 Most ingenious, Lieutenant. 978 01:05:55,516 --> 01:05:58,606 But wouldn't the squibs leave burns, scorch marks? 979 01:05:58,650 --> 01:06:01,740 Now, this umbrella, for instance, is quite unmarked. 980 01:06:01,783 --> 01:06:05,439 You are absolutely right, sir. But suppose this were the killer's other umbrella. 981 01:06:06,701 --> 01:06:09,226 Oh, I forgot to tell you, sir. 982 01:06:09,269 --> 01:06:12,533 Last night when I was at your house, I took the wrong umbrella. 983 01:06:14,753 --> 01:06:17,234 Excuse me, sir. Just one moment. 984 01:06:22,891 --> 01:06:25,851 I took yours. It was an honest mistake, sir. 985 01:06:25,894 --> 01:06:28,462 And we're not allowed to get evidence that way. 986 01:06:28,506 --> 01:06:30,160 But as long as I had it, 987 01:06:31,683 --> 01:06:35,295 the lab found burns from the squibs. 988 01:06:35,339 --> 01:06:36,644 And lots of soot, sir. 989 01:06:36,688 --> 01:06:37,994 I see. 990 01:06:38,037 --> 01:06:40,300 Now, tell me this, Lieutenant. 991 01:06:40,344 --> 01:06:41,910 How were the squibs detonated? 992 01:06:41,954 --> 01:06:46,002 The killer is a very intelligent man, sir. 993 01:06:46,045 --> 01:06:49,875 Watch. I put the squibs in the umbrella and the gun. 994 01:06:52,965 --> 01:06:55,315 We'll pretend that this is the gun. 995 01:06:56,838 --> 01:06:58,362 Now, the killer 996 01:06:59,972 --> 01:07:04,020 wedges the umbrella up the chimney. 997 01:07:04,063 --> 01:07:05,847 You can't be serious. 998 01:07:05,891 --> 01:07:09,373 Oh, I am, sir. I am. Absolutely serious. 999 01:07:11,549 --> 01:07:14,987 Now, we'll just pretend that this umbrella is up the chimney. 1000 01:07:18,947 --> 01:07:21,689 Now, these wires, sir. 1001 01:07:21,733 --> 01:07:24,475 They're attached to a battery 1002 01:07:24,518 --> 01:07:27,869 and the same kind of squibs. 1003 01:07:27,913 --> 01:07:30,220 Now, we'll just put these in the umbrella. 1004 01:07:32,744 --> 01:07:35,051 And we'll run this wire, sir, 1005 01:07:35,094 --> 01:07:36,530 right over here to the Victrola. 1006 01:07:40,491 --> 01:07:41,840 We push the play button. 1007 01:07:44,712 --> 01:07:47,933 And we attach the wires here 1008 01:07:49,717 --> 01:07:52,677 and here, where I showed you those scratches. 1009 01:07:52,720 --> 01:07:54,070 Preposterous nonsense. 1010 01:07:54,113 --> 01:07:56,681 Now the killer knows when the record will end. 1011 01:07:56,724 --> 01:07:58,639 Yes, yes, you've demonstrated all that. 1012 01:07:58,683 --> 01:08:02,295 And when the arm comes over it will make contact. 1013 01:08:02,339 --> 01:08:04,776 First here exploding one squib 1014 01:08:04,819 --> 01:08:08,388 and then here exploding the second. 1015 01:08:08,432 --> 01:08:10,738 But the body fell between the two shots. 1016 01:08:10,782 --> 01:08:14,438 Yes, sir. That's where the killer has to take a very big chance. 1017 01:08:18,094 --> 01:08:20,922 The dictionary has a line here, dividing it in half. 1018 01:08:20,966 --> 01:08:23,751 So it can be balanced on the edge. 1019 01:08:23,795 --> 01:08:26,450 You see, sir? Like this. 1020 01:08:26,493 --> 01:08:27,973 Clever but too unpredictable. 1021 01:08:28,016 --> 01:08:29,757 Important for the illusion, sir. 1022 01:08:29,801 --> 01:08:31,281 The sound of the body falling. 1023 01:08:31,324 --> 01:08:33,283 You've got it. But impossible to time. 1024 01:08:33,326 --> 01:08:35,285 But this killer is very smart, sir. 1025 01:08:35,328 --> 01:08:37,809 Can he make the book fall between the two shots? Oh, yes, sir. 1026 01:08:37,852 --> 01:08:39,854 How? Triggered by what? I'll show you. 1027 01:08:39,898 --> 01:08:41,595 He would have to be a genius. 1028 01:08:41,639 --> 01:08:43,336 I think so too, sir. 1029 01:08:43,380 --> 01:08:46,383 Now I don't mean to imply that I thought of this all by myself. 1030 01:08:46,426 --> 01:08:49,864 I mean, some of the smartest people in the world are right here in this club, 1031 01:08:49,908 --> 01:08:51,997 and they helped me, sir. They helped me a lot. 1032 01:08:52,040 --> 01:08:54,391 [SCOFFING] They're dunces, the lot of them. 1033 01:08:54,434 --> 01:08:57,524 Mr. Danziger, the president of the club, you wouldn't call him a dunce. 1034 01:08:57,568 --> 01:08:58,873 Oh, wouldn't I? 1035 01:08:58,917 --> 01:09:02,138 Well, it was his idea. The book, the vibrations... 1036 01:09:02,181 --> 01:09:04,966 Vibrations? What are you talking about? 1037 01:09:05,010 --> 01:09:09,493 The first squib, sir. He really made it sound very simple. 1038 01:09:09,536 --> 01:09:12,800 When the squib goes off, it produces vibrations. 1039 01:09:12,844 --> 01:09:14,759 And that knocks the book down. 1040 01:09:14,802 --> 01:09:16,717 That Danziger is a genius! 1041 01:09:16,761 --> 01:09:19,459 Vibrations? That nitwit. 1042 01:09:19,503 --> 01:09:22,941 The man who conceived all this, you've made him out to be a bungling ass! 1043 01:09:22,984 --> 01:09:25,944 No! This is what he would've done. This. 1044 01:09:30,818 --> 01:09:32,124 [FIRECRACKER EXPLODING] 1045 01:09:33,169 --> 01:09:34,605 There! 1046 01:09:34,648 --> 01:09:35,867 [LAUGHING] 1047 01:09:37,390 --> 01:09:38,609 There! 1048 01:09:51,883 --> 01:09:53,014 Oh, my. 1049 01:09:56,453 --> 01:09:57,758 Oh, my. 1050 01:10:00,196 --> 01:10:01,719 [PHONE RINGING] 1051 01:10:06,637 --> 01:10:07,768 Lieutenant Columbo. 1052 01:10:09,205 --> 01:10:10,989 Oh, yes, Mrs. Brandt. He's right here. 1053 01:10:16,690 --> 01:10:17,648 For you, sir. 1054 01:10:20,085 --> 01:10:22,087 [RAIN PATTERING] 1055 01:10:22,130 --> 01:10:23,697 Yes? 1056 01:10:23,741 --> 01:10:25,569 I'm so sorry, darling. 1057 01:10:27,048 --> 01:10:30,400 Please come home. Come to bed. 1058 01:10:32,924 --> 01:10:35,535 I need you. 1059 01:10:35,579 --> 01:10:38,712 Alas, my dear, I shall not be needing you 1060 01:10:41,280 --> 01:10:42,412 anymore. 1061 01:10:45,458 --> 01:10:46,851 Was it the record player? 1062 01:10:48,156 --> 01:10:49,897 Yes, sir. 1063 01:10:49,941 --> 01:10:51,421 First it was the record player. 1064 01:10:52,683 --> 01:10:54,598 Why would anybody start it in the middle? 1065 01:10:58,950 --> 01:11:00,473 I should have changed the cuing. 1066 01:11:01,518 --> 01:11:03,128 Extraordinary. That bothered you? 1067 01:11:06,871 --> 01:11:09,090 Will you be taking me in? 1068 01:11:09,134 --> 01:11:11,919 No, sir. Someone will be along. 1069 01:11:11,963 --> 01:11:14,879 Lieutenant, what did you say your IQ was? 1070 01:11:14,922 --> 01:11:16,141 I really don't know, sir. 1071 01:11:16,184 --> 01:11:17,621 It must be very high. 1072 01:11:17,664 --> 01:11:18,883 My own is... 1073 01:11:21,581 --> 01:11:23,148 We have a test here. 1074 01:11:25,846 --> 01:11:27,239 Oh, here. 1075 01:11:27,283 --> 01:11:29,633 I'm really not very good at that sort of thing, sir. 1076 01:11:29,676 --> 01:11:31,983 You'll be surprised at yourself. 1077 01:11:33,854 --> 01:11:35,160 Remarkable. 1078 01:11:37,597 --> 01:11:40,687 We can go directly to the more difficult questions. 1079 01:11:40,731 --> 01:11:42,254 Ah, yes, here we are. 1080 01:11:42,298 --> 01:11:45,170 Lieutenant, I'm going to give you four words. 1081 01:11:45,213 --> 01:11:47,825 And you tell me which one does not belong. 1082 01:11:47,868 --> 01:11:51,481 Asphalt, uncle, delight, leave. 1083 01:11:52,569 --> 01:11:54,048 Which word doesn't belong? 1084 01:11:55,049 --> 01:11:59,532 Asphalt, uncle, delight, leave. 1085 01:11:59,576 --> 01:12:03,188 Well, let me see. We got Uncle Sam. 1086 01:12:04,015 --> 01:12:05,146 Dutch uncle. 1087 01:12:09,847 --> 01:12:11,327 Asphalt's the word, sir. 1088 01:12:11,370 --> 01:12:14,504 Because you can have Turkish delight, 1089 01:12:14,547 --> 01:12:18,856 French leave and Dutch uncle. All nationalities. 1090 01:12:18,899 --> 01:12:22,555 Lieutenant, have you ever considered a different line of work? 1091 01:12:22,599 --> 01:12:25,993 Me, sir? No. 1092 01:12:26,037 --> 01:12:29,997 Never. I couldn't do that. 1093 01:12:46,362 --> 01:12:48,189 ...crying for you 1094 01:12:49,974 --> 01:12:53,325 And as I sit here and sigh 1095 01:12:53,369 --> 01:12:57,590 Says I, "I can't believe it's true" 1096 01:12:57,634 --> 01:13:00,767 Boo-hoo, 1097 01:13:00,811 --> 01:13:05,032 I tell my mama on you 1098 01:13:05,076 --> 01:13:09,036 The little game that you played 1099 01:13:09,080 --> 01:13:12,779 Has made her baby oh so blue