1 00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:08,839 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:17,839 --> 00:00:19,839 Selina: Did you see that caption 3 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:22,239 underneath the photo of me from the Hennessy fundraiser? 4 00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:25,440 "Who's the real first lady?" Sexist bullshit. Can't get drawn into it. 5 00:00:25,519 --> 00:00:29,480 Comparing our clothing budgets and our stylists, like that's all we care about? 6 00:00:29,559 --> 00:00:32,920 And that Mark Rivera called me a diva in his column. 7 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,799 Stupid fucking midget. 8 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:38,240 Clearly he hasn't heard you sing. The guy's a dick. 9 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:39,880 Gary, did you find me a dog yet? 10 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:42,079 Yeah, I selected a few candidates. 11 00:00:42,159 --> 00:00:43,799 Or should I say canine-didates? 12 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:45,320 - ( laughs ) - Amy: No, you shouldn't say that. 13 00:00:45,399 --> 00:00:46,840 - Let me see. - What do you think of that? 14 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:51,679 A terrier? No way. A terrier is a diva dog. Forget it. 15 00:00:51,759 --> 00:00:55,000 I don't need a ball of yappy hair shitting its body weight every minutes. 16 00:00:55,079 --> 00:00:56,560 Do you want a cat? I can get you a cat. 17 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,679 No, no. I feel like a bad mom, you know? 18 00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:01,439 'Cause I never let Catherine get a dog when she was little. 19 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:04,040 This is a fresh start for us. It's parental ground zero. 20 00:01:05,159 --> 00:01:08,799 Oh, wow, look at this. 21 00:01:08,879 --> 00:01:11,079 - 20 years in D.C. Congratulations. - Thank you. 22 00:01:11,159 --> 00:01:12,719 I didn't think you guys would eat the pineapple. 23 00:01:12,799 --> 00:01:14,200 Listen, you're a dog person, right? 24 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:16,280 - What kind of dog do you have? - I have a real dog. 25 00:01:16,359 --> 00:01:18,560 Simon, black labrador. 26 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:20,680 Simon? What an unbelievable name. 27 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:24,000 - I guess he just looked like a Simon. - Go on, get the photo out, Mike. 28 00:01:24,079 --> 00:01:27,439 - I don't think we need to see it. - I'd love to see a photo. 29 00:01:27,519 --> 00:01:30,640 - Sure. - Let me see. Such a shiny coat, no? 30 00:01:30,719 --> 00:01:32,158 How do you get that coat so shiny, Mike? 31 00:01:32,239 --> 00:01:35,079 Keep him hydrated. Lots of water. You know? 32 00:01:35,158 --> 00:01:37,560 To drink or applied directly to the coat? 33 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:39,598 Leave my fake dog alone. 34 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:41,400 You know, I was just thinking, maybe we should get a rescue dog 35 00:01:41,479 --> 00:01:42,959 'cause it'll play great. 36 00:01:43,039 --> 00:01:46,280 As long as it's not one of those animals with three legs and a wheel. 37 00:01:46,359 --> 00:01:48,680 - Yeah. - Four legs good, three legs bad. 38 00:01:48,759 --> 00:01:51,719 - I got it. - Whassup, as they say in the late 90's? 39 00:01:51,799 --> 00:01:54,479 Hey, Jonah. Did the President cancel the Chinese premier 40 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:56,560 - to come to my 20th party? - No, ma'am. 41 00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:58,039 Although I'm sure he wouldn't miss it for the world 42 00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:00,400 if it weren't for the fact that he runs the world. 43 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:01,879 ( mock laugh ) 44 00:02:01,959 --> 00:02:04,640 I'm sure his absence has nothing to do with your rift with the first lady. 45 00:02:04,719 --> 00:02:07,879 What? There is no rift. 46 00:02:07,959 --> 00:02:09,560 It was one tiny, little disagreement 47 00:02:09,639 --> 00:02:12,000 and everyone's making it out like we had a catfight 48 00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:14,520 - in the map room or something. - She'd be a rough fighter, though. 49 00:02:14,599 --> 00:02:16,400 She's got big shoulders. Those aren't pads. 50 00:02:16,478 --> 00:02:18,960 Ma'am, potus also wanted to know when you would be announcing 51 00:02:19,039 --> 00:02:21,240 the oil guy that's gonna be going on the clean jobs task force. 52 00:02:21,319 --> 00:02:24,360 - This bozo Mike's on it. - So today? Tomorrow? 53 00:02:24,439 --> 00:02:26,719 - Blink if you understand me, Mike.... - Ha ha. 54 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:29,120 And as regards to the rift rumors, I'll keep my ear to the ground for you. 55 00:02:29,199 --> 00:02:31,400 Be careful your ears don't pop on the way down. 56 00:02:31,478 --> 00:02:34,319 Okay, can everybody come in here, please? Come on. 57 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:37,478 Right, we're gonna have to shut down this story about me and the first lady. 58 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:39,400 I mean, it means we're gonna have to undiva my party. 59 00:02:39,478 --> 00:02:41,879 We're gonna have to lose those huge photos of me. 60 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:43,599 - No, I like those. - I know, they're great photos. 61 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:45,478 - But there's no way we can have them. - It's a good idea. 62 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:48,280 - We don't want you to look like... - Stalin. 63 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:51,120 - I was gonna say Eva Peron. - Yeah, I prefer that comparison. 64 00:02:51,199 --> 00:02:53,879 Less of a mustache. And you know what, actually? She was kind of chic. 65 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,759 - Gorgeous. - Mm-hmm. Looks like Madonna. 66 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:58,159 Yeah. 67 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:00,439 Mike, have you announced Chuck yet? 68 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:02,199 - I'm still working on it, Amy. - Come on. 69 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:05,400 - This is not the Hoover dam. - Yeah, it is... Filled with shit. 70 00:03:05,479 --> 00:03:07,120 And when we announce Chuck Furnham, an ex-oil guy, 71 00:03:07,199 --> 00:03:08,599 on the clean jobs task force, 72 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:10,800 do you know what happens with all that shit, Amy? 73 00:03:10,879 --> 00:03:14,319 Does it get used in a clumsy and unpleasant analogy by you? 74 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:17,000 Look, Amy, oil already hates me 'cause we're closing their tax loopholes 75 00:03:17,079 --> 00:03:19,719 and making them pay for cleanup, so now I'm eating everyone's shit. 76 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,000 I'm like the last guy in a human centipede with this. 77 00:03:22,079 --> 00:03:23,478 And there it is. 78 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:25,879 We just got to put one guy on clean jobs. 79 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:27,560 Chuck's oily, but he's not evil oily. 80 00:03:27,639 --> 00:03:30,960 - He's ex-oil. - Yeah, you put it out today. 81 00:03:31,039 --> 00:03:33,319 Today? Half of D.C. is at Senator Reeves' dedication ceremony. 82 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:35,240 Well, then you put it out there. 83 00:03:35,319 --> 00:03:37,159 I thought it might be disrespectful, but you're right. 84 00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:40,079 He was rapey Reeves. When was that guy ever respectful? 85 00:03:41,199 --> 00:03:43,840 Okay, your daughter gets here in two hours. 86 00:03:43,918 --> 00:03:45,759 God, today feels like the perfect storm, doesn't it? 87 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:48,719 - Yeah, hurricane Selina. - Yeah. 88 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:51,400 Uh oh, wait a minute. Does that exist, hurricane Selina? 89 00:03:51,478 --> 00:03:53,639 - I don't... - Can we run a check on that? 90 00:03:53,719 --> 00:03:55,159 I'm binging it. 91 00:03:56,759 --> 00:03:59,319 Too full. Dan and Jonah out, please. 92 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:01,680 And just so you know, this is also what would happen if we were in a lifeboat. 93 00:04:01,759 --> 00:04:03,479 You're not gonna believe this. 94 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,400 Selina is on next year's list of hurricanes. 95 00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:08,719 Oh, shit! What if it hits and we get headlines 96 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:11,400 saying "Selina causing large-scale devastation"? 97 00:04:11,478 --> 00:04:13,800 People won't equate you with a natural disaster, ma'am. 98 00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:15,840 Really, Amy? 'Cause I've met some people, okay? 99 00:04:15,919 --> 00:04:19,079 Real people, and I've got to tell you, a lot of them are fucking idiots. 100 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:24,519 ( sirens blaring ) 101 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:28,040 Oh, my God. Do you see this? The Senator Reeves Recreation Center. 102 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:30,279 Did you know old grandpa fumblepants couldn't even swim? 103 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:34,319 Mm-mmm. He would just hang out in the shallow end and stare. 104 00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:36,480 - ( laughs ) You know what his favorite stroke was? 105 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:38,519 - Was it dick stroke? - It was dick stroke. 106 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:40,439 - ( both laughing ) - Widow, widow, widow. 107 00:04:40,519 --> 00:04:43,360 - He was such a wonderful man. - Thank you so much, Selina. 108 00:04:43,439 --> 00:04:47,079 Look at him here. He is so happy. 109 00:04:47,159 --> 00:04:49,560 I'm sorry about your feud with the first lady. 110 00:04:49,639 --> 00:04:51,319 Oh, you know... 111 00:04:51,399 --> 00:04:53,240 Is it true that she stole your stylist? 112 00:04:53,319 --> 00:04:54,720 No. You know, the newspapers just make... 113 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:57,959 Sorry, ma'am. This is the President calling. It just can't wait. 114 00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:00,120 - I have to take this. Excuse me. - Go ahead. 115 00:05:00,199 --> 00:05:02,800 Hello? Yes. Hi, Mr. President. 116 00:05:02,879 --> 00:05:04,439 F.Y.I., ma'am, the President is not calling. 117 00:05:04,519 --> 00:05:06,680 - F.Y.I., Gary, no shit. - Okay. 118 00:05:10,439 --> 00:05:13,399 - Is Chuck announced yet? - I'm waiting for the perfect time. 119 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,959 You are like a... 120 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:20,360 Earlobe... you're just there, just wobbling. Doyle is right there. 121 00:05:20,439 --> 00:05:22,120 - I know. - Do it now. 122 00:05:22,199 --> 00:05:23,800 - Senator Doyle. - Stop. 123 00:05:23,879 --> 00:05:26,360 - Mike wanted a word, if you don't mind. - Mike McClintock. 124 00:05:26,439 --> 00:05:28,360 - You are well? - Yes, sir. Very good, sir. 125 00:05:28,439 --> 00:05:30,680 Holy shit. These mushrooms are amazing. 126 00:05:30,759 --> 00:05:33,159 - What is it, Mike? - Must be ricotta or something in there. 127 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:35,040 - That's funny. - Yeah. 128 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:37,839 - Goody, I love humor. - Yeah. I have a hypothetical for you. 129 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:42,159 What would you say if we announced Chuck Furnham to the clean jobs task force? 130 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:43,800 - Furnham? - Yeah, Chuck. 131 00:05:43,879 --> 00:05:46,439 Well, that would be a betrayal from the veep. 132 00:05:46,519 --> 00:05:48,839 Not necessarily. 133 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:50,600 So I imagine that I would mix ape shit with bat shit, 134 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:54,120 raise it to a whole new level of fury, then I'd probably rip your face off 135 00:05:54,199 --> 00:05:57,159 and use your eye sockets as a sex toy. 136 00:05:57,240 --> 00:06:00,480 It's just a hypothetical like yours. 137 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,680 Chuck would just be token oil. Oil would think he's their trojan horse, 138 00:06:03,759 --> 00:06:05,199 he'd be a hollow horse. 139 00:06:05,279 --> 00:06:07,120 Not a hollow horse. That's a trojan horse. 140 00:06:07,199 --> 00:06:09,360 He'd be a hollow trojan horse, sir. 141 00:06:09,439 --> 00:06:11,759 I was promised no one from oil. 142 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:14,759 - He's not oil. He retired a year ago. - Yeah, from oil. 143 00:06:14,839 --> 00:06:17,360 Now I fucking want to speak to the Vice President. 144 00:06:17,439 --> 00:06:19,759 Hurricane forecast is looking good, 145 00:06:19,839 --> 00:06:21,680 and your daughter's just arrived at the office. 146 00:06:21,759 --> 00:06:24,279 - Great, that's our cue. - Hallowes, hurricane Hallowes. 147 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:27,439 - Hi. Hello. - Barbara. Hello. 148 00:06:27,519 --> 00:06:29,399 I am so sorry, Senator Hallowes. 149 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:31,199 - The President is calling. - Oh dear. I'm sorry. 150 00:06:31,279 --> 00:06:32,680 Excuse me just for one second. 151 00:06:32,759 --> 00:06:34,480 Listen, while you take your fake phone call, 152 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:35,959 is it okay if I steal Dan for a second? 153 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:37,680 Or should I say steal Dan back? 154 00:06:37,759 --> 00:06:39,439 Could you hold on just one second? 155 00:06:39,519 --> 00:06:41,360 You know what? Actually, this phone call is not fake. 156 00:06:41,439 --> 00:06:44,399 And Dan is his own man. He can go wherever he wants. 157 00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:46,159 I'm sorry to keep you holding, Mr. President. 158 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,879 You know who's a fucking diva? 159 00:06:47,959 --> 00:06:49,240 - That's a fucking diva. - That one. 160 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:52,839 - So how's college? - It's good. 161 00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:55,600 You know, except for the whole secret service detail, I think I'm actually... 162 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:57,399 - Office of the Vice President. - ...Starting to blend in. 163 00:06:57,480 --> 00:06:59,759 No, at lunchtime she eats lunch. 164 00:06:59,839 --> 00:07:03,079 Good-bye. Have you chosen a new dog yet? 165 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,759 What dog? 166 00:07:04,839 --> 00:07:08,040 Your mom is getting a dog. Apologies if that was a secret. 167 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:09,839 - ( phone rings ) - Office of the Vice President. 168 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:13,639 You dumped my daughter by text and didn't even apologize. 169 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:17,160 No, I did. I signed off with colon open brackets. 170 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:20,720 Is Selina really trying to appease the oil lobby with Chuck Furnham? 171 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:22,560 I suppose Chuck could be viewed as a gesture. 172 00:07:22,639 --> 00:07:24,519 Chuck is a gesture all right. 173 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:26,680 Do you know what these oil wise guys call him? 174 00:07:26,759 --> 00:07:29,439 They call him "who the fuck is Chuck Furnham?" 175 00:07:29,519 --> 00:07:31,720 Chuck Furnham's at 12:15. Now he's at 12:00. Now he's here. 176 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:34,920 - Madam Vice President. - Chuck! How are you? 177 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:37,279 I was promised movement on the clean jobs. 178 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:42,319 Yes. Between us, we might possibly make your announcement today. 179 00:07:42,399 --> 00:07:44,079 - Yes. Yes. - Yes. Right. 180 00:07:44,159 --> 00:07:46,360 - Fantastic. - Oh, my. 181 00:07:46,439 --> 00:07:48,040 - Thank you, ma'am. - And, you know, 182 00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:49,600 I've been thinking ever since I saw them, 183 00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:52,399 - your grandchildren, Marion and... - Richard. 184 00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:56,040 Yes, Richard. And I have some vice presidential M&Ms 185 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:57,639 that I would love for them to have. 186 00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:59,759 You see the seal right there? Except we'll need another one 187 00:07:59,839 --> 00:08:01,800 because there are two grandchildren. 188 00:08:01,879 --> 00:08:03,560 - I'm out. - You're out? 189 00:08:03,639 --> 00:08:05,480 Well, that's a shame. 190 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,800 I don't know how that happened. Okay. 191 00:08:07,879 --> 00:08:09,800 - Thank you so much. - You're so welcome. 192 00:08:09,879 --> 00:08:13,240 Wake up, Dan. This is oil. You nominate Chuck Furnham, 193 00:08:13,319 --> 00:08:15,959 and these guys will fucking take his head off with a shovel. 194 00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:17,439 Selina needs to find somebody else. 195 00:08:17,519 --> 00:08:20,319 - I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. - Carol Hallowes, hi. 196 00:08:20,399 --> 00:08:23,879 Oh, Mrs. Reeves, I am so sorry for your loss. 197 00:08:23,959 --> 00:08:28,079 Your husband was a massive player. Politically speaking, of course. 198 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:29,879 - I'm Jonah. - ( crying ) 199 00:08:29,959 --> 00:08:32,720 - I work at the White House. - Are you okay, ma'am? 200 00:08:32,799 --> 00:08:34,558 I'm sorry. I didn't even realize. Are you okay? 201 00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:36,360 Could you please get me a glass of water? 202 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:39,279 You know what? There aren't any waiters, at least that I've seen. 203 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:42,159 Jonah, would you please get her a glass of water? 204 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:44,120 Absolutely. Of course. Of course. 205 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:45,960 I guess all those tears must be dehydrating. 206 00:08:46,039 --> 00:08:49,279 - I don't think it works like that. - I'll just get the water, okay? 207 00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:52,080 Cock-blocking widow. 208 00:08:52,159 --> 00:08:53,799 Senator Doyle went "black swan" over Chuck. 209 00:08:53,879 --> 00:08:55,480 He says we promised him no oil. 210 00:08:55,559 --> 00:08:58,440 I implied to Chuck that we would announce today. 211 00:08:58,519 --> 00:09:00,759 Shit. Is he senile enough to forget? 212 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,240 Hey! How was Hallowes? 213 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,759 - "Dan, hi. I hate Chuck Furnham." - Wait, what? 214 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:06,759 Yeah, she's predicting all kinds of backlash from oil. 215 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:08,879 How could oil not like Chuck Furnham? 216 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:11,039 He's not oily enough.... 217 00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:13,360 Unconnected. For all the reasons that we loved him, they hate him. 218 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:18,080 Okay, so now we have two catch-22 situations simultaneously. 219 00:09:18,159 --> 00:09:19,759 Is there even a name for that? 220 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:21,399 - How about catch-44? - Gary. 221 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:23,919 Okay, I'm gonna run it by an oil lobbyist. 222 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:26,240 - Sidney Purcell is right there. - Oh, good. Do that, Amy. 223 00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:28,000 - Go. - Okay. 224 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:31,039 Well, most of the party photos need to be removed. 225 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:32,639 I don't know. Use your instincts 226 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:35,720 and your eyes, then your hands and arms. Thank you. 227 00:09:35,799 --> 00:09:39,480 It's really nice that my mom's getting a new dog. I always wanted a dog. 228 00:09:39,559 --> 00:09:42,759 - Catherine, you want some more coffee? - No, I'm still drinking this one. 229 00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:44,440 You know, you don't have to entertain me. 230 00:09:44,519 --> 00:09:47,519 - I'm cool with my own thoughts. - Thank God. 'Cause I'm getting emails 231 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:50,600 - like every other heartbeat. - Yeah. 232 00:09:50,679 --> 00:09:52,960 - Hi, Sidney. How are you? - Good. 233 00:09:53,039 --> 00:09:56,440 - You know, full of free shrimp. - Here's the thing...clean jobs. 234 00:09:56,519 --> 00:09:59,799 Clean jobs, yeah. What's going on there? You guys got a name yet? 235 00:09:59,879 --> 00:10:03,360 You too afraid of wrecking the earth's resources to print up a press release? 236 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:05,279 I was actually gonna run a name by you. 237 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:08,919 Don't say Chuck Furnham. Do not say Chuck Furnham. 238 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:12,240 If you say Chuck Furnham, I will go into anaphylactic fucking shock. 239 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,360 - I'm saying Chuck Furnham. - Fucking hell! 240 00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:16,480 Are you kidding me? Chuck Furnham? That's fucking official? 241 00:10:16,559 --> 00:10:18,960 - Chuck is oil. - No. No, no, hey. I'm sorry, no. 242 00:10:19,039 --> 00:10:21,879 He's not oil. He's a fucking fossil, but he's not oil. 243 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:23,960 We need somebody who is plugged in. 244 00:10:24,039 --> 00:10:27,360 The only thing that Chuck is plugged into is his fucking piss bag. 245 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:29,240 - Your comments are noted. - Good. 246 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:31,480 - I love being noted. - Thank you. 247 00:10:31,559 --> 00:10:33,159 - He said fuck Chuck. - God. 248 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:35,639 Okay, Chuck is dead and we're gonna just have to keep him quiet 249 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:38,080 because this whole place is swarming with bored reporters 250 00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:39,679 who are on pervert memorial duty. 251 00:10:39,759 --> 00:10:43,320 So your job, Mike, is to keep him in your sight 252 00:10:43,399 --> 00:10:45,679 - until we find a replacement. - Okay, where'd he go? 253 00:10:45,759 --> 00:10:47,679 - He must be in the bathroom. - That prostate of his. 254 00:10:47,759 --> 00:10:50,039 - Get in there, Mike. Go. -This in no way will be demeaning. 255 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,960 Just pretend you're picking him up, you know, and he's blind. 256 00:10:53,039 --> 00:10:54,639 Mayday at 10:00. Senator Doyle is approaching. 257 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:56,320 Sidney Purcell, too, 5:00. 258 00:10:56,399 --> 00:10:58,639 Hallowes is in quadrant three right behind you, right behind you. 259 00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:01,120 - We've got to get out of here. - Widow walk. People don't shout at you 260 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:02,879 when you're standing next to the dead man's grieving widow. 261 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:05,039 - That's very good. - Mrs. Reeves. 262 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:06,519 Dan Egan, I'm with the Vice President. 263 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,480 I just wanted to tell you how much I thought of your husband. 264 00:11:08,559 --> 00:11:11,279 Well, thank you. What a handsome young man. 265 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:12,759 - Quite the wilf yourself. - You're back. 266 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:14,639 Yes, I'm back. Unfortunately we're just about to leave. 267 00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:18,159 But if you could perhaps walk the Vice President out to her car... 268 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:21,120 Delightful. It will give us a chance for some juicy gossip. 269 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:22,840 - Okay. - Now is it true 270 00:11:22,919 --> 00:11:26,759 that the first lady calls you creepy veepy? 271 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:29,840 - I'm very excited about it. Good-bye. - ( door opens ) 272 00:11:29,919 --> 00:11:31,559 Mike: What are you excited about, Chuck? 273 00:11:31,639 --> 00:11:33,240 Are you the new face of Louis Vuitton? 274 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,720 Have you been telling people about your appointment to clean jobs? 275 00:11:35,799 --> 00:11:39,360 What's the problem? The Vice President told me it's as good as announced. 276 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:41,559 As good as announced is not announced. 277 00:11:41,639 --> 00:11:45,159 You are as good as dead, but you're not actually dead... Not yet. 278 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:47,759 - ( sirens blaring ) - Okay, Doyle and the party 279 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:51,320 hate me because of Chuck and oil hates me because of Chuck. 280 00:11:51,399 --> 00:11:52,840 First lady hates you just because you're prettier. 281 00:11:52,919 --> 00:11:54,840 Yeah, that's not what we're talking about right now, okay? 282 00:11:54,919 --> 00:11:56,759 - ( mouths ) Thank you. - ( mouths ) You're welcome. 283 00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:59,559 I need time. Do I have time? Get me more time. 284 00:11:59,639 --> 00:12:01,159 You're supposed to be having lunch with Catherine. 285 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:04,279 - Shit! Gary, call Sue. - What do you want me to tell her? 286 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:06,840 Tell her that I'm canceling the lunch that was supposed to prove 287 00:12:06,919 --> 00:12:08,360 there's nothing more important than Catherine 288 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:11,000 because something more important than Catherine has come up. 289 00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:13,080 - Hi, Sue. - That's okay, Gary. I got all that. 290 00:12:13,159 --> 00:12:15,840 - Okay. - Your mom should be here momentarily. 291 00:12:22,559 --> 00:12:25,480 - Oh, she's... - Oh, there's my girl! 292 00:12:25,559 --> 00:12:28,000 - My college girl. - Hi, mother. 293 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:30,840 Hi, darling. I'm sorry to keep you waiting, baby. 294 00:12:30,919 --> 00:12:33,399 - I'm sorry. - It's okay. I was bonding with Sue. 295 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:36,679 Oh, good. Oh, Sue, did the President call? 296 00:12:36,759 --> 00:12:39,879 - No. - No. 297 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:43,919 Okay. Well, come. Step into my crib. We can hang. 298 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,679 ( laughs ) 299 00:12:45,759 --> 00:12:48,639 You guys ditched me at a pervert's memorial. That's some cold shit. 300 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:50,919 - Catherine, hey. - Hey, buddy. 301 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:54,200 We need to talk. So I have to have a little meeting 302 00:12:54,279 --> 00:12:57,639 to find out what the F-word is going on around here. 303 00:12:57,720 --> 00:12:59,879 - Okay. - We'll do this quick. That's right. 304 00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:01,360 Dan, why don't you look after Catherine 305 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:03,759 while we attend to this urgent policy matter? 306 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:05,879 Dan, you've never met Catherine. Have you met Catherine? 307 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:07,879 - No. - No, you haven't. Come here. Come here. 308 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:11,480 Come, come. Catherine, this is Dan. 309 00:13:11,559 --> 00:13:13,279 - Hi. - He works in yo mama's office. 310 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:14,759 - Hi. - Hi. 311 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:19,480 So why don't you tell Dan about the... you know, the... 312 00:13:19,559 --> 00:13:23,759 Experimental theater course? 313 00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:27,360 Ah... Sure. Yeah. You can talk to him about that. 314 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,360 You can talk about anything. 315 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:31,159 - Anything. - Anything. 316 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:34,399 Talk, talk, talk. 317 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,559 Now that we have the permission to talk about anything... 318 00:13:37,639 --> 00:13:42,279 Have you ever read Faulkner before? 319 00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:45,600 A little bit. 320 00:13:45,679 --> 00:13:49,879 Chuck Furnham leaked. Now what are our options, Mike? 321 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,720 Look, I don't know, okay? It's like a fucking Rubik's cube. 322 00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:55,279 - I mean, it's impossible at this point. - What, Mike? 323 00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:57,279 A Rubik's cube is not impossible to solve. 324 00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,759 I saw a Chinese kid do it in like 10 seconds. 325 00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:01,399 10 seconds, Mike. 326 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:03,320 Let me just have a deep think, okay? I need some me time. 327 00:14:03,399 --> 00:14:05,639 Just let me get deep. 328 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,840 He's not wrong. We are in a tight corner. 329 00:14:07,919 --> 00:14:10,480 - That's the nature of the job, I guess. - I'm not complaining. 330 00:14:10,559 --> 00:14:12,360 I am glad to be off dogs and hurricanes 331 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,159 and back in a good old Washington shit storm. 332 00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:17,039 Speaking of dogs, what's happening in that department? 333 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:19,600 - I'm on it. - Okay. 334 00:14:19,679 --> 00:14:22,399 Have you reached a dog verdict yet? 335 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:24,759 Your mom said your decision is final. 336 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:27,200 - Yeah, this one. - ( laughs ) 337 00:14:27,279 --> 00:14:29,480 Yeah, it looks astonished. 338 00:14:29,559 --> 00:14:31,480 Like it's attached to jumper cables or something. 339 00:14:31,559 --> 00:14:33,840 - I think he's cute. - Okay, yeah. Yeah. 340 00:14:33,919 --> 00:14:36,679 Hey, guys. Honey, you've got to change. 341 00:14:36,759 --> 00:14:38,840 Or you're wearing that. Are you wearing that? 342 00:14:38,919 --> 00:14:42,600 - Yeah, I was planning on it, unless... - Great. Cool. Fantastic. 343 00:14:42,679 --> 00:14:44,799 Can we have just a quick second to chat? 344 00:14:44,879 --> 00:14:47,360 - Yes, sure. - Thank you. 345 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:48,840 I will get out. 346 00:14:48,919 --> 00:14:51,519 Amy, if I could just talk to you for a quick sec. 347 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,000 - Okay. - If I could. 348 00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:57,240 - Yeah. Not a problem. - Thank you, darling. 349 00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:59,080 What is that skirt? Is it a rug? 350 00:14:59,159 --> 00:15:01,399 No, I don't think so. I think they do that now. 351 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:03,879 - How is she? Is she good? - Well, you know, y-yeah. 352 00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:06,120 She's her normal self. 353 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:07,960 - Really great. - Oh, good. 354 00:15:08,039 --> 00:15:10,759 So do we have a plan to solve this Rubik's cube? 355 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,720 - I've been going over... - Here's an idea. 356 00:15:12,799 --> 00:15:16,639 We announce the dog. It's soft wash, breakfast news, but we tease it out. 357 00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:19,000 We say we're looking for a name. An ocean of ideas comes pouring in. 358 00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:22,279 Meantime, we're buying time to figure all the other shit out. 359 00:15:24,039 --> 00:15:26,000 That's kind of a great idea. 360 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:29,000 - Okay. - Amy: Did she choose a dog? 361 00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:33,039 - Woof. - You got to be fucking kidding me. 362 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:38,320 I hate these animals. This thing is... Unbelievably cute. 363 00:15:38,399 --> 00:15:39,960 Ma'am, Senator Doyle just arrived 364 00:15:40,039 --> 00:15:41,960 and he has a face like he's been stabbed in the groin. 365 00:15:42,039 --> 00:15:44,039 Okay. I can't talk to him 'cause I'm with my daughter. 366 00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:45,960 - Perhaps the widow walk? - The widow walk. 367 00:15:46,039 --> 00:15:48,039 - Madam Vice President. - You're the widow. 368 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:49,519 - Come, honey. - Why are you ignoring me, ma'am? 369 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:51,799 We're gonna just pretend... Darling, don't turn around. 370 00:15:51,879 --> 00:15:53,279 - I've been here. - Just keep your head towards me. 371 00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:56,519 Just pretend like you're talking seriously to me. 372 00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:58,559 - Mom, what's wrong with your face? - Nothing, darling. 373 00:15:58,639 --> 00:16:00,600 - I'm pretending to talk to you. - But we are talking. 374 00:16:00,679 --> 00:16:02,679 No, no, I mean, it's a pretend... 375 00:16:02,759 --> 00:16:06,159 ( sirens blaring ) 376 00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:07,759 I was given your word, ma'am, 377 00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:10,720 that nobody from oil was gonna be on the task force, 378 00:16:10,799 --> 00:16:13,240 and now I've got this Chuck bullshit. 379 00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:16,080 Andrew, this whole thing is so nuanced. 380 00:16:16,159 --> 00:16:19,440 And I have a ton of interests that I have to square... 381 00:16:19,519 --> 00:16:23,720 20 years ago, you had no power, but you had balls. 382 00:16:23,799 --> 00:16:26,039 - Now look at you. - Yeah, now look at me. 383 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:29,080 I have a dick and balls, okay? 384 00:16:29,159 --> 00:16:30,720 Can we not have this... 385 00:16:30,799 --> 00:16:33,600 No, please. Don't stop because of me. 386 00:16:33,679 --> 00:16:36,159 This is really interesting. 387 00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:37,919 ( sirens blaring ) 388 00:16:40,519 --> 00:16:42,159 Hi, I don't think we've had the chance to meet, 389 00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:43,720 but I'm thrilled that you're here. 390 00:16:43,799 --> 00:16:46,440 - Congrats on 20 years in D.C. - Madam Vice President. 391 00:16:46,519 --> 00:16:49,120 The Vice President has decided to adopt a rescue animal. 392 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:52,320 - What kind of animal? - It's a dog. 393 00:16:52,399 --> 00:16:55,799 - A dog? What, like your dog, Mike? - Thank you very much. 394 00:16:55,879 --> 00:16:58,399 Andrew Miller, program director at rainforest conservancy. 395 00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:01,440 - Plays the trumpet. - What important work you do. 396 00:17:01,519 --> 00:17:02,919 And that's not just the high notes. 397 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:05,839 - I have a recital coming up. - Okay. 398 00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:08,000 - You could have said, "don't blow it." - No, I'm not gonna say that. 399 00:17:08,079 --> 00:17:10,000 Look at Gary go. 400 00:17:10,079 --> 00:17:12,039 He's like a human teleprompter for small talk. 401 00:17:12,118 --> 00:17:14,960 - He calls this Gary-oke. - It's so weird. 402 00:17:15,039 --> 00:17:17,920 It's like he's the horse whisperer or something. 403 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,200 Not that I think your mother's a horse. 404 00:17:20,279 --> 00:17:21,920 Jim Wiseman, United Laminants and guest. 405 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,880 Wife, not his daughter. Wife, not daughter. 406 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:26,559 - Jim. - Madam vice President. Good to see you. 407 00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:29,000 Mom's smile is starting to crack. 408 00:17:29,079 --> 00:17:31,160 It's like her divorce face. 409 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,960 Oh, hey! I come from a broken home, too. 410 00:17:34,039 --> 00:17:37,200 I found that the turmoil made me more focused, 411 00:17:37,279 --> 00:17:39,640 more passionate, more determined to get the things I want. 412 00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:43,319 I'm Jonah, by the way. I work at the west wing of the White House. 413 00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:46,000 As opposed to what, the west wing of Graceland? 414 00:17:46,079 --> 00:17:48,160 - I can get you a tour if you'd like. - Yeah, I've seen it before. 415 00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:50,680 - ( phone rings ) - Jonah, west wing. 416 00:17:50,759 --> 00:17:52,160 So how'd the dog announcement go, buddy? 417 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:53,920 Like a bacon burka. 418 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,279 What does that mean...bacon burka? 419 00:17:56,359 --> 00:17:58,119 Nothing. Just if burkas were made of bacon... 420 00:17:58,200 --> 00:17:59,599 See, it's kind of an open secret in Washington 421 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:01,559 that Mike has an imaginary dog. 422 00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:03,799 - Why? - Gets him out of staying late for work. 423 00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:06,799 - We call it his bullshit-tzu. - That's kind of genius. 424 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,480 - Thanks, Todd. - Problem? Problem? 425 00:18:09,559 --> 00:18:11,680 Hey! 426 00:18:11,759 --> 00:18:14,480 Last two on the deck of the Titanic, huh? 427 00:18:14,559 --> 00:18:16,880 Yeah, I think I might jump. 428 00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:20,519 You know, I can see right through your shirt. Is it designed that way? 429 00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:22,440 Ma'am. We have an issue. 430 00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:24,839 The White House says that they would like 431 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:29,000 a, quote, "Sidney Purcell- type figure" involved on clean jobs. 432 00:18:29,079 --> 00:18:32,039 - The person. - What a fistful of fucks. 433 00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:34,880 You put Sidney Purcell on clean jobs, it's over. It's done. 434 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,079 - No one's gonna stomach that. - Well, what do you got? 435 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:38,720 I kind of want to call them out on their bluff. 436 00:18:38,799 --> 00:18:40,640 - I got something. - What... 437 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,640 Mr. Purcell. Hi, Dan Egan, vice President's office. 438 00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:44,640 - Hi, Dan. - The Vice President would love 439 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:46,519 to have you on the clean jobs task force, 440 00:18:46,599 --> 00:18:48,039 but we both know that would look fucking horrible. 441 00:18:48,119 --> 00:18:49,599 - Thank you. - So what we're proposing is this: 442 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:52,359 -Chuck will stay on. - Oh, really? Okay, so you came over 443 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:55,079 to tell me that you're disappointing the shit out of me. 444 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:56,920 I didn't know that. You should have led with that, buddy. 445 00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:00,200 But... you will have a private channel to the veep 446 00:19:00,279 --> 00:19:02,319 on all clean job-related issues. 447 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:05,279 You'll have more influence over policy than the fucking task force. 448 00:19:05,359 --> 00:19:08,039 - I'm gonna go talk to Catherine. - She just got a new roommate. 449 00:19:08,119 --> 00:19:10,799 I don't need factoids about my daughter, Gary. 450 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,000 Hi, honey. Look at you. You're standing all by yourself. 451 00:19:13,079 --> 00:19:16,079 I'm fine, mom. 452 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:18,160 Are you hungry, love? Do you want food? 453 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:22,039 - No. It's okay. I already ate. - Okay. 454 00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:23,640 Look here. They want to take a picture. 455 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:26,200 - God. - Let's do that. Put your drink down. 456 00:19:26,279 --> 00:19:28,039 - Mom, I really hate pictures. - No, honey, you're pretty. 457 00:19:28,119 --> 00:19:29,519 Just smile now. Smile. 458 00:19:29,599 --> 00:19:31,599 Catherine, I'm really serious. Smile, okay? 459 00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:33,400 - There you go. - ( camera clicks ) 460 00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:36,440 That's gonna be good. That's gonna be sweet. 461 00:19:39,319 --> 00:19:42,119 ( clears throat ) 462 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:44,839 I heard you have a new roommate. 463 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:46,640 Uh-Huh. Dilka. 464 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,119 - Dilk... - What? 465 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:49,839 - Dilka. - Dilka? 466 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:52,720 - I think her dad's Iranian. - Iranian? 467 00:19:52,799 --> 00:19:54,519 Ah, Senator. Just wanted to let you know 468 00:19:54,599 --> 00:19:56,960 that your noise about Chuck Furnham did the trick. 469 00:19:57,039 --> 00:19:58,759 - He's off. - Well, that is great. 470 00:19:58,839 --> 00:20:00,319 - Yeah. - How did that happen? 471 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,039 Well, oil was so pissed 472 00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:04,160 that we tried to put lightweight Chuck onto the task force 473 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:06,559 that they forced the President to go with somebody else... 474 00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:09,920 - Sidney Purcell. - Sweet hairy fuck. 475 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,799 I need to speak to the Vice President. 476 00:20:14,079 --> 00:20:16,039 That's great. Thank you so much. 477 00:20:16,119 --> 00:20:17,759 Hurricane Selina... they say they can change the name. 478 00:20:17,839 --> 00:20:21,519 Oh, you're kidding me. That is incredibly great news. 479 00:20:21,599 --> 00:20:23,079 You're changing the name of a hurricane? 480 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,920 Yeah. There was gonna be a hurricane Selina. 481 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:29,359 And that would have been a disaster for us. 482 00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:32,640 Yeah, naturally. It's amazing. You're trying to control the weather. 483 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:35,240 You are not fucking Thor, mom. 484 00:20:35,319 --> 00:20:36,960 I'm just gonna go do my homework. 485 00:20:37,039 --> 00:20:38,559 No, Catherine, listen. 486 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:41,359 It a much more complicated and nuanced situation. 487 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,839 No, it's really not. Don't you yes-men ever say no to her? 488 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,200 - Of course they do. - Yeah, we do. Yeah. 489 00:20:47,279 --> 00:20:48,680 - Exactly. - All right, you know what? 490 00:20:48,759 --> 00:20:50,559 You're a little bit out of control. Come with me. Yes. 491 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:52,880 - Out of control? - No, don't say ow. 492 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:56,279 You know that didn't hurt. Get in here. I need to talk to you for a second. 493 00:20:56,359 --> 00:20:58,640 Not everything is always about you. 494 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:02,880 I know that everything isn't always about me. I know that. 495 00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,119 You're changing the name of a hurricane, mom. 496 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:06,759 This is how it works. 497 00:21:06,839 --> 00:21:09,480 This is real life. This is complicated. 498 00:21:09,559 --> 00:21:11,279 - This is nuanced. You need experience. - Nuanced? 499 00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:14,880 Mom, stop talking to me like a fucking politician. 500 00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:16,359 I've been trying, Catherine. 501 00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:17,880 I've been trying to talk to you this whole day. 502 00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:19,839 - About what? - About everything. 503 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:22,519 I didn't even know that you had a new roommate. 504 00:21:22,599 --> 00:21:24,559 What's-his-ass had to tell me. 505 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,880 I know. Gary told you. All you have to do, mom, is ask. 506 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:29,720 - Seriously. - ( sighs ) 507 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,359 Okay. How about this? 508 00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:39,000 Listen. We are not gonna change the name of the hurricane. 509 00:21:39,079 --> 00:21:40,920 - Sure. - Thank you, mom. 510 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:42,400 I'm sorry I got so upset before. 511 00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:44,519 -Oh. Look at her apologizing. - Not a problem. 512 00:21:44,599 --> 00:21:46,839 - Isn't she good to apologize? - Madam Vice President. 513 00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:49,480 - We need to talk. - Okay. What can I do for you? 514 00:21:49,559 --> 00:21:53,880 Well, you need to put Chuck Furnham back on the task force. 515 00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:56,640 Wait, I'm confused, because now you're begging me 516 00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:58,880 to put back onto the task force 517 00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:02,839 the same person you were begging me to take off of the task force. 518 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:06,640 When you say it out loud, you know, it does sound... 519 00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:09,839 - Kind of idiotic. - Well, but it's not as idiotic 520 00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:11,839 as the current filibuster system. 521 00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:15,160 I can find a way to get Chuck Furnham on the task force for you, no problem. 522 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:16,640 - Super. - Super. 523 00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:18,160 - Thank you, ma'am. - You betcha. 524 00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:20,559 ( laughs ) How about that? 525 00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:24,960 Way to go, Dan. Catch-44, he caught it. Pow! I'm sorry. 526 00:22:25,039 --> 00:22:28,839 - Are you guys all good on clean jobs? - Chuck Furnham is on and what? 527 00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:33,119 And Sidney Purcell will stay on as an advisor in an unofficial capacity.... 528 00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:34,759 All right. Tick it. 529 00:22:34,839 --> 00:22:36,920 - We can pick up the dog tomorrow. - Oh, great! 530 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,680 - What are you guys talking about? - We're getting a dog. It's no big deal. 531 00:22:39,759 --> 00:22:43,319 - Why wasn't I told about this? - Why would you be told about that? 532 00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:46,319 The thing is, ma'am, Flotus is currently procuring a canine for herself. 533 00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:49,359 The first dog, or F-dotus, has been planned for weeks. 534 00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:52,480 We simply can't allow the possibility that your dog will overshadow F-dotus. 535 00:22:52,559 --> 00:22:54,920 - Stop saying F-dotus. - Ma'am, you need to kill the dog. 536 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,400 Not literally, but... I mean, yeah, if it comes to it, then literally. 537 00:22:57,480 --> 00:23:00,160 - No! Kill the dog? Our dog? - No, honey. 538 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:02,599 Where is Mike? Where is he? Back to his tits and dip. 539 00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:06,119 You guys, are we seriously gonna let the guy 540 00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:08,799 with the police sketch face of a rapist tell us what to do? 541 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:13,079 This rapist face gets eights. Consensually, I might throw in. 542 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:14,720 Why are we killing the dog? I just announced it. 543 00:23:14,799 --> 00:23:17,880 Because the first lady is getting one, so now I can't get one. 544 00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:20,359 - Why don't I know this? - Because you're incompetent. 545 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:22,640 Here's an idea. Mike's already got a dog. 546 00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:25,039 He's got the whole setup for one... the blankets, the crate, the balls, 547 00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:26,519 all the little toys and stuff. 548 00:23:26,599 --> 00:23:28,160 - Why doesn't he take the pooch? - That's a great idea. 549 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:29,839 - Mm-mm, no, no. - Great solution. Great solution. 550 00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:32,119 Simon is an Alpha male. 551 00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:33,599 Actually, I think that is a good idea. 552 00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:35,839 - Why are you guys laughing? - Stop, mom. 553 00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:39,319 Seriously, Mike has a fake dog. You're like the only one here 554 00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:42,079 - who doesn't know that. - What? 555 00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:44,799 Yeah, he uses it to get out of stuff like if he's late. 556 00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:46,759 It's called a shitbull terrier. 557 00:23:46,839 --> 00:23:48,359 - It's a bullshit-tzu. - Bullshit-tzu. 558 00:23:49,839 --> 00:23:52,359 - Is this true, Mike? - It got a little out of hand. 559 00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:54,039 You carry a picture of it in your wallet, Mike. 560 00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:55,519 I just got it from Google images. 561 00:23:55,599 --> 00:23:57,480 I'm sorry, ma'am. I thought you knew, ma'am. 562 00:23:57,559 --> 00:23:58,960 Otherwise I would not have been laughing. 563 00:23:59,039 --> 00:24:02,680 Gary knew? Even fucking Gary knew? 564 00:24:02,759 --> 00:24:04,200 You are getting the dog. 565 00:24:04,279 --> 00:24:07,480 You are getting this little rat-faced, 566 00:24:07,559 --> 00:24:11,839 repulsive, yappy, decrepit-looking terrier. 567 00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:14,599 Wow! I'm glad that you were so honest 568 00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:16,400 about liking the one that I chose. 569 00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:18,880 Catherine, I didn't... okay, now I've got to deal with that situation. 570 00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:20,839 So thank you. Catherine. 571 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:22,240 Maybe I've got a real excuse now. 572 00:24:24,119 --> 00:24:25,680 - Sue's pretty wasted. - Yeah. 573 00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:28,640 And arguably a nine. 574 00:24:32,279 --> 00:24:33,759 - Sue. - Jonah. 575 00:24:33,839 --> 00:24:36,640 You got a convenient opening I can slide into? 576 00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:38,799 Open up a slot for Jonah? 577 00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:41,559 There's not enough alcohol in the world, Jonah. 578 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:46,160 - Didn't say no. - No! 579 00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:47,640 Ma'am, can I get you a glass of white wine? 580 00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:49,440 -Yeah! - Okay. 581 00:24:49,519 --> 00:24:50,920 Amy, would you please... 582 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:52,640 Get the hurricane name changed. Already done it. 583 00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:54,599 Good. 584 00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:57,480 It's not too diva-like, this party, is it? 585 00:24:57,559 --> 00:25:00,200 No, I think we got just the right tone. 586 00:25:00,279 --> 00:25:04,079 - Yeah. - People aren't having too much fun. 587 00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:07,359 - Okay, here we go. There. - Thank you. 588 00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:08,880 Bottoms up. 589 00:25:16,599 --> 00:25:17,880 ( sighs ) 590 00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:21,799 - So, you want to mingle? - Yeah. 591 00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:24,160 Let's go mingle the shit out of 'em. 592 00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:26,279 Ernest Lainchbury, Lifeboat Association. 593 00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:31,359 - He's got a glass eye. - I... Am so happy you're here. 594 00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:33,720 Jenny Armitage, Disabled Sports of America. 595 00:25:33,799 --> 00:25:36,079 - Just had triplets. - Triplets. 596 00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:40,079 That must have hurt... Unless you had a C-section. 597 00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:43,039 Carlos Esquerra, C.E.O. of the Nasdaq O.M.X. group. 598 00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:44,559 I got nothing. Use your Spanish. 599 00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:46,039 - Su casa es mi casa. - Mi casa. 600 00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:48,240 Mi casa es su casa. 601 00:25:48,319 --> 00:25:50,599 Robert Van Der Merkle, head of Gambling Commission. 602 00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:52,119 Pro-gambling. Loves to kill. 603 00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:54,640 Hey, there. ( imitates gunshot ) 604 00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,599 Corey Wilk, special advisor to the Supreme Court of Michigan. 605 00:25:57,680 --> 00:25:59,680 He's got a brother in Rage Against the Machine. 606 00:25:59,759 --> 00:26:03,319 ( camera clicking ) 607 00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:04,960 Tell your brother I love his music. 608 00:26:05,039 --> 00:26:07,039 Carrie Stringer, Center for Social Action. 609 00:26:07,119 --> 00:26:09,799 - He's a triathlete. - No, he's not. 610 00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:11,640 Hello. 611 00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:13,240 Staffer: Liam Miller, NASA. 612 00:26:13,319 --> 00:26:14,799 Okay, that's an acronym for National Aeronautics... 613 00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:16,279 - I... stop it. - Okay. 614 00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:17,880 It's so late. 615 00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:20,480 The Reverend Terrance Clark, Church of the Living Christ. 616 00:26:20,559 --> 00:26:23,920 - He's a baker. - Selina: Oh, Christ has risen. 617 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:25,680 Staffer: Hyun-Joo Lee, Urban Placemakers Forum. 618 00:26:25,759 --> 00:26:27,000 Gary: He's Korean.