1 00:00:06,120 --> 00:00:11,960 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:23,440 Selina: North Dakota. We can do this together. 3 00:00:23,519 --> 00:00:26,839 There is no "I" in freedom. 4 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:30,440 Freedom is not "medom." 5 00:00:30,519 --> 00:00:33,479 - It's "wedom." - ( cheering ) 6 00:00:34,439 --> 00:00:37,920 I visited a dance studio in Hartford, Connecticut. 7 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:42,320 When I was there, I met a brave firefighter in a wheelchair. 8 00:00:42,399 --> 00:00:46,439 Back then, we didn't know what HIV positive was. 9 00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:49,600 Which meant he had to lose his kidney. 10 00:00:49,679 --> 00:00:51,399 He shook my hand and he said, 11 00:00:51,479 --> 00:00:54,679 "You don't remember me, 12 00:00:54,759 --> 00:00:57,119 but I am your grandpa." 13 00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:58,840 ( crowd cheering ) 14 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:03,920 The next governor of Ohio, 15 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,599 Roger Furlong. 16 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:09,159 - I fluffed 'em, now go fuck 'em. - Shove it. 17 00:01:09,239 --> 00:01:12,000 - All the ladies here say "free." - Women: Free! 18 00:01:12,079 --> 00:01:14,640 - All the men say "dom." - Men: Dom! 19 00:01:14,719 --> 00:01:16,560 Thank you! Thank you! 20 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:18,039 - Wow, this is amazing. - Right? 21 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,799 - It's like a happy Nuremberg. - I know. 22 00:01:19,879 --> 00:01:22,920 Where'd the Red Sea go? That lady just parted it. 23 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:26,120 Hey, POTUS needs to know about this 'cause Meyer's on fire. 24 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:28,640 Man: We just lost the Florida third, fifth, and sixth. 25 00:01:28,719 --> 00:01:31,599 Great, so much for the retired mobster vote. 26 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:33,439 Florida-- ought to break it off 27 00:01:33,519 --> 00:01:35,319 at Jacksonville and row it to Cuba. 28 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:38,640 - The West Coast exit polls look bad. - What about New England? 29 00:01:38,719 --> 00:01:41,878 Worse than the JPAC's worst projection, sir. 30 00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:44,840 Are you getting ready to dump a bucket of pig's blood on my head? 31 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,280 Uh, no. No, sir. 32 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:48,759 - Thank you. Thank you, sir. - Yeah. 33 00:01:49,598 --> 00:01:51,959 Selina: Dale, I'm so sorry. 34 00:01:52,039 --> 00:01:55,158 What are we gonna do without you in the Senate? 35 00:01:55,239 --> 00:01:58,000 Oh, they-- 36 00:01:58,079 --> 00:02:00,480 Yeah. 37 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:03,319 Yeah, you lost, Dale. 38 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:05,000 Oh, my God. 39 00:02:05,079 --> 00:02:08,000 And, actually, I was told that you'd been told. 40 00:02:09,038 --> 00:02:11,879 Sounds like you're in a public place there, Dale, 41 00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:14,478 so you got to-- you got to breathe deep. 42 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:17,159 Hang in there, buddy. I got to go. ( groans ) 43 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:18,759 We just lost the New Hampshire first. 44 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:22,120 Okay, great. Everybody hates us. I'm beginning to hate us. 45 00:02:22,199 --> 00:02:23,960 I mean, this is POTUS's fault 46 00:02:24,039 --> 00:02:27,079 because, guys, I killed it at every campaign visit, right? 47 00:02:27,159 --> 00:02:29,159 Yeah, you did. My girlfriend said you are a rock star. 48 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:31,000 There was a lot of love for you on the campaign trail. 49 00:02:31,079 --> 00:02:33,039 - Yeah, a lot of love. - No, not for you, Marjorie. 50 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:36,120 -That's why you lost the New Jersey 5th. - You know what? 51 00:02:36,199 --> 00:02:40,079 This is time for POTUS to start honoring his ticket promises to me. 52 00:02:40,159 --> 00:02:42,240 - I want my regular one-on-one meetings. - Hello? 53 00:02:42,319 --> 00:02:45,599 I want more responsibilities in infrastructure and education reform. 54 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:48,159 I want an expanded role in deficit reduction talks. 55 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:51,280 I want a Cartier fucking dildo. 56 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:53,759 - Oh. - Hey, Ame, are you listening? 57 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,560 Uh, yes. My mom just called. My dad may have had a stroke. 58 00:02:56,639 --> 00:02:59,599 Oh, my God. Amy, I'm so sorry. 59 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,080 Is he speaking? 60 00:03:01,159 --> 00:03:03,639 Well, he told my mom he felt worse that time 61 00:03:03,719 --> 00:03:05,639 he ate gay Jap raw fish shit. 62 00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:07,919 Oh, Amy, that's a great sign, 63 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:11,840 because that's a very complex sentence. - Unless he's slurring his words. 64 00:03:11,919 --> 00:03:15,919 - Well, it-- - So, do you need to go and be with him? 65 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,759 My mom said he was asking for me, but my sister's there. 66 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:20,879 Oh, good. Seriously, if you walked in, 67 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,000 can you imagine how stressed out he might be 68 00:03:23,079 --> 00:03:26,360 "What are you doing here? Isn't it time that you'd be with the veep? 69 00:03:26,439 --> 00:03:29,599 It's the freakin' midterms and isn't she gonna take this opportunity 70 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:31,919 to expand her role in the White House?" Or whatever he might say. 71 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:33,680 But if you need to go, Amy, you should go. 72 00:03:33,759 --> 00:03:35,800 - No. I'm good. I'm here. - All right, good. 73 00:03:35,879 --> 00:03:38,520 - So you got what I said before? - Yes, Cartier dildo. 74 00:03:38,599 --> 00:03:40,960 - Huh? - I was thinking about my dad. 75 00:03:41,039 --> 00:03:43,439 Dana's dad had a knee operation and it was-- 76 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:45,560 Oh, my God, Gary, stop going on about your girlfriend. 77 00:03:45,639 --> 00:03:47,039 Really? Am I that bad? 78 00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:50,639 - Yeah, this is you. "Dana, Dana." - Okay. Okay. Sue. Thank you. 79 00:03:50,719 --> 00:03:53,439 All right, item number one: job share. 80 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:55,360 We are going co-POTAL, right? 81 00:03:55,439 --> 00:03:58,719 Apparently POTUS Chief of Staff's telling everyone to write their will. 82 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:00,960 The mood over there is gonna be pretty grim. 83 00:04:01,039 --> 00:04:03,360 - Like Jonestown. - Oh, you know what I want? 84 00:04:03,439 --> 00:04:05,560 I want that lipstick that my stylist recommended. 85 00:04:05,639 --> 00:04:07,680 - Ooh, Miami Sunburst. - Yeah. 86 00:04:07,759 --> 00:04:09,439 So when it hits 2:00 A.M., 87 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:13,120 my eyes will say Holocaust, my mouth will say Carnival. ( laughs ) 88 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,639 Does anyone have anything on Ohio? 89 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:20,319 Or why this fucking Internet is sketchier than our economic forecasts? 90 00:04:20,399 --> 00:04:23,360 Oh, that's 'cause your laptop is still running on Windows 2000 and shit. 91 00:04:23,439 --> 00:04:25,240 Okay, this just in from J-stat central. 92 00:04:25,319 --> 00:04:27,720 We've got the seventh and ninth in Utah down. 93 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:29,639 Team Jonah's gonna have that stat watch, okay? 94 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:32,120 You come to me. Have some nachos and numbers, huh? 95 00:04:32,199 --> 00:04:34,000 Tonight there's gonna be a plane crash 96 00:04:34,079 --> 00:04:36,279 shunting a train wreck onto a crowded highway. 97 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:39,759 Is this gonna hit the Dow? Maybe I should have bought stock. 98 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:41,560 Why, you got money problems? 99 00:04:41,639 --> 00:04:46,159 - Not money problems, money challenges. - ( crowd cheering ) 100 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:47,639 - Is that Furlong? - Minnesota. 101 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:49,519 Danny Chung just increased his margin. 102 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:52,639 Want to bet how long it takes Chung to mention his war record? 103 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:55,800 100 bucks says he drops it in the first five seconds. 104 00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:58,879 And I intend to serve you the way I served 105 00:04:58,959 --> 00:05:01,319 the American people overseas when they needed me. 106 00:05:01,399 --> 00:05:02,839 Oh, ker-chung, ker-ching. 107 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,519 Pay up. Yeah. 108 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:08,800 I need something positive, okay? Something to boost morale. 109 00:05:08,879 --> 00:05:12,839 We're ahead on voter turnout in Lake County, Indiana. 110 00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:16,120 - What? That's it? - The big quake hasn't yet hit Frisco. 111 00:05:16,199 --> 00:05:18,040 Okay. 112 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:20,720 Hello, everyone. 113 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,639 Madam Vice President. 114 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:24,759 Well, I have some good news. It seems-- 115 00:05:24,839 --> 00:05:27,800 Hey, we are ahead on voter turnout in Lake County, Indiana. 116 00:05:27,879 --> 00:05:29,279 J-dog out. 117 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:31,519 I'm sorry, Madam Vice President, you were saying? 118 00:05:33,079 --> 00:05:35,480 I was saying exactly that. 119 00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:37,920 Yeah, that'll take the edge off this cornhole. 120 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,560 Everyone, please be seated. 121 00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:42,360 Keep up the good work. Okay? Hey, Ben? 122 00:05:43,879 --> 00:05:46,360 - Ben? - ( phone ringing ) 123 00:05:46,439 --> 00:05:48,519 Did you borrow Selina's Miami Sunburst, Sue? 124 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:50,600 - No. - Oh, my God. 125 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:52,519 - Mike, your phone's ringing. - Could you get it, please? 126 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:55,120 It's the morning shows. She's not doing them. 127 00:05:55,199 --> 00:05:57,920 This is Mike McLintock's phone. He's asked me to put you on hold. 128 00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:59,720 If I do not return, then you've got your answer. 129 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:03,720 - Am I disturbing your downtime, Mike? - Give me a break. I'm on eBay. 130 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:05,399 Is this it? Nope, it's a rape alarm. 131 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:07,079 Like she's ever gonna need that. 132 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:08,959 I mean, she's not ugly, but she's got a lot of security. 133 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:11,160 Communications is your job, Mike. 134 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:14,160 I'm in a financial hole. I bought something I shouldn't have. 135 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:17,040 - What did you buy? - A boat. 136 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:19,480 - Is that a euphemism? - No, it's a boat. 137 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:22,000 It's a leaky fucking boat and no one's bidding on it. 138 00:06:22,079 --> 00:06:24,920 Do not yell at me. I did not force you to buy a boat. 139 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,600 I have a cracked keel, I have to dry-dock it. 140 00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:28,439 There's a bilge, which I don't even know where the fuck-- 141 00:06:28,519 --> 00:06:32,120 - Gary: Stop talking about boats. - Can someone help me out for a second? 142 00:06:32,199 --> 00:06:35,240 Okay, hmm, what is the solution to your problem, Gary? 143 00:06:35,319 --> 00:06:37,079 Oh, use another lipstick. 144 00:06:37,159 --> 00:06:40,480 Wow, that was easy. What is the solution to my problem? 145 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:42,600 - I sell a kidney? - You know what? Coral Blush. 146 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:45,600 - That's gonna look the same. - Stay over there. 147 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:47,680 Ben? 148 00:06:47,759 --> 00:06:50,279 Ben? 149 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:53,159 - What are you doing in here? - Getting away from the bad news. 150 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:56,240 Just trying to realign myself. 151 00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:59,000 - You know what I'd like? - Uh-uh. 152 00:06:59,079 --> 00:07:02,360 I'd like to be cryogenically suspended. 153 00:07:02,439 --> 00:07:05,040 Yeah, and then be woken up in the future? 154 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:07,720 No, never wake up. Just stay suspended. 155 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:11,519 Are you drunk? 156 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:13,360 No, I'm just depressed. 157 00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:17,040 All right, look. I got a plan. 158 00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:19,240 I'm gonna take more of a leadership role on 159 00:07:19,319 --> 00:07:20,920 as vice president starting tonight 160 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:24,160 and I need your advice as how to set that in motion. 161 00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:26,959 - Ask Kent. - Kent Davison? 162 00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:30,079 Yeah, he's back. Senior strategist. - No. 163 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:32,439 Do you know what his strategy was two years ago? 164 00:07:32,519 --> 00:07:35,040 Do you remember that? He had me hang with my ex-husband 165 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:36,680 like we were this normal, loving family. 166 00:07:36,759 --> 00:07:40,240 He made us go river rafting together. Catherine got giardia. 167 00:07:40,319 --> 00:07:42,360 And I had to listen to Andrew bang that skank 168 00:07:42,439 --> 00:07:44,040 on the riverbank all night. 169 00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:47,720 I said to Kent, "Can you make me feel good about this somehow?" 170 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:51,399 And you know what he does? He points to a graph. 171 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:54,959 - He is cold. - Yeah, he's got ice in his semen. 172 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:58,279 - Right. When's he coming back? - Oh, he's back. 173 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:01,279 - What? - He's squirreled away in an air vent 174 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:04,000 - with his fucking statistics. - Where's his office? 175 00:08:04,079 --> 00:08:07,199 You know that portrait with the guy who looks like a fat Wolverine? 176 00:08:07,279 --> 00:08:08,680 - Oh, yeah. - One door on the left from there. 177 00:08:08,759 --> 00:08:11,879 - But wait, wait, wait, wait. - What? 178 00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:13,480 You know what's gonna happen to me tomorrow? 179 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,120 No. 180 00:08:15,199 --> 00:08:18,800 My good friend POTUS, my Gamma Chi brother, 181 00:08:18,879 --> 00:08:21,920 is gonna summon me to his office and he's gonna show me a sword 182 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,600 and he's gonna tell me to take the sword 183 00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:26,120 and slide it down my throat until it comes out my ass. 184 00:08:26,199 --> 00:08:29,600 Ben, one day we are gonna laugh about this. 185 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:36,360 One final item-- although the vice president appreciates your offer 186 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:38,558 of stale pastries and pleasant conversation, 187 00:08:38,639 --> 00:08:40,600 she will not be doing the morning shows tomorrow. 188 00:08:40,679 --> 00:08:43,279 - Is she deserting a sinking ship? - ( laughing ) 189 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:45,039 Is that a crack about my boat? Really funny. 190 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:46,879 - You guys are hilarious. - Put your boat on eBay. 191 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,639 - Can you put a sinking ship on eBay? - You can put anything on there. 192 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:52,960 - ...has no track record as a senator. - I've been around the block, honey. 193 00:08:53,039 --> 00:08:54,799 You haven't seen lipstick lying around, have you? 194 00:08:54,879 --> 00:08:57,960 Oh, yeah, it's in the office next to your Klonopin and feminine itch powder. 195 00:08:58,039 --> 00:08:59,879 Thank God. 196 00:09:01,519 --> 00:09:04,039 - Guess who's back. - Not Furlong yet. 197 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:07,559 You can trust me and the people of Ohio. There're gonna be surprises tonight. 198 00:09:07,639 --> 00:09:10,159 Isn't that the catchphrase of the world's creepiest babysitter? 199 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:12,679 Speaking of creepy, Kent Davison is back. 200 00:09:12,759 --> 00:09:15,960 Kent Davison? The Pol Pot of pie charts. 201 00:09:16,039 --> 00:09:18,679 Wow, that guy is ruthless. A total inspiration. 202 00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:20,240 Hey. 203 00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:22,279 Hey, I know you think my stat guys are bullshit, 204 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:25,120 but we got early exits on Ohio gubernatorial 205 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,720 and they are not good for you, Mr. Egan. 206 00:09:27,799 --> 00:09:29,639 Shut up. Dan Egan's office. 207 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:32,200 Hello, Dan. I've got Congressman Furlong for you. 208 00:09:32,279 --> 00:09:35,399 - Here you go, sir. -Wipe that thing off before you hand it. 209 00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:39,480 - Here you go. - Hey there, pretty boy. 210 00:09:39,559 --> 00:09:43,240 You know what they call guys like you in prison? Sweetmeat. 211 00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:46,799 I have no plan to go to prison, Congressman. 212 00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:50,960 - Holy shit, is that him? - Nobody plans on going to prison. 213 00:09:51,039 --> 00:09:52,879 - That's the way it works out sometimes. - You are fucked. 214 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:56,360 If I lose this election and I'm back on that Congressional Oversight Committee, 215 00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:59,240 your ass is toast because I don't like the way your boss runs things over there 216 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:01,559 and you are a mighty soft target. 217 00:10:01,639 --> 00:10:04,480 If I have to come after you, Dan, I can promise you something. 218 00:10:04,559 --> 00:10:06,639 You're gonna have to be prepared to be gay for the stay 219 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:08,840 'cause you're going down. ( kisses ) 220 00:10:08,919 --> 00:10:10,679 Chin up, buddy. You'll be fine. 221 00:10:10,759 --> 00:10:14,759 ( laughing ) Mouth open. 222 00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:16,679 Fat Wolverine. 223 00:10:19,039 --> 00:10:20,600 Oh, Kent. 224 00:10:20,679 --> 00:10:23,480 - Madam Vice President. - Look at you, you're all back. 225 00:10:23,559 --> 00:10:26,559 I see they took out the sink and the toilet. 226 00:10:26,639 --> 00:10:28,639 Made it a little roomier for you. 227 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:31,960 I could punch through the wall and tap POTUS on the shoulder. 228 00:10:32,039 --> 00:10:34,879 What would you be tapping him about specifically, do you figure? 229 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:37,039 - Repositioning. - So glad to hear you say that. 230 00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:39,200 We are on the same page, my friend, 231 00:10:39,279 --> 00:10:41,919 both in terms of the party and, of course, in terms of myself. 232 00:10:44,279 --> 00:10:46,960 Am I supposed to ask a question now? 233 00:10:47,039 --> 00:10:49,240 Oh, sure. If you want. Fire away. 234 00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:52,919 - And what would that question be? - Well, that question might be 235 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,480 what do you think is the best reposition to take? 236 00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,840 And what would the answer to that question be? 237 00:10:59,919 --> 00:11:03,879 And the answer to that question would be standing right in front of you. 238 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,960 The answer would be a certain someone, 239 00:11:11,039 --> 00:11:14,559 shall we say, whose skills were not adequately tapped. 240 00:11:15,559 --> 00:11:17,320 That's some question. 241 00:11:17,399 --> 00:11:19,960 So, we're good. 242 00:11:20,039 --> 00:11:25,840 - We're good. - I'm glad we had the chance to connect. 243 00:11:33,399 --> 00:11:36,519 - ( sighs ) - I don't think I was very clear before. 244 00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:39,960 - No. - My uncle used to have this saying. 245 00:11:40,039 --> 00:11:43,759 He used to say to me, "Honey, if you're not at the table, 246 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:45,759 you're probably on the menu." 247 00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:48,600 And, Kent, I will not be eaten. 248 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:52,200 Why would anyone want to eat you? 249 00:11:52,279 --> 00:11:55,399 You do know that I am not running for office right now? 250 00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:56,960 I am, in fact, the vice president. 251 00:11:57,039 --> 00:11:59,639 I wouldn't dispute your title. I might question your role. 252 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:02,399 It would be great if you would stand up when the vice president enters a room. 253 00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:04,879 - Oh, Lord, all right. - Oh, Lord. 254 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:06,679 - There you go. - Oh, at ease, Kent. 255 00:12:06,759 --> 00:12:10,039 I'm just looking for my mug. Yeah. I love this baby. 256 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:12,480 - It holds about nine cups' worth. - Oh, wow. 257 00:12:12,559 --> 00:12:14,639 Yeah, it's the only thing I'd save if this building were on fire. 258 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:19,440 This is such a silly conversation. I'm gonna go talk to the president. 259 00:12:19,519 --> 00:12:22,440 - He went to bed. - He's in bed? 260 00:12:22,519 --> 00:12:24,759 So that makes you the livewire, huh? 261 00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:26,759 - This can't get out. - It won't get out. 262 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:28,879 Jonah: Everyone, POTUS has gone to bed. 263 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:31,279 Let's make sure we make his dreams come true tonight 264 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:32,919 by fighting until that last bullet. 265 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:36,000 Why don't you take the first bullet and put it through your brain? 266 00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:38,399 ( laughs ) Yes, sir. Pfft. 267 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:43,200 I'm gonna have more of a role in this administration. 268 00:12:43,279 --> 00:12:46,120 - I just crunched the numbers. - You're the numbers cruncher. 269 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:48,039 And right now they taste pretty bland to me. 270 00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:49,879 Well, salt and pepper 'em. 271 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,519 Marion, listen very closely. 272 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:58,120 You have as much chance of getting the vice president on your show 273 00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:00,080 as you have of getting your husband to leave that cheerleader. 274 00:13:00,159 --> 00:13:02,639 Yes, Marion. We're all aware of that. Good-bye. 275 00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:04,879 Touch and go? Is that what they said? 276 00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:07,960 No, it's a classic. There's a mounting on it for a harpoon gun. 277 00:13:08,039 --> 00:13:11,360 Well, Richard, if you hear me say no, that means no. No. 278 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:12,840 You good slapping down those hacks? 279 00:13:12,919 --> 00:13:14,320 Sue: I really do enjoy it. 280 00:13:14,399 --> 00:13:16,399 It's kind of like dumping all my ex-boyfriends at once. 281 00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:17,799 Oh, you got a lot of exes, huh? 282 00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:23,039 Hey, dumpling. It's Gary. I'm sorry I missed you. 283 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:25,279 It's just I can't find her lipstick 284 00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:28,159 and I thought maybe it fell out of the Leviathan at home. 285 00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:31,519 Okay, folks, Kent Davison is back. 286 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:35,080 - Yeah. - What are we gonna do about it? 287 00:13:35,159 --> 00:13:38,879 Why am I telling you this news? And would you please hang up the phone 288 00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:41,240 because I'm the fucking VP of the United States 289 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:43,039 - and I have something to say. - I'm going. 290 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,519 So now we got to figure out a way to get Kent on board 291 00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:47,440 with this whole co-POTAL thing. 292 00:13:47,519 --> 00:13:49,279 You can't reason with him. It'd be like explaining 293 00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:51,159 Supertramp to a Komodo dragon. 294 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:53,159 Selina: I don't know what those words mean. 295 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:55,559 Mike, are you in the middle of some sort of aneurysm? 296 00:13:55,639 --> 00:13:57,960 - Let's just wind back a sec, okay? - Yes. 297 00:13:58,039 --> 00:14:00,360 You think Kent Davison is a bad thing? 298 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:03,120 Okay. All right. 299 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:05,639 I have a very strong feeling 300 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:08,759 that Kent is gonna get in between me and POTUS, 301 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:11,000 like some sort of thick rubber condom, 302 00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:13,120 - and I have got to have... - Unprotected. 303 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,080 ...unprotected access to the Oval Office. 304 00:14:15,159 --> 00:14:17,960 You were on the campaign trail with him. 305 00:14:18,039 --> 00:14:20,320 - How do we pop him? - Uh, I, um-- 306 00:14:20,399 --> 00:14:22,639 - well, I guess-- - What? 307 00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:26,159 - Hey. Yeah. - Yeah? Yeah? 308 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:29,679 - You have to go and see your dad. - ( stammering ) This is the midterms. 309 00:14:29,759 --> 00:14:33,080 Amy, it's the fucking midterms. Go. 310 00:14:33,159 --> 00:14:35,519 Thank-- thank you. 311 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,120 It's the fucking midterms. 312 00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:38,919 Unbelievable. 313 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,559 Okay, everybody, it's official. 314 00:14:40,639 --> 00:14:42,360 - We have lost-- - We have just lost the House. 315 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:44,159 So put everything on the wagons 316 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:48,399 and shoot the dogs because we have just lost the fucking House. 317 00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,200 - What he just said. - Dan: Yes! 318 00:14:50,279 --> 00:14:53,840 - What? -I think this is our time to strike. 319 00:14:53,919 --> 00:14:56,240 Okay, here's the plan. I'm gonna go pee pee 320 00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:59,000 and then we're gonna neutralize Kent. 321 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,360 - Very good. - Yeah. 322 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:03,480 Hey, Mike. Give me a hug. 323 00:15:03,559 --> 00:15:05,120 Uncle Ben's on his way out. 324 00:15:07,559 --> 00:15:09,080 What is that, Ralph Lauren? 325 00:15:09,159 --> 00:15:10,559 For men. 326 00:15:10,639 --> 00:15:13,080 Well, that's a good scent. 327 00:15:15,399 --> 00:15:17,600 - Congressman. - Hey, Brokeback Egan. 328 00:15:17,679 --> 00:15:20,440 Would you get that fucking thing out from under my nose? 329 00:15:20,519 --> 00:15:21,919 I could, uh-- 330 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:26,039 I want to offer my sincere condolences on the loss of your gubernatorial race. 331 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:28,559 Screw you and the face you rode in on, Dan. 332 00:15:28,639 --> 00:15:31,200 Oh, and on the loss of your committee chairmanship, sir. 333 00:15:31,279 --> 00:15:34,679 - Now that we lost the House... - We lost the House and you're crowing? 334 00:15:34,759 --> 00:15:36,320 You're actually pleased about this? 335 00:15:36,399 --> 00:15:38,799 We lost the House, that's bad, obviously, 336 00:15:38,879 --> 00:15:40,799 but now this gets me off your case and that's okay? 337 00:15:40,879 --> 00:15:42,919 Couldn't have put that better myself, sir. 338 00:15:44,039 --> 00:15:46,559 Are you eating my pizza? 339 00:15:46,639 --> 00:15:50,080 - No, sir, you-- because you said that-- - I said don't wave it in my face. 340 00:15:50,159 --> 00:15:51,639 - I didn't say eat it. - It's still good. 341 00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:53,440 -Eat it all right now! - I'm sorry. 342 00:15:54,879 --> 00:15:56,279 Got here as soon as I could. 343 00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:59,120 Glad you could fit your father into your schedule. 344 00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:03,039 - She means hi, honey. - ( sighs ) Uh... 345 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:04,960 Why is this heart monitor not on? 346 00:16:05,039 --> 00:16:07,600 - I'm fine. - They don't know if it was a stroke. 347 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:12,840 Okay. ( exhales ) 348 00:16:12,919 --> 00:16:16,039 - You said Dad was dying. - I'm so sorry to disappoint you, Amy. 349 00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:18,960 - All the shouting isn't helping. - Yeah, stop shouting, Sophie. 350 00:16:19,039 --> 00:16:22,080 Oh, my God. You work for the vice president. It's not like it's Google. 351 00:16:22,159 --> 00:16:25,039 - Dan. - Yeah? 352 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:27,039 - My pee pee is done. - Yes, ma'am. 353 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:29,399 - Let's go crack Kent. - Jonah: Okay, J-dog update. 354 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:32,320 Oh, God. It's fucking Big Bird. Let's go through here. 355 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:34,759 Oh! 356 00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:37,279 Sorry to disturb. Don't know what you're doing, 357 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:39,799 but I will leave you to it. - Hey, Madam Vice President. 358 00:16:39,879 --> 00:16:41,960 I see you've found my crib. This is Team Jonah. 359 00:16:42,039 --> 00:16:45,080 This is my hot stat three-piece, my data Nirvana. 360 00:16:45,159 --> 00:16:47,080 Madam Vice President, it is such an honor to meet you. 361 00:16:47,159 --> 00:16:49,919 Thank you so much. I really appreciate all the work you're doing 362 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,519 on this terribly depressing evening. 363 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,159 Actually, not terrible for you. 364 00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:57,279 Your campaign visits always lead to a bump for the candidate. 365 00:16:57,360 --> 00:17:00,279 - What? - You have been a consistent integer. 366 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:03,320 I'm not really sure I remember what an integer is, per se. 367 00:17:03,399 --> 00:17:05,440 You're great news. You even aced POTUS. 368 00:17:05,519 --> 00:17:07,480 - You're like Neo. - Wow. 369 00:17:07,559 --> 00:17:09,440 - What's a Neo? - He's from "The Matrix." 370 00:17:09,519 --> 00:17:10,960 Everything he does is awesome. 371 00:17:11,039 --> 00:17:13,000 The first movie. The sequels sucked. 372 00:17:13,079 --> 00:17:15,039 Wwe agreed to let "The Matrix" debate lie. 373 00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:17,319 I can feel my virginity growing back in here. 374 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:20,000 You're saying that all of these numbers are good for me? 375 00:17:20,079 --> 00:17:22,480 - They're great for you. - That is outstanding. 376 00:17:22,559 --> 00:17:24,480 - ( laughing ) - Jonah: Shh! 377 00:17:24,559 --> 00:17:27,079 Could you collate this for me very quickly? 378 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:29,079 Signed, sealed, delivered. ( clicks tongue ) 379 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:31,160 ( clicks tongue ) 380 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,880 - Okay, meet me in Kent's office. - Yeah, absolutely. 381 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:36,759 Oh, Kent Davison? He's in the Oval Office with POTUS. 382 00:17:36,839 --> 00:17:39,119 - POTUS is awake? - Yeah, last I heard. 383 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:42,319 I will be in the Oval Office. I will be expecting that material. 384 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,000 Thank you very much. 385 00:17:44,079 --> 00:17:45,720 So what format do you want this in? 386 00:17:45,799 --> 00:17:48,240 Excel? Pie charts? 387 00:17:48,319 --> 00:17:51,319 Just, like, in English. 388 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:53,480 Is that a racist joke? 389 00:17:53,559 --> 00:17:54,960 Yeah. 390 00:17:55,039 --> 00:17:57,799 Come on, come on. Amy, Amy, Amy. Oh, thank God. 391 00:17:57,880 --> 00:17:59,480 - What? - Listen, Amy. 392 00:17:59,559 --> 00:18:01,559 Something has happened to the vice president. 393 00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:04,519 I know your dad is dying and I'm really, really sorry, Amy, 394 00:18:04,599 --> 00:18:06,880 but I think Dana took Selina's lipstick. 395 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:10,000 It's the one thing she asked for and I don't have it. It's ruining her night. 396 00:18:10,079 --> 00:18:13,079 Keep your bra on. I'll swing by your place and pick it up. 397 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:16,759 I've got two options I can offer her as a stopgap and then-- Oh, great. 398 00:18:16,839 --> 00:18:19,200 Back soon, Daddy. Mwah. 399 00:18:19,279 --> 00:18:21,440 Hope your boss at CVS is okay with you taking time off. 400 00:18:21,519 --> 00:18:23,920 Always with the last word. That's why you're single. Guys hate that. 401 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:27,559 You have 3 kids by 2 different guys. Maybe your last word should've been no. 402 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:32,079 ( door opens ) 403 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:35,279 Kent. 404 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:39,799 - Where's the president? - Asleep. 405 00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:42,160 Well, should you be in here? 406 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:44,640 People need to think he's in here leading. 407 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:46,240 But he's not. 408 00:18:46,319 --> 00:18:48,519 He is, according to the rumor I put out. 409 00:18:48,599 --> 00:18:50,440 Well, I'm not in here. 410 00:18:50,519 --> 00:18:53,400 But since I am here, 411 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,559 I thought maybe we could agree 412 00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:59,880 that at any joint meetings that you and I have with the president, 413 00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:02,640 I will be first in and I will be last out. 414 00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:05,759 Fine, but as senior strategist, I'll already be in the room. 415 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:10,000 Are you suggesting that a senior strategist 416 00:19:10,079 --> 00:19:12,039 is a higher position than a vice president? 417 00:19:12,119 --> 00:19:13,880 - It depends on the vice president. - Yeah? 418 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:16,480 Well, this one is me and I'm fucking great. 419 00:19:16,559 --> 00:19:18,440 And you're not an elected representative. 420 00:19:18,519 --> 00:19:20,680 You're only an elected representative by default. 421 00:19:20,759 --> 00:19:22,480 The American people voted for him. 422 00:19:22,559 --> 00:19:26,359 And him chose me, okay? I'm gonna be in the room first. 423 00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:27,960 I'm gonna be in the room last. 424 00:19:28,039 --> 00:19:29,440 You think this is a negotiation? 425 00:19:29,519 --> 00:19:31,119 What leverage do you think that you have? 426 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:32,599 Oh, I have leverage. 427 00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:35,200 I got a big bag of leverage coming my way. 428 00:19:35,279 --> 00:19:39,160 So, vice president, president-- bam. 429 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:40,880 Come on, you are the vice president. 430 00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:44,079 By definition, you should be at half the height of the president. 431 00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:45,880 Mm-hmm. You want to see where you are? 432 00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,400 ( high-pitched voice ) Hi, Kent. How's it going? 433 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:50,240 Thank you so much for bringing us the memo on aggregates. 434 00:19:50,319 --> 00:19:52,799 Now why don't you just go and fuck yourself in your own asshole? 435 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:55,839 - What the fuck do you want? - We have that data you requested. 436 00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:59,440 - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Come. - Was there a TV on in here? 437 00:19:59,519 --> 00:20:01,519 You might want to sit down for this. 438 00:20:01,599 --> 00:20:04,160 - It's okay. I'm all right. - Okay. Hit it. 439 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:06,359 When it comes to successful campaign visits, ma'am, 440 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:10,480 you have a lead over POTUS of 0.9%. 441 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,920 Yeah, but that's not 442 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,599 even a percent-age. 443 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:20,599 If we round it up, we can make it one. 444 00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:22,119 - I couldn't find-- - Just-- 445 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,839 Sir, she has strong utility and key demographics-- 446 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:26,839 working mothers, Hispanic voters. 447 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:28,960 - She gives us traction in swing votes. - Yeah. 448 00:20:29,039 --> 00:20:30,599 - She's a useful tool. - Oh, no, no, no. 449 00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,720 I'm not gonna be used as a prop again, my friend. 450 00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:35,119 I will never forget on election night 451 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,519 how you put my ex-husband up on that stage 452 00:20:37,599 --> 00:20:39,599 and it was my night, Kent. 453 00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:41,680 It was a healing image for America. 454 00:20:41,759 --> 00:20:45,519 The way that you used Catherine to make it look as if we're all coming together. 455 00:20:45,599 --> 00:20:47,359 - Calm down. - Don't you tell me to calm down! 456 00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:49,680 I saw that photo that you had in your office 457 00:20:49,759 --> 00:20:52,480 with the word "glue" written across her forehead. 458 00:20:52,559 --> 00:20:54,359 - Better if I said cement? - Here's some good lipstick. 459 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:56,119 - Fuck that lipstick! - ( shrieks ) 460 00:20:59,799 --> 00:21:01,680 Kent? Are you okay? I'm so sorry. 461 00:21:01,759 --> 00:21:05,240 - What, are you high? - No, she's not. That was my fault. 462 00:21:08,079 --> 00:21:09,839 Um, what's going on? 463 00:21:11,559 --> 00:21:13,839 Just been with the president. 464 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:16,759 He's asked me to stay on. 465 00:21:16,839 --> 00:21:18,200 My eye hurts. 466 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,960 What's that shit all over the carpet? 467 00:21:22,039 --> 00:21:24,880 - ( gasps ) - Dan: Oh, shit. Ooh. 468 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:27,079 If you have some white wine vinegar, that'll get it right out. 469 00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:29,880 - What? - Wine vinegar will lift the stain. 470 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:32,279 You take your eyebrows 471 00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:34,200 - and you get out. - Gary: Here, ma'am. 472 00:21:34,279 --> 00:21:37,200 - I've got some wipes. - Look right here. It's over here, too. 473 00:21:37,279 --> 00:21:38,799 - Ma'am, no! You're tracking it! - No, no, no, no! 474 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,359 - Don't do that. - It's stuck on the bottom of your shoe. 475 00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:44,519 - Do I put this one down? Is this clean? - Yes. 476 00:21:44,599 --> 00:21:47,400 - Oh, my God. - Okay, get it off my shoe. 477 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:50,720 - Don't wipe it. Just give me the shoe. - All right, take the shoe. 478 00:21:50,799 --> 00:21:52,799 - You should not be in here. - I know. 479 00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:55,200 We'll do a little hop. Ready? One, two-- there we go. 480 00:21:55,279 --> 00:21:57,160 - You got to clean it up. - It's gonna be fine. 481 00:21:57,240 --> 00:22:01,640 - Selina: You can do it, though. - Dan: He's okay, he's okay. 482 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:05,240 ( whimpering ) Oh, God. God, God... 483 00:22:06,839 --> 00:22:08,960 - Amy. - Dana, hi. Have you got the lipstick? 484 00:22:09,039 --> 00:22:11,720 Feel like my lips have touched the veep's. It's quite a thrill. 485 00:22:11,799 --> 00:22:15,839 - That's a little disrespectful. - Let's not start off on the wrong foot. 486 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:19,640 - I'm a big part of Gary's life now. - And you're welcome to him. 487 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:23,240 Amy, I think we both know that any woman who's met him 488 00:22:23,319 --> 00:22:26,680 but didn't get to keep him is gonna see me as the enemy. 489 00:22:26,759 --> 00:22:30,160 I'm sorry, but you missed your chance. 490 00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:31,880 ( door closes ) 491 00:22:34,039 --> 00:22:36,319 Oh, my God. I got the lipstick out. 492 00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:40,000 What? What are you doing? Nobody is gonna know about that. 493 00:22:40,079 --> 00:22:41,759 Sue, did the president call? 494 00:22:41,839 --> 00:22:43,599 - Ma'am, he did, actually. - What? 495 00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:45,759 - Ben: Madam Vice President. - Huh? 496 00:22:45,839 --> 00:22:50,160 POTUS has noticed your .9% and he's giving you an enhanced role 497 00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:52,599 - in foreign policy. - What? Really? 498 00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:54,279 So, Kim Jong whatever 499 00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:56,400 is swinging his nuclear dick again. 500 00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:59,559 The Russians have planted their flag on a Norwegian pile of pelican shit. 501 00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:01,799 Could you just send that to me in an e-mail or something? 502 00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:04,119 You got a sit-down with CENTCOM in two hours. 503 00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:07,079 Some US backpackers tried to smoke a doobie with the wrong dudes 504 00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:09,079 and they have been kidnapped in Uzbekistan. 505 00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,079 Uzbekistan is between Turkmenistan 506 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:14,200 and I-could- give-a-fuck-istan. There's a map on page 376. 507 00:23:14,279 --> 00:23:15,720 ( knocking ) 508 00:23:15,799 --> 00:23:18,000 Kent. 509 00:23:18,079 --> 00:23:20,000 Oh, I'm so sorry about before. 510 00:23:20,079 --> 00:23:23,680 God, you made a funny noise. I wish I could get that as my ringtone. 511 00:23:23,759 --> 00:23:25,400 How's this for a funny noise, ma'am? 512 00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:27,720 POTUS wants you to do the morning shows. 513 00:23:27,799 --> 00:23:30,839 - What? - You will be the face of our failure. 514 00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:33,359 No, no, Kent. I can't do that. I'm exhaustipated. 515 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:36,079 You're booked for 27 interviews. 516 00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:38,000 Better put on some lipstick. 517 00:23:38,079 --> 00:23:42,680 Jonah: We lost the battle, but we ain't cattle. Two years' time, bitches! 518 00:23:42,759 --> 00:23:45,839 - Selina: Oh, God. - Okay, I got coffee, I got ginseng, 519 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,039 I got protein bars. You want some of those? 520 00:23:48,119 --> 00:23:49,559 - No. - No? 521 00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:51,839 I need that stuff that junkies use. 522 00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:55,119 You know, when it takes a cop 15 bullets to put him down. 523 00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:00,839 Dan: We have three minutes to the interviews, ma'am. 524 00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:02,480 Hey, I got this off your dresser. 525 00:24:02,559 --> 00:24:04,240 - Do you want to wear this pin? - Yeah. 526 00:24:08,759 --> 00:24:11,039 There's a horse coming out of my head. 527 00:24:11,119 --> 00:24:13,240 What? What are you talking about? 528 00:24:13,319 --> 00:24:15,559 There. There's a horse-- 529 00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:17,599 Oh, my God. 530 00:24:18,759 --> 00:24:20,960 I don't know why I'm catching these things. 531 00:24:21,039 --> 00:24:23,079 - Hey, got your lipstick. - I don't want the fucking lipstick. 532 00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:24,920 She doesn't want the fucking lipstick, Amy. 533 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,880 Selina: This color is better. 534 00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:29,880 The White House wants to make sure 535 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:31,839 that they are kept out of the veep's incident, 536 00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:33,799 so we want the lipstick throwing 537 00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:35,279 to have taken place here and not at the Oval Office. 538 00:24:35,359 --> 00:24:39,039 It was an accident. Like when Bigfoot got your mom pregnant, resulting in you. 539 00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:40,880 Is there something I need to be in on here? 540 00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,160 I was talking about my boat. 541 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:46,000 Please, Mike, you're talking about a fucking boat? 542 00:24:46,079 --> 00:24:50,160 Really? I'm about to enter a national ass-kicking contest 543 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:53,119 with no legs and a massive ass. 544 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,200 - It's not that big, ma'am. - What? 545 00:24:56,519 --> 00:25:00,480 - I think your ass is perfect. - Good morning, Oklahoma City. 546 00:25:00,559 --> 00:25:02,400 Thank you so much. 547 00:25:04,319 --> 00:25:06,319 Want to play midterm cliche bingo? 548 00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:09,200 First phrase she uses. I already got "wake-up call." 549 00:25:09,279 --> 00:25:11,319 Not at all. I wouldn't say it's all bad news. 550 00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,440 Frank, no, I wouldn't say it was a shellacking. 551 00:25:13,519 --> 00:25:16,559 It's not a disaster. I mean, not for m-m-- 552 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:19,319 not for me-- mean-- excuse me. 553 00:25:20,279 --> 00:25:21,759 Well, we've been up all night. 554 00:25:21,839 --> 00:25:25,519 The American people have said this is a wake-up call. 555 00:25:28,319 --> 00:25:31,480 - Oh, my God, I look so old. - No. 556 00:25:32,319 --> 00:25:34,079 What is that reaction? 557 00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:35,599 Smile with your eyes if you can. 558 00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:37,519 - Yep. - And your nose if you can. 559 00:25:37,599 --> 00:25:39,759 With my nose? How do you do that? 560 00:25:41,279 --> 00:25:43,920 Remember to thank somebody, okay? Not God. Don't make it religious. 561 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:46,599 But thank, like, farmers. They love that shit. 562 00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:49,039 Plurality? Is that what you said? 563 00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:51,039 Pulal-- yeah, look at that. 564 00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:52,960 - Plurality. - Yeah. 565 00:25:53,039 --> 00:25:56,720 - It's not good, you know what I mean? - It's kind of a fish face. 566 00:25:56,799 --> 00:26:01,119 Yes, yes, indeed. Well, there's been a plurality of views. 567 00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:03,880 Well, there isn't an economic Santa Claus, 568 00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:06,160 and don't I wish that there were. 569 00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:08,359 Well, we are the United States of America 570 00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:10,519 because we are united 571 00:26:10,599 --> 00:26:12,960 and we are states 572 00:26:13,039 --> 00:26:15,640 and we are of America. 573 00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:17,759 Oh, it was my pleasure. Thank you. 574 00:26:21,359 --> 00:26:22,880 Gary: Oh, great job, ma'am. 575 00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:24,960 - You're done. You're done. - Get this out of my ear. 576 00:26:25,039 --> 00:26:26,759 Gary: Let's get you in a comfy chair.