1 00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:11,560 Oh, God. That is really bad. Can we get this shit out of here? 2 00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:15,800 -Not until the shutdown's over. -The garbage collection's suspended. 3 00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:17,399 Wait, what? 4 00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:22,039 -Did I hear the V.P. scream? -No, that was me. And it was a shout. 5 00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:25,879 There was a rat on the garbage, so I shouted to scare it off. 6 00:00:26,199 --> 00:00:29,239 -That was a man's voice? -Yeah, 'cause I'm a man. 7 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:31,960 I have a man's voice. 8 00:00:33,399 --> 00:00:35,520 Yeah, that's right. Walk away. 9 00:00:47,479 --> 00:00:50,079 VEEP Season 2, Episode 7 10 00:00:50,719 --> 00:00:54,119 I swear to god, it was massive. It was like a pony. 11 00:00:54,439 --> 00:00:57,119 -Squeak, squeak! -God, stop! That's not cool. 12 00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,079 I'm not gonna drag this out. We're in shutdown mode. 13 00:01:00,439 --> 00:01:03,479 -I gotta have a skeleton staff. -So Keith stays, right? 14 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:05,959 -What? -Keith. He's skinny, like a skeleton? 15 00:01:06,359 --> 00:01:09,840 -I can't afford to be furloughed. -No, you're not. But Dan, you are. 16 00:01:10,159 --> 00:01:13,840 You two do similar jobs. It just makes economic sense for you to go, Dan. 17 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:16,120 Does that mean he makes more money than I do? 18 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:20,000 It's not gonna be long, 'cause I've got a meeting with the Speaker today. 19 00:01:20,079 --> 00:01:21,959 So I'm gonna shut down the shutdown. 20 00:01:22,039 --> 00:01:24,599 Without me, this office will implode. 21 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:28,158 Gary, the secret service is calling you Girly Shirley Temple... 22 00:01:28,519 --> 00:01:30,280 Sue? You're going home. 23 00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:34,680 -Yeah, I'm sorry. -Fine... I need a moment. 24 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:39,759 -That's tough. -My god. I feel so bad for her. 25 00:01:40,239 --> 00:01:42,280 -Come on. She had to go. -Poor Sue. 26 00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:44,400 I guess I'll be heading out. 27 00:01:44,759 --> 00:01:48,359 You can't make work related contact with anyone from this administration, 28 00:01:48,439 --> 00:01:51,640 and you're forbidden by law from entering the West Wing or EEOB. 29 00:01:51,719 --> 00:01:54,598 -You didn't need to remind me of that. -I know, but I wanted to. 30 00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:56,959 -Laters! -He's taking that well. 31 00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:59,719 He's like Spock, he doesn't show his emotions. 32 00:01:59,799 --> 00:02:02,120 -Ever? -Never. 33 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:05,200 -No, not even then. -You're kidding me. 34 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:08,240 I saw him laugh once, when the security guy fell off his Segway. 35 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:11,560 Is laughter an emotion? 36 00:02:11,639 --> 00:02:15,960 Full day spa package. I think you'll find it is possible. Sue Wilson. 37 00:02:16,039 --> 00:02:18,960 Valued, and if need be, aggressive client. 38 00:02:19,039 --> 00:02:23,879 Can you set up a lunch with him? Great. No, browsing the store of life. 39 00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:28,840 Section marked "what if?" No, no. Network the bejeezus out of me. 40 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:33,079 I want people to be sick of the sight of my face. 41 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:35,120 Very funny, Carl. 42 00:02:35,719 --> 00:02:37,960 Gary, I don't know how to do that. 43 00:02:38,039 --> 00:02:39,478 Sorry. 44 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:42,319 Andrew donating to both parties is all over the blogs. 45 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:45,879 -Who keeps stirring the shit pot? -Roger Furlong. 46 00:02:46,199 --> 00:02:49,800 It's like anal leakage. The donations, the shitty book about me, 47 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:54,199 Andrew having a fake relationship, the land deal from like ages ago. 48 00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:57,478 Somebody bring me the chinless head of Roger Furlong. 49 00:02:57,560 --> 00:02:59,879 In the acknowledgements, the author says... 50 00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:02,800 -Why do you have a copy of that? -It's my refuting copy. 51 00:03:02,879 --> 00:03:04,639 Get rid of it. Refuse it. 52 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:08,478 If the V.P. had a window, it'd be a high one, and she'd push you out of it. 53 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:12,159 -That's very good. -I'm doing my impression of Sue. 54 00:03:12,478 --> 00:03:16,360 What? You're pregnant? Oh, my god. I'm so sorry. I did not mean that. 55 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:20,639 If you call next week, we can probably fit you in. Congratulations! 56 00:03:20,719 --> 00:03:23,879 'ello, guvnahs! Pickle me eels, and tickle me belly, 57 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:30,199 'cause I am off to merry London town for a right fuckabout, eh? Innit, love? 58 00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:33,240 Are you going to the G8 conference in London? 59 00:03:33,319 --> 00:03:36,079 Thank you for asking. Yes, I am. 60 00:03:36,478 --> 00:03:39,560 It is a city where women are literally drunk all day, 61 00:03:39,918 --> 00:03:42,319 and I am gonna mind their gaps, my friend. 62 00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:45,840 But I need my passport renewed, so can I speak to the Veep? 63 00:03:45,918 --> 00:03:47,639 Why do you need her for that? 64 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:52,599 The government is shut down, so all the passport offices are closed. 65 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:56,240 So I need Selina to pull some strings for me. So get Sue. 66 00:03:57,599 --> 00:04:00,479 Where's Sue? Who's the new Sue? 67 00:04:01,319 --> 00:04:04,680 Me. Would you like an appointment, Mister Ryan? 68 00:04:05,159 --> 00:04:07,719 Yes, New Sue. I would like to make an appointment. 69 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:09,439 Suck it. 70 00:04:12,759 --> 00:04:16,199 Look around you. People out of work, garbage in the streets, 71 00:04:16,519 --> 00:04:20,600 ordinary folks suffering. Sometimes I feel I don't know my own party. 72 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:24,879 This is a problem with high definition. You don't want to see a dick in hi-def. 73 00:04:24,959 --> 00:04:27,360 How can they allow this shutdown to happen? 74 00:04:27,439 --> 00:04:31,160 Do Washington's overpaid lawmakers not care about ordinary people? 75 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:34,079 I'm not overpaid. I'm independently wealthy. 76 00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:37,519 They need to cut a deal and vanquish the stench. 77 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:41,439 Ma'am! Stench at your home is gone, thanks to me! 78 00:04:42,159 --> 00:04:44,759 You know that stinky garbage outside your home? 79 00:04:44,839 --> 00:04:47,759 I, as Sue, had a private company take it away. 80 00:04:48,319 --> 00:04:51,360 -What? Why would you do that? -That was not a good idea, Gary. 81 00:04:51,439 --> 00:04:53,519 That wasn't the reaction I was expecting. 82 00:04:53,839 --> 00:04:56,600 Everybody in Garbage town has to live with the stink 83 00:04:56,920 --> 00:05:00,199 except for the uppity princess in her perfumed palace? 84 00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:04,199 ...is what other people would say. I'm not saying that. Not me. 85 00:05:04,519 --> 00:05:09,040 Hold on, now. So now, some private contractor who has not been vetted 86 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:14,839 could go through all of my trash and put it up on the... internet? 87 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:18,560 -I didn't mean to do that. -Get the garbage bags back. 88 00:05:18,639 --> 00:05:21,560 How am I gonna know which bags are yours? 89 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:27,120 Do you want to let me know some of the things that are in the bags? 90 00:05:27,199 --> 00:05:29,519 Can I talk to you privately, just for a second? 91 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:35,519 -What the... fuck? -I don't know. 92 00:05:51,879 --> 00:05:53,720 -Be quick. -Yes, Ma'am. 93 00:05:56,639 --> 00:05:59,000 Me and the Speaker, I think we're gonna end this. 94 00:05:59,079 --> 00:06:01,399 POTUS knows we have to get out of shutdown ASAP. 95 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:05,360 -It's fucking us all every which way. -Speaking of which... 96 00:06:06,759 --> 00:06:10,120 I've been seeing Andrew. 97 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:17,439 Like you would see someone for lunch or a game of cards? 98 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:21,879 Yeah. We've been having lunch, and then we've been having sex, 99 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:25,920 and not really cards so much, just... you know, just like sex. 100 00:06:26,879 --> 00:06:29,639 -Amy, can you tell me what to do? -Honestly? 101 00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:34,040 You dump him overboard like the toxic waste he is. He will kill your career. 102 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:39,000 Come on, Amy. It is just... so good. You just have no idea. 103 00:06:39,319 --> 00:06:42,079 And it's stress relief. You know, endorphins. 104 00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:46,759 -Then you see where it goes. -No, I have to end it. 105 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,360 -Yeah. -But I can't. 106 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:57,759 I'm glad we talked. On the same page. 107 00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:02,480 I don't actually have to touch the trash, do I? 108 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:05,439 Yes. You gotta help me get the garbage, put it in your car, 109 00:07:05,519 --> 00:07:08,240 we'll take it to the residence, and I'll help you get a passport. 110 00:07:08,319 --> 00:07:10,480 You're the guys who want your trash back? 111 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:13,959 -Yeah. Hey, I'm Gary Walsh. -Hi, Jonah Ryan, West Wing. 112 00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:17,879 -So... our trash? -Your trash? It's mine now. 113 00:07:18,319 --> 00:07:20,439 So, what's my end? 114 00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:24,560 This is a government matter, so it would be best if you cooperated. 115 00:07:24,639 --> 00:07:26,680 Are you threatening me, Pez head? 116 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:30,680 Because we got a compactor that takes shit and turns it into cubes. 117 00:07:31,839 --> 00:07:35,199 Could you just excuse us for one moment? Thank you so much. 118 00:07:35,279 --> 00:07:37,879 What are you doing? We have to offer him something. 119 00:07:37,959 --> 00:07:41,240 Why don't you offer to blow him over by the recycled glass? 120 00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:43,680 That would be romantic, wouldn't it? 121 00:07:43,759 --> 00:07:46,319 It's a shame you're not going to London. 122 00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:50,399 I'm gonna offer him a tour of the West Wing. Civilians love that shit. 123 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:53,279 They get so hot for it, they call it the Wet Wing. 124 00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:56,480 -That's disrespectful. -A building doesn't have feelings. 125 00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,639 -It has a spirit. -No, it doesn't. 126 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:01,600 Mister Walsh and I would love to offer you a private, 127 00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:04,319 exclusive tour of the West Wing of the White House. 128 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:06,240 Sure. That sounds like fun. 129 00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:09,439 Wait. Did I say fun? I meant like you think I'm a dick. 130 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:12,360 What would you like? 131 00:08:12,439 --> 00:08:15,319 I would like a visit from the Vice President. 132 00:08:15,399 --> 00:08:18,920 I'd like to have her take a tour. I think it'd be good for business. 133 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:22,000 "Vice President Applauds Shit Compaction." 134 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:24,720 Okay. We can do that. Yeah. 135 00:08:28,079 --> 00:08:31,160 Boy, I had forgotten how nice this office was, Jim. 136 00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:34,759 It is nice, isn't it? The chairs are worth a fortune. 137 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:37,558 -Are they? -Uncomfortable as hell, though. 138 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:41,360 Well, people in the old days lived in discomfort most of the time. 139 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:44,159 -True. -They were laced into their clothing, 140 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:47,480 Freezing cold or hot as hell, hard chairs, and they all stank. 141 00:08:47,799 --> 00:08:51,039 -Tough times, tough times. -And I'm just talking about the 1970s. 142 00:08:51,399 --> 00:08:56,120 I'm not. I was thinking of the 18th century. The wigs, so on. 143 00:08:56,519 --> 00:08:59,799 I think we're pretty close on a budget deal here. 144 00:09:00,279 --> 00:09:02,679 I think we just need you to move a little more. 145 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,919 -I'm not moving. -No? 146 00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:08,200 Not with you, ma'am. You have been hung out to dry. 147 00:09:08,519 --> 00:09:10,480 I just got a call from Politico. 148 00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:13,840 They did an interview with the President, and called for my reaction. 149 00:09:14,159 --> 00:09:17,200 -Just now? -Do you not know? 150 00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:21,600 All right. I will read the President's words without inflection. 151 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:27,679 "Slide to unlock. Selina Meyer is a feisty operator and a fine VP. 152 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:31,559 She tried her best to prevent this shutdown, working long hours, 153 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:33,879 but it was a tough call." 154 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:36,799 Subtext, ma'am, you failed. 155 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:40,440 And you are being blamed personally for this government shutdown. 156 00:09:40,519 --> 00:09:43,039 First of all, I did not hear that subtext. 157 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:48,360 I hear text, and the text that I hear is "a feisty and successful VP." 158 00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:51,639 -I don't think he said successful. -I know he said successful. 159 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:55,120 -That wasn't in those words... -That's what you just read to me. 160 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:59,320 "Selina Meyer is a feisty operator and a fine VP." No successful. 161 00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:03,080 -Fine and successful are synonyms. -You're grasping at straws. 162 00:10:03,159 --> 00:10:07,159 With this, and with all those stories about your ex- husband, 163 00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:11,720 there's a lot of poison coming from certain enemy congressmen. 164 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:16,120 -Roger Furlong. -If you say so. It's all beans to me. 165 00:10:16,639 --> 00:10:19,679 Madame VP, you have been squeezed out of the budget deal. 166 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:23,960 It's tough, but I don't care. Now you see why we have the hard chairs. 167 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:30,440 -Hardly worth you sitting down. -Jim, you're a lot older than me. 168 00:10:31,639 --> 00:10:37,320 If you die within the next six years, I will be attending your funeral 169 00:10:37,759 --> 00:10:41,159 and giving a eulogy when POTUS sends me there in his stead. 170 00:10:42,039 --> 00:10:47,039 And it is gonna be full of subtext. Chock full of subtext. 171 00:10:48,279 --> 00:10:50,799 I look forward to that. Oh, wait. I'll be dead. 172 00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:54,600 I'm looking at being furloughed as an opportunity. 173 00:10:54,679 --> 00:10:57,440 Get out there, touch some bases, face some faces. 174 00:10:57,519 --> 00:11:01,200 You're saying your career has stalled. So now you and your slack pussy 175 00:11:01,279 --> 00:11:03,720 want to make big bucks as an oil lobbyist, right? 176 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:07,679 -Today's specials are the shrimp... -Let me stop you there, sweetheart. 177 00:11:07,759 --> 00:11:09,919 -You're gonna pick up the tab, right? -Yes. 178 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:12,919 I'm gonna have the most expensive starter, the most expensive entrée, 179 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:15,039 and a $200 bottle of champagne. 180 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:20,399 I'm gonna keep it light. Chicken salad and a diet Coke. 181 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,759 Nonsense. Give him exactly what I'm having, 182 00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:26,320 and we will split the champagne. It's our first date. 183 00:11:28,559 --> 00:11:31,759 My husband was killed 15 yards from a ranger station. 184 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:36,360 This is the most fucked up story. To be killed by a bear? 185 00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:42,000 And a black bear, that's weird. They rarely attack people. 186 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:44,440 Then he must have goaded him, 187 00:11:44,879 --> 00:11:48,200 and he must have hit him with a stick or done something stupid. 188 00:11:48,279 --> 00:11:51,840 Taunting him, or forcing the bear to dance. Bears don't like to dance. 189 00:11:52,279 --> 00:11:54,480 There's not a happy bear in show business. 190 00:11:54,879 --> 00:11:57,879 Or he tried to fuck it, like Grizzly Adams. 191 00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:00,039 -Enjoying yourselves? -We were. 192 00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:03,080 Are you laughing at the violent death of a young man? 193 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:06,240 -Yeah, pretty much. -Weren't you on furlough, Kent? 194 00:12:06,639 --> 00:12:09,600 -Forgot my noise headphones. -Guess what I just heard? 195 00:12:09,679 --> 00:12:12,559 I'm not here, ergo my ears aren't here either. 196 00:12:12,639 --> 00:12:16,799 Okay. POTUS' quote, in his soon to be released Politico interview, 197 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:20,840 in which he blames me for the government shutdown. 198 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,159 -What? -It was implicit. 199 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:28,399 Implicit like a "kick me" sticker on my keister would be implicit? 200 00:12:28,759 --> 00:12:32,480 Greatest respect, but it has been the job of the VP over the ages 201 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:35,679 to take it in the ass to save the President. 202 00:12:36,159 --> 00:12:40,440 This ass is closed for business. This ass is in clench-down. 203 00:12:41,039 --> 00:12:44,120 Let the President take it in the ass, he might like it. 204 00:12:44,559 --> 00:12:49,159 ...powerful men and women. They couldn't agree on anything! 205 00:12:49,759 --> 00:12:53,960 Now I'm to blame because some goober got all eaten up by a bear? 206 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,480 Get your press guys on this, okay? 207 00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:59,080 Ma'am? This is in Minnesota, right? 208 00:12:59,519 --> 00:13:02,559 So Governor Chung is gonna be all over this like a idiot. 209 00:13:02,919 --> 00:13:06,679 Let's get in front of something and get in touch with this widow. 210 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:10,559 -Yeah. Did you hear that, Mike? -Get in touch with the bear widow. 211 00:13:10,639 --> 00:13:13,679 -And with the press guys? -Yeah, and with the press guys. 212 00:13:13,759 --> 00:13:16,519 Two things. Call the Guinness Book of World Records. 213 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:19,039 Oh, no, don't! 'Cause that would be three things. 214 00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:22,840 -So you're not gonna eat that lobster? -No. I hate lobster. 215 00:13:22,919 --> 00:13:25,879 You know, Dan, we could use you. How do you feel about 216 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:29,279 swindling a bunch of sister-fuckers out of their land in Nebraska? 217 00:13:29,679 --> 00:13:33,440 Trying to skirt a pipeline through their yard, and they're not a fan. 218 00:13:33,519 --> 00:13:37,159 Wanna get rid of some farm folk? I'm your well-groomed dustbowl. 219 00:13:38,759 --> 00:13:41,879 Boy, you made it twitch. If you really want to make my dick dance, 220 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,559 tell me what's going on in the VP's office! 221 00:13:45,159 --> 00:13:48,320 Well, you know, I can't really be too specific. 222 00:13:48,679 --> 00:13:51,600 Sure. Why don't we come up with some kind of code? 223 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:56,879 The VP will be the lobster. Amy greens, we'll call Mike carrots. 224 00:13:57,279 --> 00:14:00,000 Dan, you can be shrimp. Do you see what I did there? 225 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:04,200 Dan, I made you shrimp. Boy, I wish I ordered a plate of useless assholes. 226 00:14:04,639 --> 00:14:07,320 But you go to war with the army you have, right? 227 00:14:07,399 --> 00:14:10,600 The lobster is getting back together with her ex-husband. 228 00:14:10,679 --> 00:14:13,480 The greens are only barely keeping it together. 229 00:14:13,919 --> 00:14:17,840 Mike... carrots are drowning in debt. 230 00:14:18,159 --> 00:14:21,919 And this little shrimp wants to hear more about this Nebraska deal. 231 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:25,600 -Wanna go to the corn belt, do ya? -I wanna hit it hard for ya. 232 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:29,840 Tap your ruby slippers together, and wake up. There's no job, Dorothy. 233 00:14:30,159 --> 00:14:33,960 But I'm impressed that you would turn on all of your compadres. 234 00:14:34,519 --> 00:14:38,279 Why don't you take your little vanilla Thriller dance over to Danny Chung? 235 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:42,879 He's the shiny turd rising to the top of the bowl. You like turds, don't you? 236 00:14:43,919 --> 00:14:47,399 Yeah. No, no, no. That's really not what I meant. 237 00:14:47,919 --> 00:14:52,159 When I said fault, I meant that it wasn't your husband's fault 238 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:59,519 because bears are naturally hungry. Does that make sense? Hello? 239 00:15:01,399 --> 00:15:03,399 -Is that Mrs. Doolittle? -Yeah. 240 00:15:03,759 --> 00:15:05,720 -And? -Yeah, very emotional. 241 00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:07,399 Well, of course. 242 00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:10,639 What? Oh, Jesus. All right. Amy? 243 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:14,519 We're gonna have to get Dan to go to Minnesota, do some widow work. 244 00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:18,000 -Dan's on furlough. -I know because I furloughed him. 245 00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:21,840 -And by the way, where is Gary? -He's still getting the garbage. 246 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:25,480 If he's not back soon, we're gonna have to un-enfurlough Sue. 247 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:28,320 Un-en-fur-... We'll have to get Sue back. 248 00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:30,799 And I want to meet with Furlong. 249 00:15:33,639 --> 00:15:36,519 -No. I'm not getting in there. -Unbelievable. 250 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:42,120 Please. You think this is bad? Wait 'til you get to London. 251 00:15:42,639 --> 00:15:47,279 Everything smells like urine, even the food. Okay, found it! 252 00:15:47,759 --> 00:15:50,480 -How do you know it's hers? -Shut up, I found it. 253 00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:55,039 My god... that pizza was good! 254 00:15:55,600 --> 00:16:00,120 I don't eat pizza, Roger. But when I do, it just makes me so happy. 255 00:16:00,639 --> 00:16:02,799 -Thank the Chinese for that. -What? 256 00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,679 -Chinese invented pizza. -No, they didn't. 257 00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:09,759 Listen, let's talk about all these stories going 'round, 258 00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:12,799 about Andrew's land deal and our relationship. 259 00:16:13,159 --> 00:16:15,399 All those rumours... 260 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:17,679 Who knows where any of that's coming from. 261 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,440 There's boxes and boxes of this stuff out there. 262 00:16:20,799 --> 00:16:23,440 That's as much a fact as Will's impotence. 263 00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:27,639 -I don't think that's appropriate. -He doesn't mind. Do you, Will? 264 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:30,720 -Whatever works, sir. -Sure. See, team player. 265 00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:34,399 I got a pretty impressive deck of cards here, ma'am. 266 00:16:34,799 --> 00:16:37,200 -No kidding? I love to play cards. -Do you? 267 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:39,879 -What's your favorite game? -Shanghai. 268 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:42,879 -I would have guessed Old Maid. -Wanna play Go Fish? 269 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:44,840 -Sure. -Lay them out. 270 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,759 All right. Queen. The boxes I just mentioned. 271 00:16:48,279 --> 00:16:51,759 Boxes full of dirt Explosive dirt. Hurty dirt. 272 00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:54,639 You can start calling me the Hurty Dirty Man. 273 00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:57,399 -I'm not gonna call you that. -All right. 274 00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:00,919 -I'm not. What's your king? -Could be Chung time. 275 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:04,519 Everybody Dan Chung tonight. Danny likes boxes. 276 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,240 -And then? -Well, I can't predict the future. 277 00:17:09,759 --> 00:17:14,799 Roger Furlong, look at you, being all coy. 278 00:17:15,598 --> 00:17:20,279 You're a coy boy. So what, you'd make some sort of a deal with him, 279 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:24,519 for some sort of senior position in his administration? 280 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:28,519 Stranger things have happened. Strange things could happen. 281 00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:31,279 Boom. You wanna make a deal with me? 282 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:34,200 Have a place in my future administration? 283 00:17:34,599 --> 00:17:37,000 Boy, that came out of nowhere, didn't it Will? 284 00:17:37,319 --> 00:17:39,759 It's like a sudden monsoon in Goa, sir. 285 00:17:40,079 --> 00:17:43,279 They predict those things weeks in advance, you idiot. 286 00:17:43,839 --> 00:17:46,359 Hey, did you ever see "Silence of the Lambs"? 287 00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:50,160 Oh, yeah. That scared the living shit out of me. 288 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:53,920 I know, it's hard to believe that they have female FBI agents. 289 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:57,359 -I'm kidding. -I love that kind of misogyny. 290 00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:00,319 -I love misogyny like that. -The best kind. 291 00:18:00,799 --> 00:18:03,799 Anyway, the point is, you got these two characters, right? 292 00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:07,680 That seem to be so different, but they can actually work together. 293 00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:10,680 You know what? You make such a good point. 294 00:18:12,319 --> 00:18:14,440 Just to be clear, Roger, 295 00:18:15,319 --> 00:18:19,480 you're not asking for anything, and I'm not agreeing to anything. 296 00:18:20,839 --> 00:18:26,839 I can't say anything explicitly. Neither can you. Understand that? 297 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:31,079 -Will, do I understand? -Yes, you do, sir. 298 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:35,599 -Did you hear what we said, Will? -No, ma'am. 299 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:39,000 Team player. I like it. 300 00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:42,839 She's on her way. So we'll put this in her car. Did you check the oil? 301 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,680 -No, who the fuck checks their oil? -Everyone? 302 00:18:47,079 --> 00:18:49,119 -Oh, hey. Sue's here. -Thank god. 303 00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:51,599 -Thanks, Sue! -You're welcome, Gary. 304 00:18:52,039 --> 00:18:55,039 Dude, grab a bag. We're gonna be the shitty Sopranos. 305 00:18:55,359 --> 00:18:57,799 Just don't get any mess on my dress, okay? 306 00:18:58,759 --> 00:19:02,119 You're paying to have my car cleaned after this. 307 00:19:02,759 --> 00:19:04,920 Okay, come on. Let's get this over with. 308 00:19:05,319 --> 00:19:07,079 I'm not gonna fit in here. 309 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:11,000 It's bigger than your mother's womb, and you were in there 'til...15. 310 00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:15,440 -Oh, god. I'm touching it. -Something's wet... 311 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:18,799 -It got on my ID badge. -Watch your legs, Lurch. 312 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:22,319 -Who buys a coupe? -Oh, gross. 313 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:28,960 People will say he shouldn't have been there. But he's dead! 314 00:19:29,559 --> 00:19:31,880 I know, I know. 315 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,720 I keep thinking about his last moments. 316 00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:41,400 -So, how is the widow holding up? -Well, she's crying a lot. 317 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:45,440 Like a shitload lot. She's upset, husband eaten, et cetera. 318 00:19:45,839 --> 00:19:48,599 She's a big fan of yours, though. You should talk to her. 319 00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:51,160 I don't know. It could look opportunistic. 320 00:19:51,559 --> 00:19:54,160 But, heroes don't get to choose. They get chosen. 321 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:57,759 Speaking of chosen, how is Dan-dot-com-forward-slash- Egan? 322 00:19:57,839 --> 00:20:00,839 -I'm still a fan. -And you should be. I'm awesome. 323 00:20:01,279 --> 00:20:04,279 Sadly, Selina and Kent Davison are blind to my destiny. 324 00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:07,960 They're thinking like it's the 1990s. I'm thinking like it's the 2020s. 325 00:20:08,039 --> 00:20:10,079 -You got 20:20 vision, huh? -Zowie! 326 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:13,640 -I need more of that on my team. -You offering me a job? 327 00:20:14,039 --> 00:20:16,440 I don't have any immediate vacancies. But I will. 328 00:20:16,759 --> 00:20:20,440 In six years, you and me, Oval Office, ordering a pizza and an airstrike. 329 00:20:20,759 --> 00:20:22,680 Thin crust, extra warheads. 330 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:26,119 Get the Rolling Stones to perform in my fucking living room. 331 00:20:26,599 --> 00:20:28,599 20:20, yo. 332 00:20:34,519 --> 00:20:37,000 Dan, your 15 minutes of furlough are over. 333 00:20:37,319 --> 00:20:39,720 I need you back. To the Bastardmobile! 334 00:20:43,519 --> 00:20:47,359 Didn't realize how good I am at this, until someone else did it so badly. 335 00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:49,559 -Different isn't bad. -No, bad is bad. 336 00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:53,039 What do we got on the deck for today? We got that NASA meeting? 337 00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:56,599 -The NASA guys had to reschedule. -I wanted to meet the NASA guys. 338 00:20:57,079 --> 00:21:00,119 They don't walk on the moon anymore. They're nerds in a hangar. 339 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,000 So what do we got instead? 340 00:21:02,079 --> 00:21:05,039 You have a visit to the waste management plant in Fairfax. 341 00:21:05,119 --> 00:21:08,000 I don't know what is the most depressing word in that sentence. 342 00:21:08,079 --> 00:21:10,440 All you gotta do is go meet the garbage guys. 343 00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:13,480 Make it look like you're getting your hands dirty with the common man. 344 00:21:13,839 --> 00:21:17,079 -Get some pictures for the press. -You're furloughed, Mike. 345 00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:18,599 -Without pay? -Yes. 346 00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:22,160 Sign the paperwork on Amy's desk. Try renting out your fucking boat. 347 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:25,200 I had no choice. Gary promised the garbage guy a visit. 348 00:21:25,279 --> 00:21:28,279 Gary wouldn't do something that idiotic. Would you, Gary? 349 00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:32,039 Under certain circumstances, a garbage service... 350 00:21:34,759 --> 00:21:37,039 Yeah. No, no. I get it. I understand now. 351 00:21:37,759 --> 00:21:39,759 Hey, Gary? You're furloughed. 352 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:42,519 -No! -I'm sorry. I got Sue. 353 00:21:42,839 --> 00:21:45,640 You gotta sign the paperwork on Amy's desk. 354 00:21:46,519 --> 00:21:50,200 Gary said you might be able to get my passport renewal fast tracked. 355 00:21:50,559 --> 00:21:53,480 Okay, Gary? Get out. Go fuck yourself, Jonah. 356 00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:57,720 -I'm G8 Advance Team. -Go. Period. Fuck. Period. Yourself. 357 00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:01,119 -Exclamation point! -But I helped with the garbage? 358 00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:08,720 -You helped with the garbage? -Yeah, I helped with the garbage. 359 00:22:10,279 --> 00:22:14,680 Sue? Could you get in touch with the State Department? 360 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:18,119 A doff of the cap to you, milady! 361 00:22:19,319 --> 00:22:22,359 Did you furlough Gary and Mike when I was in the bathroom? 362 00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:25,839 I did. So Sue's the new Gary, and you are still the Amy. 363 00:22:26,839 --> 00:22:28,559 Hey-hey! What have I missed? 364 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:31,640 She is furloughing indiscriminately into the crowd. 365 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:33,880 Amy? Quick word? 366 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,920 Please don't tell me you got it on with the widow. 367 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:45,559 -Honestly, where is Selina heading? -What's making you doubt her? 368 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:48,440 Land deal shit, fake relationship shit, shutdown shit. 369 00:22:48,519 --> 00:22:51,079 You left out that she just did a deal with Roger Furlong, 370 00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:53,920 and is becoming semi-dependent on antidepressants. 371 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:56,319 What could possibly go wrong? 372 00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:57,920 Okay, Sue. Let's go. 373 00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:01,359 Ma'am, I am so sorry that I could not get you the widow. 374 00:23:01,759 --> 00:23:04,039 That is what I would call a massive fuckup. 375 00:23:04,599 --> 00:23:08,480 The papers are suggesting I'm responsible for the death of an idiot. 376 00:23:08,839 --> 00:23:12,119 But I'm on my way to a garbage dump, so that's a positive, right? 377 00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:13,839 That's a good attitude. 378 00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:17,160 Amy, why is everybody else in charge of my image except me? 379 00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:19,000 We've gotta do something... 380 00:23:19,079 --> 00:23:21,880 The dump has a contaminated sludge delivery at 10:15, 381 00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:24,119 so we have a very limited window. 382 00:23:25,759 --> 00:23:28,440 We just need to think with our heads for a minute. 383 00:23:28,839 --> 00:23:30,839 Maybe get me on TV? 384 00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:35,200 We don't want to do First Response with Janet Ryland or anything... 385 00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:41,039 Yeah, that's a great idea! That's precisely what I want to do, Dan. 386 00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:43,960 Then yes, exactly. The more I think about it, 387 00:23:44,039 --> 00:23:46,599 she actually might be exactly what we want to do. 388 00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:50,000 She's respected, but not dangerous. She's staid, she's stately. 389 00:23:50,319 --> 00:23:54,839 -She's old and cold, I'm warm and... -Young? 390 00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:59,160 Young, exactly. And I'm a mother. So we should round up Catherine 391 00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:04,160 at gunpoint if we have to, and maybe Andrew... Yeah. 392 00:24:04,759 --> 00:24:06,839 All of America would be watching. 393 00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:10,960 If it doesn't land, then this could be the end to this whole adventure. 394 00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:14,039 - Melodrama queen. -Tick, tock. Sludge time. 395 00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:16,799 It's gonna be a great idea. Call First Response, 396 00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:19,880 get this thing underway. We gotta un-enfurlough Mike and Gary. 397 00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,440 -Unfurlough. -That's what I just said, Amy. 398 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,960 So let's just throw as many bodies at this as we can. 399 00:24:29,279 --> 00:24:31,680 You may want to wear this mask, in case the wind changes. 400 00:24:32,079 --> 00:24:33,720 No, I don't think so, I think... 401 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:36,839 Yeah. Okay, that's not a bad idea, actually. 402 00:24:37,599 --> 00:24:41,000 Your bravery has been an inspiration for us all. 403 00:24:41,519 --> 00:24:45,519 I've allotted exactly 3 minutes for small talk, during which... 404 00:24:45,599 --> 00:24:48,519 After that, there's a maximum of ten minutes... 405 00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:51,119 Enough, Sue. There are cameras here. 406 00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:55,200 -If there's anything I can do... -So nice to hear someone say that. 407 00:24:55,759 --> 00:24:59,279 You need it, you got it. God bless you. 408 00:25:00,519 --> 00:25:04,960 This wildlife in the area, I wonder how it's impacted by this very facility. 409 00:25:05,799 --> 00:25:08,359 We get a lot of rats, if that's what you mean? 410 00:25:08,799 --> 00:25:11,599 Well, that makes sense, doesn't it? Of course, yeah. 411 00:25:12,039 --> 00:25:14,440 And he served in the Coast Guard, is that right? 412 00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:17,960 It would have been a mighty privilege to have known him. 413 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:21,400 I'm sure you know, Joe, that nationally, 414 00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:26,000 we spend about 71 dollars per ton of waste on recycling, 415 00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:29,480 while we spend 86 dollars per ton on collection. 416 00:25:29,559 --> 00:25:31,960 Do you find this divergence troubling? 417 00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:36,400 I just shovel it, I don't account for it. 418 00:25:37,799 --> 00:25:39,680 This doesn't look great, does it? 419 00:25:40,079 --> 00:25:42,519 Depends on which channel you're watching. 420 00:25:42,599 --> 00:25:45,920 We can all learn from the incredible strength you've shown. 421 00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:48,119 -Are you married, Joe? -Yes. 422 00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:50,599 That's lovely. 423 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:53,599 END OF EPISODE 7 SEASON 2