1 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:09,919 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,839 Sue: No, Rachel, I'm sorry. 3 00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:23,839 But the VP's schedule has skyrocketed since the interview. 4 00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:25,320 Actually, I'm not sorry. 5 00:00:25,399 --> 00:00:26,920 I'm not sure why I just said that. 6 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:28,399 Boy, I'll tell you something. 7 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:31,399 That TV interview was a big gamble, but it really paid off. 8 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:32,960 - Look at this. - What is it? 9 00:00:33,039 --> 00:00:35,079 They're calling you the "no-BS VP." 10 00:00:35,159 --> 00:00:36,880 Damn right they are. 11 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:38,359 I mean, I lied and everything, 12 00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:40,200 - but it sounded true, at least. - Uh-huh. 13 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:41,679 Dan: Mood is good. 14 00:00:41,759 --> 00:00:43,200 Just need six more years like today 15 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:44,679 and they will vote us POTUS. 16 00:00:44,759 --> 00:00:47,600 Hey, ma'am, remember tomorrow you've got that Get Moving Fun Run. 17 00:00:47,679 --> 00:00:49,679 You probably should prepare, don't you think? 18 00:00:49,759 --> 00:00:51,439 - It's a 10K. - Yeah. 19 00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:53,679 I can run that thing in a suit of armor. 20 00:00:53,759 --> 00:00:55,679 Ma'am, I shouldn't go with you to this donors' brunch. 21 00:00:55,759 --> 00:00:57,759 We don't want to set off any alarm bells. 22 00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:59,439 Oh, yeah. You know what? Me neither. 23 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:02,600 Okay, I'll go kiss some hateful billionaire ass on my own. 24 00:01:02,679 --> 00:01:04,078 Give them all donor boners. 25 00:01:04,159 --> 00:01:05,560 Everyone wants a piece of you, ma'am. 26 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:07,040 - ( phone ringing ) - Via me. 27 00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:09,000 I need to go talk to Ben right now. 28 00:01:09,079 --> 00:01:11,920 - Andale! - Let's go. 29 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,400 We haven't heard anything from the president so far. 30 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:16,319 We've got rumors of a whistleblower 31 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,120 high up in the State Department. 32 00:01:19,158 --> 00:01:20,560 What? What are you doing? 33 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:22,039 - I don't want people to see that. - Okay. 34 00:01:23,359 --> 00:01:25,079 They should put those in a dispenser 35 00:01:25,158 --> 00:01:26,640 - outside Ben's office, right? - Yeah. 36 00:01:26,719 --> 00:01:28,439 Anchorman: ...White House staff are lawyering up 37 00:01:28,519 --> 00:01:29,920 in case of subpoenas... 38 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:31,439 Ben. 39 00:01:31,519 --> 00:01:33,200 - Ben? We've got the president's own party 40 00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:35,039 talking of a potential challenger... 41 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:37,479 Hey, why doesn't POTUS just make an apology? 42 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:40,200 I mean, I did and I was only, like, suicidal for a week. 43 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:43,439 - Huh? - Because he's a mess, all right? 44 00:01:43,519 --> 00:01:45,959 He's got a cave full of bats in his skull. 45 00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:47,878 I took the heat for the spy. 46 00:01:47,959 --> 00:01:50,878 Don't I get any credit for that at all? 47 00:01:50,959 --> 00:01:53,560 So now we've got the House Judiciary Committee 48 00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:55,560 subpoenaing us senseless. 49 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:58,479 And on top of that, we got a rumor going around 50 00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:01,640 that says that there's a challenger inside the party. 51 00:02:01,719 --> 00:02:04,000 - What? Who? - I don't know. 52 00:02:04,079 --> 00:02:06,599 One of Gaddafi's sons. They're polling better. 53 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:08,199 So thank you very much for your help, 54 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:10,360 but would you quit being so goddamned proactive? 55 00:02:10,439 --> 00:02:12,159 What are you going to do for an encore? 56 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:14,240 Blow the opening day pitch out of your ass? 57 00:02:14,319 --> 00:02:15,759 Ah, that's lovely. 58 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:18,319 Is this what this is going to be like for the next two years? 59 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:19,800 Oh, my, yes. 60 00:02:19,879 --> 00:02:21,919 We are at DEFCON fuck. 61 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:25,039 ( sirens blaring ) 62 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:27,079 Gary: Hey, ma'am, I got flash cards on the donors. 63 00:02:27,159 --> 00:02:28,560 No, thanks. I got it. 64 00:02:28,639 --> 00:02:30,199 Peter Spiddock sleeps with his gun, 65 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:32,400 Sandra O'Neill fricking hates fracking, 66 00:02:32,478 --> 00:02:34,120 Sidney Purcell-- talking to him, 67 00:02:34,199 --> 00:02:37,360 it's like being stuck in a sewer pipe filled with dead rats. 68 00:02:37,439 --> 00:02:39,000 He's got money to burn. 69 00:02:39,079 --> 00:02:41,360 Not that donating to your campaign is burning money. 70 00:02:41,439 --> 00:02:42,840 I know what this is all about. 71 00:02:42,918 --> 00:02:45,199 This is a political prick tease today. 72 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:47,159 Yeah, and we're about to meet a bunch of pricks. 73 00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:49,319 Yeah. Challenger schmallenger. 74 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:50,800 I mean, if this brunch goes well, 75 00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:52,840 my campaign launchpad is going to be made 76 00:02:52,918 --> 00:02:55,199 of solid fucking gold. 77 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:56,680 ( laughs ) 78 00:02:56,759 --> 00:03:00,719 And then in six years, it's gonna be Ms. President. 79 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:02,439 - ( men laugh ) - Yeah! 80 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:04,120 We're gonna need a bigger bag! 81 00:03:04,199 --> 00:03:06,319 Ovaries in the Oval Office! 82 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:08,719 The West Womb! 83 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:10,199 What? 84 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:11,919 - What? - You know, like a womb. 85 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:15,039 Like a woman has a womb that the baby comes-- 86 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:16,759 Oh, pathetic. "Politico" is announcing that Danny Chung 87 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:20,039 has just uploaded his "What I'm Listening To" playlist on Spotify. 88 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:21,800 Hmm. We need to do a playlist. 89 00:03:21,879 --> 00:03:24,120 - No, we don't. - Selina: Oh, we absolutely do. 90 00:03:24,199 --> 00:03:26,240 - Get Dan. - No, I can help with the songs. 91 00:03:26,319 --> 00:03:27,960 You know, my niece loves Katy Perry. 92 00:03:28,039 --> 00:03:29,439 Just like I said, get Dan. 93 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:30,960 ( music playing ) 94 00:03:31,039 --> 00:03:33,039 - There he is. - DJ Dan. 95 00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:34,680 - Thanks for the playlist. - Oh, my pleasure. 96 00:03:34,759 --> 00:03:36,159 Seems like it's playing pretty well, too, 97 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:37,800 with the oldies and the Young Chungers. 98 00:03:37,879 --> 00:03:39,439 The Young Chungers. 99 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,439 - It's like you think in hashtags. - Oh, you like that? 100 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:43,280 All right, maybe we can call 101 00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:45,680 the over 65ers the Granny Chungs. 102 00:03:47,079 --> 00:03:48,840 Something. No, I'll keep working on that one. 103 00:03:48,918 --> 00:03:50,319 - ( cell phone ringing ) - Oh, shit. 104 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:52,000 You need to take that. Keep her happy. 105 00:03:52,079 --> 00:03:53,478 Tall order. 106 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:55,000 You smell that? Money. 107 00:03:55,079 --> 00:03:56,520 - ( men laugh ) - Hey, Dan? 108 00:03:56,599 --> 00:03:58,360 - Ma'am. - Have you heard anything about 109 00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:00,360 - this Danny Chung playlist? - I just caught that, actually. 110 00:04:00,439 --> 00:04:01,840 Some smart stuff on there, too. 111 00:04:01,919 --> 00:04:04,560 Nas for the young folks, some Dean Martin for the retirees. 112 00:04:04,639 --> 00:04:07,159 He just got one of his butt droids to do it, 113 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:09,840 which is why I want you to do it for me, okay? 114 00:04:09,919 --> 00:04:12,000 Your mix is my command. 115 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:14,439 Come on, Sue, help me out with this, okay? You're good at this stuff. 116 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:16,040 You're young, you're hip, you're hop. 117 00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:17,639 What about Jimmy Cliff? "The Harder They Come"? 118 00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:19,120 No. 119 00:04:19,199 --> 00:04:20,879 Look, I have no idea who that is, so, no. 120 00:04:20,959 --> 00:04:23,160 Elvis Costello, "Peace, Love and Understanding"? 121 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:24,800 - What? - No, no, and no. 122 00:04:24,879 --> 00:04:26,480 Are you getting these all from your iPod? 123 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:29,160 - No. I think it's in a cloud. - Oh. 124 00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:30,639 You know, do you think that Danny Chung's 125 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:33,319 the one who's getting ready to bust a move in two years? 126 00:04:33,399 --> 00:04:34,800 Well, the way POTUS is going, 127 00:04:34,879 --> 00:04:36,879 he'll probably stumble into a war sooner or later. 128 00:04:36,959 --> 00:04:39,040 Chung will reenlist and hopefully get himself killed. 129 00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:41,879 I don't understand why I don't get the same respect as he does? 130 00:04:41,959 --> 00:04:45,000 - Shit! - Oh, what about that? "Respect." 131 00:04:45,079 --> 00:04:46,639 - Sue? - You know, the Aretha Franklin song? 132 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,120 - Yes. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 133 00:04:48,199 --> 00:04:50,360 - That would be great. - Hey, Mike. Mike. 134 00:04:50,439 --> 00:04:52,120 - Ooh! - Gary: Oh, my God. 135 00:04:52,199 --> 00:04:53,800 Duchess is down. Duchess is down. Yellow, yellow. 136 00:04:53,879 --> 00:04:55,920 - I repeat, Duchess is down. Go Rick. - Man: Go, go, go, go! 137 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,720 ( gasps ) Oh, God, your face! 138 00:04:57,800 --> 00:04:59,279 - Man: We're gonna need a medic. - Is it bad? 139 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:00,759 - No. - Yes! 140 00:05:00,839 --> 00:05:02,240 You're fine, ma'am. You're fine. 141 00:05:02,319 --> 00:05:04,879 Madam Vice President, if you'd just stand still, please. 142 00:05:04,959 --> 00:05:06,800 Just calm down, Martin. It's not a terrorist. 143 00:05:06,879 --> 00:05:08,519 Just lock up the hallway, guys. It's all fine. 144 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,480 - Lock it up. Lock it up. - Mike: Ma'am. Here's what you do. 145 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:13,120 Don't move. We're gonna have to cut your clothes off you. 146 00:05:13,199 --> 00:05:14,680 I walked through a glass door before. 147 00:05:14,759 --> 00:05:16,199 - This is what you do, okay? - You're kidding. 148 00:05:16,279 --> 00:05:17,680 No, I was fine because I was drunk. 149 00:05:17,759 --> 00:05:19,160 - You're gonna be okay. - Oh. 150 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:20,879 - Shit, the donors. - Just go tell them 151 00:05:20,959 --> 00:05:22,720 I'm gonna be a couple minutes late. 152 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:24,360 - Go tell them that, okay? - Okay, okay. 153 00:05:24,439 --> 00:05:26,759 - All right. What are you-- no! Mike! - Sorry, sorry, sorry. 154 00:05:26,839 --> 00:05:28,240 - Oh, shit! - Oh, my God! 155 00:05:28,319 --> 00:05:29,720 - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - Don't-- don't-- 156 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,360 - go another way, Mike! - Okay. Okay. 157 00:05:31,439 --> 00:05:33,120 Ma'am, ma'am, are you hurting? 158 00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:35,920 - Are you in pain? - Uh, I don't know. 159 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,319 Do you have a mirror? 160 00:05:38,279 --> 00:05:40,000 - No. - Yes, you do. 161 00:05:40,079 --> 00:05:42,560 I've got some St. John's Wort for pain relief if you want it. 162 00:05:42,639 --> 00:05:44,959 - I don't want to take medication. - It's herbal. It's from the earth. 163 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:46,560 You can take six, it won't affect you. 164 00:05:46,639 --> 00:05:48,800 - ( both whimper ) - Look at that. 165 00:05:48,879 --> 00:05:50,759 - ( shard pricks ) - Ah! Ow! 166 00:05:50,839 --> 00:05:52,600 - ( music playing ) - ( chatter ) 167 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,959 Hiya. Uh, hey. 168 00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:58,399 Uh, the vice president apologizes, 169 00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:00,040 but she's slightly delayed. 170 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:03,600 She's stuck on a call with the Australian ambassador. 171 00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:05,120 The Australian ambassador? 172 00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:06,920 That's good. I've never heard that one before. 173 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,959 Sidney Purcell, always a pleasure, sir. 174 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:11,120 No, it's not, actually, but you get marks for trying. 175 00:06:11,199 --> 00:06:13,519 But the vice president is in great spirits. 176 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:16,360 She's buoyantly waiting to meet you all 177 00:06:16,439 --> 00:06:18,879 and I will go check, see if I can interrupt that call. 178 00:06:18,959 --> 00:06:20,959 Like I said, it's a call. 179 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:24,759 Strength is being flexible and steadfast. 180 00:06:24,839 --> 00:06:27,680 The living willow, not the dead oak. 181 00:06:27,759 --> 00:06:30,199 I learned in Iraq that the road to respect 182 00:06:30,279 --> 00:06:32,360 between me and my men ran two ways. 183 00:06:32,439 --> 00:06:35,959 In order to get respect, you have to give respect. 184 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:38,000 When I look out, I see many faces, 185 00:06:38,079 --> 00:06:39,639 but I see only one nation 186 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:41,120 with one aspiration, 187 00:06:41,199 --> 00:06:45,560 and that aspiration is to one day hope to dream together. 188 00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:47,759 - I met a young woman... - No. 189 00:06:47,839 --> 00:06:49,920 ...named Juanita in St. Paul the other day. 190 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,759 - Oh, crap. - Danny: And I asked... 191 00:06:51,839 --> 00:06:53,240 You know what she said to me? 192 00:06:53,319 --> 00:06:54,560 Oh. 193 00:06:55,319 --> 00:06:57,240 - Dan. - This is awkward. 194 00:06:57,319 --> 00:06:58,959 Like catching your sister's eye at an orgy. 195 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:01,120 Well, my sister would never be at an orgy. Too uptight. 196 00:07:01,199 --> 00:07:03,000 She would want health records from everyone 197 00:07:03,079 --> 00:07:05,600 - and just kill the momentum and-- - Okay. I'm disappointed in you. 198 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:08,040 This is behavior I would expect from myself. But from you? Uh-uh. 199 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:09,759 Let's cut the crap. We're both here for Chung. 200 00:07:09,839 --> 00:07:12,319 So we both jump together. You know, Butch and Sundance. 201 00:07:12,399 --> 00:07:13,800 Don't they both die? 202 00:07:13,879 --> 00:07:15,279 No, not when they jump. They die at the end. 203 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:17,240 - ( cell phone ringing ) - Oh. 204 00:07:17,319 --> 00:07:18,720 Hey, Sue. 205 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,600 Dan, the vice president just walked through a glass door. 206 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:24,120 - She walked through a glass door? - What is that, code? 207 00:07:24,199 --> 00:07:26,000 No, unfortunately, it is not, Dan. 208 00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:28,240 It is a literal description of what just happened. 209 00:07:28,319 --> 00:07:30,240 And she's not too badly hurt. Thanks for asking. 210 00:07:30,319 --> 00:07:32,319 She walked through a glass door? 211 00:07:32,399 --> 00:07:34,800 Yeah, that woman has become a living metaphor of her own career. 212 00:07:34,879 --> 00:07:38,000 ( grunting ) 213 00:07:38,079 --> 00:07:39,759 Just make sure you rest today, okay? 214 00:07:39,839 --> 00:07:42,480 I feel like one of those old used footballs 215 00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:44,639 that they fixed up for the kids at an orphanage. 216 00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:46,120 ( knock at door ) ( door opens ) 217 00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:47,639 Good to see you've calmed down. 218 00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:50,040 Ma'am, plenty of rest and no 10K run tomorrow. 219 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:51,720 - Okay? - Well, I don't know about that. 220 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:54,279 - Hey. - Hi. 221 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:56,000 Uh, we told everyone you were delayed. 222 00:07:56,079 --> 00:07:57,959 But we're gonna have to cancel this thing, okay? 223 00:07:58,040 --> 00:07:59,439 No. Mike, what are you talking about? 224 00:07:59,519 --> 00:08:00,920 I can't cancel my destiny. 225 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:02,399 Ma'am, look at you. You're wearing a robe. 226 00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:04,279 Unless you want to go down there and sing them a chorus 227 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:06,240 of "Look At Me, I'm Sandra Dee," you can't go downstairs. 228 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,600 Okay, I'll go ahead and go. 229 00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:10,240 Thank you very much for your help. 230 00:08:10,319 --> 00:08:11,759 - Mum's the word? - Oh, yes. 231 00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:13,800 - Good. - What would I even say? 232 00:08:13,879 --> 00:08:16,000 We'll just tell them what happened and reschedule. 233 00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:19,000 - Oh! Ooh. Jesus. - Oh, God. 234 00:08:19,079 --> 00:08:20,480 I'm cancelling. I'm cancelling. 235 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:24,079 ( panting ) 236 00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:27,120 - Okay, where is she? - I don't know. 237 00:08:27,199 --> 00:08:30,199 I guess we just follow the trail of her blood and Gary's tears. 238 00:08:30,279 --> 00:08:32,000 - Oh, hey. - How bad is she? 239 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:33,840 She's fine. It's just superficial cuts. 240 00:08:33,919 --> 00:08:35,759 Did you give her any painkillers or--? 241 00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:38,320 I didn't want to do that because she's already on St. John's Wort. 242 00:08:38,399 --> 00:08:40,000 I think I got that off a Catholic schoolgirl once. 243 00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:41,480 So why can't she take anything else? 244 00:08:41,558 --> 00:08:43,279 Well, it can react badly with the body 245 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:44,799 if she's already on immunosuppressants, 246 00:08:44,879 --> 00:08:46,720 beta-blockers, or antidepressants. 247 00:08:46,799 --> 00:08:48,200 Okay, fine. She's not on any of those. 248 00:08:48,279 --> 00:08:49,960 - ( cell phone chimes ) - I've really got to go. 249 00:08:50,039 --> 00:08:51,440 - Catch you guys later. - Yep, thank you. 250 00:08:51,519 --> 00:08:53,679 - Well, she is on antidepressants. - Yep. 251 00:08:53,759 --> 00:08:55,279 After you. 252 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:57,159 See? You made that look so easy. 253 00:08:57,240 --> 00:09:00,240 Hey, I'm sorry this isn't the presidential suite, ma'am. 254 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:03,039 Oh, it doesn't matter, Gary. 255 00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:05,000 Who has the presidential suite? 256 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:06,600 I heard Russell Crowe. 257 00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:09,279 - Russell Crowe, "Gladiator." - Yeah. 258 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:11,960 - "I'll be back." - ( laughs ) Mmm... 259 00:09:12,039 --> 00:09:13,440 You know who would love this robe? 260 00:09:13,519 --> 00:09:14,919 - Ben. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 261 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,840 Can you imagine him in this with his big mug? 262 00:09:16,919 --> 00:09:19,440 - Walking around? - Yep. Yep. He'd love that. 263 00:09:19,519 --> 00:09:21,360 ( both laughing ) 264 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:30,679 - Come on, sit here. - Okay, that's nice. 265 00:09:30,759 --> 00:09:32,159 - Yeah. - Thank you, ma'am. 266 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,440 I don't really know anything about you, you know? 267 00:09:34,519 --> 00:09:36,120 You're kind of a mystery man. 268 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:38,480 Ooh. 269 00:09:38,559 --> 00:09:40,039 Where'd you grow up? 270 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:41,519 Birmingham, Alabama. 271 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:43,000 ( Southern accent ) You did not. 272 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:44,679 ( Southern accent ) I did too! I did! 273 00:09:44,759 --> 00:09:47,399 - Are you close to your parents? - Close to my mom. 274 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,759 My dad always wanted a man for a son, so... 275 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:51,440 - Oh, yeah. - But it's a different generation. 276 00:09:51,519 --> 00:09:53,080 It is a different generation. It's true. 277 00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:56,080 They're about to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. 278 00:09:56,159 --> 00:09:57,639 - 4-0. - ( gasps ) Oh! 279 00:09:57,720 --> 00:09:59,519 They're gonna have a huge blowout. 280 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,679 - What do you mean? Like a party? - Massive party. 281 00:10:01,759 --> 00:10:03,720 Massive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 282 00:10:03,799 --> 00:10:05,240 - It's really-- - Can I come? 283 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:08,360 - What? - Could-- can I come? 284 00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:09,840 Are you serious? 285 00:10:09,919 --> 00:10:12,000 Is that completely inappropriate for me to invite myself? 286 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:13,600 Oh, my God, no. 287 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:17,519 No. They-- I would love that. Are you kidding? 288 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:19,000 - Really? - Yes. 289 00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:22,720 That would solve all of my validation issues with my dad. 290 00:10:22,799 --> 00:10:24,200 Ma'am. Uh, how are you? 291 00:10:24,279 --> 00:10:25,679 Selina: Look, Amy, watch this. 292 00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:27,240 Look how tiny I can make myself. 293 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:29,519 - Watch this. - ( laughing ) 294 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:32,279 But the donor meeting has been cancelled, yes? 295 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:33,759 Selina: I'm not doing that thing. 296 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:35,279 Seriously, screw all those people. 297 00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:38,639 God, I hope Iran drops a nuke on DC. 298 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,480 - Gary: Ooh. - Wouldn't it solve a lot of issues? 299 00:10:40,559 --> 00:10:43,000 Except Kent wouldn't go anywhere. He'd still be around. 300 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:44,600 He's like an undead cockroach with his-- 301 00:10:44,679 --> 00:10:46,639 - ( laughing ) - It's true. 302 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:48,840 He's got that blank look. 303 00:10:48,919 --> 00:10:50,600 I bet he doesn't even have a come face. 304 00:10:50,679 --> 00:10:53,159 Can you imagine fucking that guy? 305 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:54,639 Whoa. 306 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:58,000 Amy, you have such pretty blonde hair. 307 00:10:58,080 --> 00:10:59,480 Doesn't she? 308 00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:01,720 So pretty. 309 00:11:01,799 --> 00:11:03,840 - ( music playing ) - ( chatter ) 310 00:11:03,919 --> 00:11:05,559 Hi, everyone. Good morning again. 311 00:11:05,639 --> 00:11:08,120 Unfortunately, the vice president is still stuck 312 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:09,679 on a phone call with Australia 313 00:11:09,759 --> 00:11:11,240 so she's going to have to postpone 314 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:12,720 this morning's meet and greet breakfast, okay? 315 00:11:12,799 --> 00:11:14,200 - ( guests groan ) - We're very sorry. 316 00:11:14,279 --> 00:11:16,320 Mike, you know, in the southern hemisphere, 317 00:11:16,399 --> 00:11:17,879 the bullshit actually flows the other way. 318 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,360 Did you know that? 319 00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:20,840 The Australia thing is real. 320 00:11:20,919 --> 00:11:23,080 - What the fuck? - Okay, listen to me. 321 00:11:23,159 --> 00:11:24,879 There's been an incident with the vice president. 322 00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:27,440 - Can you keep this under wraps? - Yeah. What? 323 00:11:27,519 --> 00:11:29,000 She's walked through a glass door. 324 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:30,679 - She walked through a glass door? - Shh! 325 00:11:30,759 --> 00:11:33,399 What, she just stumbled into a solid piece of glass? 326 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:35,320 ( laughing ) 327 00:11:35,399 --> 00:11:37,360 That's-- that's amazing. 328 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:40,200 I guess it's funny 329 00:11:40,279 --> 00:11:41,919 because we've all done it at one point. 330 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,399 I haven't. 331 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:45,120 I pushed someone through a plate glass door once. 332 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:46,600 That was fucking hilarious. 333 00:11:46,679 --> 00:11:48,080 Stop laughing. 334 00:11:48,159 --> 00:11:49,879 Is she okay? 335 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,960 Mm. Just cuts. 336 00:11:52,039 --> 00:11:53,960 You are liaison to the VP, right? 337 00:11:54,039 --> 00:11:56,080 That's your "liaison d'être"? 338 00:11:56,159 --> 00:11:57,759 I was born to liaise, sir. 339 00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:01,000 Then why can't you tell me about what the VP was doing 340 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:03,320 when she walked into a glass fucking door? 341 00:12:03,399 --> 00:12:06,799 Okay, well, the VP's office can be very insubordinate. 342 00:12:06,879 --> 00:12:08,840 I mean, they insubord me all the time. 343 00:12:08,919 --> 00:12:10,639 You know that they call me Jonad? 344 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:13,159 I mean, that is tantamount to calling the president Jonad. 345 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:14,639 No, it's not. 346 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:16,600 He's the president, you're Jonad. 347 00:12:16,679 --> 00:12:18,879 Now get in there and liaise the truth out of Sue 348 00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:20,360 or I'll make sure that name sticks so hard, 349 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,840 - it ends up on your gravestone. - Yes, sir. 350 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:26,759 Hello there, Susan. 351 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:28,960 Name's not Susan, it's Sue... Jonad. 352 00:12:29,039 --> 00:12:30,639 Okay, and my name isn't Jonad! 353 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:32,840 It's Jonah. Do not disrespect me on this, Sue. 354 00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:35,840 Whoa, whoa, whoa, no one here is disrespecting you... 355 00:12:35,919 --> 00:12:37,320 Jonad. 356 00:12:37,399 --> 00:12:38,720 Now go earn your name change. 357 00:12:40,519 --> 00:12:42,440 - Sue. - Sir. 358 00:12:42,519 --> 00:12:44,840 What was the vice president doing at that hotel this morning? 359 00:12:44,919 --> 00:12:49,480 Meet and greet with the American Teachers Association. 360 00:12:49,559 --> 00:12:51,559 Ben: If I call the ATA, they would confirm 361 00:12:51,639 --> 00:12:54,320 that she was meeting and greeting them? 362 00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:56,320 Uh, couldn't say. 363 00:12:56,399 --> 00:12:59,279 If you can't tell me what she was doing, 364 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:02,399 maybe you can tell me what she wasn't doing. 365 00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:05,679 The vice president was not at a brunch 366 00:13:05,759 --> 00:13:07,159 with campaign donors. 367 00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:09,360 I would hope that she was not. 368 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:10,879 Otherwise, I'm not sure 369 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:12,840 if I wouldn't be within my rights 370 00:13:12,919 --> 00:13:15,600 not to launch a drone strike right now. 371 00:13:15,679 --> 00:13:17,440 I got lost in the double negative, sir. 372 00:13:17,519 --> 00:13:20,080 - What? - I'm fuckin' furious. 373 00:13:20,159 --> 00:13:21,559 Jonad! 374 00:13:21,639 --> 00:13:23,879 - Yes, sir. - Get over to that hotel. 375 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:26,480 Cut your face off and give it to the VP if you have to. 376 00:13:26,559 --> 00:13:27,960 Just get her to talk to the press. 377 00:13:28,039 --> 00:13:29,440 Say she is not the challenger. 378 00:13:29,519 --> 00:13:30,919 I won't let you down, sir. 379 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,559 Hey! I'm really excited for that party. 380 00:13:33,639 --> 00:13:35,039 I am, too. We'll dance. 381 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:36,519 We'll get our dance on. 382 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,639 ( both vocalizing ) 383 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:40,399 Dance on. 384 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:42,919 ( panting ) 385 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,720 Why are you guys so tense? She's completely chilled. 386 00:13:44,799 --> 00:13:46,399 She's out of her fucking mind. 387 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,559 She's coming to my parents' 40th wedding anniversary. 388 00:13:48,639 --> 00:13:50,039 Yeah, exactly, Gary. 389 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,360 She's out of her fucking mind. 390 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,320 Hey, ma'am. I cancelled the donor breakfast, 391 00:13:54,399 --> 00:13:56,639 but I did have to come clean about you walking through the glass door. 392 00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:59,480 Great job, ass hat. Now everyone's gonna know. 393 00:13:59,559 --> 00:14:02,159 Everyone's gonna find out she walked through a glass door, Dan, 394 00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:04,879 because she looks like she walked through a fucking glass door. 395 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:06,679 - Yeah, check this out. - ( Mike laughs ) 396 00:14:06,759 --> 00:14:08,200 - What's his problem? - I don't know. 397 00:14:08,279 --> 00:14:09,960 Get over here, gingerbread. 398 00:14:10,039 --> 00:14:12,039 You know what? That St. John's Wort that you gave her 399 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:13,879 is reacting to her antidepressants. 400 00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:15,399 What are you talking about? 401 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,240 It's herbal. It's from the earth. 402 00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:19,480 - So are mushrooms, dipshit. - Okay, that's illegal drugs. 403 00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:20,960 - Feel this. Feel this. - The guns? 404 00:14:21,039 --> 00:14:22,440 - Jesus. - Argh argh! 405 00:14:22,519 --> 00:14:24,279 - Okay. Hey! - I'll hurt ya. 406 00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:26,600 - Wow, you're in a good mood. - I am. 407 00:14:26,679 --> 00:14:28,559 - How are you doing? - So-so, you know? 408 00:14:28,639 --> 00:14:31,200 Not great, but trying to keep things on an even keel. 409 00:14:31,279 --> 00:14:32,840 Hey, what about that boat of yours? 410 00:14:32,919 --> 00:14:34,639 I can't sell it. Nobody wants to buy her. 411 00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:36,559 How much do you want for her? 412 00:14:36,639 --> 00:14:39,440 Honestly, I would take half just to get rid of the damn thing. 413 00:14:39,519 --> 00:14:41,000 I'll give you all of it. 414 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,200 - You really want to buy my boat? - Yeah. 415 00:14:43,279 --> 00:14:44,679 Shake on it, Magic Mikey. 416 00:14:44,759 --> 00:14:46,159 - You're gonna buy my boat? - I am. 417 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:47,759 - Congratulations! - Congratulations to you. 418 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:49,240 You just got a boat. 419 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:51,759 - And I just got a vote. - Amy: Mike! You're needed in here. 420 00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:53,240 I'm coming, I'm coming. 421 00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:55,360 There's fucking press vans outside, Mike. 422 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:57,440 You better hope Russell Crowe is threatening to jump. 423 00:14:57,519 --> 00:14:59,720 All right, we're gonna have to get her downstairs for an appearance. 424 00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:01,279 Otherwise, they're gonna start speculating. 425 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:02,679 Uh duh duh. 426 00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:07,559 Look, she is fuckin' high right now. 427 00:15:07,639 --> 00:15:10,120 ( urinating ) 428 00:15:11,399 --> 00:15:15,000 ( Selina laughing ) 429 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:16,960 Yeah, yeah. 430 00:15:17,039 --> 00:15:19,120 You didn't happen to notice that the veep is tripping balls? 431 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:22,159 Gary gave her something that is reacting with her antidepressants 432 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:23,799 and turning her into Julie Andrews. 433 00:15:23,879 --> 00:15:25,279 ( muttering ) No, that's not doing it. 434 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:27,440 Dan: We just need to keep her here till this thing passes. 435 00:15:27,519 --> 00:15:28,919 What if we pump her stomach? 436 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,399 I've had my stomach pumped before. 437 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:32,159 - I think I can figure it out. - ( knocking at door ) 438 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:33,960 - Jonah: Knock, knock, JRock o'clock! - Christ. 439 00:15:34,039 --> 00:15:35,440 Yeah, somebody ordered boom service? 440 00:15:35,519 --> 00:15:36,919 As a senior White House official, 441 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:38,480 I am commandeering this situation, Mike. 442 00:15:38,559 --> 00:15:40,039 All right, what do you guys got for me? 443 00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:41,799 Okay, she just walked through a glass door, 444 00:15:41,879 --> 00:15:44,240 which is somewhat ironic building up to an invisible primary, 445 00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:46,679 and she is temporarily insane on a cocktail of happy pills. 446 00:15:46,759 --> 00:15:48,519 Over to you, Captain. 447 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:51,120 You just broke his brain, Amy. 448 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:54,399 Jesus, look at his stupid gaping mouth. Let's put stuff in it. 449 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:57,240 Okay, decision. Listen up. 450 00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:58,720 The veep will make a statement. 451 00:15:58,799 --> 00:16:00,480 She will make this statement on camera 452 00:16:00,559 --> 00:16:01,960 and she will make this statement 453 00:16:02,039 --> 00:16:03,600 as soon as humanly fucking possible. 454 00:16:03,679 --> 00:16:05,080 Ca-fuckin'-piche? 455 00:16:05,159 --> 00:16:07,759 What in the hell is your problem, Andrew? 456 00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:10,320 What? What are you looking at me like that for? 457 00:16:10,399 --> 00:16:11,799 Your-- 458 00:16:11,879 --> 00:16:13,679 - Huh? - You called me Andrew. 459 00:16:13,759 --> 00:16:15,159 No, I did not. 460 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:16,720 I know who you are. 461 00:16:16,799 --> 00:16:19,159 I can even say your name the other way... 462 00:16:20,559 --> 00:16:22,519 Hanoj. 463 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:25,960 ( yawns ) 464 00:16:26,039 --> 00:16:28,399 All right, academically, Amy, what's your first move here? 465 00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:31,120 - Mike, go talk to the press. - Yeah, Mike, go talk to the press. 466 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,919 - I'll tag team with you. - Gary, go get her some clothes. 467 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,000 Yeah, Gary, go get her some fucking clothes, huh? 468 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,720 Come on, it's time to dress up and fess up. 469 00:16:37,799 --> 00:16:39,320 - ( clapping ) - Go, go, go. 470 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:42,879 Gotta say, I think I handled that pretty well. 471 00:16:45,279 --> 00:16:47,279 ( snoring ) 472 00:16:51,159 --> 00:16:53,159 There's something so sexy about being in a hotel 473 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:54,679 in the middle of the day, right? 474 00:16:54,759 --> 00:16:56,200 Yep, four people to one toilet. 475 00:16:56,279 --> 00:16:57,840 You can hear everything that hits the water. 476 00:16:57,919 --> 00:16:59,440 ( cell phone chiming ) 477 00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:01,360 Where the fuck are you? Picking cotton to weave? 478 00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:02,840 Amy, I can't find anything to cover her up. 479 00:17:02,919 --> 00:17:05,240 She doesn't have any turtlenecks. I've narrowed it down to four looks. 480 00:17:05,319 --> 00:17:06,720 Just get back here. 481 00:17:06,799 --> 00:17:08,598 Give me a number between one and four, please. 482 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,400 - Four. - I think I prefer three. 483 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:12,240 - Fucking three, then. - Actually, four's good. 484 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,480 So, who could challenge this president? 485 00:17:15,559 --> 00:17:17,240 At the moment, the names we're hearing... 486 00:17:17,319 --> 00:17:19,440 Okay, it has been three hours. 487 00:17:19,519 --> 00:17:21,400 I need her on television now. 488 00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:22,920 Do I need to draw you a line graph, Jonah? 489 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,480 More time equals less cuckoo. 490 00:17:24,559 --> 00:17:27,319 We need to take a cold dump on the speculation. 491 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:29,680 Is she the mystery challenger who's going to throw her hat 492 00:17:29,759 --> 00:17:31,759 into the ring to challenge POTUS in two years? 493 00:17:31,839 --> 00:17:35,079 We need to send the message that the ring is a hat-free zone. 494 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,480 No berets, no Stetsons, no beanies-- 495 00:17:37,559 --> 00:17:39,279 Why are you just listing hats? 496 00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:41,200 Jonah's right. Ahem. 497 00:17:41,279 --> 00:17:43,720 I've gotta put my face out there, my fucked-up face. 498 00:17:43,799 --> 00:17:46,119 I feel so good. I had such a deep sleep. 499 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,799 Looks like I'll just be sitting over here being right. 500 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:51,319 Yeah, in 700 days of working with us, you've been right once. 501 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:54,680 - Sit like a gentleman, please? - Oh, my God. 502 00:17:54,759 --> 00:17:56,359 You like the view, Mike? 503 00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:57,839 Okay, everyone. The vice president. 504 00:17:57,920 --> 00:17:59,319 Reporter: Madam Vice President! 505 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,119 - Please, give her some space. - Hi. Hi, guys. 506 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,720 I'm sorry for keeping you waiting. I'm fine. 507 00:18:03,799 --> 00:18:06,559 I didn't want you to think I'm hiding anything. 508 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:09,680 ( chuckles ) 'Cause that's not my style. 509 00:18:09,759 --> 00:18:11,400 What happened is that I, um-- 510 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,680 I walked through a glass door. 511 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:17,359 And the only thing that's really hurt is my pride. 512 00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:19,279 Were there any mitigating circumstances? 513 00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:21,119 Was there carpeting or--? 514 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,599 - Was there carpeting there, Mike? - Yes. 515 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:24,119 There was. Yes, it has been confirmed 516 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:25,880 that there was carpeting there. 517 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:27,440 You will be doing the Get Moving Run tomorrow, correct? 518 00:18:27,519 --> 00:18:29,799 I fully intend to run. 519 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:31,839 Oh, no, 520 00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:35,079 that's a fucking wire brush to my hemorrhoids. 521 00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:36,559 Reporter: Thank you, ma'am. 522 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:38,039 So she's either crazy 523 00:18:38,119 --> 00:18:40,079 or she's starting a presidential campaign. 524 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,599 Yeah, I'd say the two are synonymous. 525 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:43,119 - "I intend to run"? - Jonah: No, no, no. 526 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:44,960 She was talking about running the race, sir, the 10K. 527 00:18:45,039 --> 00:18:48,359 Fix it or I'll liaise your balls to your desk. 528 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:49,920 Yes, sir. And thank you for your continued-- 529 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:51,400 he's gone. 530 00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:53,480 Amy, Amy, Amy. Okay, Amy. 531 00:18:53,559 --> 00:18:54,960 She needs to run tomorrow 532 00:18:55,039 --> 00:18:57,359 to magic away any presidential speculation, okay? 533 00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:59,119 She can't do the Fun Run. She can barely do 534 00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:00,599 a convincing walk at the moment. 535 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:02,880 - Okay, can and will. - Can't and won't. 536 00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:04,359 Now go up and screw a pillow. 537 00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:06,480 - The room's paid for. - Oh. 538 00:19:06,559 --> 00:19:09,160 Mike: And this just in from Taiwan. 539 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:10,640 - So good. - What? 540 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:12,319 - Come here. - What? 541 00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:14,680 ( woman speaking Chinese ) 542 00:19:14,759 --> 00:19:17,480 ( laughing ) 543 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:20,839 - Dan: Oh. - What the fuck? 544 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:22,359 Why are you laughing? 545 00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:25,200 I love cartoons. ( laughing ) 546 00:19:25,279 --> 00:19:27,079 - ( snorting ) - Selina: Jesus. 547 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:28,880 - That's you, Gary. - Shut up. 548 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,839 That doesn't even look like the Leviathan. 549 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:33,079 What else you got? Is there anything else out there? 550 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:34,559 Your delay in facing the press 551 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:36,240 has raised speculation on your long-term health. 552 00:19:36,319 --> 00:19:37,720 What? 553 00:19:37,799 --> 00:19:39,400 They're asking if you're up to the job, ma'am. 554 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,119 Am I up to the job? 555 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,079 - Ooh, jeez. Ooh. - The leg thing? 556 00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:44,559 - Yeah. - Yeah. 557 00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:47,720 Seriously, I am totally overqualified for this job. 558 00:19:47,799 --> 00:19:49,440 - Stop it! - Selina: Stop what? 559 00:19:49,519 --> 00:19:51,359 Nothing. These flowers came for you 560 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,039 from the Secretary of Defense Maddox. 561 00:19:53,119 --> 00:19:54,720 Oh, let's see. 562 00:19:54,799 --> 00:19:56,359 "Good luck with your Fun Run. 563 00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:58,880 "Try not to swear when the starter pistol goes off." 564 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:00,680 - Come on. - He's just a varicose dick vein. 565 00:20:00,759 --> 00:20:03,160 I can't stand that guy. All right, let's go, guys. 566 00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:05,799 I went to a Mexican karaoke restaurant 567 00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:08,240 and I did "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen. 568 00:20:08,319 --> 00:20:09,720 Oh, no, you didn't. 569 00:20:09,799 --> 00:20:11,720 I did, and I changed the "hallelujah" 570 00:20:11,799 --> 00:20:13,599 to "jalapeño". 571 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:17,079 Oh ho ho! I can imagine that was very funny, sir. 572 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,000 Oh, Christ. It's the Committee. 573 00:20:19,079 --> 00:20:22,079 They're gonna vote on the POTUS investigation. 574 00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:23,920 Yeah, I think that's gonna be fine, sir. 575 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:25,400 Yeah, of course you do, Jonah. 576 00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:27,039 You don't get the complexity. 577 00:20:27,119 --> 00:20:29,200 You're the world's biggest single-cell organism. 578 00:20:29,279 --> 00:20:32,359 Hey, Amy, you know Schmidt at the State Department? 579 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,480 He's the whistleblower. Yeah. 580 00:20:34,559 --> 00:20:36,599 POTUS is gonna be up Shit Creek 581 00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:39,160 and I am not hanging around to be his fucking paddle. 582 00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:41,119 - I'm not. - It's not comingto that, ma'am. 583 00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:42,720 We don't know. All I'm saying is that 584 00:20:42,799 --> 00:20:44,519 there will be difficult choices to make, you know? 585 00:20:44,599 --> 00:20:46,599 Like "Sophie's Choice" choices, 586 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:49,319 except more important because it's gonna be about me. 587 00:20:50,599 --> 00:20:52,440 Well, hey there! 588 00:20:52,519 --> 00:20:54,279 ( cheering ) 589 00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:00,640 All right. Great! 590 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:02,119 - All right, ma'am. - Okay. 591 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,079 She is definitely wearing too much makeup. 592 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:05,880 She looks like Marcel Marceau. 593 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:09,319 Yeah. He couldn't tell the difference between real glass and air either. 594 00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:12,319 Come on, that's fuckin' funny. 595 00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:14,079 On your marks... - Wait. 596 00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:15,559 - Yeah. - I'm scared. 597 00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:17,519 ...get set, go! - Yeah. Okay. 598 00:21:17,599 --> 00:21:19,240 - Oh, shit. - Let's do it! 599 00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:21,680 Yeah, I see you! 600 00:21:21,759 --> 00:21:23,200 I see you. 601 00:21:23,279 --> 00:21:24,680 Let's get moving! 602 00:21:24,759 --> 00:21:26,160 Mike: Oh, Christ. Did we warn her 603 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:27,640 one of the Get Moving ambassadors 604 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,119 was a one-legged veteran? 605 00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,039 Dan: He's behind her. She's never gonna see him. 606 00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:32,519 Mike: But wait, does it look good-- 607 00:21:32,599 --> 00:21:34,000 her beating a one-legged guy like that? 608 00:21:34,079 --> 00:21:35,480 No, it doesn't look good. 609 00:21:35,559 --> 00:21:37,000 The alternative is a little worse, don't you think? 610 00:21:37,079 --> 00:21:39,400 The key is we make it look like she could beat the guy, 611 00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:40,880 but then she lets him win. 612 00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:42,599 Dan: Yeah, a win-win by losing. That's good. 613 00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:44,119 Yeah? 614 00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:45,599 Hello? 615 00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:47,720 Gary, you need to get her to slow down. 616 00:21:47,799 --> 00:21:49,200 Oh, thank God. 617 00:21:49,279 --> 00:21:51,319 It looks bad if she's beating the disabled guy. 618 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:52,799 Okay. 619 00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:54,359 Hey, ma'am, ma'am. 620 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:56,039 - You gotta slow down. - Why? 621 00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:58,720 - It looks bad. - Oh, God, what? My face. 622 00:21:58,799 --> 00:22:00,200 No, your face looks fine. 623 00:22:00,279 --> 00:22:01,839 You're beating a disabled guy. 624 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:04,799 Oh, come on. Don't be so hard on yourself, Gary. 625 00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:08,319 Oh, God! I can't stop her. She's unstoppable. 626 00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:11,279 - ( phone ringing ) - Ben: Dep Sec Schmidt is testifying. 627 00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:14,119 House Judiciary Committee is discussing an impeachment vote. 628 00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:16,480 Burn everything incriminating, including this building! 629 00:22:16,559 --> 00:22:18,759 Burn all the White House pets and then yourselves! 630 00:22:18,839 --> 00:22:20,240 Burn yourselves first. 631 00:22:20,319 --> 00:22:22,200 Jonah, you go down to the race site, 632 00:22:22,279 --> 00:22:24,799 make sure the vice president says she stands by POTUS. 633 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:26,440 Mr. Ryan, ensure that the vice president 634 00:22:26,519 --> 00:22:28,599 does not respond to any questions about the impeachment vote. 635 00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:30,079 Those are contradictory orders. 636 00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:32,400 You make sure that she stands up and she shits back. 637 00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:34,400 - Refuses to engage at all. - Okay, so I should-- 638 00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:36,079 - Pick a fucking side. - Use your judgment. 639 00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:38,359 Sir, that's not my strongest suit. 640 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:39,839 Dan: Aw, Christ. 641 00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:41,839 Schmidt at the State Department just pushed the button. 642 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,839 The Judiciary Committee says he's agreed to testify. 643 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:46,480 Amy: Okay, give me Gary again. 644 00:22:46,559 --> 00:22:48,559 - Please, get me Gary again. - You know what? Pull over here. 645 00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:50,640 Mike: Could this go to an impeachment vote? 646 00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:53,039 - ( tires screech ) - All right, you guys go ahead. 647 00:22:53,119 --> 00:22:54,839 We're gonna make sure Gary keeps up with her. Okay, okay. 648 00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:57,519 - Gary! Gary, come here! - Gary! Gary! 649 00:22:57,599 --> 00:22:59,279 Mike: As soon as she crosses the finish line, 650 00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:00,799 the press is gonna be all over her. 651 00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:02,519 - All right, so what do we say? - Hang on, hang on. 652 00:23:02,599 --> 00:23:04,359 - No, no, fuck it. We gotta go. - No, come on, man. 653 00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:05,839 - Come on! - Fuck! 654 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:07,400 - Gary! - Amy: Gary! 655 00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:09,279 What? What? 656 00:23:09,359 --> 00:23:11,440 The Judiciary Committee is talking impeachment vote. 657 00:23:11,519 --> 00:23:13,720 - We need to give her a response. - I'm way behind. 658 00:23:13,799 --> 00:23:15,759 If I keep talking, I'm gonna vomit. 659 00:23:15,839 --> 00:23:17,240 Jonah? 660 00:23:17,319 --> 00:23:18,960 Yeah. What's up, you fuckin' Lorax? 661 00:23:19,039 --> 00:23:21,559 Hey, Dan, if you're trying to get a statement to the veep, 662 00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:25,119 it's this-- full commitment to the president, total backing. 663 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,319 No, no, no, no! She will support him, but she will not back him. 664 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:30,160 - He's too toxic. - No, full backing, full support. 665 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:33,160 Oh, God, this zipper is like a cheese grater on my dick. 666 00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:36,240 Ha ha! Lorax! ( huffing ) 667 00:23:36,319 --> 00:23:38,200 So which one of us do you think 668 00:23:38,279 --> 00:23:41,359 Andre the Giant Jagoff is gonna obey? 669 00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:42,839 - Jonah? - Yeah. 670 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:44,519 - 100 bucks says you. - Really? 671 00:23:44,599 --> 00:23:47,359 He's an idiot. I'm surprised he gets to work 672 00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,160 without being hit by a car or punched in the mouth. 673 00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:51,200 - Hi! - Excuse me. 674 00:23:51,279 --> 00:23:54,359 Ma'am, Amy says, "I give my support 675 00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:56,400 "to the president in this very challenging time." 676 00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:58,799 Emphasize it's important to respect the process of the hearing. 677 00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:00,400 She needs a get-out. 678 00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:02,720 Cut to the chase, Amy! I'm being overtaken by a banana. 679 00:24:02,799 --> 00:24:04,839 I can't breathe. Oh, I can't breathe. Oh, Jesus. 680 00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:07,319 Ma'am! Ma'am, I need you to speed up or slow down. 681 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:09,119 We can't have you in a photo finish with a banana. 682 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,359 It's a caption contest waiting to happen. 683 00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:13,160 Yeah, I'm not gonna get beaten by a banana. 684 00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:19,039 ( crowd cheering ) 685 00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:20,960 Reporter: Madam Vice President! Madam Vice President! 686 00:24:21,039 --> 00:24:22,480 - Reporter #2: Well done. - Thank you. 687 00:24:22,559 --> 00:24:23,960 - Reporter #2: Nice job. - Thank you. 688 00:24:24,039 --> 00:24:25,599 - Not bad, considering, huh? - Yeah. 689 00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:27,119 Feels good to get moving, guys. 690 00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:29,839 Oh, my God, it gets the blood pumping. 691 00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:33,920 You know, the key really, folks, to a healthy lifestyle 692 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,079 - is exercising well. Thank you. - Hoo! 693 00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:38,000 Any comment on the impeachment rumors? 694 00:24:38,079 --> 00:24:40,240 I, of course, have given my full account 695 00:24:40,319 --> 00:24:42,319 of what I knew 696 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:45,359 and now I'm sure 697 00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:46,839 the president will do the same. 698 00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:48,960 - ( reporters clamoring ) - That's it, that's it. 699 00:24:49,039 --> 00:24:50,440 ( groans ) 700 00:24:50,519 --> 00:24:51,920 Come on, put your hands above your head. 701 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:53,400 - Put your-- get them up. - ( wheezes ) 702 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:54,880 Dan: Come on, buddy. Let's go. 703 00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:56,440 - Mike, come on. - Well done, ma'am. 704 00:24:56,519 --> 00:24:58,200 ( sighs ) I am done. 705 00:24:58,279 --> 00:24:59,759 Mm-hmm. Yes, ma'am, you're all done. 706 00:24:59,839 --> 00:25:02,200 I mean I am done. I am done with all of it. 707 00:25:02,279 --> 00:25:04,200 The vice presidency-- I mean forget it. 708 00:25:04,279 --> 00:25:06,119 Seriously, Amy. 709 00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,599 You can see what's coming, can't you? 710 00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:11,319 He's gonna implicate me in all of this. 711 00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,240 All of it. 712 00:25:13,319 --> 00:25:15,799 And then it's gonna be two years of standing 713 00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:18,720 next to this man that I loathe. 714 00:25:18,799 --> 00:25:21,359 Is this just the St. John's Wort talking? 715 00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:23,640 Look at me. I'm covered in scabs. 716 00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:27,039 ( sniffs ) I smell like a hobo's craphole. 717 00:25:27,119 --> 00:25:28,680 Forget it. Forget it. 718 00:25:29,039 --> 00:25:32,319 I'm not gonna run with him in two years. 719 00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:33,920 I'm not gonna be his vice president. 720 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:35,400 I'm finished. 721 00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:36,920 I'll come back in six years 722 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:38,839 and I'll save the party from itself. 723 00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:41,440 Hey, do you know what my time was, by the way? 724 00:25:41,519 --> 00:25:43,920 - Uh, what's good? - Like an eight-minute mile. 725 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:45,440 - That. - Yeah? 726 00:25:45,519 --> 00:25:47,039 Yeah, let's get moving-- 727 00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:48,559 ( sirens blaring ) 728 00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:50,039 Oh. 729 00:25:50,119 --> 00:25:51,799 Oh, my God. ( coughing ) 730 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:53,599 That was really rough. 731 00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:55,920 - ( sighs ) - Selina: Hey, Mike, 732 00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:58,279 I have some sort of hazy memory 733 00:25:58,359 --> 00:26:01,880 of me promising to buy your-- 734 00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:03,799 your boat. 735 00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:05,799 Yeah, you did. Well remembered. 736 00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:08,680 That's not gonna happen. You can't hold me to that, right? 737 00:26:08,759 --> 00:26:11,920 Yeah. No. Sure. Of course. 738 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,319 Man, that is low. 739 00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:17,359 That's like trying to have sex with somebody who's passed out. 740 00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:19,319 Hey, ma'am, ahem... 741 00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:23,079 About my parents' party... 742 00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:24,920 What? I thought your parents were dead. 743 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:26,759 - No. - No? 744 00:26:26,839 --> 00:26:29,480 No. Um... 745 00:26:29,559 --> 00:26:32,000 it's their 40th wedding anniversary 746 00:26:32,079 --> 00:26:35,319 and you wanted to come and we were gonna go dancing. 747 00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:37,079 You know, it's gonna be a big blowout. 748 00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:39,519 Okay, I'm the Vice President of the United States. 749 00:26:39,599 --> 00:26:41,000 - Yeah. - You know. 750 00:26:41,079 --> 00:26:43,400 I can't be running off to shindigs 751 00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:45,960 put on by the parents of people on my staff. 752 00:26:46,039 --> 00:26:47,519 You know what I mean? That's completely... 753 00:26:47,599 --> 00:26:50,160 - Yeah, yeah, sure. - ...absurd, you know? 754 00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:52,839 I mean, you've never-- never even mentioned your parents before. 755 00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:55,000 I've just always assumed that they were dead. 756 00:26:55,079 --> 00:26:56,559 I mean, why wouldn't I make that assumption? 757 00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:58,599 Great. Why wouldn't-- right. Yeah, totally. Yeah. 758 00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:00,440 All right, let's back up for a second here. 759 00:27:00,519 --> 00:27:01,960 Your parents are not dead. 760 00:27:02,039 --> 00:27:03,440 Nope, mm-mm. 761 00:27:03,519 --> 00:27:06,000 It's so funny that you thought that they were, too. 762 00:27:06,079 --> 00:27:07,680 Mike: I thought you were adopted.