1 00:00:07,879 --> 00:00:09,800 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:18,679 --> 00:00:22,000 A cloud of suspicion hangs over this administration. 3 00:00:22,079 --> 00:00:24,640 Were there cover-ups? Lies? 4 00:00:24,719 --> 00:00:26,359 Selina: Oh, God. I hate impeachments. 5 00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:27,839 They're so '90s. 6 00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:29,320 Well, the president now has the Senate 7 00:00:29,399 --> 00:00:31,719 and the House after him. Gonna rain pain. 8 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:34,079 So what's POTUS's next move, Jonah? 9 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:35,560 Oh, these lips are on lockdown. 10 00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:37,479 Right. You don't know. 11 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:39,520 No, I just have a "don't ask don't tell" policy 12 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:41,000 about the things that I know. 13 00:00:41,079 --> 00:00:42,479 Or that I don't know. 14 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:44,880 Jonah, don't talk, don't stay. 15 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:46,560 You need to fuck off and go back to Westworld. 16 00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:48,039 - But, ma'am-- - You need to fuck off. 17 00:00:48,119 --> 00:00:49,520 - But, ma'am-- - I said fuck off. 18 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:51,240 - Three fucks, you're out. - Yes, ma'am. 19 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:54,399 Yeah. Uh, guys, everybody in my office, please. 20 00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:59,039 Um, Gary, why don't you come sit here next to me? 21 00:00:59,119 --> 00:01:00,439 Okay. 22 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:06,840 I've already told Amy this, 23 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:09,560 but I have something that I need to tell you all. 24 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:10,959 I think I know what you're gonna say. 25 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:14,879 I've decided I'm not going to join POTUS 26 00:01:14,959 --> 00:01:18,519 in the next election. I'm gonna get out. 27 00:01:18,599 --> 00:01:19,840 Yeah. 28 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:25,879 Ma'am, you have my deepest, deepest sympathies. 29 00:01:25,959 --> 00:01:28,560 Okay, well, I'm not dead. 30 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:31,439 ( chuckles ) My plan is 31 00:01:31,519 --> 00:01:33,799 that I'm gonna leave in two years, 32 00:01:33,878 --> 00:01:36,439 but then I'm gonna run for president 33 00:01:36,519 --> 00:01:38,000 four years after that. 34 00:01:38,079 --> 00:01:41,560 But in the meantime, I obviously can't keep everybody on. 35 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:43,039 No, it's okay. 36 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:46,120 So if you need to look for other jobs, 37 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:47,719 then you need to be thinking about that. 38 00:01:47,799 --> 00:01:49,239 No one's thinking about that right now, ma'am. 39 00:01:49,319 --> 00:01:50,719 Furthest thing from our minds. 40 00:01:50,799 --> 00:01:52,319 I'm still digesting the information. 41 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:53,920 Although I should really take this call. Yeah? 42 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,400 Selina: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, your devotion to this job... 43 00:01:56,479 --> 00:01:58,079 - Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. - ...it's just inspiring, Dan. 44 00:01:58,158 --> 00:02:00,000 He's not getting a call. He's making a call, right? 45 00:02:00,079 --> 00:02:01,879 Hi. Yes. 46 00:02:01,959 --> 00:02:04,120 Can you please tell Governor Chung 47 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:07,120 that Dan Egan is ready for the Chung chat? 48 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:10,560 - ( phone chimes ) - Hi, Senator McKensie. How are you? 49 00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:13,120 You really think she'll go? 50 00:02:13,199 --> 00:02:14,879 God, that's such a shame. 51 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:17,680 No, it means I have absolutely nothing to do. 52 00:02:17,759 --> 00:02:20,400 - I meant for her. - Still, this might mean 53 00:02:20,478 --> 00:02:23,079 that we could spend more time together. 54 00:02:23,159 --> 00:02:25,199 Let's take it one day at a time. 55 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:27,719 Sweet Jesus. ( chuckles ) 56 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,120 Thank you so much for seeing me at such short notice, Mr. Davison. 57 00:02:30,199 --> 00:02:31,639 Happy to, Miss Wilson. 58 00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:34,599 I'm an ardent admirer of your efficiency and precision. 59 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:36,360 Oh, well, in that case, let's get right to it. 60 00:02:36,439 --> 00:02:38,120 Excellent. I respect your brevity. 61 00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:39,599 It's almost threatening. 62 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:41,520 Yes, Congressman Kosynski. 63 00:02:41,599 --> 00:02:43,360 Or should I say mentor Kosynski? 64 00:02:43,439 --> 00:02:45,918 Yes, sir. Well, I always thought of you as a mentor. 65 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,918 The father figure my own dad was too weird and distant to be. 66 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,800 Like the night you stayed over and we read the papers the next morning? 67 00:02:51,879 --> 00:02:53,960 - Uh-huh. - That was really nice. 68 00:02:54,039 --> 00:02:56,280 And I thought, yeah, that is something 69 00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:58,120 that I could do for the rest of my life. 70 00:02:58,199 --> 00:03:00,080 Yeah, well, you know, I like sleep and newspapers 71 00:03:00,159 --> 00:03:03,000 as much as the next person, but... the rest of your life? 72 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:04,560 You know, you're gonna get bedsores. 73 00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:07,120 I would have no problem finding you a position 74 00:03:07,199 --> 00:03:09,840 within my Dream Metric team. Sound good? 75 00:03:09,919 --> 00:03:12,360 - Yes, sir. - We are simpatico. 76 00:03:12,439 --> 00:03:14,560 - We have a deal. - Pleasure doing business with you. 77 00:03:14,639 --> 00:03:16,840 Yes, yes. Justice Blackwell, how are you? 78 00:03:16,919 --> 00:03:18,840 Thank you so much for calling me back. 79 00:03:18,919 --> 00:03:21,360 - You fast? - Oh, yeah. 80 00:03:21,439 --> 00:03:23,079 They call me the Washington Flash. 81 00:03:23,159 --> 00:03:24,599 ( laughs ) I doubt that. 82 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:26,199 All right, let's get this over with ASAP. 83 00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:27,879 It's not gonna be easy with this big, gangly 84 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:29,478 piss flap over here who moves like-- 85 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:31,079 hey, what do you move like, Will? 86 00:03:31,159 --> 00:03:33,520 I move as slowly as a Mississippi detective 87 00:03:33,599 --> 00:03:35,599 investigating the murder of a young black man. 88 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:37,079 That's right. Ready, Mike? 89 00:03:37,159 --> 00:03:39,079 Yeah, abso-- oh. Right behind you. 90 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:41,800 Hey, ma'am, you know you're gonna break 91 00:03:41,879 --> 00:03:43,280 the president's heart with this news. 92 00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:44,879 Wish I could break his spine. 93 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:47,319 But I can't, 'cause it's made of Jell-O. 94 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:50,478 You being veep is the best thing that's ever happened to America. 95 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:52,759 Gary, it has been shit. 96 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:55,478 - No, it hasn't. - It has. I'm getting out. 97 00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:57,918 - Oh, Madam Vice President. - What did I tell you earlier? 98 00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:59,759 - Again? - Yeah. 99 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,000 Excuse me, Ben. Gonna go see the president. 100 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:04,000 Uh, no. No, you're not. He's canceled. 101 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:05,879 And you're gonna meet with me instead. 102 00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:08,478 Ma'am, that is what I was going to tell you earlier today, 103 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:10,360 - until you told me to-- - Fuck off. 104 00:04:10,439 --> 00:04:12,800 Are you finishing my sentence or are you telling me that again? 105 00:04:12,879 --> 00:04:14,319 Both. 106 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:16,000 Yes, ma'am. 107 00:04:16,079 --> 00:04:19,000 Good. Go ahead. 108 00:04:19,079 --> 00:04:21,040 Congressman... ( laughs ) 109 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:23,120 Wow, you're fast. 110 00:04:23,199 --> 00:04:25,600 Just wondering if you could use a top press guy. 111 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:27,680 Ha! I really don't have any need for you, Mike. 112 00:04:27,759 --> 00:04:29,199 You're kind of obsolete. 113 00:04:29,279 --> 00:04:31,279 You're like a Viking stuck in time. 114 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:34,480 - I have excellent contacts. - Really? 115 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:36,360 Very high up people, sir. Very high up. 116 00:04:36,439 --> 00:04:38,399 Maybe you can hook me up with Charlize Theron. 117 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:39,920 Funny, but I'm being serious, sir. 118 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,159 No, I'm being serious, too. I'd like to fuck her. 119 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:44,959 Why'd you leave anyway? You get stuck with your dick in the veep's decaf? 120 00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:48,319 No, we just all need new challenges. 121 00:04:48,399 --> 00:04:50,040 We? What, is the whole team leaving? 122 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:51,759 - No, no. No, sir. - Holy shit. 123 00:04:51,839 --> 00:04:54,199 - She's leaving the ticket. - No, absolutely not. 124 00:04:54,279 --> 00:04:56,800 We had a fucking deal. I make Senate in two years, 125 00:04:56,879 --> 00:04:59,120 - we run together as a team in six. - That was the deal. 126 00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:00,920 Why don't you fucking kill yourself, Will? 127 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:03,319 Let me be clear, sir. She may be planning to run in six years 128 00:05:03,399 --> 00:05:05,120 if she was leaving the ticket, 129 00:05:05,199 --> 00:05:07,720 which I have not actually said she will. 130 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:10,519 Oh, fucking God, thank you for stopping. 131 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:12,360 You know what? If I didn't already know 132 00:05:12,439 --> 00:05:14,639 how shitty you are at your job, you just proved it. 133 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:17,480 I have some very big news, ma'am. 134 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:19,439 Well, I have huge news. 135 00:05:19,519 --> 00:05:22,959 In fact, I guarantee you that my news is front-page news. 136 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:25,360 Your news is probably more like a page six, 137 00:05:25,439 --> 00:05:27,399 Kardashian crap news. 138 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,720 POTUS knows how this is all going to end, 139 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:33,040 so he drank the poisoned Kool-Aid 140 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:34,959 from my very big, blue mug. 141 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:36,439 Huh? 142 00:05:36,519 --> 00:05:38,639 He isn't going to run again in two years. 143 00:05:40,959 --> 00:05:42,439 Are you serious? 144 00:05:42,519 --> 00:05:44,360 No, I'm Joan fucking Rivers. 145 00:05:44,439 --> 00:05:46,040 Of course I'm serious. 146 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:49,439 Once the party leadership figures out he's not gonna run, 147 00:05:49,519 --> 00:05:52,159 then all the impeachment bullshit is just gonna fade away. 148 00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:53,680 So, um-- 149 00:05:53,759 --> 00:05:56,560 so why didn't he tell me this? Why are you telling me this? 150 00:05:56,639 --> 00:05:59,399 Because he couldn't stomach the look-- like that, 151 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:01,399 just like that-- of unbridled joy. 152 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:03,399 Ben, I am crying 153 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:06,160 very quietly on the inside. 154 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:08,720 While in your mind you're doing pirouettes on his grave. 155 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:10,480 Oh, don't tell me you're not happy about this. 156 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:11,959 You're finally getting out of here. 157 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:14,040 Well, it's not the job that's depressing. 158 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,680 Life is depressing. 159 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:19,399 Let's go. 160 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,759 No, I've got it. I can do this. 161 00:06:23,839 --> 00:06:26,040 I'm fine. 162 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:27,519 ( suppressed squeal ) 163 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:29,000 ( quietly ) Yes! 164 00:06:29,079 --> 00:06:31,160 Fuck! Gosh! 165 00:06:33,319 --> 00:06:34,759 Ahem. 166 00:06:36,639 --> 00:06:38,720 Hi, Sue. We'd like to see the vice president 167 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,959 - as a matter of some urgency. - No. 168 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:42,519 Fuck this, I'm going in the side door. 169 00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:44,079 You do and Secret Service might break your neck. 170 00:06:44,159 --> 00:06:46,560 - That would be a tragedy. - Yeah? Ma'am. 171 00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:48,040 - Oh, hi, Roger. - Can we talk? 172 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:50,519 Of course we can talk. Hey, could I have my yogurt, please? 173 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:52,680 Oh, here. Don't eat it too fast. 174 00:06:52,759 --> 00:06:54,199 Oh, stop it, Nervous Nelly. 175 00:06:54,279 --> 00:06:57,279 All right, get me something sloppy with a spoon to eat. 176 00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:58,759 - Do you want some yogurt? - No, thanks. 177 00:06:58,839 --> 00:07:00,240 - You look good, by the way. - Oh, thanks. 178 00:07:00,319 --> 00:07:01,720 What, are you working out or what? 179 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:04,519 Yeah, I'm burning calories with the old anxiety diet. 180 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:06,199 - Oh. - You know, the "anxiet". 181 00:07:06,279 --> 00:07:08,680 If you want to get some cardio exercise, you have to have a heart. 182 00:07:08,759 --> 00:07:11,439 I heard a pretty lousy rumor that you're not running 183 00:07:11,519 --> 00:07:13,519 for reelection with POTUS in two years. 184 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,120 - Oh. - And that would be disturbing 185 00:07:15,199 --> 00:07:17,600 because I kind of need you to run as VP again. 186 00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:19,120 And then I get in the Senate 187 00:07:19,199 --> 00:07:21,439 and then you and I run together as a team. 188 00:07:21,519 --> 00:07:23,360 - Remember, that was the deal. - Yeah, I remember that. 189 00:07:23,439 --> 00:07:24,839 Where did you hear this rumor? 190 00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:26,319 Oh, I heard it from the Gingerhead Man. 191 00:07:26,399 --> 00:07:28,160 The gash with the stash. McLintock. 192 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:29,639 What, are you kidding me? 193 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:32,319 Mike sees knowledge as the enemy. Forget about that. 194 00:07:32,399 --> 00:07:35,759 Then you are running with the president in two years? 195 00:07:35,839 --> 00:07:38,680 I am absolutely running in two years. 196 00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:41,360 And then four years after that, reelection, baby. 197 00:07:42,639 --> 00:07:44,040 What do you mean reelection? 198 00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:46,319 Not reelection. Election at that time. 199 00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:48,000 - Yep. Right. - You and I election. 200 00:07:48,079 --> 00:07:49,639 Wait. But why did you say reelection? 201 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,360 - What? - You said reelection. 202 00:07:51,439 --> 00:07:54,639 Which implies that perhaps something else is going on. 203 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:56,159 I meant election. You know what I meant. 204 00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:58,279 - But you said reelection. - I meant election, okay? 205 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:00,720 It's like saying flammable or inflammable. 206 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:03,639 - It's the same thing. - I smell a fucking rat. 207 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:05,680 - Oh, stop it. - I'll tell you what it is, too. 208 00:08:05,759 --> 00:08:07,279 It's this whole administration. 209 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:08,920 And I'm gonna light a fire under the whole thing. 210 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:11,560 Then we'll find out whether it's flammable or inflammable. 211 00:08:11,639 --> 00:08:14,040 Come on, Wilbo Faggins, let's go. 212 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,800 Okay, where are my beautiful veeple people? 213 00:08:17,879 --> 00:08:20,240 There's one. I need my "veeple" 214 00:08:20,319 --> 00:08:22,560 to come into my office, please. 215 00:08:22,639 --> 00:08:25,480 Hey, it's J-Diddy. Ladies get giddy. 216 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:28,480 Jonah. Hey, listen, settle something for me. 217 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:31,079 You like to have sex and you like to travel? 218 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:34,639 - Yes, ma'am. - Then you can fuck off. 219 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:36,399 But I shall be right here if you need me. 220 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:38,519 Like the mighty oak that stands for-- ma'am. 221 00:08:40,799 --> 00:08:43,080 I have something to say. 222 00:08:43,159 --> 00:08:45,000 I've literally no idea what you're gonna say. 223 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:49,159 I'm not leaving. POTUS is leaving. 224 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:52,080 He's not gonna run for a second term. 225 00:08:52,159 --> 00:08:53,600 - I'm gonna run. - Oh, my God! 226 00:08:53,679 --> 00:08:55,879 - I'm gonna run for president! - Oh, yeah! 227 00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:58,159 - That's awesome. - I did not see that coming. 228 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:01,759 Selina Meyer, she deals 'em fire. Bam! 229 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:03,320 Boom! Let's go to the fucking moon! 230 00:09:03,399 --> 00:09:05,159 I was this close to living on my boat. 231 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:08,720 - Oh, my God. I'm just-- - Congratulations, ma'am. 232 00:09:08,799 --> 00:09:10,799 ( stammering ) Can you give me 233 00:09:10,879 --> 00:09:13,600 some time with my core team? 234 00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:15,879 - Um, Br-- Br- - Ed. 235 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:18,159 - Bre-- Ed. - Of course. 236 00:09:21,279 --> 00:09:23,399 I feel as though I may have missed something. 237 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,360 If you need to fill me in on that-- 238 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:26,879 Hey, what happened in there? 239 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:28,639 They're celebrating 240 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:30,639 because you weren't in there. 241 00:09:31,879 --> 00:09:33,360 Gears are already turning. 242 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:35,600 - I see a lightbulb above your head. - Bing! 243 00:09:35,679 --> 00:09:37,480 Okay, now listen, so... 244 00:09:37,559 --> 00:09:39,200 you guys don't need to take other jobs. 245 00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:41,519 You're here with me. 246 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:45,399 Uh, I've accepted a number of posts. 247 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:47,720 - Did you say a number? - Currently four. 248 00:09:47,799 --> 00:09:49,399 Wow. You're gonna cancel them, right? 249 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:50,960 Oh, clearly. Yeah. Oh, yeah. 250 00:09:51,039 --> 00:09:53,240 I've said no to everything, ma'am. I am here for you. 251 00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:55,039 - Good. - Hey, ma'am. 252 00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:56,480 I took a job also. 253 00:10:00,399 --> 00:10:03,279 - I didn't mean you, Gary. - I know. 254 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:05,279 What job? 255 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:07,559 I'm going into business with Dana 256 00:10:07,639 --> 00:10:11,080 and we're doing D&G Cheese Overseas. 257 00:10:11,159 --> 00:10:13,320 - Cheese? - And it's overseas. 258 00:10:13,399 --> 00:10:15,519 Wait a minute. You're choosing dead milk over me? 259 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:17,360 No, don't say that. That's not true. 260 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:19,360 Well, you're just gonna have to tell her you're not gonna do that. 261 00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:21,679 I can't. I can't tell her that. 262 00:10:21,759 --> 00:10:23,200 Why not? Are you scared of her? 263 00:10:23,279 --> 00:10:25,360 - Yeah. - Okay. 264 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:29,240 Gary, you cannot let this "woman" 265 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:31,159 have control over you, okay? 266 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:33,639 Seriously, you have got to stick up for yourself. 267 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,159 You gotta work for me. 268 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:37,519 Right. Right. She scares me a lot. 269 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:39,960 All right, call her in and I'm gonna talk to her. 270 00:10:40,039 --> 00:10:41,559 - Okay? - Okay, yeah. Got it. 271 00:10:41,639 --> 00:10:43,279 Ma'am, science fair in 30 minutes. 272 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:46,320 Okay, you go deal with that and you cover for Gary, okay? 273 00:10:46,399 --> 00:10:47,960 You trust me with that Leviathan? 274 00:10:48,039 --> 00:10:49,879 Uh, ma'am, I left my BlackBerry in-- 275 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:52,000 Okay, now listen, I got this science fair thing. 276 00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:54,360 So I want to make my speech a little bit more 277 00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:56,519 - presidential. - Yeah. 278 00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:58,080 Like I'm Marilyn Monroe, 279 00:10:58,159 --> 00:10:59,679 just JFK the fuck out of me. 280 00:10:59,759 --> 00:11:01,639 - Ooh, I got something. - You do? 281 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:03,679 - Yeah, I do. I got something. - Selina: Fantastic. 282 00:11:03,759 --> 00:11:06,000 I'm just completely in the dark. If-- 283 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:08,639 I'm gonna go call Andrew. Mm-mm-mm. 284 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:11,039 No, no, no, it's all about crazy money, Ame. 285 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:12,879 He's got the crazy money, 286 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,480 and I'm crazy enough to go get it. 287 00:11:14,559 --> 00:11:16,399 - ( laughs ) - As long as it's strictly business. 288 00:11:17,919 --> 00:11:19,679 Andy? It's me. 289 00:11:19,759 --> 00:11:21,399 It's Lee. 290 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,120 Can you come here? 291 00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:27,360 ( laughing ) 292 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:30,600 Dana: Oh, there he is. 293 00:11:30,679 --> 00:11:33,120 Hey, quit being so hot. You're gonna melt all my cheese. 294 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:34,919 - Hi, you. - Hi, sweetie. Hi. 295 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,399 Hey, what's wrong? 296 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:38,240 You look like you did when I asked you to talk dirty. 297 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:40,840 - You were like, "I'm in you right now." - Shh. I know, I know. 298 00:11:40,919 --> 00:11:43,200 Stop, stop. I wanted to talk to you about something. 299 00:11:43,279 --> 00:11:44,919 Selina's gonna stay. 300 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,080 Okay. Well, that ship has sailed. 301 00:11:47,159 --> 00:11:49,120 You're on the good ship Pecorino now. 302 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,840 Yeah, I'm gonna stay, too, I think. 303 00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:53,240 - No. No. - Okay, listen-- 304 00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:55,000 - Where's the Toscano? - It's at D12. 305 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,080 That's right over there, okay? She needs me. 306 00:11:57,159 --> 00:11:58,840 It's like I'm her central nervous system. 307 00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:00,840 Honey, she'll get another bag bunny, I just know it. 308 00:12:00,919 --> 00:12:03,320 No, Brett, it's further down. That's the Sardo, buddy. 309 00:12:03,399 --> 00:12:05,399 Okay, I'm not a bag bunny. 310 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:08,080 It's like I'm Selina's soul mate over there. 311 00:12:08,159 --> 00:12:11,080 - I love the stinking shit outta you. - I know you do. 312 00:12:11,159 --> 00:12:13,080 She doesn't love you, okay? She doesn't care. 313 00:12:13,159 --> 00:12:14,679 You're just a guy that does a job for her. 314 00:12:14,759 --> 00:12:16,639 - That's not true. - Who's more important to you? 315 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:19,679 - Me or her? - Okay, that choice, there's no way-- 316 00:12:19,759 --> 00:12:21,159 Do we have any with black truffle? 317 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,039 That's F15. Okay? F15. 318 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:25,600 Listen, the choice you're giving me between you and her, it's impossible. 319 00:12:25,679 --> 00:12:27,080 Sorry, not black truffle. I meant white truffle. 320 00:12:27,159 --> 00:12:28,559 That's next to the black truffle, okay? 321 00:12:28,639 --> 00:12:30,039 What the fuck is wrong with you, Brett? 322 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:33,080 This is not a big place, is it? It's not a big place. 323 00:12:33,159 --> 00:12:34,720 I'm sorry. Would you guys like some space? 324 00:12:34,799 --> 00:12:37,000 - Yeah! - No! Stay right where you are. 325 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:38,600 Okay, listen, she wants to talk to you. 326 00:12:38,679 --> 00:12:40,120 - She wants to explain this to you. - Fine. 327 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:41,600 - Okay? Please? - I'll go. 328 00:12:41,679 --> 00:12:43,320 I'm not afraid to fight for you, Gary. That's the truth. 329 00:12:43,399 --> 00:12:44,799 No, no, no. Bah, bah, bah, bah. 330 00:12:44,879 --> 00:12:46,519 Let's literally not fight, all right? 331 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,480 Okay? That's good cheese. 332 00:12:51,559 --> 00:12:53,279 Amy, this is really happening. 333 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,879 You know, listen, just ignore that earlier me. 334 00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:57,360 The "Little House on the Prairie" bullshit. 335 00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:59,720 No, updated me, totally career focused 336 00:12:59,799 --> 00:13:01,200 and shooting for the White House. 337 00:13:01,279 --> 00:13:03,960 Of course, and I am right behind/beside you. 338 00:13:04,039 --> 00:13:06,279 You, Chief of Staff to the president, 339 00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:09,559 me, chief of sexiness and spooning. 340 00:13:09,639 --> 00:13:12,399 Yeah, but as I said, the focus right now 341 00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:14,159 - has got to be... - ( knocks ) 342 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,960 Hey, Amy, can I talk to you about something? 343 00:13:17,039 --> 00:13:19,000 Accidental dick move. 344 00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:22,279 I had to write Selina's speech for the science fair so fast 345 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:25,840 that I think I plagiarized a speech that I wrote for Chung. 346 00:13:25,919 --> 00:13:27,840 So here's Selina's hard copy 347 00:13:27,919 --> 00:13:30,200 and Chung's is already up on his YouTube. 348 00:13:30,279 --> 00:13:33,120 I met a young woman name Juanita. 349 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:35,600 - Oh, here's the bit. - It's not about what 350 00:13:35,679 --> 00:13:38,440 America means to me. It's what I mean to America. 351 00:13:38,519 --> 00:13:41,480 Because America would be nothing without Americans. 352 00:13:41,559 --> 00:13:43,279 Jesus, you wrote this shit? 353 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:45,519 Yeah, it's like a noun-verb gumbo. 354 00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:47,440 So it's the fictitious girl. I gave her the same girl. 355 00:13:47,519 --> 00:13:49,879 Although I did change it from Juanita to Anita. 356 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:51,759 Oh, that's a brilliant plan. Why don't you change 357 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:53,600 America to Shmamerica? Yeah, I'm calling Mike. 358 00:13:53,679 --> 00:13:55,960 No, I already tried him. It went straight to voice mail. 359 00:13:56,039 --> 00:13:59,960 I met this young scientist named Anita. 360 00:14:00,039 --> 00:14:02,000 - And I said to her... - You got a charger? 361 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:04,200 - Shh, I'm trying to watch. - Okay, champ. 362 00:14:04,279 --> 00:14:06,360 ...and she said, "It's not what science means to me, 363 00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:09,320 "it's what I mean to science." 364 00:14:09,399 --> 00:14:12,200 Let's do this one first. This is a mappable social media cloud for pets. 365 00:14:12,279 --> 00:14:14,159 - Oh, I'm impressed with that. - Home run. 366 00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:15,720 Listen, let me tell you something. Three words-- 367 00:14:15,799 --> 00:14:18,639 - caucus, primary, money. Right? - Go big. 368 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:21,000 No, four words-- money again. Right? 369 00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:22,840 'Cause that's what we need. Mike, we need a lot of money. 370 00:14:22,919 --> 00:14:25,159 This is Rachel and Erica over here, ma'am. 371 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,840 - Oh, wow, what is this? - It's an ant kibbutz. 372 00:14:26,919 --> 00:14:28,840 Okay. I would love to look at that. 373 00:14:28,919 --> 00:14:30,519 Oh, and I just had a thought. 374 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:32,519 Remember that Iowa steak fry thing? 375 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:34,080 - We need to go to that. - Yeah. 376 00:14:34,159 --> 00:14:35,559 Seriously, 'cause there's a lot of money there. 377 00:14:35,639 --> 00:14:38,279 - And steak. - And steak. I love it. 378 00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:40,120 So, I know what you're thinking, Madam Vice President. 379 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,519 - You do? Uh-oh. - A confined space, right? 380 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:44,000 But it's a humane environment. 381 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:46,399 Well, from up here, they look like ants. 382 00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:48,879 - ( Mike chuckles ) - That's a joke. 383 00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:50,960 - Because they are ants. - This way, ma'am. 384 00:14:51,039 --> 00:14:53,559 - This is some kind of robot. - Really? That's it? 385 00:14:53,639 --> 00:14:56,679 - Would you excuse me? - Hey, Joe fucking Slow. 386 00:14:56,759 --> 00:14:58,639 You ever think about answering your phone? 387 00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:01,159 Chill out. I lost my charger. You got one? 388 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:03,960 You're at a science fair. One of these kids could build you a charger. 389 00:15:04,039 --> 00:15:05,639 - What's the problem? - Ben's been trying to get 390 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:07,519 - in touch with the veep all day. - All right, well, she's busy. 391 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:09,039 Sorry there, Todd. Just real quick. 392 00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:10,720 - Oh. - Matters of state. 393 00:15:10,799 --> 00:15:12,799 Sir, yes, I have the vice president for you. It's Ben. 394 00:15:12,879 --> 00:15:15,080 - Give her a little space. - Hi, Ben. How's it going? 395 00:15:15,159 --> 00:15:17,639 Furlong has been spraying all over town 396 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:20,720 that you think POTUS is gonna quit. 397 00:15:20,799 --> 00:15:24,679 What? I didn't say anything to that crusty ass clown. 398 00:15:24,759 --> 00:15:26,679 I might have mixed up a couple words, but... 399 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:29,200 Well, now POTUS can't say that he won't be running for reelection 400 00:15:29,279 --> 00:15:31,080 because it'll look like he's being pushed out. 401 00:15:31,159 --> 00:15:32,639 So now our spineless, 402 00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:34,960 flip-floppy fuckbag is staying. 403 00:15:35,039 --> 00:15:37,720 - Oh, boy. - Is everything okay? 404 00:15:37,799 --> 00:15:40,399 I've got to get out of here before I set fire to one of these nerds. 405 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:42,080 - Okay, okay, let's go. - That's my phone. 406 00:15:42,159 --> 00:15:44,279 - Thank you. Thank you. - Girl: Madam Vice President. 407 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,960 - No. - We're sorry. She really likes it, 408 00:15:47,039 --> 00:15:48,519 but unfortunately she's out of time, you guys. 409 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:51,279 But this man right here is gonna take over for her. 410 00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:52,759 Don't fuck this up. This is 411 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:54,759 a public relations nightmare waiting to happen. 412 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:57,360 Promise them everything. Thank you, kids. 413 00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:59,200 ( sirens blaring ) 414 00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:06,440 - Ma'am, are you-- - ( elevator bell dings ) 415 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:18,559 ( muffled screaming ) 416 00:16:18,639 --> 00:16:21,000 Dan: I thought you'd like this spot. 417 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:23,720 DC's current go-to place for these off-the-record meets. 418 00:16:23,799 --> 00:16:26,759 Good choice. Under the radar as we used to say in the military. 419 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:28,679 Yeah, I think other people say that, too. 420 00:16:28,759 --> 00:16:31,080 It's about loyalty to the truth. 421 00:16:31,159 --> 00:16:33,000 And to the American people. 422 00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:35,480 Furlong and Doyle have turned their guns on the president. 423 00:16:35,559 --> 00:16:37,720 That's the worst kind of friendly fire. 424 00:16:37,799 --> 00:16:39,519 The unfriendly kind. 425 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:41,279 Yeah, oh, Danny, I just want to let you know, 426 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:43,360 one of your anecdotes may have accidentally 427 00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:45,279 made its way into a veep speech via me. 428 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,200 And I'd really appreciate it if you could let this one slide. 429 00:16:47,279 --> 00:16:49,759 Selina's a plagiarist? That's perfect. 430 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:51,320 You just handed me a silver bullet. 431 00:16:51,399 --> 00:16:52,799 And as you know, I'm a good shot. 432 00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:56,360 I might back away, though, from calling her a liar. 433 00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:58,960 After all, you didn't really meet anyone named Juanita who said that. 434 00:16:59,039 --> 00:17:01,559 No, I did. As I recall, it went something like... 435 00:17:01,639 --> 00:17:04,640 ( Spanish accent ) "Mr. Ching, I come to America to work. 436 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:07,640 "I send money home, but life here is so hard for me." 437 00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:09,279 I didn't know you did voices. 438 00:17:09,358 --> 00:17:10,598 ( laughs ) 439 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:14,720 Sue, come here. 440 00:17:14,799 --> 00:17:17,160 - Where's Dan? - He stepped out. 441 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:18,799 Um, ahem. 442 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:23,160 POTUS has decided that he is staying, 443 00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:26,799 and he is going to seek reelection after all. 444 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:28,319 Of course he wants to stay. 445 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:31,480 Could you just not... 446 00:17:31,559 --> 00:17:33,119 So he's running for a second term, 447 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,240 which means I won't be running for a first term. 448 00:17:35,319 --> 00:17:38,279 So there's no point in my staying. I'm just gonna leave. 449 00:17:38,359 --> 00:17:41,160 - So he changed his mind again? - Yeah. 450 00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:43,680 Jesus, the inside of his head must be like an Escher drawing. 451 00:17:43,759 --> 00:17:45,559 Sue: Ma'am, Andrew is here to see you. 452 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,799 Oh, good, more hurt and disappointment. 453 00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:49,799 There is one other thing that-- 454 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:52,160 and I'm so sorry to let you down, 455 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:54,799 but I'm gonna stay with Selina. 456 00:17:56,119 --> 00:17:58,240 You think you get to decide on 457 00:17:58,319 --> 00:17:59,799 whether or not I hire you? 458 00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:02,759 There are plenty of Dans out there, Dan. 459 00:18:02,839 --> 00:18:05,279 Look around. 460 00:18:05,359 --> 00:18:07,079 Sorry, kid. 461 00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:09,319 Hey, don't call me kid, okay? 462 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,559 I mean, A: you're not Jimmy Cagney, all right? 463 00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:13,720 And B: we're practically the same fucking age. 464 00:18:13,799 --> 00:18:16,160 Then it must really hurt to know how much more I've achieved in life. 465 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:18,799 Decorated veteran. President-in-waiting. 466 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,880 Oh, okay. Do you see this? See this right here? 467 00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:22,640 You know what this is? This is me playing "Fuck You" 468 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:24,119 on the world's biggest cello. 469 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:26,480 Oh, I think someone just suicide bombed their own future. 470 00:18:26,559 --> 00:18:27,960 God, you know, if I had a dollar 471 00:18:28,039 --> 00:18:29,839 for every time you mentioned that goddamn war, 472 00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:31,960 I would buy a tank and I would blow your fat fucking head off. 473 00:18:32,039 --> 00:18:34,640 - Wow. Well, I'm sorry, Dan. - ( phone chimes ) 474 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:37,640 I hate to leave a man down, but I'll see you around. 475 00:18:39,759 --> 00:18:41,160 Danny. Danny, hey. 476 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,119 Are you fucking kidding me? 477 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:44,920 You brought me over here for nothing? 478 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,400 Are you really talking to me like this right now? 479 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:50,599 - I have shit to do. - I am in a bad way. 480 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:52,839 Honestly, it's so out of line. 481 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:54,960 - It's so out of line. - It is. 482 00:18:55,039 --> 00:18:56,480 You get fucked by everybody in DC-- 483 00:18:56,559 --> 00:18:58,960 your friends, your enemies, 484 00:18:59,039 --> 00:19:01,000 your colleagues, your fucking family. 485 00:19:01,079 --> 00:19:02,480 That's Washington, DC, for you. 486 00:19:02,559 --> 00:19:04,200 DC-- District of Cunts. 487 00:19:04,279 --> 00:19:07,119 Ma'am, you remember Sally, T.J., and Paul. 488 00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:09,920 This is my nerd herd. And I mean that affectionately. 489 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,519 Jonah, this is a restricted area. 490 00:19:11,599 --> 00:19:13,880 We're like Area 51 except more restricted. 491 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:15,599 Jonah, can you come here just for a second? 492 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:17,880 Do you want to fill me in as to what's going on right now? 493 00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:20,440 Yes, ma'am. Your abrupt exit from the science fair. 494 00:19:20,519 --> 00:19:23,119 Mike needed a PR fix, so you have to give these guys a West Wing tour. 495 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,440 - Uh, ma'am. - This has got to stop. 496 00:19:25,519 --> 00:19:27,400 You should be aware that the president is on his way. 497 00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:28,920 Hey, why don't we go sit on these chairs for a second? 498 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:30,440 What did you say? The president is coming here? 499 00:19:30,519 --> 00:19:32,039 - Yes. - Why? He never comes here. 500 00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:34,240 I don't know. Information-wise, I am becalmed. 501 00:19:34,319 --> 00:19:35,759 The president is coming here? 502 00:19:35,839 --> 00:19:38,279 Gary, Dana just cleared security. This is anarchy. 503 00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:40,480 Hey, ma'am, is now a bad time to talk to Dana? 504 00:19:40,559 --> 00:19:43,000 - Yeah! - Okay, let me just go fix that. 505 00:19:43,079 --> 00:19:44,839 I'll fix that. 506 00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:49,319 - Hey. Hey. - Gary who I'm gonna marry. 507 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,480 Fiancée in the house. Ooh, ooh! 508 00:19:51,559 --> 00:19:52,960 This is not a good time, baby. 509 00:19:53,039 --> 00:19:55,160 I brought the Pecorino Duo Grande sampler. 510 00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:57,720 - Shaved and grated. - Okay, I'll just give this to her. 511 00:19:57,799 --> 00:19:59,559 But why? Oh, my God, is it Selina? 512 00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:01,079 Right? She doesn't like me, is that it? 513 00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:03,240 - She loves you. - Then what is it? 514 00:20:03,319 --> 00:20:05,359 Shh, shh. 515 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:07,680 - POTUS is coming. - Oh, my God! 516 00:20:07,759 --> 00:20:09,839 There's a lot of security and he doesn't like a lot of people around. 517 00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:12,559 He should get the basket. Right? We'll get him to tweet about it. 518 00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:14,240 It'll be great publicity. You know I'm right. 519 00:20:14,319 --> 00:20:15,880 Is he gonna drop me from the ticket? 520 00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,480 Is that what's going on? He's gone postal. 521 00:20:17,559 --> 00:20:18,960 - I have no idea. - What? 522 00:20:19,039 --> 00:20:21,480 - You've got to mello yellow. - Don't tell me not to panic. 523 00:20:21,559 --> 00:20:23,000 I know how to freak out, okay? 524 00:20:23,079 --> 00:20:25,839 Everybody can just shut the shit up. 525 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:27,680 - I got to think. - Okay. 526 00:20:27,759 --> 00:20:31,039 - We know what she's like. - Andrew, don't talk to me. 527 00:20:31,119 --> 00:20:33,759 Ma'am, should I get Jonah to get-- I'll get Jonah get the kids out. 528 00:20:33,839 --> 00:20:35,519 Jonah, why don't you put the kids in my office? 529 00:20:35,599 --> 00:20:37,759 - Mike. Mike. - Is the president coming? 530 00:20:37,839 --> 00:20:41,279 - Mike! Mike! Mike! Mike! Mike! - Ma'am, I'm coming. 531 00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:42,920 - I'm here. I'm here. - Come here. 532 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,519 - We got to make a statement. - Okay. 533 00:20:44,599 --> 00:20:47,039 Because I think POTUS is coming here to kick me off the ticket. 534 00:20:47,119 --> 00:20:49,240 And I've got to make a statement saying I'm leaving the ticket 535 00:20:49,319 --> 00:20:52,200 before he drops me from it. I've got to jump before get stabbed in the back. 536 00:20:52,279 --> 00:20:54,200 Danny Chung is making an announcement. 537 00:20:54,279 --> 00:20:56,640 I was proud to serve in the military. 538 00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:58,359 I'm proud to serve as a governor. 539 00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:00,720 Today I've set up an exploratory committee 540 00:21:00,799 --> 00:21:03,240 to look into whether in a couple of years... 541 00:21:03,319 --> 00:21:06,880 ...I might be of use serving at an even higher level. 542 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,440 Does she make you happy? Because I make you happy. 543 00:21:09,519 --> 00:21:11,240 Of course you make me happy, baby. 544 00:21:11,319 --> 00:21:13,599 Ma'am, we're gonna have to ask you to leave. 545 00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:15,240 What is this? Oh, my God. What's going on? 546 00:21:15,319 --> 00:21:17,319 We are gonna talk about this when we get home. 547 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,240 - You are my diamond. - I am a diamond in the rough! 548 00:21:19,319 --> 00:21:21,200 - I know you're a diamond. - Get your hands off me. 549 00:21:21,279 --> 00:21:22,880 I know what I'm gonna do. 550 00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:24,839 I'm gonna run against Chung. 551 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:26,599 Okay? I'm gonna take myself off the ticket. 552 00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:29,400 I'll run against Chung and I'll run against POTUS. 553 00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:31,519 It'll be like a political massacre. 554 00:21:31,599 --> 00:21:33,440 Quit freaking out. You need to get your head together. 555 00:21:33,519 --> 00:21:35,440 What do you mean? The president's gonna be here any second. 556 00:21:35,519 --> 00:21:37,000 Lookie, lookie, lookie, lookie. 557 00:21:37,079 --> 00:21:38,640 - This is for you. - What? 558 00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:40,599 It's like a Pecorino peace offering. 559 00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:42,240 What the crippling fuck is going on with you? 560 00:21:42,319 --> 00:21:44,319 - I got rid of Dana. - You've got to get out of here. 561 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,039 - Get out of here. - I have POTUS incoming! 562 00:21:47,119 --> 00:21:49,400 - I have POTUS incoming! - Make a statement, Mike. 563 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:50,880 - About what? About what? - Everything. 564 00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:52,920 All possible statements that you can even think of. 565 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:54,960 Okay, I'll come up with something. 566 00:21:55,039 --> 00:21:57,000 - Let's go say hi to POTUS. - Don't talk to me like I'm crazy. 567 00:21:57,079 --> 00:21:58,519 I didn't mean to. It came out weird. 568 00:21:58,599 --> 00:22:01,319 Jonah: Make a hole, yo. POTUS coming through! Make a hole. 569 00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:04,200 T.J.: You're not the president. 570 00:22:04,279 --> 00:22:06,400 No, but you're not Justin Bieber either, are you, sport? 571 00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:08,559 Ma'am. POTUS is here. 572 00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:10,200 Where? 573 00:22:10,279 --> 00:22:11,920 Has he been miniaturized? 574 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:13,440 He's right in that room. 575 00:22:13,519 --> 00:22:15,079 Would you care to join him in your office? 576 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:17,079 Uh... 577 00:22:18,319 --> 00:22:20,440 - Am I about to get whacked? - No, no, no. 578 00:22:20,519 --> 00:22:23,720 No, it's good to see you again. Take care. 579 00:22:23,799 --> 00:22:26,720 Your boss wants to see you. Don't keep him waiting. 580 00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:31,640 What's going on here? 581 00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:33,960 Is it Bring a Disparate Person to Work Day? 582 00:22:34,039 --> 00:22:36,839 Uh, Selina is about to get a Potal bullet through the head 583 00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:39,240 and you are all about to be unemployed and homeless. 584 00:22:39,319 --> 00:22:41,680 But, Amy, I don't want you to worry. You can crash at my place. 585 00:22:41,759 --> 00:22:43,599 We're so fucked. We're so fucked. 586 00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:45,559 We've fucked DC over so many different ways, 587 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:47,160 no one's gonna hire us now. 588 00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:49,599 How am I gonna pay for my fucking boat? 589 00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:51,519 Enough about the fucking boat, Mike. 590 00:22:51,599 --> 00:22:53,799 Take a flare gun, put it in your mouth, and blow your head off. 591 00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:55,359 Listen to yourselves. You people are monsters. 592 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:56,920 Sue: Ed, you really need to can it right now. 593 00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:58,480 Do not comment on this office, okay? 594 00:22:58,559 --> 00:23:00,640 Hey, Sue, don't talk to me that way, okay? 595 00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:02,279 You're the secretary to the vice president. 596 00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:06,119 That's like being Garfunkel's roadie, okay? 597 00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:08,480 So this is Selina's team in action. 598 00:23:08,559 --> 00:23:10,799 - That explains a lot to me. - Likewise. 599 00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:12,400 Yeah, well, they're actually better than my team. 600 00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:14,480 My team is just fucking horrible. 601 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:19,799 Ma'am? 602 00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:22,720 Hi. 603 00:23:22,799 --> 00:23:25,519 I think I know what you're gonna say, but I don't wanna jinx it. 604 00:23:25,599 --> 00:23:27,960 POTUS is not 605 00:23:28,039 --> 00:23:30,319 gonna be running for a second term. 606 00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:32,279 - Gary: Oh, my God! - I'm gonna run. 607 00:23:32,359 --> 00:23:34,839 Whoa, whoa! Ma'am, give me the straight poop here. 608 00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:36,720 - Is this for real? - It's totally for real. 609 00:23:36,799 --> 00:23:38,400 Oh, thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! 610 00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:40,680 - Can we make it public? - No, no, no, no. 611 00:23:40,759 --> 00:23:42,839 We got to wait for POTUS to make a statement. 612 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:44,400 - Okay. Okay. Okay. - ( laughs ) 613 00:23:52,279 --> 00:23:54,039 Ma'am, of all the places that I have liaised, 614 00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:56,319 I have enjoyed liaising here the most. 615 00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:58,480 Okay, guys, we don't want to get ahead of ourselves here. 616 00:23:58,559 --> 00:24:00,799 - We've got a lot of work. - Yep, a long road ahead. 617 00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:02,440 - Right? - And we're going all the way. 618 00:24:02,519 --> 00:24:04,319 And for the record, ma'am, I always believed in you. 619 00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:07,680 Well, I have to say that I believed in me, too. 620 00:24:07,759 --> 00:24:09,200 - Amy: Of course. - Yeah. 621 00:24:09,279 --> 00:24:11,440 POTUS, he knew the gig was up 622 00:24:11,519 --> 00:24:14,240 because Doyle, Furlong, Chung, 623 00:24:14,319 --> 00:24:15,960 all turned the party against him. 624 00:24:16,039 --> 00:24:18,319 I mean, it was just, you know, RIP-OTUS. 625 00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:21,000 Just complete sinking shit. 626 00:24:21,079 --> 00:24:24,599 No, he had to go. Together, we are going to make history. 627 00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:26,119 We're going to the White House, ma'am. 628 00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:27,640 Boom, boom, pow. 629 00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:31,200 Oh, yeah. Yeah. Wow. 630 00:24:31,279 --> 00:24:33,200 ( all laugh ) 631 00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:36,400 My brain is at your service, ma'am. 632 00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:38,200 - We'll see. - Ma'am, I am so psyched. 633 00:24:38,279 --> 00:24:40,359 And the science fair speech was plagiarized from Chung. 634 00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:41,880 Just wanted you to know that up front. 635 00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:44,279 - What? What? What? What? - Yep. 636 00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:45,759 - You're kidding. - No. 637 00:24:45,839 --> 00:24:48,640 - And so it begins. - Yeah, with a kick to the tits. 638 00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:51,440 So, Dan, you're gonna have to clean up your own shitty diaper. 639 00:24:51,519 --> 00:24:53,359 - Got it? - Not a problem. 640 00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:55,720 You know what? We got to talk about the campaign, don't we? 641 00:24:55,799 --> 00:24:57,680 - Okay. I'm right behind you. - Okay, great. 642 00:24:57,759 --> 00:24:59,759 Gary, call Dana. She's called 90 times. 643 00:24:59,839 --> 00:25:01,680 - Gary: Shit. - Talk to her, then sedate her. 644 00:25:02,839 --> 00:25:05,559 Ma'am, the president has left the building. 645 00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:07,680 - Who gives a flying fuck? - ( all laugh ) 646 00:25:07,759 --> 00:25:10,680 - Not yet. - I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. 647 00:25:10,759 --> 00:25:13,039 Ma'am, West Wing. 648 00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:15,119 - This is your fault. - No, no. 649 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,960 I didn't arrive soon enough to be able to cut out the cancer. 650 00:25:18,039 --> 00:25:21,079 Oh, no, I think you arrived with a man bag filled with tumors. 651 00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:23,279 That was POTUS's problem. 652 00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:25,599 Because he relied on those two guys. 653 00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:28,400 One a burnt-out loser, the other a conniving robot. 654 00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:30,440 - Crazy. - Bad combo, yeah. 655 00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:34,400 - Oh, hello, kids. - Come on in. 656 00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:37,039 Oh, my God, have you been here this whole time? 657 00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:39,000 M&Ms for the scientists. 658 00:25:39,079 --> 00:25:40,599 So come with me 'cause I've got an idea. 659 00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:42,359 I might show you around the West Wing. 660 00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:44,279 - Gary: Ahh! - Would you? 661 00:25:44,359 --> 00:25:45,960 - Do you like government? - Yes. 662 00:25:46,039 --> 00:25:47,880 - And do you like politics? - Yeah. 663 00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:50,319 Oh, good. Because politics is about people, don't you think? 664 00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:52,240 - Yeah. - It is when you think about it. 665 00:25:52,319 --> 00:25:54,759 'Cause without people, you can't have politics. 666 00:25:54,839 --> 00:25:56,319 See how crowded this is? 667 00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,119 I mean, it's very claustrophobic. 668 00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:01,640 I think that the president should only have her staff here. 669 00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:03,640 Or his staff. You know, their staff. 670 00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:05,640 I mean, I've never seen-- like that one we just passed, 671 00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:07,799 I don't know who that person is. Never seen that person in my life. 672 00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:09,319 No business being here. 673 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:12,519 Selina did not plagiarize Danny Chung's speech. 674 00:26:12,599 --> 00:26:14,160 Mike's already told you that. 675 00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:15,680 No, I am not plagiarizing Mike. 676 00:26:15,759 --> 00:26:18,279 I know it's boring, but, hey, I'm boring. 677 00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:21,160 Those curtains there are going. 678 00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:23,200 Wow, those are hideous. 679 00:26:23,279 --> 00:26:26,359 - We're still together, right? - Ed, I haven't got time. 680 00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:29,000 Time for us or do you mean time as a general concept? 681 00:26:29,079 --> 00:26:31,279 Hi, Terry. I am sorry I missed your call. 682 00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:34,599 Hi, Dana. Hey. Hey, listen. 683 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:36,319 I just wanted to say that-- 684 00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:39,039 Okay. Okay. If you've got something to say, you go first. 685 00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:42,119 Was your mom plagiarizing the Bible when she said, "Oh, God, oh, God"? 686 00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:45,000 The president's chair is a couple inches higher 687 00:26:45,079 --> 00:26:46,960 than the rest of the chairs in the Oval Office. 688 00:26:47,039 --> 00:26:49,240 And I used to think, "Oh, my God, that's so ridiculous." 689 00:26:49,319 --> 00:26:50,720 But now I think it makes sense 690 00:26:50,799 --> 00:26:52,480 because I think it's a good psychological trick. 691 00:26:52,559 --> 00:26:55,319 Yeah, that's what I-- you're not finished? Go ahead. 692 00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:58,079 Oh, she loved the cheese. 693 00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,000 Loved it. 694 00:27:00,079 --> 00:27:02,559 When I grow up, I want to be vice president just like you. 695 00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:04,759 Oh, no, you don't. You want to be president.