1 00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:13,359 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:22,440 Are you working on the night of our eighth month-iversary? 3 00:00:22,519 --> 00:00:24,600 Don't tell me you're doing that face. 4 00:00:24,679 --> 00:00:26,640 - I am. - Come on. You know. 5 00:00:26,719 --> 00:00:29,920 - ( phone ringing ) - Hold on. 6 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:32,479 Gary, honeymoons rule. "The Dirty Dozen" is on 7 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:35,119 and we eat chips from bowls perched on bellies. 8 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:36,719 Sounds great, Mike. 9 00:00:36,799 --> 00:00:39,079 We put a penny in a jar when we have sex. 10 00:00:39,159 --> 00:00:40,600 We've already got like 15. 11 00:00:40,679 --> 00:00:42,679 Did you call me to talk dirty? 12 00:00:42,759 --> 00:00:44,600 - I can talk dirty. - That's okay. 13 00:00:44,679 --> 00:00:47,799 Wendy got the heads up POTUS's bodyman is quitting. 14 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:49,520 Marty? Did he get sick? 15 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:51,920 Hm-mm. Law school. You gonna go for it? 16 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,679 I don't wanna be a guy in his 40s carrying a bag. 17 00:00:54,759 --> 00:00:58,799 I've got ideas. I could advise Selina. I can tell her plenty of things. 18 00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:02,719 Hey, gotta go. Telly Savalas is gonna kill some Nazis. 19 00:01:02,799 --> 00:01:05,719 When did you get your dad's face? 20 00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:07,280 ( sirens wailing ) 21 00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:09,680 The world just heard POTUS won't run again 22 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:13,560 so we're not here and this doesn't exist. Your campaign office. 23 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,560 What are these, the stables? 24 00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:17,719 Well, it's gonna get spruced up. 25 00:01:17,799 --> 00:01:20,039 Hello, hello, this is it, this is it. 26 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:22,120 - ( chuckles ) - It is. How are you? 27 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:24,158 - Hi. - I don't know who you are. 28 00:01:24,239 --> 00:01:25,640 - I'm Kelly. - Hi, Kelly. 29 00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:28,480 I work on your campaign. I'll take photos today. 30 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:30,640 Brookheimer. You've been in touch... 31 00:01:30,719 --> 00:01:33,000 The men's toilet is busted, so... 32 00:01:33,079 --> 00:01:34,560 Here we are. 33 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:36,120 Wow, here you are. 34 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:39,799 See, now, I thought that I had left you 750 miles ago. 35 00:01:39,878 --> 00:01:42,079 I'm going to follow you wherever you go. 36 00:01:42,158 --> 00:01:44,359 I'm going to be like a Disney animal. 37 00:01:44,439 --> 00:01:46,680 Is there a space for the campaign manager? 38 00:01:46,759 --> 00:01:49,439 - Not yet. - Could I have two seconds? 39 00:01:49,519 --> 00:01:52,680 - Sure thing. - I don't know why Richard is here. 40 00:01:52,759 --> 00:01:55,680 You said he was really good on the book tour. 41 00:01:55,759 --> 00:01:59,479 No, I was trying to keep you from worrying about me. 42 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:02,359 - Oh. - You're welcome. 43 00:02:02,439 --> 00:02:04,640 - I'll ditch him. - Selina: Yeah, right. 44 00:02:04,719 --> 00:02:06,640 Will you go on the coast guard boat? 45 00:02:06,719 --> 00:02:08,800 I'll learn to swim especially. 46 00:02:08,878 --> 00:02:11,199 No, I meant... 47 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:12,680 What's your name? Sorry. 48 00:02:12,759 --> 00:02:14,240 - Starts with K. - Tell me. 49 00:02:14,319 --> 00:02:15,759 - Kelly. - Kelly, right. 50 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:17,879 You come on the boat, with the camera. 51 00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:21,240 - Richard, you stay here. - Okay, you're in good hands. 52 00:02:21,319 --> 00:02:24,240 Kelly and I go way back. She's like another me. 53 00:02:24,319 --> 00:02:26,039 This doesn't work. Good. 54 00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:29,439 A night patrol with the coast guard is great pre-campaign. 55 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:32,680 - I need a wipe. - No, no. Hey. 56 00:02:32,759 --> 00:02:35,079 Ma'am, I've actually got a few ideas... 57 00:02:35,159 --> 00:02:37,039 You know, ma'am, I was thinking... 58 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:38,879 - I might skip the boat. - What? 59 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:41,280 Hang back here, do a little pre-prep. 60 00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:44,000 Why, Dan? Is that a pre-stabbing in my pre-back? 61 00:02:44,079 --> 00:02:45,560 I think I'm gonna need you 62 00:02:45,639 --> 00:02:49,240 just in case we make a drug bust or something and I need some... 63 00:02:49,319 --> 00:02:50,879 ( snaps ) snappy one-liners. 64 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:55,319 "The only laundering you'll be doing will gonna be prison blankets." 65 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:56,800 That's kind of clever. 66 00:02:56,879 --> 00:03:00,159 "The only crack you'll see belongs to some guy in a shower." 67 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:01,840 - Don't be cute. - My God. 68 00:03:01,919 --> 00:03:04,599 So, here it begins here, 69 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:07,439 "in this Polish dungeon." ( laughter ) 70 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,599 About the campaign, I had an idea. 71 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:13,120 - Here you go. - Instead of all the pre-campaigning, 72 00:03:13,199 --> 00:03:15,680 in the next 24 hours, you grab a mic, you say: 73 00:03:15,759 --> 00:03:18,159 "I'm Selina Meyer and I run for President." 74 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:19,639 I'll use the bathroom. 75 00:03:19,719 --> 00:03:22,879 You don't announce it while the incumbent is still warm. 76 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:24,400 The basic thing... 77 00:03:24,478 --> 00:03:26,439 As banging the widow at the funeral. 78 00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:27,919 There's a little trick. 79 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,719 - The trick would be to move it. - I sure will. 80 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:34,719 You'd have her start her campaign with no strategy, no money, no staff 81 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:38,199 except Superman and Wonder Woman, just "I wanna be president." 82 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:42,280 - I don't know if you heard. - No, but I agree with Dan, okay? 83 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:46,079 - I completely appreciate your ideas. - No matter how dumb they are. 84 00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:48,560 Let's go. The coasts won't guard themselves. 85 00:03:48,639 --> 00:03:50,520 Let me tell you what we need to do. 86 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:55,520 They intercepted an individual untracked vessel, cargo. 87 00:03:55,599 --> 00:03:57,000 They request backup. 88 00:03:57,079 --> 00:03:58,918 - It's a drug boat? - We'll check. 89 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,240 - That's a luck. - I'll do a short video. 90 00:04:01,319 --> 00:04:02,759 The drugs stop here. 91 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:05,080 - Oh! - Don't say anything right after, 92 00:04:05,159 --> 00:04:06,919 - 'cause it ruins it. - Got it. 93 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,080 - The drugs stop here. - We need to go. 94 00:04:09,159 --> 00:04:11,759 - Yes. One second. - "They stop here", firm. 95 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:14,360 - The drugs stop here. - Gary: Nice. 96 00:04:14,439 --> 00:04:17,040 One thing, this definitely does not do video. 97 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:19,560 - I'm sorry? - Then what were you doing? 98 00:04:19,639 --> 00:04:21,040 Perfect. 99 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:23,639 Amy: Use your common sense next time. 100 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:26,680 - You'll sit there? - Got to take a seat for a second. 101 00:04:26,759 --> 00:04:30,120 - We haven't even shoved off. - I know. I'm not great on boats. 102 00:04:30,199 --> 00:04:32,120 Are you getting "pre-sick"? 103 00:04:32,199 --> 00:04:33,720 Get downstairs. 104 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:36,480 - It's "below deck." - Come on, Egan, God damn it. 105 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:39,800 Oh! 106 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:45,480 Mikey, honey, look who I found in a basket at our front door. 107 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,959 - What are you doing here? - What's up? You gonna introduce me? 108 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:51,959 Uh, yeah. Walt, Randall, this is Sasquatch. 109 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:53,920 The edible garbage is out back. 110 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,879 What's up, bitches? I'm Jonah Ryan. 111 00:04:55,959 --> 00:04:58,639 Wow, "bitches." All right, we'll have dinner soon. 112 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:01,279 And then I taped "The Great Escape" for later. 113 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:03,680 - Oh, 17? - 17. 114 00:05:03,759 --> 00:05:06,319 So wrap it up soon. 115 00:05:06,399 --> 00:05:11,040 You probably you can't be out on that boat in the harbor with the Veep. 116 00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:12,959 - Honeymoon. - Yeah. 117 00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:15,639 Will she go to her campaign headquarters after? 118 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:19,759 Yeah, but it's not a campaign office. It's a real estate acquisition. 119 00:05:19,839 --> 00:05:21,519 Oh, yeah. Of course, right. 120 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:24,120 - Keep it quiet. - A PAC-quisition, huh? 121 00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:26,920 Big man, up top. For the win. 122 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:31,959 Serious talk. I'll open a consulting firm and I want you on board. 123 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:35,439 Consulting on what? How to delete your Internet search history? 124 00:05:35,519 --> 00:05:37,480 Wendy: Jonah, heard you got canned. 125 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:40,040 Yeah. But you know what? It was for the best. 126 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:42,519 I told Mike. It'll be called Ryantology. 127 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:45,639 DC insider turns DC outlaw, 128 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:49,759 energizing democracy, taking from the powerful and giving to the pitiful. 129 00:05:49,839 --> 00:05:51,959 - You know? - Why are you at our house? 130 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:55,159 Maybe he needs a start-up. Remember the dude on our street 131 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,439 - asking Mom for money? - That was Mike. 132 00:05:57,519 --> 00:06:00,040 - ( laughs ) - Very funny. Good one, guys. 133 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:04,519 You know what, honey? I'll replace your lemonade with an ice-cold beer. 134 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:06,000 Grazie. 135 00:06:06,079 --> 00:06:09,399 - You trained her already. - Your business model sucks. 136 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:11,800 If you're grabbing beers, would you mind... 137 00:06:11,879 --> 00:06:13,120 Okay, that's fine. 138 00:06:14,439 --> 00:06:16,959 Remain still, sir. Hands where we can see them. 139 00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:20,480 Wow. We need to get a photo of me 140 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:23,000 with him surrendering, Is that wrong? 141 00:06:23,079 --> 00:06:26,079 It's a shame they didn't arrest someone more photogenic. 142 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:29,000 We can just pixelate him, the face. That's fine. 143 00:06:29,079 --> 00:06:30,560 I've no idea how to do it. 144 00:06:30,639 --> 00:06:34,560 - Hey, I voted for you! - Thank you very much, sir. 145 00:06:34,639 --> 00:06:36,879 But I'm afraid you have to go to prison! 146 00:06:36,959 --> 00:06:39,959 We need to get back. POTUS made a statement. 147 00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:41,439 What? What now? 148 00:06:41,519 --> 00:06:43,040 Sir, can you explain this? 149 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:44,839 - Gary. - You must get a shot. 150 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:46,360 - Ma'am... - He got swords. 151 00:06:46,439 --> 00:06:49,920 Fuck the swords. POTUS just announced that he's now pro-life. 152 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:53,000 - What? - Our POTUS? The POTUS? 153 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:57,159 Institute of Medical Ethics after-dinner speech 20-week cutoff! 154 00:06:57,240 --> 00:07:00,720 He's pro-choice! Now all of a sudden, he's pro-life? 155 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:02,600 They already call him "PRO-TUS," 156 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:05,160 which is stupid because both start with "pro". 157 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:08,720 - Selina: Gary! Go get Dan! - He's downstairs. 158 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:11,040 "Below deck". You gotta say, "below deck." 159 00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:13,319 He says, "Maybe it's time we give back 160 00:07:13,399 --> 00:07:15,879 a little freedom to those who cannot choose." 161 00:07:15,959 --> 00:07:19,000 Okay, Amy, I do not mean to sound paranoid, 162 00:07:19,079 --> 00:07:22,240 - but he is trying to kill me. - We need to turn this boat. 163 00:07:22,319 --> 00:07:24,759 Right. We gotta figure out what I'll say. 164 00:07:24,839 --> 00:07:27,079 - Yeah, I gotta... - We are pro-choice, 165 00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:28,879 but we're not controversial. 166 00:07:28,959 --> 00:07:32,519 Yeah, they got first trimester, second trimester, third trimester. 167 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:35,800 You're listing trimesters. Stop it! 168 00:07:35,879 --> 00:07:38,079 Let's go downstairs, see what we'll say. 169 00:07:38,159 --> 00:07:40,839 It's below deck! We gotta go below deck! 170 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:43,839 We've got to figure this out. Come on. 171 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:46,319 Hi, Sue. Is the vice president around? 172 00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:48,759 She is not, sir. She's on a coast guard boat 173 00:07:48,839 --> 00:07:50,839 meeting and greeting fish. 174 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:55,000 Ah, the salty sea. 175 00:07:55,079 --> 00:07:58,319 Sue, forgive me, but have you altered your hair, perhaps? 176 00:07:58,399 --> 00:08:01,480 I got it chemically relaxed. It was enormously painful. 177 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:05,720 - It seems to be working for you. - Thank you. 178 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:08,680 Damn it. The president's gone rogue. 179 00:08:08,759 --> 00:08:11,399 We'll continue our pleasant chat at a later date. 180 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:13,079 Abortion calls. 181 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:16,199 Ma'am, I swear, we thought he would just eat some shrimp, 182 00:08:16,279 --> 00:08:17,959 say a few platitudes, go home, 183 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:21,519 watch "Full Metal Jacket" for the millionth time and fall asleep. 184 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:24,480 Tell Mike to dismount his wife and get on the phone. 185 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:26,759 Do you know what this is? Let me explain. 186 00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:30,199 This is POTUS trying to screw me, okay? 187 00:08:30,279 --> 00:08:33,000 This is the unflushable turd 188 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:37,200 that is left in the can for the next person e.g., me. 189 00:08:37,279 --> 00:08:40,399 - The toilet's still broken, FYI. - Has POTUS gone nuts? 190 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:43,440 - We can't have a crazy president. - In Italy they do. 191 00:08:43,519 --> 00:08:45,320 Get the special interest groups. 192 00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:46,840 We must bring them all in, 193 00:08:46,919 --> 00:08:50,480 and I'll listen the shit out of every one of those morons. 194 00:08:50,559 --> 00:08:55,039 Keep the groups apart, pro-choice in the morning pro-life in the afternoon 195 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:56,759 so nobody shoots any doctors. 196 00:08:56,840 --> 00:09:00,960 You'll end up pissing somebody off. It's better to just take a stand now. 197 00:09:01,039 --> 00:09:04,960 - Putting through Mike. - Hi! How was that coast guard boat? 198 00:09:05,039 --> 00:09:07,159 - My bad. - Put it through on this one. 199 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:10,080 - Incompatibility issues. - Bring it here, please. 200 00:09:10,159 --> 00:09:11,919 - Hang on, Mike. - Hello? 201 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,519 - It doesn't reach. - Please move. Hold this. 202 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:17,200 Mike: Were you on an RB-M or an RB-S II? 203 00:09:17,279 --> 00:09:20,440 We can't talk about the boat, we're trying to figure out 204 00:09:20,519 --> 00:09:23,320 - how I think about this issue. - Okay. 205 00:09:23,399 --> 00:09:27,240 The "Post" wants to know if you changed your stance on abortion re. 206 00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:31,279 - You can say: "As a woman I believe" - No, no, no! No, no, no! 207 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:34,639 I can't identify myself as a woman. People can't know that. 208 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:37,639 Men hate that. And women who hate women hate that, 209 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:39,919 which I believe is most women, no? 210 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:43,120 Yes, and we should bag this up and take it back to DC. 211 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:44,720 - Good idea. - Yeah. Right. 212 00:09:44,799 --> 00:09:48,720 Jonah knows we opened a campaign office. He came by my, Wendy's house. 213 00:09:48,799 --> 00:09:52,720 You let that unstable piece of human scaffolding into your house? 214 00:09:52,799 --> 00:09:55,720 - You didn't shoot him? - I didn't know you're there. 215 00:09:55,799 --> 00:09:57,679 I swear, I felt better on the boat. 216 00:09:57,759 --> 00:10:01,840 Ma'am, didn't you write something about abortion in your book? 217 00:10:01,919 --> 00:10:03,679 - Good point. - Yeah. Good, Gary. 218 00:10:03,759 --> 00:10:06,840 Does anybody have a copy? Guys, who has a copy? 219 00:10:06,919 --> 00:10:09,320 I have a bunch of unsold ones in my car. 220 00:10:09,399 --> 00:10:11,159 Is Selina's book in the bathroom? 221 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:13,960 Okay, "Abbey Road, Abolition, Aboriginal mask..." 222 00:10:14,039 --> 00:10:16,320 - Mike: Page 135. - Oh, this is it. 223 00:10:16,399 --> 00:10:19,279 "Freedom is what this nation is built on." blah, blah. 224 00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:21,039 "It means the freedom to choose 225 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:24,600 how to use that freedom to protect the freedom of others." 226 00:10:24,679 --> 00:10:26,919 Sorry, that's just pastel-colored shit. 227 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:28,720 It must be more clear than that. 228 00:10:28,799 --> 00:10:31,159 You make it very clear you're pro-choice. 229 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:33,120 I got it: "Freedom is what this..." 230 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,519 Done. It will come down to the cutoff week. 231 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:37,679 - It always does. - There's two doors. 232 00:10:37,759 --> 00:10:39,480 - Pro-choice, pro-life. - Yeah. 233 00:10:39,559 --> 00:10:43,120 No point in rattling the handles. Pick a door and walk through it. 234 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:44,919 Ma'am, Kent Davison called. 235 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,960 There was an issue with the patch, it doesn't matter. 236 00:10:48,039 --> 00:10:51,320 Message: "Urgent, booked you to appear on 'GMA' at 7:00." 237 00:10:51,399 --> 00:10:54,840 I'm sorry, what did you just say? Give me this, God damn it. 238 00:10:54,919 --> 00:10:57,399 - 7:00 AM? - It's "Good Morning America," Amy. 239 00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:59,960 - The clue is in the title. - Ame, can we...? 240 00:11:00,039 --> 00:11:04,200 - We can't unbook you. - No, no. That would look bad. 241 00:11:04,279 --> 00:11:06,559 - Ben: Jesus. Fucking Kent. - ( beeps ) 242 00:11:06,639 --> 00:11:10,159 I can't listen to that Joan Crawford bitch about Bette Davis. 243 00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:13,840 This is POTUS. This is the president trying to tell me what to do. 244 00:11:13,919 --> 00:11:15,879 He can't, I'm the Vice President. 245 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:17,960 That's right. And as vice president, 246 00:11:18,039 --> 00:11:19,720 here's your choice: two doors, 247 00:11:19,799 --> 00:11:21,919 pro-choice, pro-life. That's it. 248 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,600 Is there a third door? 249 00:11:23,679 --> 00:11:26,879 - What, like a woman's door? - A back door? No. 250 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:29,960 Gary: A trapdoor? 251 00:11:30,039 --> 00:11:34,360 This is Jonah Ryan and you are witnessing the birth of "Ryantology." 252 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:36,679 Old media like "The Washington Toast" 253 00:11:36,759 --> 00:11:40,399 better go hide in the bathroom and join "The Poo York Times." 254 00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:42,080 Because we are cutting in. 255 00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:45,080 I'll be updating more than I'm actually dating, 256 00:11:45,159 --> 00:11:47,399 which is a shitload. 257 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:52,320 First, abortion. Since the president gave his "State of the Uterus" address, 258 00:11:52,399 --> 00:11:54,320 where will the others fall in? 259 00:11:54,399 --> 00:11:57,360 We have Maddox. He's conservative. Chung, he's liberal. 260 00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,840 But where does Selina Meyer stand? 261 00:11:59,919 --> 00:12:02,559 The first call could rule them all. 262 00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:05,080 - How do I turn it off? - Hit the red button. 263 00:12:05,159 --> 00:12:07,279 - There are two. - The one in the middle. 264 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:12,080 Why do I gotta deal with this in the middle of the night? 265 00:12:12,159 --> 00:12:14,320 Because we must be first on a statement. 266 00:12:14,399 --> 00:12:16,480 You know what I think. I'm a Christian. 267 00:12:16,559 --> 00:12:19,519 - I won't deny that. - Please, do not go religious. 268 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:21,759 - Go ambiguous. - By saying what? 269 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:24,840 "Blah, blah, blah, abortion, blah, blah blah blah"? 270 00:12:24,919 --> 00:12:26,919 - Sounds good. - Fill in the "blahs." 271 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,159 I'm going back to bed. 272 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:33,759 Okay, ma'am, you have the AMA/ACOG, West Wing, 1:30 a.m. 273 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,720 Planned Parenthood at 2:30 a.m. 274 00:12:35,799 --> 00:12:37,559 in the EEOB to avoid a clash. 275 00:12:37,639 --> 00:12:39,320 Unflabby precision. Excellent. 276 00:12:39,399 --> 00:12:42,919 Okay, how about this: "A woman has autonomy 277 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,399 over her own body, 278 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:47,559 but the rights of an unborn ch..." 279 00:12:47,639 --> 00:12:51,080 Uh, I thought I had it there. Maybe I should just say, 280 00:12:51,159 --> 00:12:54,720 "Get the government out of my fuckin' snatch," you know? 281 00:12:54,799 --> 00:12:56,799 How many pressure groups do we have? 282 00:12:56,879 --> 00:12:59,919 Pro-life, 45. Pro-choice, about the same. 283 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,960 - Is it a "pro-I don't care" lobby? - You look at him. 284 00:13:03,039 --> 00:13:07,159 I got posters, buttons, not really, 'cause I don't give a shit. 285 00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:10,000 If men got pregnant, you'd abort at an ATM. 286 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,879 Let's state the obvious. 287 00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:15,559 If I say that I am pro-life, then I'm a traitor to my sex. 288 00:13:15,639 --> 00:13:18,919 If I say I'm pro-choice, then I'm a traitor to the president. 289 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,960 Which makes me a traitor. You know? 290 00:13:21,039 --> 00:13:22,720 Yeah, but it already happened. 291 00:13:22,799 --> 00:13:26,039 I can't get POTUS to wave his wand to make it go away. 292 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:28,960 Your gender is worth at least double on this issue. 293 00:13:29,039 --> 00:13:31,039 As a woman, you can really kick ass. 294 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:32,960 As a woman, 295 00:13:33,039 --> 00:13:36,320 I am not gonna put in a fuckin' sentence, "as a woman." 296 00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:40,159 - I won't put my eggs in that basket. - All right, I'll start polling. 297 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:41,799 Nice dress. 298 00:13:41,879 --> 00:13:43,759 - It's a skirt and top. - Better. 299 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:46,440 So will we say screw polling and pick a number 300 00:13:46,519 --> 00:13:48,840 or both, or what? 301 00:13:48,919 --> 00:13:52,840 - God, it's not that simple, Dan. - Yes, Gary, it is. 302 00:13:52,919 --> 00:13:56,840 You saw the graph? How could we get all on it, if it wasn't that simple? 303 00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:58,919 It isn't that simple, all right? 304 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:03,919 This is about access to safe abortions for vulnerable women. 305 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,279 - It is a serious issue. - Yeah. 306 00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:08,720 - I laid out a line of fruit. - What's this? 307 00:14:08,799 --> 00:14:12,919 It's the size of the baby in different stages during pregnancy. 308 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:16,919 It would take a brain about this size to think that's this shit's useful. 309 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:20,559 It's not helpful at all. And stop calling these things babies. 310 00:14:20,639 --> 00:14:24,600 I think we need to get the number of weeks and the interest groups on... 311 00:14:24,679 --> 00:14:26,279 Oh, good. Nice job. 312 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:29,960 Holy shit. Maddox is about to issue a statement in five. 313 00:14:30,039 --> 00:14:33,600 At 01:00? What statement will be? "I have to go to the bathroom"? 314 00:14:33,679 --> 00:14:37,960 Hordenthal from Planned Parenthood is heading to EEOB at 02:30. 315 00:14:38,039 --> 00:14:41,080 Boom, boom, shake-shake the womb! 316 00:14:41,159 --> 00:14:44,759 Selina's calling the contraceptistas! We'll blog this shit to fuck. 317 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:48,639 Mark, get a screen grab of that fetus from 2001. Send it to me. 318 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:51,080 - Maddox has just made a statement. - What? 319 00:14:51,159 --> 00:14:54,799 "Science may give us the map, but we are lost without morality." 320 00:14:54,879 --> 00:14:57,720 "The right to free speech includes the free thought." 321 00:14:57,799 --> 00:15:01,120 "I can't in all conscience politicize this as an issue." 322 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:05,000 Jesus, what a talking gas giant. It's like listening to Jupiter. 323 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:06,480 Well, he fudged it. 324 00:15:06,559 --> 00:15:09,720 Now we know he's running for president. The stupid bastard. 325 00:15:09,799 --> 00:15:12,759 Maddox said nothing, but at least he said something. 326 00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:14,879 We've literally said nothing. 327 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:17,720 Meanwhile, that shit shovel-faced fuckin' Jonah 328 00:15:17,799 --> 00:15:21,159 tells people you're feeling out options. We must pick a number. 329 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:24,919 No, I know, but I need to get clarity here. 330 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:27,399 - I'm not feeling it. - I was clear. 331 00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:30,480 We need to pick a fucking number, any fucking number. 332 00:15:30,559 --> 00:15:34,000 Give that fucking number to the press, and go to fucking bed! 333 00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:37,840 How much more clarity do you need? You want it on a T-shirt? Come on! 334 00:15:37,919 --> 00:15:40,879 ( Sue whistles ) 335 00:15:42,639 --> 00:15:48,080 I'm so sorry. I did not mean to blow up like that. 336 00:15:48,159 --> 00:15:51,960 Well, um... 337 00:15:52,039 --> 00:15:54,200 I accept your apology 338 00:15:54,279 --> 00:15:59,200 while retaining the right to fire the fuck out of you. 339 00:15:59,279 --> 00:16:01,759 Shall I print that up on a T-shirt for you? 340 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,840 This whole thing has got me on edge. 341 00:16:03,919 --> 00:16:08,000 I puked my brains out on that boat. Jonah's got me absolutely homicidal. 342 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:09,559 - I'm sorry. - Uh-huh. 343 00:16:09,639 --> 00:16:11,480 - You need to apologize. - He did. 344 00:16:11,559 --> 00:16:13,039 You need it in writing! 345 00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:17,279 Look, I love abortion, okay? I am an abortionado. 346 00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:20,679 But I would go pro-life in a fetal fucking heartbeatto win. 347 00:16:20,759 --> 00:16:24,320 You suggest that you would like me to be a hypocrite like Maddox? 348 00:16:24,399 --> 00:16:29,720 - Okay, so you need to go home. - Yes, ma'am. 349 00:16:29,799 --> 00:16:32,720 Moving on, and Dan may be quite soon 350 00:16:32,799 --> 00:16:35,159 someone needs to go get Cardinal Branzini. 351 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:37,120 Oh, my God. The Catholics next. 352 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,559 Madam Vice President, Cardinal Branzini. 353 00:16:39,639 --> 00:16:41,799 - Madam Vice President. - Oh, Cardinal. 354 00:16:41,879 --> 00:16:44,559 - Am I in the right room? - Oh, yes. Yes, yes. 355 00:16:44,639 --> 00:16:46,840 - Oop, excuse you. - Sorry. Excuse me. 356 00:16:46,919 --> 00:16:49,320 I'd love to take you into the inner sanctum. 357 00:16:49,399 --> 00:16:51,159 How very Dan Brown. ( chuckles ) 358 00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:55,480 This way, Cardinal, thank you. Come on in. 359 00:16:55,559 --> 00:16:57,720 Something else for your crazy quilt. 360 00:16:57,799 --> 00:17:01,159 Jonah is telling that Selina's meeting with Planned Parenthood. 361 00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:03,159 Go home. Take an Ambien. Take 50. 362 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,960 She talks to everyone. I think the Amish are next. 363 00:17:06,039 --> 00:17:09,319 I'm going home. And if anybody needs me, 364 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:10,799 - I don't care. - 'Night. 365 00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:13,480 We must get in Rachel from Planned Parenthood. 366 00:17:13,559 --> 00:17:16,480 - Gary, could you finesse that? - Yes, yes. 367 00:17:16,559 --> 00:17:17,960 I thought you'd say Sue. 368 00:17:18,039 --> 00:17:20,598 I don't need an enhanced role to know my worth. 369 00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:24,400 Mike, steer in Cunningham. He's pro-life, keep him away from Rachel. 370 00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:26,920 - Copy. - Sue, help Kent finish polling now. 371 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:30,759 Okay, but if he touches my hair, I'm calling the police. 372 00:17:30,839 --> 00:17:33,079 - Okay. - I don't need my bag. 373 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:35,759 I don't need my bag. I don't need my bag. 374 00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:41,039 I really did want to see you first, Your Excellency. 375 00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:43,519 I wanted to get a little extra time with you. 376 00:17:43,599 --> 00:17:47,200 Let me just do one quick thing, excuse me. 377 00:17:47,279 --> 00:17:49,920 Make sure you cancel everything, please, 378 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:53,240 so I can get plenty of time with the cardinal. Okay? Yeah. 379 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:58,559 Okay, so now the phones have taken a vow of silence. 380 00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:00,240 ( Selina laughing ) 381 00:18:01,359 --> 00:18:04,559 Right this way. That is a gorgeous color on you, by the way. 382 00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:07,359 Thank you. So where is the VP's thinking on this? 383 00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:10,319 Thinking, there's a lot of numbers being thrown out. 384 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:12,440 About numbers, it's over 30,000 tiles. 385 00:18:12,519 --> 00:18:14,799 That's not the numbers I'm talking about. 386 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:16,279 It's actually this way. 387 00:18:16,359 --> 00:18:18,599 - You find the place okay? - Are you lost? 388 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,759 No. This is what we call the "grub hub." 389 00:18:21,839 --> 00:18:23,599 I'll see you on Sunday. 390 00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:25,480 - Excellent. - Great. 391 00:18:25,559 --> 00:18:26,960 ( whispers ) Oh, my God. 392 00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:28,640 Thank you for your service. 393 00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:31,359 Of course, yes. I have the vice president here. 394 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:33,480 Ma'am, I have the ACCDP on the line. 395 00:18:33,559 --> 00:18:34,960 I'll put you on speaker. 396 00:18:35,039 --> 00:18:36,440 - Woman: Hello? - Hello. 397 00:18:36,519 --> 00:18:40,000 - Who are they? - The Anti, no, the Anti-Abortion... 398 00:18:40,079 --> 00:18:43,319 no, the Association of... it's in my phone. 399 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:46,680 - Woman: Can you hear me? - Yes, I can. I can. 400 00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:50,440 - Madam Vice President, an honor. - Thank you so, so much. 401 00:18:50,519 --> 00:18:53,319 You know, I really did want to speak with you first 402 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,240 because I wanted to make sure 403 00:18:55,319 --> 00:19:00,480 that we got a little extra time to talk together. 404 00:19:00,559 --> 00:19:03,759 Woman: Frankly, ma'am, our position hasn't changed one inch. 405 00:19:03,839 --> 00:19:06,400 Uh, well, you know what? 406 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:09,200 It's a matter of conviction for me, too. 407 00:19:09,279 --> 00:19:11,200 - Pro-life. - They're pro-choice. 408 00:19:11,279 --> 00:19:14,359 Our position's clear from the title of our organization. 409 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:16,119 Oh, yeah, of course. 410 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:18,559 - ACCDP. - Oh, my God. 411 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:21,279 The lighting is unflattering. 412 00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:24,519 Can I ask you a question? Are you hiding from someone? 413 00:19:24,599 --> 00:19:27,160 ( chuckles ) Aren't we all hiding from somebody? 414 00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:30,920 I'm gonna make a quick call. Really quick, just really quick. 415 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:34,599 One second. So sorry. 416 00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:36,720 God! 417 00:19:36,799 --> 00:19:40,359 ( whispers ) Get your shit together, Gary. 418 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,440 You can do this. You can do this. 419 00:19:42,519 --> 00:19:46,960 - Um-- - Excuse me for just a minute. 420 00:19:47,039 --> 00:19:49,359 I realize that life is precious. 421 00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:54,319 ( stammers ) "And so are the hard-won freed... freedoms..." 422 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:55,839 - Thank God. - Thank you. 423 00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:58,160 - Selina: Thank you. Bye-bye. - Good-bye. 424 00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:01,200 She was from the A-D-CCP. Sorry. 425 00:20:01,279 --> 00:20:03,640 - And who are they? - I'm not quite sure. 426 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:08,079 It's in my phone. See that, ma'am? 427 00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:10,440 I got Cunningham. I know, he's pro-choice. 428 00:20:10,519 --> 00:20:12,799 - Both: Life! - Got it. 429 00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:15,640 - We're good. - Good? 430 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:18,680 - That's good. I don't need any help. - Yes. 431 00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:20,759 - You like music? - I suppose. Why? 432 00:20:20,839 --> 00:20:22,759 The new McCartney is worth checking. 433 00:20:22,839 --> 00:20:25,039 - Now, or can it wait? - It can wait. 434 00:20:25,119 --> 00:20:27,359 You're in here. ( gasps ) 435 00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:31,039 ( sighs ) The vice president will see you now... 436 00:20:31,119 --> 00:20:33,400 Maybe it's better if we go in separately. 437 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:35,240 Your right to choose, Amy. 438 00:20:35,319 --> 00:20:38,319 The vice president will see you now, Mr. Cunningham. 439 00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:42,319 Pleasure to meet you. 440 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,440 I got some free lunch passes... 441 00:20:44,519 --> 00:20:47,960 I worked in DC for 10 years, I've never been treated like this. 442 00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:51,200 Bundled like a refugee? I'll back your boss, I always have. 443 00:20:51,279 --> 00:20:54,279 You quit and find something you're halfway decent at. 444 00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:57,839 Thank you. Yeah. Thank you so much. 445 00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:00,119 If this footage looks like "Cloverfield," 446 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,119 it's not because my hand's shaking, 447 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:05,359 it's because a fucking earthquake just hit DC! 448 00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:09,200 You feel the heat, Old Media? Because it's three strikes and...(puffs) 449 00:21:09,279 --> 00:21:10,960 you're out. 450 00:21:11,039 --> 00:21:13,039 Tell them I'm coming in for 50. 451 00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:15,519 - They hung up. - You know what? Fuck HuffPo. 452 00:21:15,599 --> 00:21:19,960 They should be called Puff Ho 'cause Arianna is a ho and they all puff. 453 00:21:20,039 --> 00:21:22,440 Wait, request from MSNBC. 454 00:21:22,519 --> 00:21:25,359 They want you on at 07:00. They're gonna send a car. 455 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,440 ( laughs ) Got it! 456 00:21:27,519 --> 00:21:31,519 Chung's statement. 10 minutes early. Pulled some strings from my buddies. 457 00:21:31,599 --> 00:21:33,559 Tell the strings, not what's in it. 458 00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:37,359 Sarcasm, an interesting strategy for a potential campaign manager. 459 00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:40,359 - Apologies. Rewind. - Get on with it, she's right. 460 00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:42,599 Sorry. Just printed it. Haven't read it. 461 00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:45,519 I was trying to read it while running, so I couldn't. 462 00:21:45,599 --> 00:21:49,440 - "I commend president's clarity..." - Skip that part. 463 00:21:49,519 --> 00:21:53,960 "Advances in science have brought us to a moral conundrum" 464 00:21:54,039 --> 00:21:56,680 "I believe a 22-week cutoff is appropriate." 465 00:21:56,759 --> 00:21:58,680 Has anyone come up with that number? 466 00:21:58,759 --> 00:22:01,359 - Never. - We'll need a bigger melon. 467 00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:03,640 Dan was right. I've got to pick a number. 468 00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:07,680 Obviously we can just go anywhere now without going over 40. 469 00:22:07,759 --> 00:22:11,359 - 22 and a half weeks? - Sounds like an erotic thriller. 470 00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:15,559 - Selina: What about days? - Yes, like 140 days. 471 00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:18,640 - Which is in weeks...? - Divide by seven, Mike. 472 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:21,160 - Two... 20. - Gary: Yeah. 473 00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:23,519 I can't stick to 24 weeks now 474 00:22:23,599 --> 00:22:26,440 because that's gonna make me the most liberal 475 00:22:26,519 --> 00:22:28,000 and the most female. 476 00:22:28,079 --> 00:22:32,160 - "Chung the Merciless" did this. - Why don't we double bluff him? 477 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:35,599 Choose the same number. It's not like sharing a toothbrush. 478 00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:38,359 Mm-mm. "Copycat Selina." That's what they'll say. 479 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:41,000 "Me-Too Meyer," "shit for brains..." 480 00:22:41,079 --> 00:22:43,680 Sorry, they won't say that. I'm really tired. 481 00:22:43,759 --> 00:22:47,839 Should we all quit and go to bed 'cause you're so tired? No, we can't. 482 00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:51,599 Because I have to go do "Good Morning America" thanks to you, Kent. 483 00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:54,359 I'm sorry. I thought you could be first on air. 484 00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:58,240 I didn't think they'd attack at night. Must be their military training. 485 00:22:58,319 --> 00:23:02,039 - Let me see. What is this spike? - The "I Don't Knows." 486 00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:04,480 Okay, so I am looking at a page 487 00:23:04,559 --> 00:23:06,880 and I am seeing most of America 488 00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:08,680 standing up proudly 489 00:23:08,759 --> 00:23:10,720 and saying, "I don't know." 490 00:23:10,799 --> 00:23:12,279 We were shocked ourselves. 491 00:23:12,359 --> 00:23:13,920 I wonder who should be 492 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:18,480 my campaign strategist in the next election. 493 00:23:18,559 --> 00:23:20,640 - "I don't know." - ( chuckles ) 494 00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:23,559 I will redouble my efforts to win your support. 495 00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:25,200 The man's obsessed with me. 496 00:23:25,279 --> 00:23:28,920 A version of what you said in the book, better than what Dan wrote. 497 00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,599 Okay, Mike, you draft me a new version 498 00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:34,000 - of my existing position, okay? - Love it. 499 00:23:34,079 --> 00:23:37,519 I'll need an outfit, 'cause I'm going on "Good Morning America." 500 00:23:37,599 --> 00:23:40,759 Pink. I got you pink. Let's do pink. 501 00:23:40,839 --> 00:23:43,160 I believe that life is precious. 502 00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:45,759 And so are the hard-won freedoms 503 00:23:45,839 --> 00:23:49,240 that women throughout America enjoy today. 504 00:23:49,319 --> 00:23:54,079 As a woman myself, I know that freedom means the freedom... 505 00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:55,559 Thank you, sir. 506 00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:57,680 - You got all the free water? - Yes. 507 00:23:57,759 --> 00:24:00,799 See, I told you, man. Two days up and we're already big. 508 00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:03,279 This happens when talent meets opportunity. 509 00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:04,920 Let's blow this thing. 510 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,920 - Hey, Jo-nad. - Dan, what are you doing here? 511 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:12,119 - You shouldn't tweet your location. - Oh, so you do follow me. 512 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:16,000 I swear, I'll rip your guts out through your tiny chihuahua cock. 513 00:24:16,079 --> 00:24:18,559 Nothing? You'll let your boss get pasted? 514 00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:22,119 - You're not my boss. We're partners. - I don't give a fuck. 515 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,200 You're looking kinda hungry, Jonah. 516 00:24:24,279 --> 00:24:26,319 You want some of that burrito? 517 00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:29,640 No? Hey, you, "Ugly Betty," give me that burrito. 518 00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:31,559 Don't just give it to him, dude. 519 00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:36,160 You see this, Jonah? This is what happens when you fuck with my office. 520 00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:38,480 If you say anything on-air about the Veep, 521 00:24:38,559 --> 00:24:41,200 I'll break your legs so you'll end normal height. 522 00:24:41,279 --> 00:24:44,599 Joke's on you, Dan, because I fucking love burritos. 523 00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:47,200 Yeah? Good luck with your interview, handsome. 524 00:24:47,279 --> 00:24:49,359 - Walk away, bitch. - What did you say? 525 00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:50,839 - Nothing. - What? 526 00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:53,119 Joining us in studio is Jonah Ryan. 527 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:56,039 He was the White House liaison to the vice president. 528 00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:58,200 - Hi, Jonah. Nice to see you. - Hello. 529 00:24:58,279 --> 00:25:01,200 What will happen, will the Veep go with POTUS, 530 00:25:01,279 --> 00:25:05,160 or could this really be a defining moment for her? 531 00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:09,200 Well, at "Ryantology.net," we have a saying 532 00:25:09,279 --> 00:25:13,279 which is that these issues are like a prism. 533 00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:15,440 They have many sides. 534 00:25:15,519 --> 00:25:19,359 - Would you care to pick one? - Of course. 535 00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:22,839 This is an issue that has plagued politics for far too long. 536 00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:25,839 And... 537 00:25:27,559 --> 00:25:30,000 - Thanks for coming in, Jonah. - Yes, great. 538 00:25:30,079 --> 00:25:32,440 Planned Parenthood's Rachel is on the line. 539 00:25:32,519 --> 00:25:34,200 Thanks so much for being here. 540 00:25:34,279 --> 00:25:35,960 You heard the Veep's statement. 541 00:25:36,039 --> 00:25:39,000 What do you at Planned Parenthood have to say about it? 542 00:25:39,079 --> 00:25:41,759 Unlike your guest, we have a clear take on it. 543 00:25:41,839 --> 00:25:47,400 Well, I said nothing. A big, fat, morbidly obese nothing. 544 00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:50,920 At least you mentioned the book. Your publisher will be stoked. 545 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:53,400 And I'm not wearing a flag pin. 546 00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:55,880 Whose fault is that, by the way? 547 00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:59,839 Look what I got. I got a special treat for you. Mmm! 548 00:25:59,920 --> 00:26:03,000 Gary, you are my angel of baked goods. 549 00:26:03,079 --> 00:26:05,519 Well, every angel needs an archangel. 550 00:26:05,599 --> 00:26:08,759 - Hey, Gary, come here. - Oh, Okay. Yes, ma'am. 551 00:26:08,839 --> 00:26:10,279 - Yeah? - You... 552 00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:14,759 are always gonna be my bodyman. Yeah. 553 00:26:14,839 --> 00:26:17,440 ( whispers ) Especially when I'm president. 554 00:26:17,519 --> 00:26:20,279 I got eight years of treats planned for you. I do. 555 00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:21,759 ( laughing ) 556 00:26:21,839 --> 00:26:24,400 I value you so much. 557 00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:26,920 - Go clear up the fruit out there. - Yeah, okay. 558 00:26:36,039 --> 00:26:38,200 I can put this in balls. 559 00:26:38,279 --> 00:26:40,200 Little watermelon balls in a bowl? 560 00:26:40,279 --> 00:26:43,440 - Definitely not. - No? Okay. 561 00:26:43,519 --> 00:26:45,319 I can't watch myself anymore. 562 00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:48,079 I can't watch myself anymore. 563 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:52,640 Oh, um... Don't put "Oprah" on. You don't like that. 564 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:55,000 - Mm-mm. - You wanna watch "Top Chef"? 565 00:26:55,079 --> 00:26:57,160 - No. - How about "Project Runway"? 566 00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:58,640 - No. - "Survivor"? 567 00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:00,079 - Yeah. - Okay.