1 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:10,000 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:22,920 ( sirens wailing ) 3 00:00:24,519 --> 00:00:27,399 ( applause ) 4 00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:29,079 Mike: Very inspirational speech, ma'am. 5 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:31,480 Come on, you wrote it, you can't review it. How are you? 6 00:00:31,559 --> 00:00:33,119 I meant you read it very inspirationally. 7 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,240 Yeah, thanks a lot. I love Silicon Valley. 8 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:37,359 I love Silicon Valley! 9 00:00:37,439 --> 00:00:39,759 Yeah! There's a real can-do attitude. 10 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,479 This is what DC must have been like under Jefferson-- 11 00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:43,240 except that would have been a horse, right? 12 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:44,719 ( laughs ) Yeah. 13 00:00:44,799 --> 00:00:46,320 There's a typo on the home page. 14 00:00:46,399 --> 00:00:48,759 She might have a "great sense of density" for this nation, 15 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,240 but that's not the line we want to push. 16 00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:52,039 - It's up. - What is-- oh, "MeetMeyer"? 17 00:00:52,119 --> 00:00:54,679 "MeetMeyer.com." Everything you wanted to know about Selina Meyer 18 00:00:54,759 --> 00:00:56,200 that we want you to. 19 00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:58,880 You should have changed the name to "MoneyMoneyMoney.gov." 20 00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:01,200 That's right-- 5,000 a ticket, 21 00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:02,719 and 10,000 to be on the Veep's table. 22 00:01:02,799 --> 00:01:04,640 20,000 and Selina sits on your lap. 23 00:01:04,718 --> 00:01:06,239 - What did you just say? - No, not really. 24 00:01:06,319 --> 00:01:08,400 So, what about Clovis? When are we doing it? Is that tomorrow? 25 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:11,200 Yes. That company is worth 4.3 billion. 26 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:12,959 - I know. - That's more than I make in a year. 27 00:01:13,039 --> 00:01:14,719 Yes, we will need Wi-Fi. 28 00:01:14,799 --> 00:01:17,400 Gary, what are you doing? You look like a newborn giraffe. 29 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:19,879 I was just fanning myself with my arm. 30 00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:21,480 Here, can you take this? It's heavy. 31 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:23,400 You take that. Okay, this way? 32 00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:25,959 Wi-Fi. Do you have that in Silicon Valley? 33 00:01:26,039 --> 00:01:29,000 The sun is unbelievable. I've got to move the government here. 34 00:01:29,079 --> 00:01:30,879 Oh, you wanna do a "selfie"? 35 00:01:30,959 --> 00:01:32,479 I call that an "ussy." 36 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:33,959 It's an iPhone joke or something. 37 00:01:34,039 --> 00:01:35,680 And who's this gorgeous thing? 38 00:01:35,759 --> 00:01:37,799 - This is Gracie. - Look, here, look! 39 00:01:37,878 --> 00:01:39,759 She's wearing a campaign button, folks. 40 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:41,479 - I campaigned for you. - You did? 41 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,000 Yeah, Cassie Langley. 42 00:01:43,079 --> 00:01:45,039 I can't resist a baby. Hello, Gracie. 43 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:47,519 - Now, how old is she? - I'd say she's eight and a half months. 44 00:01:47,598 --> 00:01:49,158 - She's nine months. - Okay, she's rounding up. 45 00:01:49,239 --> 00:01:51,120 She's crawling. Isn't that about the age-- 46 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:53,799 No, she's been really, really slow to develop, actually. 47 00:01:53,878 --> 00:01:55,280 They've been fracking in our area. 48 00:01:55,359 --> 00:01:57,120 Hydraulic fracturing to extract oil and gas. 49 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,239 - You don't know what it is? - I absolutely know what it is. 50 00:01:59,319 --> 00:02:02,239 We just don't know if there's contamination in our homes. 51 00:02:02,319 --> 00:02:04,599 When you ran, you said you were pro-environment. 52 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:06,079 - I am pro-environment. - No, you were. 53 00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:07,560 Now I don't know what you are, 54 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:09,038 and I feel very let down by you. 55 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:10,520 Know what your mommy and me are doing? 56 00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:12,319 We're having a very serious conversation 57 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,800 about political issues, aren't we? 58 00:02:14,879 --> 00:02:17,599 And the issues are complex. 59 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:19,960 You said you were against it, now you're saying you're for it. 60 00:02:20,039 --> 00:02:21,439 I'm just confused. Which one is it? 61 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:23,079 We need to make that woman go away. 62 00:02:23,159 --> 00:02:24,719 - And I don't mean kill her. - Kill her. 63 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:26,599 ...believe that a certain kind of fracking-- 64 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,079 I don't think you know what you're talking about. 65 00:02:28,159 --> 00:02:29,639 I care about my daughter very much... 66 00:02:29,719 --> 00:02:31,639 - Kent: Wrap it up. - I'm trying. 67 00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:33,159 Selina: The children are our future, Cassie. 68 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:35,400 And they deserve an energy policy 69 00:02:35,478 --> 00:02:37,960 that protects the world, okay? 70 00:02:38,039 --> 00:02:41,120 The world in which there's a country called the United States of America. 71 00:02:41,199 --> 00:02:42,599 ( scattered applause ) 72 00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:44,159 Move on. We're moving on. Let's move on. 73 00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:45,639 Excuse me, can I please have my child back? 74 00:02:45,719 --> 00:02:47,520 Oh, my God, I've got the baby! 75 00:02:47,599 --> 00:02:50,120 - This hurts, this hurts. - Amy: Not me. 76 00:02:50,199 --> 00:02:51,599 This hurts, this hurts-- hi! 77 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:53,439 She was like a beached whale 78 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:55,280 with one flipper fucking around in the air, 79 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:57,039 and you were nowhere to push her back in the sea. 80 00:02:57,120 --> 00:03:00,439 I was shutting it down, Amy. You were watching a baby fill its diaper. 81 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:03,000 That baby had a mean look in its eyes, like its mama. 82 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:04,599 - Hey, ma'am? - Uh-huh? 83 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:07,199 What do you think a theme, like a West Coast feel for tomorrow? 84 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:08,960 I'm calling this "Pacific Trim." 85 00:03:09,039 --> 00:03:10,439 - You know what "trim" is? - Gary: Yeah? 86 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:11,919 - It's twat. - Oh, yeah. 87 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,599 So, ma'am, right now, you're at your hotel. 88 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,280 - I know that, yes. - What about this "Alcatraz-matazz"? 89 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,280 - What do you think of that? - They look like two couches. 90 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:19,759 Couches. Great. No couches. 91 00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:22,680 Tomorrow morning is Clovis. Then you go to Yahoo. 92 00:03:22,759 --> 00:03:25,400 Remember, while you're there, do not use "Google" as a verb. 93 00:03:25,478 --> 00:03:27,759 - They "Yahoo" things there. - Selina: Okay, bye. 94 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:30,400 "MeetMeyer.com" is burning down the house, ma'am, 95 00:03:30,478 --> 00:03:31,879 if that's a good thing. 96 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:34,879 What about this whole fracking mother with this baby situation? 97 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:37,840 How bad is it? If we were gonna rate it on a scale of one to "fucked", 98 00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:39,400 - what would you say? - Well, she's a woman. 99 00:03:39,478 --> 00:03:40,960 - Right. - In her 30s. 100 00:03:41,039 --> 00:03:42,599 - Yeah. - You alienate them, and you'll be dead 101 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:44,079 somewhere before New Hampshire. 102 00:03:44,159 --> 00:03:45,560 Oh, my God, I know. 103 00:03:45,639 --> 00:03:47,079 I lose women and what am I left with? 104 00:03:47,159 --> 00:03:51,159 I'm left with gay Latinos and Jews at college, I guess. 105 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,120 Does someone please want to tell me 106 00:03:54,199 --> 00:03:55,599 why Danny Chung is on this television? 107 00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:57,280 Even Selina Meyer's supporters 108 00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:58,759 are not supporting her. 109 00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:00,960 Now, speaking as a military man, 110 00:04:01,039 --> 00:04:02,960 if you lose the trust of the men and women on the ground... 111 00:04:03,039 --> 00:04:04,439 Dan: I've got to take this fucker out. 112 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:06,560 I have to succeed where the Republican Guard failed. 113 00:04:06,639 --> 00:04:08,360 All while doing 10 million other little things. 114 00:04:08,439 --> 00:04:09,840 It is called "multitasking," Dan. 115 00:04:09,919 --> 00:04:12,439 I do it every-- damn it. 116 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:13,919 You just typed the word "multitasking," didn't you? 117 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,360 - No. - ( phone rings ) 118 00:04:16,439 --> 00:04:19,480 Yeah, Amy, "Fracking Lady." Want me to get her in here or shut her down? 119 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,199 What do you want me to do? Tame her or shame her? 120 00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:22,959 Either. Both. And quickly. 121 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:25,319 - This is fuckin' terrible. - I know. 122 00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:27,120 You know, they say all babies are cute, 123 00:04:27,199 --> 00:04:30,120 but whoever "they" are should be stuck in a stroller and pushed into traffic. 124 00:04:30,199 --> 00:04:31,759 No, no, I'm not talking about that. 125 00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:34,600 Jonah's got a new post up. And he's getting hits. 126 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:36,079 Not the kind he deserves, either. 127 00:04:36,159 --> 00:04:38,480 So, the Veep's gone to Silicon Valley of the Dolls. 128 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:39,959 And instead of California dreaming, 129 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:42,079 she's got 'em California screaming. 130 00:04:42,159 --> 00:04:43,560 ( voice screams ) 131 00:04:43,639 --> 00:04:46,839 "And that's why drinking chemical sludge is good for you." 132 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,600 What?! 133 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:50,199 "But I've been drinking that frack water, 134 00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:51,959 and look what it's gone done to my titty milk!" 135 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:54,680 "My baby, oh, my baby!" 136 00:04:54,759 --> 00:04:56,439 ( phone rings ) 137 00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:00,639 Vice President's Office secure line. 138 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:03,279 Sue. Sue-ster. 139 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:06,160 Sue of Steel. Sue-Sue-Sue-dio. 140 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:08,000 Jonah, get off the line. And then the planet. 141 00:05:08,079 --> 00:05:10,079 Jonah: So have you seen my viral-- 142 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:11,800 Oh, nice. Yeah. 143 00:05:11,879 --> 00:05:13,360 ( mutters ) 144 00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:16,879 Yes, sir. Kent Davison on line three. 145 00:05:16,959 --> 00:05:19,079 - Mr. Davison? - Dan-zibar, what's happening? 146 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:22,439 - Have you seen my viral? - We need to break this Cassie bitch, 147 00:05:22,519 --> 00:05:24,160 the British dick who invented the Internet, 148 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,199 - and anybody in between. - Yeah, yeah. What about Jonah? 149 00:05:26,279 --> 00:05:27,920 Jonah? Here. 150 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,240 Hey, fucking pencil neck. 151 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:33,920 He just swallowed his phone in fear. 152 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:37,079 - Look, Dan, fix this. - I will get right on it, sir. 153 00:05:37,159 --> 00:05:39,040 Then we hit O'Malley's at 8:00 for a beer or ten. 154 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:42,439 I'd ask Mike, but he's too happy now that he's married. 155 00:05:42,519 --> 00:05:45,759 - Oh, thank you. I look forward to that. - Too happy. 156 00:05:45,839 --> 00:05:49,639 It's obvious that I would make the best campaign manager. 157 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:51,199 I'm not asking you to tell her that, 158 00:05:51,279 --> 00:05:53,279 but please, would someone fuckin' tell her that? 159 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:56,000 Take it from me, Dan... 160 00:05:56,079 --> 00:05:57,839 in a couple of months on this job, 161 00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:02,120 you'll go from those six-pack abs to this keg. 162 00:06:02,199 --> 00:06:05,560 I haven't seen my penis since the first Gulf War, 163 00:06:05,639 --> 00:06:07,560 and I kinda miss the little guy. 164 00:06:07,639 --> 00:06:10,199 I mean, I know that I can do it. 165 00:06:11,319 --> 00:06:13,519 So how low can you go, Dan Egan? 166 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,680 How down and dirty are you willing to get? 167 00:06:15,759 --> 00:06:17,160 Pretty grubby. 168 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:19,000 I would definitely need regular showers, for sure. 169 00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:22,720 If someone brought you this Chung Iraq thing, 170 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:26,120 you'd just tell 'em it's fuckin' bullshit, which it is. 171 00:06:26,199 --> 00:06:28,160 What "Chung Iraq thing"? 172 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:31,680 You know how Chung bores the shit out of you, right? 173 00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:34,600 Well, seems his unit in Iraq 174 00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:37,680 did that to some poor slob with a drill. 175 00:06:37,759 --> 00:06:40,839 But that's, you know, just nutfluff. 176 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:43,240 I mean... 177 00:06:43,319 --> 00:06:46,959 that's unusable, don't you think? 178 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:50,639 Yeah. Hey, could we get two more? 179 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:52,560 Yeah, and a couple of whisky chasers? 180 00:06:52,639 --> 00:06:56,199 It's still Tuesday. For another six minutes. 181 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:05,160 Mike, I am balls deep in this omelet. 182 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:06,639 Can you please call this Cassie woman 183 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:08,120 and invite her to Washington already? 184 00:07:08,199 --> 00:07:10,279 How come I don't have a "tell what to do guy"? 185 00:07:11,319 --> 00:07:13,360 ( whispers ) Amy? Amy? 186 00:07:13,439 --> 00:07:15,639 - Did you see that hot guy? - No. 187 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:17,560 He just came out of Gary's room. 188 00:07:17,639 --> 00:07:19,519 - No. - Yeah. 189 00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:21,000 What is going on with that? 190 00:07:21,079 --> 00:07:23,519 No, he-- another room or something. 191 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:27,120 Hey, is that egg whites or is it--? 192 00:07:27,199 --> 00:07:31,480 - That? Well, it's a few egg whites. - Right, and some broccoli. 193 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:33,399 - You excited about Clovis? - Selina: Sure. 194 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:35,000 ( gasps ) 195 00:07:35,079 --> 00:07:36,839 Ma'am, I want you to bring your A-game to the Craig Juergensen meet. 196 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:39,480 He's rich, as in wipe-out-the-deficit rich. 197 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,000 - How old is he? - 26. 198 00:07:41,079 --> 00:07:43,079 Oh, my God. See, that's wrong. That's too young. 199 00:07:43,159 --> 00:07:46,240 No, you shouldn't make your first million until you're in your 30s. 200 00:07:46,319 --> 00:07:47,720 That's what Andrew and I did. 201 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,279 It kept us completely grounded. 202 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:50,839 Yeah. 203 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:53,600 ( applause, cheering ) - Selina: Oh, isn't this nice? 204 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:55,159 Mike: Poor kids, they don't realize 205 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:57,519 they're all gonna be executed by the time they turn 30. 206 00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:00,480 Wow, look at-- oh, look here. 207 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:03,040 Madam Vice President, welcome to Clovis. 208 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:04,519 Melissa. So good to see you. 209 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:06,079 Melissa Connors, Chief Financial Officer. 210 00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:10,399 I am the oldest person at Clovis by about five years. I feel ancient. 211 00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:12,279 You must be 12 years old, then. 212 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:14,920 ( laughs ) I'm not, no. 213 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:17,519 This is Amy Brookheimer, my Chief of Staff. 214 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,800 - We know all about you, Amy. - Hmm. 215 00:08:19,879 --> 00:08:21,560 - Let me show you Clovis. - Fantastic. 216 00:08:21,639 --> 00:08:23,800 - ( applause ) - Selina: Thank you. 217 00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:26,439 Well, I'm really looking forward to meeting Craig. 218 00:08:26,519 --> 00:08:28,240 Melissa: Absolutely, although... 219 00:08:28,319 --> 00:08:30,879 it is pronounced "Cray-eeg." 220 00:08:30,959 --> 00:08:32,600 - "Creg." - "Cray-eeg." 221 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:35,200 - Mike: C-R-A-I-G. - Melissa: That's right. 222 00:08:35,279 --> 00:08:37,440 - Amy: "Creg"? - Uh, "Cray-eeg." 223 00:08:37,519 --> 00:08:39,320 - All: "Cray-eeg." - Melissa: Very close. 224 00:08:39,399 --> 00:08:41,840 - "Cray-eeg." - That's it. Well done, Amy. 225 00:08:41,919 --> 00:08:45,080 Selina: Oh. You got it right, "Ah-mee." 226 00:08:45,159 --> 00:08:47,720 Melissa: We have gyms and restaurants, 227 00:08:47,799 --> 00:08:50,799 entertainment facilities for the creatives. Sleeping pods... 228 00:08:50,879 --> 00:08:52,879 Oh, how wonderful. 229 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:55,720 Child care is a huge part of my campaign. 230 00:08:55,799 --> 00:08:57,240 Oh, no, these are Legos. 231 00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:58,960 Craig believes that Legos are 232 00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:01,519 an important part of creative thought. 233 00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:04,360 Wow, and what are you making, Kent? 234 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:06,080 Are you making a friend for the robot? 235 00:09:06,159 --> 00:09:08,320 No, I think they're onto something here. 236 00:09:08,399 --> 00:09:09,799 We should have this stuff up on the Hill. 237 00:09:09,879 --> 00:09:11,799 - We could "build" a consensus. - All right. 238 00:09:11,879 --> 00:09:14,879 So, the Veep's gone to Silicon Valley of the Dolls... 239 00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:17,720 Will someone please either kill the sound or kill that idiot? 240 00:09:17,799 --> 00:09:20,840 Whoa-- what are you doing? Back on. Now. Idiot. 241 00:09:20,919 --> 00:09:24,600 Oh, God. My brain feels like it's being fucking circumcised. 242 00:09:24,679 --> 00:09:27,200 You know what? You-- every day, 243 00:09:27,279 --> 00:09:29,240 I want you to remind me never to go drinking with Ben, all right? 244 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:31,320 And you, get me a cheeseburger made of aspirin. 245 00:09:31,399 --> 00:09:32,799 Where are you going, Dan? 246 00:09:32,879 --> 00:09:34,759 I am going to get some air and then throw up in it. 247 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:36,679 All right, the game is Texas Hold 'Em. 248 00:09:36,759 --> 00:09:38,759 ( knocking on door ) No comfort breaks in this game. 249 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:40,679 You're gonna sit there and piss your pants like a man, 250 00:09:40,759 --> 00:09:42,639 while I take your money. You're little or you're big. 251 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:44,200 Put them in. One-two. 252 00:09:44,279 --> 00:09:47,120 Hey, the Egan has landed. You look terrible, man. 253 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:49,120 Yeah. Tone down the exuberance. 254 00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:51,759 I got a hangover worse than the film they made after "The Hangover." 255 00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:54,799 - Fuckin' no! - Hey. You actually do look like shit. 256 00:09:54,879 --> 00:09:57,960 Who let him in here? Our weekly poker game was supposed to be sacrosanct. 257 00:09:58,039 --> 00:10:00,000 Sorry, man. His site has traction. 258 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:02,320 - My site has traction. - It's linked on Playbook this morning. 259 00:10:02,399 --> 00:10:03,799 Oh, my God, yeah, did I tell you? 260 00:10:03,879 --> 00:10:05,600 My site was linked on Playbook this morning. 261 00:10:05,679 --> 00:10:08,200 - All right. Just deal 'em up. - Max: I'm gonna crush you bastards. 262 00:10:08,279 --> 00:10:10,440 Anybody want some fruit salad? I got plenty. 263 00:10:10,519 --> 00:10:12,639 How long is Craig gonna be held up? 264 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:14,679 Craig will be with us momentarily, 265 00:10:14,759 --> 00:10:16,799 but at present he's in his coding hour. 266 00:10:16,879 --> 00:10:18,679 I imagine that's when he's creating code. 267 00:10:18,759 --> 00:10:20,679 That's what she said. She called it that. 268 00:10:20,759 --> 00:10:22,240 Craig's coding hour is sacred. 269 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:24,000 It happens every day. but you don't know when. 270 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:26,799 - Selina: Perhaps if Craig-- - Melissa: It's "Cray-eeg." 271 00:10:26,879 --> 00:10:29,679 --kept some sort of calendar, then he could write down his schedule. 272 00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:31,679 Then he would know where he was meant to be. 273 00:10:31,759 --> 00:10:33,960 - Melissa: Noted. - Selina: Yes. 274 00:10:34,039 --> 00:10:36,799 What is all this writing on that wall? 275 00:10:36,879 --> 00:10:38,519 Melissa: This is our graffiti wall. 276 00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:40,519 Perhaps as one of our honored guests, you'd like to sign it. 277 00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:42,679 - Oh. - Mm-mm-mm! 278 00:10:42,759 --> 00:10:44,799 No, ma'am, that's Ron Jeremy. 279 00:10:44,879 --> 00:10:46,519 - Kent: Uh-oh. - I know, he's a great actor. 280 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:48,320 He was Scar in "The Lion King." 281 00:10:48,399 --> 00:10:51,639 That was Jeremy Irons. Ron Jeremy is a porn legend. 282 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:54,600 - Oh. Here. - No-- Lance Armstrong. 283 00:10:54,679 --> 00:10:56,360 We're having that one chemically expunged. 284 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:59,360 - Ah, so... - Good idea. 285 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:02,759 - What are you doing? - It's like a rollaway. 286 00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:05,039 But there's no wheels. 287 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:06,960 Okay, yeah. Yeah. 288 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:13,320 - Gonna raise a hundred. - ( chip clinks ) 289 00:11:13,399 --> 00:11:16,399 You got nothing. I know you, you got a tell. 290 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:21,039 That's your tell, Dan. That's a William fucking Tell. 291 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:23,000 It's like an apple sitting right on your head, Dan. 292 00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:25,440 I can see it. It's plain as day. I call. 293 00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:27,600 See, I got one pretty lady, and, oh, look-- 294 00:11:27,679 --> 00:11:32,080 she brought her sister, and-- hello, honey. 295 00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:35,879 Three pretty ladies, like Saturday night at Chez Jonah. 296 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:38,399 And here endeth the lesson, children. 297 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:40,159 Max: You look like you're gonna heave, man. 298 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:43,600 I just had a bellyful of Chung this morning. 299 00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:46,480 I don't get it, either. I don't know why no one's going after that guy. 300 00:11:46,559 --> 00:11:49,919 Because unlike your boss, his day-to-fuck-up ratio isn't one to one. 301 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:53,360 At least Selina didn't torture any Iraqis. 302 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:55,279 Unless she had an Iraqi maid or something. 303 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:58,279 - That's bullshit. - No, I heard his unit tortured a guy. 304 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:01,519 - Seriously? - I don't know for sure. 305 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,000 You think that's true? 306 00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:05,080 I'm not saying anything, okay? I know nothing. 307 00:12:11,159 --> 00:12:13,159 It's like the rainforest, isn't it? 308 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:15,320 - Nature is very important to Clovis. - Uh-huh. 309 00:12:15,399 --> 00:12:18,480 - Here is some. - How do you take care of all the roots? 310 00:12:18,559 --> 00:12:20,879 Oh, these are synthetic. 311 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:23,279 - This is our "Black Sky" ideas room. - Uh-huh. 312 00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:25,200 Google has Blue Skies, 313 00:12:25,279 --> 00:12:26,919 but Craig doesn't stop at the atmosphere. 314 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,399 Ah. 315 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:30,559 But he stops at meeting me, doesn't he? 316 00:12:30,639 --> 00:12:32,200 In his own motherfucking building. 317 00:12:32,279 --> 00:12:34,120 She said we'd see "Creeg" "momentarily." 318 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,960 Our withdrawal from Afghanistan has been more "momentarily" than this. 319 00:12:37,039 --> 00:12:39,279 Sorry, guys, my size-of-a-planet bad. 320 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:42,279 Craig Juergensen, as I live and breathe in the genius. Kent Davison. 321 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:44,480 - Selina. - It's "Madam Vice President." 322 00:12:44,559 --> 00:12:46,840 - It's Madam Vice President. - I'm sorry. Madam Vice President. 323 00:12:46,919 --> 00:12:48,159 Right. 324 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:49,960 I shouldn't say this, because I majored in math, 325 00:12:50,039 --> 00:12:52,000 but you have my 1000% attention. 326 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:54,279 Wow, that's a lot. I'm thrilled to hear that-- 327 00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:56,159 Excuse me one moment. Have you heard from Indonesia? 328 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:57,759 - They've made a counter. - Okay. 329 00:12:57,840 --> 00:12:59,279 Hope Melissa's taken care of you. 330 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,559 She's our "Financy Nancy," but she's cool, sometimes. 331 00:13:01,639 --> 00:13:03,440 I can be cool sometimes. 332 00:13:03,519 --> 00:13:05,679 So what we need to do... 333 00:13:05,759 --> 00:13:07,600 - Talk to me. - What about? 334 00:13:07,679 --> 00:13:09,399 Anything. Doesn't quite matter. 335 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:11,399 "Congress," "legislature," words like that. 336 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:13,440 Yes. Exactly. What about France? 337 00:13:13,519 --> 00:13:15,360 So pretty. The museums are too big. 338 00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:17,360 - They could be smaller. - Amy: That's a great point. 339 00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:20,000 - Did Melissa show you our new baby? - We won. 340 00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:22,519 - I'm so sorry. What? - Did she show you the Smartch? 341 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:24,639 "This march"? Do you have a special little march? 342 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:26,159 - No. - No? 343 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:27,639 You are going to love this. 344 00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:29,279 It's a little on the loud side, guys. 345 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:32,039 How's about putting a sock around the ball? 346 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:37,200 We're going to put this on you. 347 00:13:37,279 --> 00:13:39,559 You are wearing a smart watch. 348 00:13:39,639 --> 00:13:41,360 Hence, "Smartch." 349 00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:43,559 It swaps Clovis profiles when you shake hands. 350 00:13:43,639 --> 00:13:45,799 If it's a phone and watch, just call it a "Fotch." 351 00:13:45,879 --> 00:13:47,279 - Or a "Wone." - ( laughs ) 352 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:50,039 If you wanted it to bomb. 353 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,080 - Let's shake. - All right. 354 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:55,720 And now it is on. 355 00:13:55,799 --> 00:13:57,200 Oh. 356 00:13:57,279 --> 00:13:59,399 - It worked this morning. - Okay, one more time. 357 00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:01,519 This way. Uh-oh. 358 00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:04,440 I feel like we're sawing a tree or something. 359 00:14:04,519 --> 00:14:06,480 Now we're milking a cow. ( laughs ) 360 00:14:06,559 --> 00:14:07,960 - Maybe there's an "On" button. - Craig: You know what? 361 00:14:08,039 --> 00:14:10,320 - We'll come back to shaking, okay? - Great. 362 00:14:10,399 --> 00:14:12,960 Why don't you ask it a question? 363 00:14:13,039 --> 00:14:15,039 - Can Craig see-- - Selina, you need to say "Smartch." 364 00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,279 - It's "Madam Vice President." - I know! 365 00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:22,360 Okay. Smartch, can you see for Craig-- 366 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:24,279 - It's "Cray-eeg." - Cray-eeg-- 367 00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:27,639 the "MeetMeyer" website? 368 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:30,200 Announcer: These are the opening times for Sea World. 369 00:14:30,279 --> 00:14:32,320 You know, this is good. If things work all the time, 370 00:14:32,399 --> 00:14:33,799 it means we can't make them better. 371 00:14:33,879 --> 00:14:37,080 We have a saying here at Clovis: "Dare to fail." 372 00:14:37,159 --> 00:14:41,039 - Then that's a job well done. - Stop playing ping-pong! 373 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:43,360 Here... ...and go have 374 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:45,240 a great time somewhere else. 375 00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:48,120 Jonah: Look, if we don't go with this Chung torture story, 376 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:49,759 someone else will. 377 00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:51,519 We just don't know the facts. 378 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,360 We put it out there, 379 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:56,080 and then something will arrive that backs it up. 380 00:14:56,159 --> 00:14:58,399 That's Journalism 101. 381 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,000 Hey, Dan. It's Jonah. 382 00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:01,480 Hey, do you think I should go with this? 383 00:15:01,559 --> 00:15:04,039 I'm probably going to, 384 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:06,399 but if you think I shouldn't go with it, just call me back. 385 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:07,960 Okay? Call me back if I shouldn't go with it. 386 00:15:08,039 --> 00:15:09,679 Okay. Thank you. This is Jonah. Bye. 387 00:15:15,399 --> 00:15:16,840 He's not calling back. Go with it. 388 00:15:17,879 --> 00:15:20,000 Stop. 389 00:15:21,639 --> 00:15:23,240 Yeah. 390 00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:26,720 - Done? - Done. 391 00:15:26,799 --> 00:15:28,360 Whew. Ugh. 392 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:30,559 Ma'am, could I address the Smartch one more time? 393 00:15:30,639 --> 00:15:32,080 Oh, yeah. 394 00:15:32,159 --> 00:15:33,600 At work they call me the "Tech Whisperer." 395 00:15:33,679 --> 00:15:37,480 - No, we don't. - Smartch, can we see "MeetMeyer"? 396 00:15:37,559 --> 00:15:39,200 The Smartch learns quickly. 397 00:15:39,279 --> 00:15:41,360 It's like it has an Asian mother. 398 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:43,399 - Kent: What...? - Selina: What is this? 399 00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:45,320 Mike: Some college kids made it, ma'am. 400 00:15:45,399 --> 00:15:46,799 It's a comedy thing where they 401 00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:49,039 represent you as meat and act out news stories. 402 00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:50,519 Amy: It's making fun of our website, 403 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:52,080 which is "MeetMeyer"-- M-E-E-T-- 404 00:15:52,159 --> 00:15:53,679 Oh, that's me. 405 00:15:53,759 --> 00:15:55,399 What is the site, "Meeting Meyer"? 406 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:57,840 Yeah. Smartch, show us "Meeting Meyer." 407 00:15:57,919 --> 00:16:00,159 - No, no! No, Smartch, no! - What? 408 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:01,960 - No. - Oh, my God! 409 00:16:02,039 --> 00:16:03,679 - Okay, okay. - Gary, oh, my God. 410 00:16:03,759 --> 00:16:05,879 Now I'm getting fucked harder that way. 411 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,519 - Engage family filters. - You have to say "Smartch." 412 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:11,519 Both: Smartch, engage family filters. 413 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:14,159 All right, it's off. Come down from that. 414 00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:17,720 I am so sorry, Madam Vice President. 415 00:16:17,799 --> 00:16:20,120 If it's any consolation, a porn parody 416 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,320 is a sure sign that you've officially made it. 417 00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:26,480 Technically, becoming vice president could count as making it. 418 00:16:26,559 --> 00:16:28,720 So who was that fucking me? Was that Jeremy Irons? 419 00:16:28,799 --> 00:16:31,399 - I think you mean Ron Jeremy. - Whatever. 420 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:33,480 - It wasn't. - This raises another point. 421 00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:36,200 We cannot have this Jonah Ryan or this fracking story 422 00:16:36,279 --> 00:16:38,759 behind the Veep when she's talking. 423 00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:40,240 Yeah, I can't take it from them, too. 424 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:41,720 You know? A girl gets tired. 425 00:16:41,799 --> 00:16:44,200 Guys, you're not asking me to pull content? 426 00:16:44,279 --> 00:16:46,159 That's very much against our ethics. 427 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:49,759 - The political reality is... - I don't follow politics. 428 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:52,480 But I do like your "Tablets in the School" initiative. 429 00:16:52,559 --> 00:16:54,799 How about I give you a few to get you started? 430 00:16:54,879 --> 00:16:56,840 Say, 50,000? 431 00:16:56,919 --> 00:16:58,960 That's a very generous offer. We appreciate that. 432 00:16:59,039 --> 00:17:00,679 Bang. That's how fast we move here. 433 00:17:00,759 --> 00:17:03,000 Well, that could be the start of a nice friendship. 434 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:05,319 Now that we're on the topic of friendship, 435 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:08,799 that repatriation tax stops so much innovation. 436 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:12,160 We would love to have a dialogue about that. 437 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:13,640 You don't follow politics, I thought. 438 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:15,559 Or you do now follow politics? 439 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:18,799 We see ourselves as very much post-tax. 440 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:22,000 I do have one fiscal question. Right now, 441 00:17:22,079 --> 00:17:24,598 you are showcasing other people's content for free. 442 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:27,440 Once the content providers start charging you, 443 00:17:27,519 --> 00:17:29,440 do you have a plan for that? 444 00:17:29,519 --> 00:17:30,920 I think there's a misunderstanding. 445 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,079 People want to work with us more than they want to be paid. 446 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:34,599 That's a given. 447 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:37,200 Well, if that plan works, you've changed humanity. 448 00:17:37,279 --> 00:17:40,079 - Selina: Bravo. - Yeah, indeed. 449 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:43,359 - Melissa... - Craig is bookmarking this chat. 450 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:46,839 - Kent: He's what? - You mean metaphorically? 451 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:48,720 Look at that pile of elbows. 452 00:17:48,799 --> 00:17:50,480 Look at this-- number one. 453 00:17:50,559 --> 00:17:52,720 Craig: His site's been blowing up all day. Who is that guy? 454 00:17:52,799 --> 00:17:56,400 That's Jonah Ryan. Everybody knows Jonah. 455 00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:58,599 He's well-known in DC circles. 456 00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:00,279 Okay, how much do we have in the New Venture Fund? 457 00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:01,759 50. 458 00:18:01,839 --> 00:18:03,279 Okay, let's take 3 or 4 and buy that site. 459 00:18:03,359 --> 00:18:05,759 - Mike: No way! - You mean millions? 460 00:18:05,839 --> 00:18:07,480 Fair enough. 4 to 6. 461 00:18:07,559 --> 00:18:09,079 He said he's a popular guy, so-- 462 00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:10,920 I didn't say that. 463 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:12,880 Yes, he definitely said that. 464 00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:14,920 I've got to go talk to Indonesia. 465 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:17,079 Recap. Tablets: cool. 466 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:18,839 No tax: awesome. 467 00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:20,599 See you at the Town Hall. Gonna be fun. 468 00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,319 So glad you support us. 469 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:24,640 Okay, thanks. Okay, bye. 470 00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:29,319 - Who was that? - Nobody. 471 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,960 Just a nice little pretty lady I like to call "Destiny." 472 00:18:32,039 --> 00:18:34,839 Clovis wants to buy Ryantology! 473 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:38,000 - What? - That's right! That's right! 474 00:18:38,079 --> 00:18:39,759 Oh, my God. You see these brains? 475 00:18:39,839 --> 00:18:43,240 See why I'm pattin' 'em? Because they are made of solid platinum. 476 00:18:43,319 --> 00:18:45,920 This is really good for all of us, right? 477 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,440 I am going to be so rich. Oh, my God. You know what? 478 00:18:48,519 --> 00:18:50,880 Everybody who said that I would never make it-- 479 00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:53,079 where the fuck are you now, huh? 480 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:54,920 Some of them are still in senior positions. 481 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,880 Fuck you, Kent Davison! 482 00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:59,799 Fuck you, Mrs. Gravestock from the third grade! 483 00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:02,960 Fuck you, Stepdad One and Stepdad Three! 484 00:19:03,039 --> 00:19:05,960 Oh! I gotta sit down. 485 00:19:06,039 --> 00:19:08,039 ( sighs ) 486 00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:12,160 I think I just had a money-gasm. 487 00:19:13,359 --> 00:19:14,839 Jonah with money. God Almighty. 488 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:16,640 It's like if Hitler could fly. 489 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:19,880 - I vote we tape Gary's mouth closed. - I did not say anything. 490 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:21,799 He asked me to come in with him, Jonah did. 491 00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:23,720 I'd be rich right now. 492 00:19:23,799 --> 00:19:25,640 I'd be handcuffed to a prick, but I'd be rich. 493 00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:27,559 You would not. Absolutely not. 494 00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:30,920 So they buy it for four, so that gives you, what, one? 495 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:32,920 After taxes, it's like 500,000. 496 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,480 It's nothing. What are you gonna do with that? 497 00:19:34,559 --> 00:19:35,960 ( pops ) Ow! 498 00:19:36,039 --> 00:19:37,799 Oh, my God! 499 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:39,759 Do you think this is appropriate? 500 00:19:39,839 --> 00:19:42,720 'Cause when you do that to the Vice President, this is what happens! 501 00:19:42,799 --> 00:19:44,200 Selina: Oh! 502 00:19:44,279 --> 00:19:45,920 God. Oh, my God! 503 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:47,400 - Gary, are you all right? - I'm fine, I'm fine. 504 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:48,880 Oh, God! 505 00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:50,599 You know what? You kids have no-- 506 00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:52,119 - Ma'am? Ma'am? - What? 507 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:54,240 These idiots are the Internet. 508 00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:57,880 - Excuse me, Madam Vice President. - Gary: Madam Vice President. 509 00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:00,599 - Amy, can we huddle for a second? - Yeah. 510 00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:02,920 It's okay, we have a huddle area. 511 00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:05,799 I'm taking these people back to dial-up. 512 00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:07,599 They think they're Kings of America. 513 00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:09,400 - Well, in a way they are. - No, they're not. 514 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:11,680 - I take your point. - I know you're walking around here 515 00:20:11,759 --> 00:20:14,799 like you're C-3PO with a big, brass, shiny erection, 516 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:18,000 but I got news for you. This is kindergarten for cyberbrats. 517 00:20:18,079 --> 00:20:20,680 And I'll tell you something else. If you're over 30-- 518 00:20:20,759 --> 00:20:22,880 Check it out. That's where you're headed, my friend, 519 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:25,119 if you work here. I've got to go to the bathroom. 520 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:26,839 They have a bathroom here, or do they put their turds up in the cloud? 521 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:28,559 Down the hall to the right. 522 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:30,039 I hate this fucking place. 523 00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:31,440 Way to go, Gary. 524 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:41,599 Aw, it's a space toilet. 525 00:20:45,079 --> 00:20:47,119 Okay. 526 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:48,599 - ( whirring ) - Ooh! 527 00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:52,000 I've been watching you and I like what I see. 528 00:20:52,079 --> 00:20:54,640 - Right. - Would you work here... 529 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,319 and share an open plan environment with me? 530 00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:59,000 I'm flattered, 531 00:20:59,079 --> 00:21:01,720 but the sheer positivity of this place would break me. 532 00:21:01,799 --> 00:21:03,680 Hey, Doug, they got different trail mix today. 533 00:21:03,759 --> 00:21:05,599 Somewhere else. 534 00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:07,720 This is what we'd pay you. 535 00:21:07,799 --> 00:21:10,839 ( laughs ) Go fuck yourself. 536 00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:12,920 Sorry, that's the opposite of what I meant to say. 537 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,240 Oh. 538 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:18,200 Jonah: Iraq, land of history, but also 539 00:21:18,279 --> 00:21:20,640 land of unspeakable torture! ( buzzing, crackling ) 540 00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:23,400 ( vocalizing ) Jonah: Chung's proud of his beatboxing, 541 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:26,359 but what about the beating and boxing he did in Iraq? 542 00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:28,920 Proud of that, "Guv'nor"? 543 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,200 - I don't understand what this is. - Gary: I know. 544 00:21:31,279 --> 00:21:33,400 I don't want any of this. Figure out a way to get rid of it. 545 00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:36,000 - I don't know what that is. - ( groans ) 546 00:21:36,079 --> 00:21:38,319 - What's wrong? What's wrong? - I'm sorry. 547 00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:40,559 I've got to confess, ma'am, I've been in a lot of pain lately. 548 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:42,200 It's my shoulder. 549 00:21:42,279 --> 00:21:43,759 The masseuse at the hotel this morning told me to take it easy... 550 00:21:43,839 --> 00:21:45,400 - but it's just been hurting. - Oh-hh... 551 00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:47,160 It was a masseuse. 552 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:49,319 - That makes total sense now. - Who did you think it was? 553 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:52,599 Kent, it was a masseuse. 554 00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:55,039 Ah-- masseuse. I buy that. 555 00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:57,880 Why else would I invite a man into my hotel room? 556 00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:01,160 - Selina: Well... - Nothing. 557 00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:02,880 - Why are you looking at me like that? - Like what? 558 00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:04,799 Nothing. It's a free country. 559 00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:07,000 - I know it's a free country. - Mike: I had a cousin like that. 560 00:22:07,079 --> 00:22:08,799 Not to split hairs or anything, but it was a man. 561 00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:10,640 So, technically, it's a masseur, not a masseuse. 562 00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:12,440 - Amy, Mike: Right. - Whatever makes you happy. 563 00:22:12,519 --> 00:22:14,440 - Selina: It doesn't matter. - I don't understand what's-- 564 00:22:14,519 --> 00:22:17,599 ( gasps ) Whatever makes me happy? 565 00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:20,480 - Melissa: It's complicated, isn't it? - Kent: It is, it is. 566 00:22:20,559 --> 00:22:23,799 But my job is to discover how America thinks. 567 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,839 Right now, the public is interested in 568 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:29,119 - tax relief for tech firms. - Interesting. 569 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:32,039 Yeah, but... they're still deciding. 570 00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:37,119 There is a lot of interest in the Chung torture story. 571 00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:41,279 The public may decide to put it on the Clovis front page after all. 572 00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:44,759 Ah-- instead of those Selina stories. 573 00:22:44,839 --> 00:22:47,279 Also interesting. 574 00:22:47,359 --> 00:22:49,200 I do admire the power of the public. 575 00:22:49,279 --> 00:22:50,799 Aren't they magnificent? 576 00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:53,920 ( cheering, applause ) 577 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:56,680 Welcome to the Clovis Town Hall, guys! 578 00:22:56,759 --> 00:22:59,359 Next week we have Rupert Grint from the "Harry Potter" movies. 579 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:01,359 ( cheering ) 580 00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:07,359 But today I am honored to welcome 581 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:09,200 the Vice President of the United States, 582 00:23:09,279 --> 00:23:11,519 - Selina Meyer. - ( applause ) 583 00:23:18,319 --> 00:23:19,920 ( grunts ) Oh, God. 584 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:22,359 - Hi. - Now, Selina-- 585 00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:23,839 Oh-- ( chuckles ) 586 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:25,480 Some people call me "Madam Vice President." 587 00:23:25,559 --> 00:23:27,440 But you can call me whatever you want, Craig. 588 00:23:27,519 --> 00:23:29,559 - Man: "Cray-eeg." - Yeah. 589 00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,759 Okay. Well, Madam Vice President, 590 00:23:31,839 --> 00:23:33,359 why don't you name a website-- 591 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:34,839 suitable for work, please. 592 00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:36,680 ( laughter ) 593 00:23:36,759 --> 00:23:38,480 Selina: Okay, Smartch, 594 00:23:38,559 --> 00:23:42,599 show me the Clovis home page. 595 00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:44,440 ( applause ) 596 00:23:46,519 --> 00:23:49,039 You know what? Guys, I have to address this. 597 00:23:49,119 --> 00:23:51,960 This Danny Chung torture story. 598 00:23:52,039 --> 00:23:55,640 I know Governor Chung very well 599 00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:59,200 and I can tell you that these allegations are utterly unfounded. 600 00:23:59,279 --> 00:24:01,480 Utterly unfounded. If you are telling me 601 00:24:01,559 --> 00:24:04,680 that Danny Chung condones torture, 602 00:24:04,759 --> 00:24:09,000 I am telling you that those allegations are false. 603 00:24:09,079 --> 00:24:10,960 False. I mean, 604 00:24:11,039 --> 00:24:13,920 the words "Danny Chung" and "torture"... 605 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:17,400 they don't belong in the same sentence. They don't. 606 00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:21,640 "Danny Chung"? "Torture"? Come on. 607 00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:25,319 Well, ma'am, by denying that "Chung" and "torture" are connected, 608 00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:27,240 everyone now seems to think that, 609 00:24:27,319 --> 00:24:29,160 well, "Chung" and "torture" are connected. 610 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:32,240 And I wonder what magician got that little story out there? 611 00:24:32,319 --> 00:24:35,000 You're a very smart boy. Listen, we're gonna end this conversation. 612 00:24:35,079 --> 00:24:37,119 We're never gonna refer to it again, okay? 613 00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:40,960 Melissa, I've had time to think about it now, 614 00:24:41,039 --> 00:24:43,400 and... I'm a grown-up. 615 00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:45,440 I don't think I'm the right fit here. 616 00:24:45,519 --> 00:24:48,480 I wasn't even that into toys when I was a kid. 617 00:24:48,559 --> 00:24:50,240 The Veep doesn't value you. 618 00:24:50,319 --> 00:24:51,960 She's about to promote me to campaign manager. 619 00:24:52,039 --> 00:24:53,440 She values me. 620 00:24:53,519 --> 00:24:55,559 That's off the record, by the way. 621 00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:57,720 I don't need you. 622 00:24:57,799 --> 00:24:59,839 I can buy a thousand Amys. 623 00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:02,519 That's fine by me if your idea of "special" is Jonah Ryan. 624 00:25:02,599 --> 00:25:04,440 Jonah Ryan? 625 00:25:04,519 --> 00:25:06,680 We sunsetted that idea minutes ago. 626 00:25:06,759 --> 00:25:08,759 We've withdrawn our offer. 627 00:25:08,839 --> 00:25:12,279 Well, "like." Sorry, wrong company. 628 00:25:12,359 --> 00:25:15,680 These Pentagon files prove beyond doubt 629 00:25:15,759 --> 00:25:18,680 I had no involvement in torture. 630 00:25:18,759 --> 00:25:21,720 I've never made political capital 631 00:25:21,799 --> 00:25:23,839 from my military record. 632 00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:27,799 - A service to this great country... - Okay, yes. I understand. 633 00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:30,279 Chung: ...but the now utterly discredited website... 634 00:25:30,359 --> 00:25:32,599 Jonah, we didn't get into this for the money. 635 00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,079 ( clatters ) 636 00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:38,559 You take that chicken soup 637 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:40,440 and you shove it up your soul. 638 00:25:40,519 --> 00:25:44,319 Chung: ...destroy the allegations against me 639 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:45,759 and the brave men and women... 640 00:25:48,279 --> 00:25:50,640 Hey! Dan! 641 00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:52,920 Hey, pizza delivery, buddy! 642 00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,599 I got some meat you can put in your mouth! 643 00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:58,400 You fuckin' asshole! ( thumping ) 644 00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:00,519 Hey, you want a complimentary soda? 645 00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:04,599 What the hell are you doing, Jonah? 646 00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:07,279 - Screw you, Dan. - Oh, yeah, that's right. 647 00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:09,200 Speaking of screwed, I heard you lost four million dollars. 648 00:26:09,279 --> 00:26:10,720 - Yeah. - I feel your pain. 649 00:26:10,799 --> 00:26:12,839 I had to dump that 150 on purpose in the game today. 650 00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:15,200 You fucked me, Dan. You fucked me with your face! 651 00:26:15,279 --> 00:26:17,519 Oh, would that be this face? 652 00:26:17,599 --> 00:26:19,559 Melissa, what an enjoyable day. 653 00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:21,039 - Thank you very much. - Our pleasure. 654 00:26:21,119 --> 00:26:22,799 Yes. Absolutely. Amy, can I talk to you just briefly? 655 00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:26,200 In the ladies' restroom, they have some sort of an Internet toilet. 656 00:26:26,279 --> 00:26:28,079 I couldn't figure out how to flush it. 657 00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:29,960 It's got all these buttons that freak me out, 658 00:26:30,039 --> 00:26:31,559 so could you go handle it? Okay. 659 00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:33,640 It's the third stall. Thank you. 660 00:26:35,559 --> 00:26:38,559 Oh, wonderful day, wonderful device. 661 00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:40,640 - Wanna take one away? - No. 662 00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:46,359 Here you go. 663 00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:47,920 All the best. 664 00:26:56,799 --> 00:26:58,880 ( rapid clicking )