1 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:10,000 ( THEME MUSIC PLAYING ) 2 00:00:18,679 --> 00:00:20,399 THORNHILL ON COMPUTER: Thank you so much. 3 00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:23,600 Victory in Iowa is just the start of the job. 4 00:00:23,679 --> 00:00:26,120 - I've worked my whole life... - Oh, please. 5 00:00:26,199 --> 00:00:27,839 ...and now it's time to make this country work. 6 00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:30,559 Let's take our shirts off and work up a sweat. 7 00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:33,039 Listen to this idiot. They're not even sound bites. They're just sounds. 8 00:00:33,119 --> 00:00:35,600 - Yeah, but it works. That's the thing. - I mean, he cornholed us in Iowa. 9 00:00:35,679 --> 00:00:37,560 Well, that's appropriate. It's the corn state. 10 00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:39,119 What are Thornhill's numbers now? 11 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:40,600 And please downplay them so I don't cry. 12 00:00:40,679 --> 00:00:42,079 He's killing us. 13 00:00:42,159 --> 00:00:45,439 - Please downplay them, I said. - She is downplaying them, ma'am. 14 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:47,119 BEN: People like someone who's normal, okay? 15 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:50,600 Gritty-- you know, folks who actually eat grits. 16 00:00:50,679 --> 00:00:52,719 I'm normal. I can be so folksy. 17 00:00:52,799 --> 00:00:55,359 Doing the folksy thing with... folks. 18 00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:59,320 - Hello? - We'll push it. We'll push it more. 19 00:00:59,399 --> 00:01:00,799 Well, push it. We got four days left. 20 00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:02,280 Remember when we only had five days left? 21 00:01:02,359 --> 00:01:04,078 - Those were good times. - Great times. 22 00:01:04,159 --> 00:01:06,280 - We'll get you out in the streets. - Okay. 23 00:01:06,359 --> 00:01:07,879 You know, shopping malls, community centers... 24 00:01:07,959 --> 00:01:09,400 - Right. Right. - ...farmers' markets. 25 00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:12,359 You should go to a ball game, ma'am. Throw out the first pitch. 26 00:01:12,439 --> 00:01:13,840 It's January, Mike. 27 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:15,879 SELINA: Yeah, and I can't throw a ball, Mike. 28 00:01:15,959 --> 00:01:17,560 I'll look like Gary here. 29 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:19,039 - Thank you. - Mm-hmm. 30 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:20,959 Um, what about local phone-in shows? 31 00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:24,519 - Great idea. Talk some real vote meat. - Rub with a schlub. That kind of thing. 32 00:01:24,599 --> 00:01:27,920 Guys, guys, you gotta get out there on the stump. 33 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,400 That's a good point. Nothing says "regular American" 34 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:32,120 like standing on a street corner shouting at strangers. 35 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:35,079 - Okay. - Actually, I had a similar thought. 36 00:01:35,158 --> 00:01:37,759 Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please. 37 00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:39,598 What, are you David Coppercock? 38 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:42,439 If you like, Humor Man, yes. 39 00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:44,400 - Uh, can I get a volunteer? - Me, me, me. 40 00:01:44,479 --> 00:01:47,158 - Me, me, me. ( LAUGHS ) - KENT: You. Come forward. 41 00:01:47,239 --> 00:01:49,158 Gary, please open the box. 42 00:01:49,239 --> 00:01:51,000 Ooh. Oh. 43 00:01:51,079 --> 00:01:53,120 - What is it? - Take it out. 44 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,640 Oh. Oh, my God. 45 00:01:54,719 --> 00:01:57,280 Wow, it's a box inside of a box. 46 00:01:57,359 --> 00:01:58,878 - ( GRUNTS ) - Jesus! 47 00:01:58,959 --> 00:02:01,280 Oh, it's a crate. 48 00:02:01,359 --> 00:02:04,159 - You like that? - I love it. Are you okay? 49 00:02:04,239 --> 00:02:05,799 - That really hurt my-- - Can you move? 50 00:02:05,879 --> 00:02:07,439 - Yeah. - KENT: Yeah, get up there. 51 00:02:07,519 --> 00:02:09,478 - Take it for a test spin. - Yes. 52 00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:12,280 Huh? See, it's folksy, it's traditional, 53 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:14,319 and it's reinforced with titanium so you won't fall through. 54 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:17,120 It's fantastic. You guys, this could be the key image for the campaign. 55 00:02:17,199 --> 00:02:18,599 - Me on a crate. I love this! - Yep. 56 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:20,319 - Ma'am, new donations-- - God. 57 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:23,800 Mark Dugdale from Dugdale Recycling just pledged $30,000. 58 00:02:23,879 --> 00:02:25,599 Okay, so I'll make a call in to him. 59 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:27,159 I gotta tell you something. 60 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,319 I wanna get away from the politicos. 61 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:32,360 I wanna talk to you, the regular Joes. 62 00:02:32,439 --> 00:02:33,840 - Right? - DAN: Yeah, yeah. 63 00:02:33,918 --> 00:02:36,400 We also have $2,000 from a guy named Paul Duffy 64 00:02:36,478 --> 00:02:37,918 from the local dry cleaner. 65 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,560 Okay, for two grand, you don't get a call from me. 66 00:02:39,639 --> 00:02:41,560 Okay? Just send him a button or something. 67 00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:44,079 See, the thing is, folks, is that this is the real America 68 00:02:44,159 --> 00:02:46,360 and I want to say God bless you guys. 69 00:02:46,439 --> 00:02:49,079 Oh, God. I could watch you do this all day. 70 00:02:49,159 --> 00:02:51,400 You know, they accuse you of not thinking outside the box, 71 00:02:51,478 --> 00:02:52,879 but I do think outside the box. 72 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:55,918 You know what else I do? I stand on top of a box. 73 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:58,079 Okay, you can stop now. 74 00:02:58,159 --> 00:03:00,520 - You might wanna save that voice. - Yeah. 75 00:03:00,599 --> 00:03:02,919 Uh, good luck with the street shouting. I gotta get back to DC. 76 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:05,080 ( QUIETLY ) POTUS is having a difficult time 77 00:03:05,159 --> 00:03:08,439 with FLOTUS and her... Yes. - Suicide attempt, yeah. 78 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:11,000 SELINA: I don't blame her. Imagine being married to that guy. 79 00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:12,759 I wouldn't put up with that shit for a second. 80 00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:14,240 - No. - ( IMITATES GUNSHOT ) 81 00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:15,759 - This looks good. - It does, right? 82 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:17,719 - Do you want to-- - No, I like standing up here 83 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:19,280 and looking down at everybody. 84 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:21,599 ( SIRENS BLARING ) 85 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:27,199 Towns like this are what I call the real towns of America, the real America. 86 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:30,319 Not like the ivory towers of Washington, folks. 87 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:32,079 That's not my world at all. 88 00:03:32,159 --> 00:03:34,680 I want to hear what you see. 89 00:03:34,759 --> 00:03:37,319 And I wanna see what you feel. 90 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:39,120 ( BULLHORN SQUEALING ) 91 00:03:39,199 --> 00:03:40,960 You know what, guys? 92 00:03:41,039 --> 00:03:44,520 My job is to communicate with you, the people, 93 00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:46,840 because if I don't communicate, guys, 94 00:03:46,918 --> 00:03:49,079 I communi-can't. 95 00:03:49,159 --> 00:03:52,400 ( CHEERING ) 96 00:03:52,478 --> 00:03:54,079 By the way, I gotta say you're doing a great job. 97 00:03:54,159 --> 00:03:56,319 Seriously, you do me better than I do me. 98 00:03:56,400 --> 00:04:00,840 You do yourself a lot. 99 00:04:00,919 --> 00:04:02,439 BILL: Joe Thornhill sends his regards. 100 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:05,360 Whoa, okay. Well, send them back. 101 00:04:05,439 --> 00:04:07,919 Of course, not his. Mine. 102 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,400 What are you having? 103 00:04:09,478 --> 00:04:12,599 Scrambled eggs, turkey bacon, sausage, fried egg. 104 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,759 You're having a fried egg with your scrambled eggs? 105 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:17,240 Oh, yeah. It's the egg medley. It's delicious. You've gotta try it. 106 00:04:17,319 --> 00:04:20,439 It's like a chicken came in your mouth. 107 00:04:20,519 --> 00:04:23,639 Okay. 108 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:25,160 I think eggs are my favorite breakfast-- 109 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:27,560 - So, how's the Maddox camp? - It's chaos over there. 110 00:04:27,639 --> 00:04:30,120 People can smell the stench of death and they're running for the lifeboats. 111 00:04:30,199 --> 00:04:32,959 - Really? - Women and tall, talented men first. 112 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:34,920 Have you got any offers coming in? 113 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:37,639 The Chung camp has expressed some interest. 114 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:40,439 - Interest? No, they're not. - I'm sorry? 115 00:04:40,519 --> 00:04:44,159 I just spoke with Chris Ellis 15 minutes ago. There's no offer going in to you. 116 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:45,920 But I'm expecting one because my skills are very-- 117 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,399 You've got no skills. 118 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:49,240 Your uncle controls a lot of votes, sure. 119 00:04:49,319 --> 00:04:52,240 But you? If you tried to clap, you'd miss your hands. 120 00:04:52,319 --> 00:04:54,519 Well, those votes can be very useful to someone-- 121 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,959 No, we're way ahead on the living dead. 122 00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:58,639 We don't need your uncle or you. 123 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:00,360 Okay, well, it's not just me. 124 00:05:00,439 --> 00:05:02,120 I have an entourage. 125 00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,519 - You can bring senior staff? - Absolutely. 126 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,040 Like who? 127 00:05:09,839 --> 00:05:12,079 He's not gonna know. 128 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:13,680 - Boom, Isabella Herrera. - Mm-hmm. 129 00:05:13,759 --> 00:05:16,879 - Boom, Liz Graham. - Okay. 130 00:05:16,959 --> 00:05:21,000 Ace up the sleeve-- booya-- Ally Craig. 131 00:05:21,079 --> 00:05:22,480 Well, that's very interesting. 132 00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:24,639 So are we gonna stop dancing? You gonna make me an offer? 133 00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:27,360 Here's my offer: take your crazy eggs, stick 'em up your ass. 134 00:05:27,439 --> 00:05:30,439 Meanwhile, I can now confidently spread the story 135 00:05:30,519 --> 00:05:32,600 that the Maddox camp is hemorrhaging like a burst dog. 136 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,279 Have a nice day. 137 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:36,439 Oh, let me pick this up. I still have a job. 138 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:43,720 Oh, my God. It's like this thing is glued to the ground, Dan. 139 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:45,759 Just try to make it look like a regular crate, Gary, 140 00:05:45,839 --> 00:05:47,279 not Thor's hammer. 141 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:48,759 I like that T-shirt. 142 00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:50,279 - Ma'am? Quincy Carter... - Yes. 143 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:52,480 ...the editor of the "New Hampshire Globe" is here to speak with you. 144 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,800 Oh, God. That Dickensian shitstack? 145 00:05:54,879 --> 00:05:57,279 Yeah, well, that shitstack can swing the entire New Hampshire vote. 146 00:05:57,360 --> 00:05:59,159 That's why they call him "The Endorser." 147 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:02,439 - Mr. Carter. - Ma'am, a pleasure. 148 00:06:02,519 --> 00:06:05,279 I see you've brought your soon-to-be-famous crate. 149 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:07,560 See our online diary piece for details-- 150 00:06:07,639 --> 00:06:10,000 - "Crate Expectations." - Oh, I love it! 151 00:06:10,079 --> 00:06:12,920 - Gary, bring the crate over here. - Okay, yeah. 152 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,720 So, what's the piece gonna say? 153 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:16,560 Oh, that it's been reinforced with titanium. 154 00:06:16,639 --> 00:06:20,079 - Yes, it has. - And that it cost $1,200 to make. 155 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:22,160 What? No, it didn't. 156 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:23,639 You'd have to be out of your mind 157 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:25,120 to spend that kind of money for a crate. 158 00:06:25,199 --> 00:06:26,680 Well, according to the manufacturer. 159 00:06:26,759 --> 00:06:28,920 Uh, no, we don't want-- we don't want-- 160 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:30,480 Yeah. Okay. 161 00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:32,199 - Um... - Go get Mike. 162 00:06:32,279 --> 00:06:35,600 - The thing is, Mr. Carter... - Mm-hmm. 163 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:37,519 You don't want to put your foot through a crate. 164 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:39,639 She thinks it looks folksy, but she really looks like 165 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:41,639 Dustin Hoffman on a crate. 166 00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:43,120 - ( PHONE CHIMES ) - ( LAUGHS ) Stop it. That's mean. 167 00:06:43,199 --> 00:06:44,680 All right, I gotta get going. 168 00:06:44,759 --> 00:06:48,040 I gotta go make noises out of my face hole or whatever it is I do. 169 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:49,680 You know, Quincy's retiring. 170 00:06:49,759 --> 00:06:53,279 The "Globe" is gonna need somebody who's willing to be sucked up to 171 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:55,399 and who likes to eat a lot of lunches. 172 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:58,720 - Think you're man enough for that? - Leave Selina? That's not possible. 173 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:02,000 Is it? You would see a lot more of me. 174 00:07:02,079 --> 00:07:03,680 Oh, no. That's not good. 175 00:07:03,759 --> 00:07:05,519 - I could go look at houses. - (CHUCKLES ) 176 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:08,000 Hey, Wendy. Mike, I know it seems weird, but you're actually needed. 177 00:07:08,079 --> 00:07:09,920 - Let's go. - Actually, I want to finish my muffin 178 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:11,439 and then I'll go get-- are you--? 179 00:07:11,519 --> 00:07:13,800 I'm helping you out. Let's go. No, let's go. Come on. 180 00:07:13,879 --> 00:07:15,439 - That's kinda mean. - That's very rude. 181 00:07:15,519 --> 00:07:17,279 Oh, I so wish we could talk longer, 182 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:18,759 but I'm afraid, yes, we've got this-- we've got-- 183 00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:21,240 - Quincy? - Michael! 184 00:07:21,319 --> 00:07:24,720 - Thank you for the recipe. - Did you have a nice vacation? 185 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:26,680 The "Globe" is doing a piece on the crate. 186 00:07:26,759 --> 00:07:29,120 Oh, yeah, like it cost a million dollars or something crazy. 187 00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:32,560 - No, there's no story there, Quincy. - That's what I was saying to him. 188 00:07:32,639 --> 00:07:34,040 - Yes, exactly. - I'll take care of this. 189 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,759 Okay, great. Great. 190 00:07:35,839 --> 00:07:37,240 - What? - Oh, my God. 191 00:07:37,319 --> 00:07:40,279 I cannot stand that affected butt plug. 192 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,560 If I could lift the fucking crate, I'd beat him to death with it. 193 00:07:42,639 --> 00:07:44,360 - Okay, we will get rid of him. - MIKE: Good news. 194 00:07:44,439 --> 00:07:46,920 Quincy's agreed to do a more substantial in-depth interview. 195 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,000 - We'll schedule it for tomorrow. - That would be the other option. 196 00:07:49,079 --> 00:07:50,600 - QUINCY: Splendid. - Yes. 197 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:53,240 Now I am away to lunch. Wine and branzini wait for no man. 198 00:07:53,319 --> 00:07:54,720 - Oh, my goodness. - Until we meet again. 199 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:57,000 - Okay, bon appetit. - Merci. 200 00:07:57,079 --> 00:07:59,240 - You fucking douche. - He is a character, though. 201 00:07:59,319 --> 00:08:02,120 I hate those. Hate. 202 00:08:02,199 --> 00:08:04,000 All right, so where is Kent? 203 00:08:04,079 --> 00:08:05,519 Uh, I think he's still with FLOTUS. 204 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:07,720 Oh, God. I hope he doesn't give her a crate to stand on. 205 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:09,199 Otherwise she's gonna hang herself 206 00:08:09,279 --> 00:08:11,399 from the nearest light fixture. 207 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:14,120 All right, call me anytime. 208 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,920 Honey, come help Mom sort her pills. 209 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,399 You used to love that. 210 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:24,000 I screwed up, Mom. I should've never joined Maddox. 211 00:08:24,079 --> 00:08:27,199 And now he's finished and I've come home to die. 212 00:08:27,279 --> 00:08:29,120 Well, can your DC friends help? 213 00:08:29,199 --> 00:08:30,920 I don't have any friends in DC, Mom. 214 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,960 They all call me a dick behind my back. 215 00:08:33,039 --> 00:08:36,320 But, like, right behind my back so I can hear them. 216 00:08:36,399 --> 00:08:38,840 Like you always said, honey, "Haters gonna hate." 217 00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:40,840 Right, exactly. 218 00:08:40,919 --> 00:08:43,600 One day, they'll wish they had listened to me. 219 00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:47,000 God, I wish I had a dirty bomb. Mom, do you think that 220 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:48,919 - you could talk to Uncle Jeff for me? - No. 221 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,200 I want a job on my own merits and I think he's the guy to get it for me. 222 00:08:51,279 --> 00:08:52,840 You know, we're not on good terms. 223 00:08:52,919 --> 00:08:54,679 You don't have to fuck him, Mom. You just have to call him. 224 00:08:54,759 --> 00:08:56,440 - What? - Don't give me that look. 225 00:08:56,519 --> 00:08:58,039 - All right. - It's how DC people talk. 226 00:08:58,120 --> 00:08:59,799 - I know. Okay. - If you wanna walk the walk, 227 00:08:59,879 --> 00:09:02,240 you have to talk that talk. 228 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,600 It's not a radical stance on immigration at all. 229 00:09:04,679 --> 00:09:06,559 It's really more of a practical stance. 230 00:09:06,639 --> 00:09:08,759 Ma'am, that is going to fly with our readers. 231 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,320 - Oh, good. - And, finally, ma'am, 232 00:09:10,399 --> 00:09:13,159 might I ask you the QQQ? 233 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:15,200 - "Quincy's Quirky Questions"? - Yes. 234 00:09:15,279 --> 00:09:17,399 I ask the same questions of everyone I interview. 235 00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:21,000 - A little specialite de la maison. - Ah, magnifique. 236 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:24,879 What person, living or dead, do you most despise? 237 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:26,639 I really try not to hate anybody 238 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:30,480 because I think it's a negative use of energy 239 00:09:30,559 --> 00:09:32,000 to hate another human being. 240 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:35,360 Ah. Most people say Hitler. 241 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:39,039 Um, well, yeah, certainly. I'm not a fan of Hitler. 242 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,519 So, change it to Hitler? 243 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:43,519 Okay, Hitler, yeah. 244 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:46,759 What would you alter about your personality? 245 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:48,240 Hmm. 246 00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:52,240 I guess I would say that I can be a little bit impatient. 247 00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:55,639 - Oh, God, yes, you can... be. - No. 248 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,039 So I guess I would-- I should change that. 249 00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:01,639 - Neil Diamond gave the same answer. - Oh, what fun. I love him. 250 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:04,519 "Sweet Caroline" is so good, and "Cracklin' Rosie" is just-- 251 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:08,159 Why does God allow suffering? 252 00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:11,799 Um, well, I wouldn't ever presume to know the mind of God... 253 00:10:11,879 --> 00:10:15,080 ( WHISPERS ) Siri, why does God allow suffering? 254 00:10:15,159 --> 00:10:19,240 I think that suffering can engender a kind of resilience. 255 00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:23,080 Although that doesn't really explain childhood cancers and-- 256 00:10:23,159 --> 00:10:26,720 "Childhood cancers." Excellent answer. 257 00:10:26,799 --> 00:10:28,279 Shall we halt there? 258 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:31,240 - I have a recital to attend. - I don't want to keep you from that. 259 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:33,120 Toujours un plaisir. Jamais un travail. 260 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,039 "Always a pleasure. Never a chore." 261 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:37,519 Yes, there you go. I love the French talking. 262 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:39,399 It's wonderful. Thank you so much. 263 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:41,399 ( SELINA LAUGHS ) Oh, my God. 264 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:46,799 He has his head so up his ass, he can wave out his mouth. I mean, honestly. 265 00:10:46,879 --> 00:10:48,279 - ( KNOCK ON DOOR ) - Ma'am, we have a donation offer 266 00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:50,799 from Oliveri Systems for $4,000. 267 00:10:50,879 --> 00:10:54,320 Four grand? That's not even worth cashing the check. 268 00:10:54,399 --> 00:10:56,000 I'll have the guys call back. It is GUMMI. 269 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:57,759 Gummi? What's that? 270 00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:00,120 GUMMI-- Give Us More Money, Idiot. 271 00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:01,720 - Oh. - Who changed the code? 272 00:11:01,799 --> 00:11:04,679 What happened to HADDA-- How About Digging Deeper, Assholes? 273 00:11:04,759 --> 00:11:06,960 I always call them dicks. 274 00:11:07,039 --> 00:11:10,559 It doesn't stand for anything. 275 00:11:10,639 --> 00:11:12,679 - ( ALL GASP ) - Oh, shit. 276 00:11:12,759 --> 00:11:15,120 ( WHISPERING ) What do I do? What do I do? 277 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:19,159 - ( STAMMERING ) I don't want it! - There, it's not recording anymore. 278 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:21,360 - Delete it. - It knows too much. 279 00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:22,840 - Delete it. - You can't delete it because if you do, 280 00:11:22,919 --> 00:11:24,440 then he'll know we did it and he'll think we said 281 00:11:24,519 --> 00:11:25,960 some terrible things, which we did. 282 00:11:26,039 --> 00:11:27,879 - Who cares? - Let's just throw it in the toilet. 283 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,879 - And say what, Mike? - That we dropped it in the toilet. 284 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:33,639 Guys, guys, guys, you better decide quickly. Too late. Went into sleep mode. 285 00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,600 Quincy's heading back up. He forgot his phone. 286 00:11:35,679 --> 00:11:39,720 - Oh. Uh, Gary, g-g-go stall him. - No. 287 00:11:39,799 --> 00:11:42,039 - SELINA: You need to stall him. - DAN: Go, go. 288 00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:44,600 - It's password protected. Hang on. - Fuck. 289 00:11:44,679 --> 00:11:48,480 0001, 0002... 290 00:11:48,559 --> 00:11:51,519 You cannot be serious. 291 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:56,000 Mr. Carter, hi. Gary Walsh. 292 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:57,840 I just wanted to say I'm a big fan. 293 00:11:57,919 --> 00:12:01,519 Oh, thank you. You are from the South. I hear it in your voice. 294 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:05,039 - I am. Alabama. - I just need to retrieve my cell phone. 295 00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:06,559 You can't go in there at the moment, I'm sorry. 296 00:12:06,639 --> 00:12:09,240 - Why not? - I don't know. 297 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:11,720 - Matters of state? - I don't know. 298 00:12:11,799 --> 00:12:13,519 I see. 299 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,080 So, where exactly in Alabama are you from? 300 00:12:15,159 --> 00:12:18,000 Don't know. 301 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:19,759 Birmingham. Have you heard of Birmingham? 302 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,279 - It is a lovely-- - I really do need my cell. 303 00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:23,840 I'm gonna go talk to them for just a second. 304 00:12:23,919 --> 00:12:25,320 Let's both do that. 305 00:12:25,399 --> 00:12:26,799 It locked me out. 306 00:12:26,879 --> 00:12:29,440 - ( STAMMERS ) Smash it. - Are you kidding? 307 00:12:29,519 --> 00:12:31,480 - No, I'm not kidding. Violence solves everything. - Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am. 308 00:12:31,559 --> 00:12:33,480 - Just sma-- - You have it. Marvelous. 309 00:12:33,559 --> 00:12:36,159 - Madame Vice President. - Hello. No, the light bulb's fine, see? 310 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:37,720 - AMY: Oh, all right. Yeah. - See? Yeah. 311 00:12:37,799 --> 00:12:41,080 I was just admiring it. Your charging portal is so clean. 312 00:12:41,159 --> 00:12:43,159 - Do you swab it? - No. 313 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:44,639 But for this relief, much thanks. 314 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:50,399 Exit, pursued by a bear. ( EXAGGERATED LAUGHTER ) 315 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:55,399 First I want to apologize for what I said last time we spoke. 316 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:57,200 You know when I've had a drink, I can be a little-- 317 00:12:57,279 --> 00:13:00,639 - ( WHISPERS ) A bit of a bitch. - Be a little feisty. ( LAUGHS ) 318 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:02,600 So, how's the family? 319 00:13:02,679 --> 00:13:04,960 Oh, Lucy's-- Lucy's engaged. 320 00:13:05,039 --> 00:13:06,440 - ( WHISPERS ) Who cares? - That's wonderful. 321 00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:09,120 Yeah, I'm good. I had one of my blood sugar episodes 322 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:10,600 at CVS the other day... 323 00:13:10,679 --> 00:13:12,080 Mom, nobody cares. 324 00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:13,799 - But I tell you what. - Get to it. 325 00:13:13,879 --> 00:13:15,840 I'm calling, Jeff, because I was wondering 326 00:13:15,919 --> 00:13:19,519 if maybe you could make a call over to Governor Chung's campaign team 327 00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:21,000 and tell them that JJ needs a job. 328 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:23,200 No, no, JJ has a lot of job offers. 329 00:13:23,279 --> 00:13:25,159 JJ has a lot of job offers. 330 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:27,240 - And maybe Governor Chung... - And maybe Governor Chung... 331 00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:30,360 - ...would want to snap him up. Yeah. - ...want to snap him right up 332 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:32,639 Yeah, yeah, I know he can be. 333 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:36,759 But I was just wondering, do you think you could help us out, Jeff? 334 00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:39,080 - Oh! - What's he saying? What's he saying? 335 00:13:39,159 --> 00:13:41,399 Okay. Oh, he's gonna be thrilled when I tell him. 336 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:44,679 - Yes! - So, Lucy-- is she pregnant? 337 00:13:44,759 --> 00:13:46,360 ( EXHALES ) 338 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:48,320 No, I wasn't accusing. 339 00:13:48,399 --> 00:13:50,679 I was just asking, is she pregnant? 340 00:13:50,759 --> 00:13:52,159 What is wrong with you? 341 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:54,159 Well, we all know she's no angel. 342 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:56,919 She does drugs. She's got that tattoo-- 343 00:13:59,799 --> 00:14:01,919 ( PHONE BEEPS ) 344 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:05,399 Mom, what happened? 345 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:10,399 He hung up. He's such a jackass. 346 00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:12,679 But he's gonna make the call to Chung, right? 347 00:14:12,759 --> 00:14:15,720 - That's not gonna happen. - Oh, Mom! 348 00:14:15,799 --> 00:14:17,679 Oh, you are so annoying! 349 00:14:17,759 --> 00:14:21,240 How do you not just punch yourself in the face? Call him back. 350 00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:24,000 He's not going to answer. 351 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,480 Who else can we call? 352 00:14:25,559 --> 00:14:27,279 Oh, I don't know, Mom. Is there anyone else in our family 353 00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:29,440 that controls the senior citizen vote in New England? 354 00:14:29,519 --> 00:14:31,679 Because that'd be my next fucking call. 355 00:14:31,759 --> 00:14:34,120 This community center, it's got volunteers and homeless people? 356 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:35,679 And is there anybody else there? 357 00:14:35,759 --> 00:14:39,200 An immigrant family from Syria who had a horrific time getting to America. 358 00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:40,679 They're gonna be good to talk to. 359 00:14:40,759 --> 00:14:43,519 Oh, ma'am, Oliveri Systems just withdrew its donations 360 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:46,080 and so has Dugdale Recycling. Just now. - ( PHONE CHIMES ) 361 00:14:46,159 --> 00:14:48,120 Yeah, it's out there. 362 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:50,559 Quincy ran an online piece about the GUMMI code. 363 00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:52,399 - You're kidding. - No. 364 00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:54,639 - ( MUTTERS ) - I've got it right here. 365 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:57,399 "Any organization donating to the Meyer campaign 366 00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:00,600 may want to reflect on how its tightfisted idiocy 367 00:15:00,679 --> 00:15:05,039 is mocked by the woman on the $1,200 crate." 368 00:15:11,879 --> 00:15:16,519 Okay, well... ahem. 369 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:18,279 Well, there's-- there's just-- 370 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:21,320 there's no way out of this. 371 00:15:21,399 --> 00:15:25,320 I mean, you know, not for a sitting vice president 372 00:15:25,399 --> 00:15:29,000 who's lost Iowa and New Hampshire. 373 00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:31,039 You know what VP stands for? 374 00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:35,000 It stands for "Victory Permafucked." 375 00:15:36,559 --> 00:15:37,960 I don't deserve this. 376 00:15:38,039 --> 00:15:39,480 You know? God damn it. 377 00:15:39,559 --> 00:15:41,639 I don't, but you do 378 00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:45,120 because you are all losers! 379 00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,840 Every motherfucking one of you. 380 00:15:47,919 --> 00:15:51,159 Loser! Loser! 381 00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:57,600 ( SIRENS WAILING ) 382 00:15:57,679 --> 00:16:00,000 Madam Vice President, are all your donors idiots or just a select few? 383 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:02,720 ( CHATTER ) 384 00:16:02,799 --> 00:16:04,200 Is this your idea of fiscal responsibility? 385 00:16:04,279 --> 00:16:05,720 - I'm Amy Brookheimer. - Relax, relax. 386 00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:07,200 - A little room, please. - Hypertension kills. 387 00:16:07,279 --> 00:16:08,679 It's such an honor. 388 00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:11,120 - Did you know how much that crate cost? - And when did you know it? 389 00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:12,639 The vice president is not here to answer questions. 390 00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:14,120 She's here to reach out to the community. 391 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:16,399 Listen, I'm so sorry about all of this. 392 00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:19,000 You're asking a rhetorical question and the answer is obviously no. 393 00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:20,840 - See this? - Mm-hmm. 394 00:16:20,919 --> 00:16:24,000 I'm done. I'm done. 395 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:25,600 Take your lithium, jag-offs. 396 00:16:25,679 --> 00:16:27,080 MIKE: God, it's so good to hear your voice. 397 00:16:27,159 --> 00:16:29,559 No, it's going much worse. 398 00:16:29,639 --> 00:16:31,440 Let's find us a house, Wendy, 399 00:16:31,519 --> 00:16:32,919 where we can keep ducks. 400 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,720 For us and the ducks. 401 00:16:34,799 --> 00:16:36,200 Of course, the kids, too. 402 00:16:36,279 --> 00:16:38,679 - AMY: Mike. - I have to go see homeless people. 403 00:16:38,759 --> 00:16:41,039 And see if there's one with a pool. 404 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:43,159 This is Elida and Fadi. 405 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:44,879 Hello, hi. 406 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:47,080 Oh, I really want to hear your story. 407 00:16:47,159 --> 00:16:48,559 It is not a nice one. 408 00:16:48,639 --> 00:16:54,039 No, life can be... very challenging. 409 00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:57,080 I mean, sometimes through no fault of your own, 410 00:16:57,159 --> 00:17:01,360 it's just one... disaster 411 00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:04,920 after another disaster. 412 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,720 Syria is very troubled. 413 00:17:06,799 --> 00:17:08,960 Hmm? Oh, mm-hmm. Right. 414 00:17:09,039 --> 00:17:12,480 Ahem, ma'am, um, Kent is here. 415 00:17:12,559 --> 00:17:14,319 He's acting weird. 416 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:17,640 Not normal weird, weird-weird. 417 00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:19,598 What does that mean? 418 00:17:21,079 --> 00:17:22,480 Kent. 419 00:17:22,559 --> 00:17:25,358 - Ma'am... - What, are you okay? 420 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:31,359 Kind of, in a way, and also not. And in a third way both. 421 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:33,599 What are you talking about? What is it? Are we at war? 422 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:36,759 Ma'am, we're America. We're always at war. 423 00:17:36,839 --> 00:17:40,680 Uh, the first lady... isn't in a good place. 424 00:17:40,759 --> 00:17:43,839 - Oh, the hospital. - Mentally. 425 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:46,519 POTUS has decided that he wants to devote 426 00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:49,240 more time to looking after her. 427 00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:51,160 Yikes. 428 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,599 - At any rate... - Yeah. 429 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:57,720 he's gonna resign. - Oh. What? 430 00:17:57,799 --> 00:18:01,680 Ma'am, you're about to become the 45th President of the United States. 431 00:18:01,759 --> 00:18:03,880 It's not a dress rehearsal, not a drill. 432 00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:08,400 You are going to be the president. 433 00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:10,880 - Now? - We're not sure when, but very soon. 434 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:14,480 ( SIGHS ) 435 00:18:14,559 --> 00:18:16,200 Uh... ahem. 436 00:18:16,279 --> 00:18:19,720 Where's POTUS gonna live, though? 437 00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:23,079 - Where is he... - Yeah, 'cause doesn't he have to move? 438 00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:25,000 Well, yeah, but that's none of your concern. 439 00:18:25,079 --> 00:18:27,000 - That'll be taken care of. - No, but does he have a house? 440 00:18:27,079 --> 00:18:29,880 Somebody will handle that. You don't have to worry about that. 441 00:18:33,359 --> 00:18:35,319 You okay? 442 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,920 I just-- I just have to go to the bathroom. 443 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:40,839 - Do you know where it is? - I think it's behind you. 444 00:18:43,319 --> 00:18:47,319 ( DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ) 445 00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:49,759 Ma'am? Excuse me. 446 00:18:53,319 --> 00:18:54,799 Ma'am? Ma'am? 447 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:58,119 ( KNOCKS ON DOOR ) 448 00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:00,839 Hi, ma'am. You all right? 449 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:02,920 Yeah? 450 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,839 - Gary... - Yeah, ma'am? 451 00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:10,720 ( WHISPERING ) Um, I'm gonna be president. 452 00:19:10,799 --> 00:19:12,440 Of course you are. 453 00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:13,920 I mean, there's always hope, ma'am. 454 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:15,839 We've got plenty of hope in this world. 455 00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,960 No, no, no, no. I mean, um... 456 00:19:19,039 --> 00:19:23,119 POTUS is gonna resign... 457 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:26,279 and I'm about to become president... 458 00:19:26,359 --> 00:19:29,880 of America! ( LAUGHS ) 459 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,519 ( CRYING ) 460 00:19:31,599 --> 00:19:34,079 No, no, no. Oh, don't cry. 461 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,039 - Don't cry. - ( SOBBING ) 462 00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:37,720 Oh, oh-- uh-oh. 463 00:19:37,799 --> 00:19:39,200 Your nose is bleeding. You're bleeding. 464 00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:40,680 ( SOBBING CONTINUES ) 465 00:19:40,759 --> 00:19:43,160 Oh, my God, you're bleeding. Oh, Gary-- 466 00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:45,279 ( MUFFLED ) When I get excited, my nose bleeds. 467 00:19:45,359 --> 00:19:47,319 - What? - When I get excited, my nose bleeds! 468 00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:48,799 Okay, you've gotta sit down. 469 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:50,279 Wait, you've gotta sit down. 470 00:19:50,359 --> 00:19:52,519 Gary, you've gotta sit down and put your head back. 471 00:19:52,599 --> 00:19:56,559 - Put your head back. - When I get excited, my nose bleeds. 472 00:19:56,640 --> 00:20:00,480 Well, that's good. Wait, let me get you-- Oh, shit. 473 00:20:00,559 --> 00:20:04,440 - Gary, there's-- - ( BOTH LAUGHING ) 474 00:20:04,519 --> 00:20:07,599 - There's no toilet paper. - ( LAUGHING ) Go in my bag. 475 00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:09,960 - What? - Go in my bag. It's in my bag. 476 00:20:10,039 --> 00:20:12,359 - ( COUGHING ) - Okay. 477 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:13,920 It's in the-- it's in the-- 478 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,400 What? Where is it? 479 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,440 It's in the outer-- it's in the outer pocket. 480 00:20:17,519 --> 00:20:19,480 Wait, what-- 481 00:20:19,559 --> 00:20:23,119 what is this for? 482 00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:27,480 Oh, shit. That looks bad through here. 483 00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:30,480 Stick these in your nose. 484 00:20:30,559 --> 00:20:33,799 Shove these up there. 485 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:37,359 That'll do the trick. 486 00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:40,240 Why is there a bicycle book? 487 00:20:40,319 --> 00:20:42,839 Gary, seriously, why-- 488 00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:44,319 Oh, my God. You look so disgusting. 489 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:46,200 I love bicycles. 490 00:20:46,279 --> 00:20:48,920 Oh, I got it. Here, I got it. 491 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,400 I got it. Here, shove these in. 492 00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:53,720 - Shove these in. - ( LAUGHING ) 493 00:20:53,799 --> 00:20:56,359 We gotta get out-- uh-oh. 494 00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:58,240 Everything all right? 495 00:20:58,319 --> 00:21:01,720 ( LAUGHING, WHEEZING ) 496 00:21:01,799 --> 00:21:03,480 Great. 497 00:21:03,559 --> 00:21:05,920 I need to go. 498 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,279 ( LAUGHING CONTINUES ) 499 00:21:08,359 --> 00:21:10,759 ( MUTTERING ) 500 00:21:10,839 --> 00:21:12,519 - ( WHISPERING ) Amy, Amy, Amy, Amy. - Jesus, what the fuck happened to you? 501 00:21:12,599 --> 00:21:15,720 Shh, listen, listen. The president is resigning. 502 00:21:15,799 --> 00:21:18,160 Selina is gonna be president. 503 00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:19,640 ( LAUGHING ) 504 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:21,240 What's going on? What's up? 505 00:21:21,319 --> 00:21:24,920 POTUS is resigning. Selina's president. 506 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:28,519 ( WHISPERS ) POTUS is stepping down. Selina's gonna be president. 507 00:21:28,599 --> 00:21:31,480 Fuck off! 508 00:21:31,559 --> 00:21:34,920 ( WHISPERS ) POTUS is gonna resign. Selina is gonna be president. 509 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:36,400 ( LAUGHS ) 510 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,680 Oh, shit. 511 00:21:38,759 --> 00:21:40,960 I was gonna raise ducks. 512 00:21:42,319 --> 00:21:44,240 SELINA: Okay, take two. 513 00:21:44,319 --> 00:21:47,000 I'm so sorry I went away, but now I'm back. 514 00:21:47,079 --> 00:21:48,559 WOMAN: Fadi and Elida, they've had a terrible time. 515 00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:50,039 No. Oh, I bet they have. 516 00:21:50,119 --> 00:21:51,519 WOMAN: They just arrived a month ago. 517 00:21:51,599 --> 00:21:53,480 At Rye Harbor. 518 00:21:53,559 --> 00:21:55,880 Oh, Rye Harbor. Oh, that's lovely. 519 00:21:55,960 --> 00:22:00,720 So you had a safe arrival, which means that Lady Luck was with you. 520 00:22:00,799 --> 00:22:02,640 Our journey was like a horrible dream. 521 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:04,400 Mm, right. 522 00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:06,680 At one time, we hid in a well for five days. 523 00:22:06,759 --> 00:22:09,720 Oh, good Lord. A well. 524 00:22:09,799 --> 00:22:11,960 - Ahem. - Yeah? 525 00:22:12,039 --> 00:22:16,519 Um, it's happening in 48 hours. 526 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:20,119 SELINA: Okay, I gotta go, 527 00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:24,000 but, gosh, good luck with all of your terrible troubles 528 00:22:24,079 --> 00:22:27,720 and, um, welcome to America. 529 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:31,119 ( STIFLING LAUGHTER ) 530 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:32,640 Shh, shh, shh. 531 00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:37,079 ( WHISPERING ) Winner, winner, winner, winner, winner. Winner, winner, winner. 532 00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:42,440 - Okay, so as weird as this may seem... - Okay. 533 00:22:42,519 --> 00:22:44,400 - ...you are still running a campaign. - Oh, my God, right. 534 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:46,759 - So somebody has to be here. - Right. 535 00:22:46,839 --> 00:22:49,440 Obviously, I have to go with you because I'm-- 536 00:22:49,519 --> 00:22:52,559 - My campaign manager. - Yeah, and we'll talk Chief of Staff. 537 00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:54,039 Oh. And you have to come with me, Ben. 538 00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:57,200 That's what all the chicks say. - ( LAUGHING ) Shh! 539 00:22:57,279 --> 00:22:59,319 - And, Mike, I need you. - Yes, you do. 540 00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:01,720 And obviously I need to come with you 'cause you need my-- 541 00:23:01,799 --> 00:23:06,319 - Ruthless eye. - Yeah, I have no soul. ( LAUGHING ) 542 00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:07,799 - And, Gary... - Yeah? 543 00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:09,839 - I need you to stay. - What? 544 00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:11,319 Yeah, I need you to stay here 545 00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:13,359 to be the face of the campaign and everything, okay? 546 00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:14,839 What? 547 00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:17,880 And then tomorrow, you take a commercial flight back to DC 548 00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:20,559 and then we can talk inauguration shoes. 549 00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:22,880 Okay, ma'am, but this is the most important moment 550 00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:24,359 of my-- of your life. 551 00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:26,400 It's going. It's going. 552 00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:28,799 Sorry, I just feel like it was-- 553 00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:30,839 - I'd be right next to you. - ( WHISPERING ) 554 00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:33,720 I mean, I would absolutely agree that that would be me. 555 00:23:33,799 --> 00:23:35,200 ( SIRENS WAILING ) 556 00:23:35,279 --> 00:23:36,680 DAN: This is better than any of the sex I've ever had. 557 00:23:36,759 --> 00:23:38,240 I mean, almost any of it. 558 00:23:38,319 --> 00:23:40,839 I feel sick, but it's just in my neck, you know? 559 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:44,519 Wow, only 44 other senior press advisors 560 00:23:44,599 --> 00:23:46,000 have ever felt like this. 561 00:23:46,079 --> 00:23:48,240 That's right, yeah. We're the chosen ones, bud. 562 00:23:48,319 --> 00:23:50,480 Wow, it really is all about you, isn't it? 563 00:23:50,559 --> 00:23:53,119 WOMAN ON TV: The president announced that he will be stepping down 564 00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:56,359 with immediate effect in order to help his wife... 565 00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:58,240 - deal with her illness. - Oh, no. 566 00:23:58,319 --> 00:24:00,039 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 567 00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:01,640 No, no, no, no. Fuck me. 568 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:10,160 Is this-- is this soup vegetarian? 569 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,359 - I think it's vegan. - Ah, nice. 570 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:14,839 So maybe one or two types of beans? 571 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:17,480 I wouldn't know. I don't make the soup. 572 00:24:17,559 --> 00:24:19,960 Oh, maybe three, actually. 573 00:24:20,039 --> 00:24:21,440 - I don't know. - Yeah. 574 00:24:21,519 --> 00:24:24,680 JONAH: Someone has just flown two planes into my career. 575 00:24:24,759 --> 00:24:27,079 My heart is racing, like, 200 miles an hour. 576 00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:30,960 Me, too, but that's normal for me 'cause I'm not a healthy man. 577 00:24:31,039 --> 00:24:32,440 JONAH: I don't understand this, 578 00:24:32,519 --> 00:24:34,559 'cause yesterday we were all doing jokes about the box, 579 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,119 now she's commander-in-chief. 580 00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:37,640 How has this happened? 581 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,759 So, what's it like working for the vice president? 582 00:24:40,839 --> 00:24:45,920 It's my greatest joy just to stand by her every day, just to be by her side. 583 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:47,880 Buy yourself a gun, Mom, 584 00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:50,400 because America's gonna have to shoot its way out of this. 585 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:52,359 Does she often leave you behind? 586 00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:53,920 No, this is the first time. 587 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:57,319 ( CHUCKLES ) 588 00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:59,119 ( STIFLES CRY ) 589 00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:00,680 ( VOICE BREAKS ) Oh, I didn't get any salad. 590 00:25:00,759 --> 00:25:04,200 - Oh, God, Mom. No, make this stop. - Oh, okay, okay. 591 00:25:04,279 --> 00:25:06,759 No, don't turn it off, Mom. 592 00:25:06,839 --> 00:25:11,839 Whoa, this must be what it feels like to be happy. 593 00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:14,920 Ma'am, are you okay? 594 00:25:17,519 --> 00:25:19,559 I'm gonna be the fucking president.